


shut up and stay with me, stay with me (or let go of my hand)

by fir8008



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Eventual Canon Divergence, First years as second years, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei-centric, Unrequited Love, ch 1 -12 takes place in second year high school, ch 13 - 18 takes place during the time skip, minor manga spoilers, this is the slowest slow burn ever lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 93,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24053098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fir8008/pseuds/fir8008
Summary: Yamaguchi gets a boyfriendTsukishima doesn’t know how to cope
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Original Male Character(s), Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yamaguchi Tadashi/Original Character(s)
Comments: 376
Kudos: 583





	1. waxing crescent

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It's been quite a while since I've written for this fandom (or any) so I'm feeling kind of nervous! I started writing this some time last year and then thought I'd just abandon it, but then when everything got shut down during the pandemic, one of my professors ghosted us for four weeks so I suddenly had a ton of time to write so I decided to start working on this again! 
> 
> This is a veeeeeery slooooooow burn and Tsukishima-centric. There are original characters (which I'd normally never write) but needs must. I generated most of their names off the random re-namer on the Behind the Name website. The rating could potentially get bumped up to M, I'm not really sure at the moment. Right now the extent of mature content is discussions of wet dreams and a bit of swearing. 
> 
> I plan to update weekly and hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Title comes from "Techno Fan" by The Wombats

Yamaguchi has freckles on his shoulders. 

Kei thinks he must have always known this - how many times has he seen Yamaguchi’s bare shoulders? - but there’s something about the way Yamaguchi’s hair brushes his shoulders that draws Kei’s attention there. Yamaguchi got broader in the couple months between the end of their first year and the beginning of their second. His shoulders got broader and his hair got longer and together these things drew Kei’s attention to the freckles on Yamaguchi’s shoulders. 

The new thing was how badly Kei wanted to kiss every one of those freckles. 

Kei wants to kiss every freckle on Yamaguchi’s shoulders and then he wants to find all his other freckles - the ones Kei obviously neglected to find throughout their extended period of friendship - and kiss them too. Kei wants to count the freckles across Yamaguchi’s cheeks and nose and promise him kisses for each one. More than that, Kei wants to kiss Yamaguchi’s throat and all over his chest, tell him how much Kei loves him, how long Kei has loved him, and not let go until Yamaguchi says he loves Kei back. And after that, Kei wants to hold Yamaguchi and really make him feel how much Kei loves him, wants to touch him so much...

Kei wakes with a start at the sound of his alarm. His body is warm and sweaty and his heart is beating too fast. Kei shuts off his alarm and presses the heels of his palms against his eyes with a groan. This is the fifth morning in a row he’s woken up thinking about Yamaguchi in an intimate way. Kei hauls himself out of bed and heads to the bathroom to take an ice cold shower. The ice water sure wakes him up and he hisses at it hitting his skin. 

It’s not like these feelings came out of nowhere. Kei can pinpoint their origin as cleanly as Kageyama can pinpoint a set - though the comparison makes Kei gag a little - and so it wouldn’t be fair to say that Kei’s feelings blindsided him. 

What blindsided him was the intensity. 

The first dream was after the second day of classes. They’d been in the club room changing clothes, Ennoshita was yelling at everyone to hurry up so they could get introduced to the five first years who had signed up for volleyball. Kei had sighed and turned his head and that’s when his eyes had zeroed in on Yamaguchi’s shoulders and his freckles. And then that night Kei had dreamed about Yamaguchi, naked, dreamed about kissing Yamaguchi everywhere, about touching him until Yamaguchi was crying out his name in ecstasy. Kei had woken up sweaty and disoriented and sticky between the legs. He’d been mortified. He had to hide his dirty sheets from his mother and he couldn’t believe he’d had his first wet dream about his best friend. Kei didn’t know how to logically explain his dream away. He knew he liked Yamaguchi as more than a friend; he’d been harboring romantic feelings for quite some time. But sexual feelings? Those were new and they’d announced themselves in the most awkward way possible. Kei’s head had been a mess for the rest of the day, to the point where Ennoshita actually asked Kei if he was feeling alright because he was so obviously out of it. Kei can’t even remember what lie he fed Ennoshita to get the captain off his back - said he had hay fever, probably. 

The dreams that followed were thankfully less explicit and Kei was able to regain his bearings. He could struggle with his feelings without tipping anyone off. The first years liked him for some unfathomable reason and Kei for an equally unfathomable reason didn’t want to scare them off. He could put an apathetic and disinterested face on for Yamaguchi. Maybe it was lucky he and Yamaguchi weren’t in the same homeroom this year so he wouldn’t have to face Yamaguchi as often as usual. He still had the walk to school and back home after volleyball practice. At least volleyball practice was distracting enough by itself so Kei didn’t have to worry too much about Yamaguchi catching onto his feelings. 

Six days of dreams later, Kei gets a text message from Yamaguchi telling him to go ahead to volleyball practice without him. Kei thinks nothing of it, assuming that Yamaguchi has cleaning duties, so he and Yachi - who was in his class this year - walk to the gym together. Yachi chatters about a few first year girls who had already expressed an interest in becoming a manager and Kei soullessly responds it would let Yachi spend more time designing posters. 

“Though a couple of them were just interested in the cute first years,” Yachi says, crossing her arms over her chest indignantly.

Kei shrugs noncommittally as they part ways for Kei to go to the clubroom to change. He can hear Hinata and Kageyama are already in the gym (the second Yachi opens the door, “dumbass!” echoes from within). The third years are in the clubroom, along with a couple of the first years - Kei wonders absently if they’re the cute ones Yachi mentioned - and they all greet him. Tanaka and Nishinoya look inordinately excited to see him and Kei feels distinctly uncomfortable when they flank him the second he’s taken off his gakuran. 

“So are you going to chaperone the lovebirds?” Tanaka asks, grinning widely. 

“Huh?” Kei says articulately. 

“Yamaguchi’s special date,” Nishinoya smacks Kei’s back way too hard as usual. “Are you going to chaperone it?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Kei says, adjusting his glasses. 

“You don’t?” Ennoshita cuts in. He has a weird expression on his face and Kei doesn’t like it. 

“No. What is this about Yamaguchi?” Kei shrugs off Tanaka and Nishinoya who perplexingly look a little cowed. 

Narita answers. “Yamaguchi got asked out on a date. Those two idiots assumed you’d know already.” 

Kei’s head is spinning but he fights to keep his composure. The first years think he is cool and the third years find him dependable even if Kei knows they also think he’s twisted. He will not ruin his reputation in front of these people right now. Not for this reason.

“Hadn’t heard. We’re not in the same homeroom anymore.” Kei hopes he sounds as apathetic as usual. Casual. Unaffected. Not letting on that his brain is absolutely malfunctioning. 

Ennoshita is herding everyone out of the clubroom when Yamaguchi comes rushing up the steps. He looks flush but Kei can’t tell if it’s from running or something else. He banishes the thought as quickly as it comes and hurriedly finishes changing before Yamaguchi can catch his breath. 

Kei doesn’t think he can handle hearing, “Tsukki,” right now. 

Down in the gym, Narita claps him on the shoulder. Kei raises an eyebrow. “Chiba is a great guy,” Narita says. Kei realizes this must be the name of the guy who asked Yamaguchi out. “We’ve been in the same homeroom for all three years. I can vouch for his character. He’s a nice guy.” 

“Narita-san,” Kei says, “shouldn’t you tell Yamaguchi this instead of me?” 

Narita laughs. “I already did. He needed reassuring someone wasn’t playing a trick on him.” 

Kei grimaces at the mental image of Yamaguchi facing down some third year asking him out on a date and wondering if he was still seriously getting bullied in his second year of high school. 

“But you don’t have to worry about Yamaguchi falling into the wrong hands or something. Chiba’s a respectful type of guy.” 

Kei wonders if his inner turmoil - unfortunately visible - had read as platonic concern. He’d be okay if that was really the case. So he thanks Narita for his reassurances and goes back to warming up. Yamaguchi joins them along with the other first years who apologize and say they had cleaning duties sprung on them. 

Practice starts and Kei forces himself to focus on drills and nothing but drills. Ukai decides today is the day for the three on three match and throws Yamaguchi into the mix to even out the sides. Frankly, it would be unfair to put in Kageyama or Hinata or even Kei, and the third years were more interested in observing. Kei does his best to focus on the first years instead of Yamaguchi. He needs to help assess their strengths. 

One of the first years hits a spike so hard he topples Yamaguchi over and Kei cringes. The kid has a cannon arm for sure.

“Nice kill!” Yamaguchi says brightly as he picks himself up - first year teammates hovering awkwardly, probably amazed Yamaguchi survived the impact. Kei wants to chide Yamaguchi for praising his opponent but he bites his tongue and focuses on the first year who’s going to serve again. Technically, they’re not opponents and this match is just a diagnostic, but still. 

When Yamaguchi finally gets to serve, he sends the first years on the other side of the net into a tizzy because they can’t return his jump floater. 

“You’re playing dirty, Yamaguchi!” Kinoshita yells, grinning broadly as Hinata updates the score. Kei rolls his eyes. As if Kinoshita wouldn’t do the same thing in his place. 

Yamaguchi sticks his tongue and lands another service ace. Ennoshita finally kindly tells the flustered first years to receive overhand. That leads to a botched receive that Cannon Arm awkwardly slaps over the net. It’s a lucky shot but it ends Yamaguchi’s serve of terror. It’s a pity. Yamaguchi almost got his side to match point. 

In the end, Yamaguchi racking up service aces leads his team to victory. Even so, Kei has to admit the other side had better players. Cannon Arm, whose name is actually Fujita, looks the most promising as a future ace because of his overwhelming power, though Ennoshita mentions that he’s a bit like Ushijima and relies on others to receive. 

“Nothing a couple hundred receiving drills can’t fix,” Kinoshita says. 

One of the first years, Saitou, is a setter and Kei could tell from the way his eyes move that he’s an analytical type like Nekoma’s Kozume or Shiratorizawa’s Shirabu. He doesn’t have Kageyama’s prodigious technique, but he looks like the kind who can adapt quickly and think on his feet even faster. Kei actually thinks he prefers this kind of setter. 

Better yet, another one of the first years, Nakano, is a libero - and another recipient of the junior high level’s best libero award - and he has already ingratiated himself to Nishinoya by loudly proclaiming the day they introduced themselves that he came to Karasuno to learn from the best libero out there - “Nishinoya-senpai!” - Nishinoya had almost been moved to tears, and then he had started yelling and that was Kei’s cue to tune him out. 

The other two first years, Yoshida and Kanda, are middle blockers and Kei thinks their skills are pretty average. One of them can sort of jump serve but doesn’t have much control or aim, but given that still only Kageyama and Tanaka can do proper jump serves (that aren’t floaters), it’s a good thing to note. Even Cannon Arm doesn’t jump serve, but from what Kei saw, he definitely had the best aim. 

Analyzing the skills of the first years is actually enough to thoroughly distract Kei to the point where he’s actually surprised when Yamaguchi tugs on his sleeve as they’re walking home. They make their regular detour to sit on their usual bench under the same streetlamp. Kei suddenly remembers that Yamaguchi got asked out on a date and when Yamaguchi clears his throat and says, “Tsukki,” Kei’s stomach drops through to his feet. 

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was really going to tell you first but the third years got to you before I could.” 

Kei tries to shrug. “Why are you apologizing?” 

Yamaguchi glances at him before beginning to study his shoes. “To be honest, I’m not really sure what to think. Narita-san told me that he’s really nice, but I can’t really shake the feeling I’m getting messed with.”

“But you wouldn’t have agreed to go out if you really thought that,” Kei says. At least he hopes Yamaguchi wouldn’t walk himself into that kind of situation. 

“Well,” Yamaguchi starts fiddling with his hands. “Part of me kind of wants to know what he likes about me enough to ask me out.” 

Kei stares at Yamaguchi incredulously. If Yamaguchi wanted someone to confess what was so likable about him, Kei could do that no problem. Okay, maybe not “no problem,” Kei thinks he’d probably get embarrassed and stumble, but he’d still be completely sincere. 

“I know that’s stupid,” Yamaguchi says quickly. “But I still…” 

“Just don’t get hurt,” Kei’s mouth says before his brain catches up. 

Yamaguchi blinks at him and then he breaks out into a huge grin. In the harsh light of the streetlamp, Kei can see all of Yamaguchi’s freckles much more clearly. 

“Thanks, Tsukki!” 

Kei wishes his stomach didn’t twist in unhappy knots seeing Yamaguchi looking so happy and relieved. 

Nothing is sacred, not even Yamaguchi getting courted by someone else, so Kei still dreams of Yamaguchi in inappropriately intimate ways. He dreams about kissing Yamaguchi breathless, making him smile like he did last night under the streetlamp for entirely different reasons. Kei wants him so badly it actually hurts a little when he wakes up. Kei doesn’t want to be an ass and hope Yamaguchi’s date doesn’t go well, but at the same time the thought of someone else pursuing him never entered Kei’s mind. Kei steps into his ice cold shower and wonders if that alone actually makes him an ass. He thought Yamaguchi was wonderful and beautiful, so why wouldn’t anyone else think it too? Moreover, why did Kei think he’d never have to compete for Yamaguchi’s attention or affection? Yamaguchi had to compete for his, Kei realizes guiltily. Kei was just being unfair all around. 

He meets Yamaguchi on their walk to school as usual, but Yamaguchi seems distracted. Kei wonders if Yamaguchi is thinking about his date and Kei wishes that didn’t bother him. 

Lunch is some fresh new hell because Hinata and Kageyama arrive at his and Yachi’s classroom with Yamaguchi in tow and begin grilling him in earnest about his date. What those two volleyball idiots know of or care about love is lost on Kei, so he picks at his food to try avoiding the conversation. It’s times like these when Kei wishes he had a more ravenous appetite so he could avoid talking altogether by virtue of having his mouth too full of food to speak. 

“What is he like how did you meet him what does he look like does he play volleyball does he like volleyball do you like him where are you going for your date what -” 

“Hinata, let him breathe,” Kei finally sighs. He really doesn’t know why Hinata is so curious, but he’s loath to admit he wants answers to every one of Hinata’s questions. 

“Wait, start with: what’s his name?” Hinata asks, and then finally picks up his bento to eat, a clear sign that Yamaguchi should start talking. 

“His name is Chiba Masahiko, he’s in Narita-san’s class. Um, we haven’t gone out yet, so I don’t really know what he’s like. He didn’t say where we were going. Um, he seemed to know me but I don’t remember meeting him before. And uh, he’s tall?” 

“Taller than Tsukishima?” Kageyama asks. The hair sticks up on the back of Kei’s neck. 

Yamaguchi looks at him. “Um, similar. I didn’t ask how tall he was.”

“Volleyball?” Hinata asks around a mouthful of food. 

“I don’t think he plays it. Um, I think Narita-san mentioned soccer? But he isn’t on the team.” Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck. 

“If he’s as tall as Tsukishima, he should play volleyball,” Kageyama says. 

Seeing that Yamaguchi has no more relevant information about his date, Hinata and Kageyama shift the conversation to the first years and begin to debate in earnest whether or not any of them will become starters. Kei feels comfortable enough with this safe topic to pepper in some of his opinions, mainly that Cannon Arm will probably become a starter and that Ennoshita will fill the other position left open by the third years that graduated. 

“Because he’s the captain, and in terms of defensive plays, he comes the closest to Sawamura’s style.” Kei says off Hinata’s confused look. “Our defense is going to be full of holes without him, and Ennoshita’s play style comes closest to filling in the gaps he’s left. And he’s the captain.”

Hinata just shrugs. “But even if our defense is weaker, we’re middle blockers. We’ll just keep blocking.” 

Kei doesn’t bother replying and instead leans back in his seat. He’s confident enough in his blocking, but receiving has troubled him since he first started playing volleyball. Of course all skills could be improved, but Kei knew it was going to be stressful stepping out onto the court knowing that Sawamura wasn’t steadfastly backing them up. 

The others resume their debate about the first years, mainly about the setter. 

“He’s like Kenma!” Hinata says. 

Kageyama nods thoughtfully. “I noticed Saitou did the fake look to throw off his blocker.” He glances at Yamaguchi. “You fell for it.” 

Yamaguchi just shrugs. “I made up for it in service aces.” 

Kei smirks at Kageyama’s slightly appalled expression. 

After school, Kei drifts by Yamaguchi’s classroom so they can head to the gym together. Kei pauses when he sees Yamaguchi talking to someone and handing over his phone. 

“I forgot to ask for your number,” the someone says, smiling. He looks slightly embarrassed. Kei surmises this must be Chiba. “Sorry. I think I was so surprised you said yes it slipped my mind.” 

“It’s no problem,” Yamaguchi sounds nervous. 

Chiba hands Yamaguchi his phone back. “You must need to go to volleyball practice,” he says. “Kazuhito mentioned…” 

“I do,” Yamaguchi says, flushing when he realizes he’s spoken over Chiba. 

“I’ll let you go,” Chiba says, side stepping Yamaguchi like he was blocking his path. “But I’ll text you?” 

“Please,” Yamaguchi nods eagerly. 

Chiba smiles and Kei hates to admit that he’s really good looking. Then he makes eye contact with him for a second and Kei has to quickly act like he has not been watching him talk to Yamaguchi this whole time. Kei has long enough legs that he catches up to a scurrying Yamaguchi in just a couple strides and bumps him with his elbow. 

“Was that him?” Kei asks. 

Yamaguchi nods. His face is still flushed. “Do you see what I mean?” Yamaguchi whines. 

Kei doesn’t want to shrug and validate Yamaguchi’s low self-esteem, but he has to admit he has questions similar to Yamaguchi’s. Chiba is tall, when Kei passed him he estimated they were similar in height. Chiba has long legs, and might actually be taller. He had a handsome face and a nice smile and Kei was sure that to some people his shyness was quite endearing. Of course, Kei also thought everything about Yamaguchi was pretty and endearing so naturally two attractive people would end up interested in one another. 

“Yeah, he is tall,” Kei says. 

Yamaguchi elbows him. “Tsukki,” he says. “You know what I mean! I don’t know what he sees in me!”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself,” Kei replies, “now that you have his phone number.” 

Yamaguchi blushes. “Whatever,” he huffs. 

The first years in the clubroom make a big deal of greeting them (“Tsukishima-senpai, Yamaguchi-senpai, good afternoon!”) and that gets Kei off the hook for a while. He does not watch Yamaguchi change into his practice shirt and definitely doesn’t pay attention when Yamaguchi checks his phone before they leave the clubroom. 

They do lots of drills to polish their defense. Kei gets lost in the soreness of his forearms and doesn’t think about anything but the ball Ukai is spiking towards him. Kei has always hated receiving, hated it even more since that first practice match against Aoba Johsai when Oikawa targeted him specifically as a weak receiver. Actually, Kei thinks Yamaguchi might still hold a grudge against the Great King because of that. 

Kei’s arms, like everyone else’s, are bright red and in pain by the time practice ends. He’s too tired to even remind himself to be unaffected by Yamaguchi, hence he nearly swallows his tongue when he looks over just as Yamaguchi is tugging his shirt off and pulling his school shirt back on. Kei gets an eyeful of muscled, freckled shoulders and he definitely wants to die. His dreams are going to be full of Yamaguchi’s shoulders now. 

He and Yamaguchi walk home part of the way, Yamaguchi peeling off to go to the Shimada Mart and practice his jump floater some more with Shimada himself. Kei pulls his headphones over his ears and heads home. 

Kei can’t focus when he’s home. He keeps thinking about Yamaguchi’s shoulders and his bare back and his freckles. He keeps thinking about Chiba’s flustered handsome face and bitterly wonders how he’s supposed to stack up against someone like that. In the event that Yamaguchi’s date doesn’t go very well and Kei finds his balls and confesses, how is Kei supposed to be a more attractive partner than Chiba? Even Kei has to acknowledge his inferiority to him. He sighs and takes his glasses off so he can bury his face in a pillow. It’s not really like him to pine but all of a sudden the possibility of Yamaguchi not always being there next to him is a pressing concern. Kei hasn’t been without Yamaguchi beside him since they were in grade school. How was he supposed to cope by himself? 

His dreams don’t help at all. Dream Kei runs his hands down Yamaguchi’s back before pushing his hair out of the way. He peppers kisses along Yamaguchi’s bare shoulders, nuzzles at the nape of his neck, breathes in the smell of Yamaguchi’s sweat and shampoo - the same shampoo he’s used since they were ten years old - and it makes Kei ache. 

Does Yamaguchi seriously want someone else? What can Chiba offer Yamaguchi that Kei can’t? With Kei, they wouldn’t have to do the weird dance of getting to know one another. Kei knew Yamaguchi like the back of his hand. 

Dream Kei runs his fingers through Yamaguchi’s hair. It’s gotten so long, Yamaguchi has started pulling it up into a half ponytail during practices and the third years ask if he’s trying to copy Azumane’s look. Yamaguchi’s hair is so soft in Kei’s dream. He wonders if it’s actually that soft in real life. Kei wants to touch it. 

Kei wakes up at a disgustingly early hour for a weekend and feeling like he’s just run a marathon. It wasn’t a restful sleep. Kei feels exhausted. That’s hardly fair considering the hour he went to bed. To add insult to injury, he also has morning wood. He takes an ice cold shower and resists the urge to slam his head against the tile wall. Kei feels itchy and restless. Part of him wants to do something insane like go for a morning run, and Kei hates running. Kei eventually goes out for a morning stroll. It’s been unseasonably cool for spring, but the crisp breeze helps Kei clear his head. 

He decides he’s being an idiot. 

The only words that Kei has heard to describe Chiba are “nice” and “great” and Kei has seen that Chiba is tall and handsome. Yamaguchi deserves someone who is nice and great and tall and handsome. And perhaps Chiba has a personality under that very nice shell. Yamaguchi is precious enough to deserve that. Which one of those boxes does Kei tick? Tall, that’s it. 

Kei sighs when he gets back home and flops down on his bed. It was just a matter of time before Yamaguchi was going to find a better friend than Kei, and he deserved it. Yamaguchi only latched onto him because Kei thought that bullying was stupid and didn’t see the point. He didn’t even remember Yamaguchi when he came to the volleyball gym the next day. They awkwardly fell into stride because they had something in common - volleyball and hero worshiping Akiteru. When the Akiteru part of it didn’t work, Yamaguchi just held on tighter, even when Kei was mean. Part of Kei just thought Yamaguchi didn’t want to lose his only friend and he was already sort of used to being treated poorly so he didn’t mind Kei turning cold and twisted. 

Yamaguchi had already grown up quite a bit on his own. He wanted to better himself before Kei even gave it any consideration and Yamaguchi was the one who made Kei rethink his apathetic stance on volleyball. If it hadn’t been for Yamaguchi screaming at him, Kei wouldn’t have changed at all. Yamaguchi was so cool that night. Kei never imagined Yamaguchi could be like that. Had his feelings turned strictly romantic after that night? Kei isn’t sure, but he knows at some point his feelings for Yamaguchi had become pointedly not platonic. 

But what had Kei really done for Yamaguchi? Saved him once and then taught him volleyball. Two things in almost seven years of knowing each other. Kei had been a smartass, been cold and twisted and mean, had taken all of Yamaguchi’s kindness for granted until the very end. It was abundantly clear that Yamaguchi deserved far better than Kei, and Kei had to make peace with that. And if Chiba was the person who could make Yamaguchi feel as appreciated and loved as he deserved, Kei had to support that. 

Kei covers his face with his hands and groans. He convinces himself it will be easier than it sounds.


	2. first quarter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for all the kudos on the first chapter! I hope you all continue to enjoy!

The date goes well. Not that Yamaguchi actually verbally expresses this, but Kei witnesses it.

Yamaguchi is standing with Chiba a little ways away from the entrance to the gym. Chiba is leaning over him a little, slouching in a very good looking way so he’s closer to Yamaguchi’s level, and Yamaguchi is blushing faintly. Chiba reaches to tuck some of Yamaguchi’s hair behind his ear and Kei walks robotically into the gym. He snaps the band of his goggles harder than necessary against the back of his head to center himself. 

Kei has already talked to himself about this. If Yamaguchi is happy, if Chiba is as nice and great a guy as they’ve all heard, Kei has to accept this. It doesn’t mean Kei’s stomach won’t want to violently eject its contents, not that there’s much in there to begin with, but Kei will get over it. His body has no business being this overdramatic anyway. 

The problem is that his body really disagrees. Kei is distracted all through their practice match and he receives one of Cannon Arm’s spikes with his chest and gets knocked over. He’s winded for several minutes. Takeda actually asks if he needs first aid. 

“Are you okay?” Yamaguchi asks him when practice is over. 

“Just having an off day,” Kei says. It’s not exactly a lie. 

“He didn’t eat his lunch,” Yachi says it like she’s tattling on him. 

Yamaguchi frowns at him. “Tsukki…” 

“I’m fine,” Kei bites out. 

Yamaguchi doesn’t back down. “You need to take care of yourself. You don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

Did Yamaguchi have to say that last bit? Kei’s heart flips and flops in his chest. He tries to talk himself down. Of course Yamaguchi is worried about him. That’s how Yamaguchi is. It means nothing more than that.

“Sorry,” Kei huffs. 

Yamaguchi blinks at him. He frowns slightly and nudges Kei with his elbow. “You’re better than this. Smarter than this. Is something wrong?” 

“No. I’m telling you. It’s just an off day. Tomorrow I’ll be fine.” 

Yamaguchi still walks home with him; leaves him with a strict order to eat a proper dinner. Kei half heartedly agrees even though he knows he’ll just pick at his food. 

When Kei finally returns to the sanctuary of his room, he realizes that Yamaguchi didn’t say anything about his date. Did he not say anything because Kei didn’t ask? Did he overlook mentioning it because of Kei’s absentmindedness during practice? Or did he not say anything on purpose? Kei tries to shake the thoughts away. Did Kei really want to know how it went? He knew it went well enough for Chiba to linger around the gym flirting with Yamaguchi. What else did Kei need to know? He wasn’t some kind of masochist. No, he didn’t want to know anything. 

“I didn’t get to tell you yesterday…” 

Kei was a fool to think his morning couldn’t get worse. He’d woken up with stickiness between his legs after dreaming about Yamaguchi saying, “Tsukki,” in increasingly lewd tones and didn’t have clean sheets to change the bed with so he had to stage an accident with a glass of orange juice and pretend like that’s how the mess got there. Kei thought that after such an ordeal, surely nothing could make his morning worse. And yet… 

“My date was nice. We’re going on another one. It’s a little difficult with volleyball every day, but he understands.” Yamaguchi smiles softly.

“I’m glad.” The words stick in Kei’s throat because he’s lying. He isn’t glad and that makes him feel terrible. 

Yamaguchi doesn’t even notice. He has such a dreamy expression on his face it makes Kei’s stomach cramp.

“So what did you do on your date?” Kei doesn’t know why he’s asking. He told himself not to care so why is he trying to satisfy his morbid curiosity? 

Yamaguchi begins playing with his hands. It’s a nervous habit they share. “We went to eat and then we took a walk together. Mainly we were just talking. Um, he was part of the student group that came to cheer us on when we played Shiratorizawa. He went to support Narita-san because they’re classmates, but he said that he noticed me when I went in to serve.” Yamaguchi laughs. “But he really doesn’t know anything about volleyball.” 

“Narita-san mentioned soccer?”

“He got hurt,” Yamaguchi says sadly. “So he decided to stop playing.” 

Kei nods. He can understand the feeling to a certain degree, after all when he hurt his hand during the Shiratorizawa game it felt like the sky was caving in on him. He can’t imagine how much worse that would feel if the injury was permanent. Kageyama would probably understand that feeling since he keeps saying the only time he’ll feel true despair is when he can’t play volleyball anymore. 

“It was strange, we were both kind of flustered in front of one another when we talked at school but as soon as we were alone it felt very natural,” Yamaguchi continues. “I was worried it would be awkward, but it wasn’t.” Yamaguchi blushes. “He asked me to be his boyfriend.” 

Kei saves himself from tripping over his own feet. “Oh. Congratulations?” 

“Thanks, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi looks so radiantly happy. 

Kei is glad when they reach school and can finally part ways. He feels sick to his stomach, especially when he sees Chiba waiting outside of Yamaguchi’s classroom and the way Yamaguchi lights up. Kei tries to calm himself down. He doesn’t have the right to feel jealous. Yamaguchi is happy. Isn’t that what matters to him? Yamaguchi is happy and Kei should be happy for him even if he’s not the one that Yamaguchi wants to date. 

Kei knows this, and he knows that he shouldn’t feel jealous, but he does anyway. 

Yamaguchi and his boyfriend have A Thing. 

Kei hates that he knows this. 

Kei could set his watch by Yamaguchi and his boyfriend’s routine. Right after classes get out, Yamaguchi will rush to the clubroom to change into his practice clothes and then linger by the door to the gym with his boyfriend until practice starts. When Yamaguchi has to go, Chiba will lean down - because Yamaguchi has now confirmed Chiba is taller than Kei - and run his finger across Yamaguchi’s jaw to tilt his chin up, and then plant a kiss right on Yamaguchi’s nose bridge. 

“Why is it your nose?” Kei can’t help but ask after observing this kiss far too many times. 

“Oh,” Yamaguchi blushes and rubs the back of his neck. “It’s because I have a lot of freckles there. Masahiko-kun really likes my freckles.” 

Kei nearly bites off his tongue. I like your freckles too! Kei thinks to himself. He bitterly wonders if Chiba - Masahiko-kun, Kei wants to gag - has promised Yamaguchi to kiss all of his freckles, if he’s already found the ones on his shoulders and asked to kiss those too. 

He doesn’t want to be jealous, really doesn’t want to be jealous, but Chiba seems like he is everything Kei is not and it makes him crazy. 

Kei tries to throw himself into practice to keep from getting too fixated on Yamaguchi’s love life. He needs to get over himself, and fast, before he exposes his feelings like an idiot. That would really be the worst case scenario. Kei has never liked feeling exposed, and he can’t imagine a worse time for his feelings to get revealed. Of course, right after Yamaguchi gets a boyfriend. It’s bad enough Kei knows that his feelings for his best friend will never be returned, and Kei wants to keep that to himself. He doesn’t want anyone’s pity.

Luckily, distractions are in no short supply. They play a few practice matches and have considerably more difficulty getting through sets. Ukai hasn’t settled on a new starting lineup yet, and different players on the court each set makes syncing up that much harder. Ennoshita has clearly been practicing his defensive plays and while it isn’t a seamless transition, he’s clearly taken on the mantle of captain. The hole left by Sawamura seems to be closing bit by bit. Kei is surprised when the idea is a bit bittersweet. 

Kei is sitting in the Sakanoshita Shop with Ennoshita, Narita, and Tanaka when Chiba walks in.

Kei sees him everyday, lingering around the entrance to the gym with Yamaguchi of course, but seeing him now still sends a chill down his spine. He’s distracted from the strategy they were just discussing. Ukai had decided on the starting lineup, with Ennoshita becoming a regular and Fujita getting the nod from the first year crowd. This news had been met with an excited slip up from Hinata, calling him “Fuji-san!” Fujita was pretty tall so referring to him as Mount Fuji seemed to make sense and the nickname had stuck.

“Those idiots do know his name and the mountain are spelled with different characters, right?” Kei had asked dully and Yamaguchi had quickly hidden his snort behind his hand. That had felt good, being able to make Yamaguchi laugh. 

“Masahiko,” Narita waves. 

“Hi there,” Chiba grins, but when he approaches them, it looks like he’s limping. 

“Are you okay?” Narita notices too and asks. 

“Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Chiba says easily. Kei looks down and sees a knee brace over his school slacks. “Just a little sore.” 

“You need to take better care of yourself,” Ennoshita chides.

“Or else someone is going to worry about you,” Tanaka adds, grinning and putting a heavy emphasis on the ‘someone,’ which is obviously Yamaguchi. Kei can imagine it too, Yamaguchi’s pinched, worried face at the sight of Chiba limping and wearing a knee brace. 

Chiba’s face turns a bit pink. Kei looks away. “It was raining before,” he protests. “My knee always hurts more when it rains! I swear I’m not overdoing anything.” 

The third years keep chatting and Kei begins tuning them out. The less exposure he has to Chiba, the better. He can’t control his feelings of bitterness, and he doesn’t want to look small and petty in front of him. For all he knows, Chiba will be able to figure out why Kei is being cold to him, and that would just be too embarrassing. 

Luckily, no one tries to bring Kei into the conversation, and Chiba soon says that he better leave them to their “volleyball planning.” 

“One day,” Narita snickers, “you’ll learn the rules.” 

Chiba smiles sheepishly. “I’m not so sure. Tadashi’s been trying to teach me but I still can’t follow along that well.”

“Because you’re too busy staring at him with hearts in your eyes.” 

Chiba turns a darker shade of pink. “Well, it’s hard not to.” 

Kei wants to die. 

Chiba leaves after purchasing two beverages, one a kind of drinkable yogurt Kei knows Yamaguchi likes. When he leaves and the third years wave to him, Kei can only manage a terse nod. He can feel Ennoshita’s eyes boring into the side of his face. It makes him feel like a bug under a microscope. Half of Kei wants to snap at Ennoshita and tell him to stop staring. Ennoshita is too perceptive. Without a doubt, he knows the score. 

When he’s walking home, Kei cranks the volume of his music up louder than normal, but he can’t drown out the thoughts bouncing around in his head. Why does the idea of Chiba limping over to Shimada Mart with that yogurt for Yamaguchi bother him so much? Why does it make him feel sick? Has Shimada met Chiba? Does he approve of him? Why does Kei care? He shouldn’t care. He has to stop caring.

He’s got to stop caring. 

The next day, Yachi seems more bubbly than usual and Kei wonders why she’s so peppy. Their Golden Week training camp is soon, so maybe she was excited about that? She hadn’t been part of the club last year at that point, so maybe she was looking forward to it. Kei wasn’t. 

When Yachi runs out of their classroom at lunch, Kei starts to think maybe it’s not related to the training camp. Did she meet someone too? Was spring coming for everyone but Kei? 

At the end of the day, when Yachi yells over her shoulder for Kei to go ahead to the gym without her and again runs out the door, Kei is pretty sure that Yachi is dashing off to meet someone before practice. (Kei won’t say anything until he knows for sure, but he has a feeling Yachi is meeting a girlfriend.) Kei drags his feet to the gym. He’s loath to see Chiba flirting with Yamaguchi by the door. He doesn’t want to be reminded that he lost. They’re there of course, but Kei avoids them, and finds a spot on the sideline to sit and privately sulk. He’s being a baby, he knows, but he can’t help it. 

Before practice begins, Yachi runs into the gym, flushed and breathing hard. “Everyone! Could I get your attention for a minute?” The team moves to face her. She’s beaming. “I want to introduce everyone to our new junior manager!” Yachi pulls someone into the gym. 

Kei’s first thought is that Yachi went to the local middle school and kidnapped one of their students. The boy she drags in behind her is so thin and tiny that he could probably pass for a tall elementary school student. He has sandy hair, and big, puppy dog eyes hidden behind glasses that look too big for his face. His gym shirt is baggy around his narrow shoulders. He looks like a stick figure. 

“Hello,” his voice is thin and papery. Nothing about this boy seems to have any physical substance. He’s like air. “My name is Honda Akimitsu. I’m a first year student. It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Yachi-san, you found another manager so fast,” Ennoshita looks surprised. 

Yachi smiles conspiratorially. “You’ll understand why soon,” she says. 

As they start practice, Kei sees Yachi and Honda lean their heads close together and start talking. Was he why Yachi had been so excited all day? 

They split into two teams and have a practice match and then out of the corner of his eye, Kei sees it. Honda’s eyes might as well be on fire behind his glasses and his pen is flying over the pages of his notebook. It clicks for Kei. It’s clear to him that Honda has an analytical mind and can bring something to their strategy that a layperson can’t. Kei smiles to himself. Yachi did well. 

Sure enough, after the match Honda shows them his notebook and everyone else is floored. He’s filled several pages with information from the game, and somehow it’s all very organized and clear. (Amazing really since Kei didn’t think he ever saw Honda look down.) 

“If you play any practice matches against other teams,” Honda says shyly, “I can take these kinds of notes about them too. And I can write up a more detailed stats sheet if this is too hard to read.” 

“That would be great,” Ennoshita says, awed. “This is going to be so helpful to us. This is amazing.” 

Honda flushes with what Kei assumes must be pride. 

“How’d you find him?” Kei asks Yachi later as they’re returning balls to their baskets at the end of practice.

“He was doodling volleyballs in his notebook,” Yachi replies. “I had seen him in the library before, so I asked if he liked volleyball. He’s a big fan and then I asked him if he wanted to be a manager, since clearly he didn’t join as a player.” Yachi grins. “Pretty great, right?”

Kei gives her a small smile. No wonder Yachi had been so excited earlier. (Though Kei still won’t rule out a possible girlfriend somewhere.)

Somehow, up until the moment Kei is about to shower, he had completely forgotten that he was going to have to sleep in the same room as the rest of the team. He stops dead in his tracks as this realization dawns on him and barely registers Hinata bumping into his stationary back. Kei can’t fall asleep with everyone else around. The wet dreams. The morning wood. He’d never live it down. Actually, forget living it down, if he woke up in that state he isn’t sure he’d want to keep on living. The humiliation would probably kill him outright. 

“What is it?” Hinata’s voice sounds far away. “Did you see something?” 

“It’s nothing,” Kei’s voice sounds weird. 

“Shittyshima!” Hinata shrieks. “Did you see a ghost!?” 

“No,” Kei grunts and walks robotically to the bathroom. How is he going to sleep? How could he have forgotten about sleeping? In some cruel twist of fate, he actually hadn’t been dreaming about Yamaguchi lately. But he was certain now was the time the dreams would come roaring back, more intense than ever. Kei resists the urge to slam his head against the wall. How could he be this stupid?

“Are you okay?” Yamaguchi asks him. Their bedrolls are next to each other and Kei secretly wishes they weren’t. “You look like you saw a ghost. Did you? Hinata said you were acting weird earlier.” 

“I’m fine,” Kei says shortly. He knows Yamaguchi won’t buy it, but for once he hopes Chiba will distract him. Yamaguchi can be a bad friend and prioritize his vibrating cell phone over Kei right now. Kei won’t mind at all. “Should you answer that?” 

Yamaguchi glances down at his phone and then back up at Kei. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks.

Kei nods and Yamaguchi slowly stands and leaves the room to take his call. It should be a relief that Kei doesn’t feel burning jealousy watching Yamaguchi walk away, but he’s too focused on his own terrible predicament. How he is going to get through tonight and all the nights they’re here? Kei takes off his glasses and pinches his nose bridge. He doesn’t want to think about it. 

With the lights out and the room full of nothing but quiet breathing, Kei’s head is still full of noise. He’s scared stiff. He can actually feel sweat dripping down the back of his neck. How is he going to sleep? He’s never found sleeping on his stomach comfortable, and anyway, what if he moves in his sleep? Kei sifts through thoughts like this until he can’t take it anymore and sits up. He needs to take a walk and try clearing his head. Sleeping might have consequences, but so will not sleeping at all. 

Kei wanders around the darkened halls and tries to figure out what to do. He finds himself standing in front of the vending machine, suddenly feeling thirsty. He pats his pockets and sighs. Of course he didn’t have the foresight to grab his wallet or his phone before wandering around. 

“Did you forget your wallet?” 

Kei jumps about ten feet in the air. It’s a good thing Kageyama didn’t see him, or else Kei would have to put up with annoyingly high sets for the next year and a half.

Honda puts up his hands in an apologetic, defensive gesture. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” 

“It’s fine,” Kei says.

“Did you forget your wallet?” Honda repeats. Kei nods and Honda blinks. “Do you want me to buy you something?” 

“You don’t have to,” Kei begins but Honda is already pulling out his wallet. 

“No, I should. I did scare you.” 

Kei is about to say that this isn’t exactly a fair trade, but decides against it. Honda has a Tekachu wallet. Kei almost laughs. Even his personal belongings look like they belong to a child. 

“What do you want?” Honda asks. 

Kei selects a bottled water - he doesn’t feel like brushing his teeth again - and Honda buys himself an apple juice. They sit together in the dark hall on a bench, sipping quietly. 

“Could you not sleep either?” Honda asks, finally breaking the silence. 

Kei nods. 

“It’s hard to sleep when it’s not your bed,” Honda agrees. 

“Honda-san…”

“Please,” Honda quickly interrupts. “You can just call me Akimitsu.” 

“Akimitsu-san,” Kei amends. “Can I ask, how did you start liking volleyball?” 

Akimitsu takes another sip of his juice. “My older sister, she’s a few years older than me, played when she was in high school. My parents and I went to her tournaments, and after her games, I’d go watch the boys’ teams play. I was really jealous of the players. Most of them were really tall, and really big, and I’ve always been like this.” Akimitsu spreads his thin arms slightly. “I like a lot of sports, but volleyball was the only one I got to see up close, so I guess that’s why I have a mania for it.” 

Kei can relate. He wonders if Akimitsu’s older sister was an ace like Akiteru was.

“And why Karasuno?”

Part of Kei thinks Akimitsu will bring up the match against Shiratorizawa, that he had to go to the school that defeated the simple and pure strength of Ushijima, but Akimitsu swings his legs a bit and sighs. 

“I live really close to the school. My parents are worried about me commuting long distances, so I was pretty destined to go to Karasuno unless we moved.” He blinks. “I don’t mind being here though! I really never thought about being a manager, but I like it already.” 

“That’s good,” Kei says. “Your skills will really help us out.” 

“Do you think so?” Akimitsu blinks at him earnestly. 

Kei nods. “Yes, I’m sure.” 

Akimitsu smiles, looking pleased. 

Kei is able to fall asleep and wake up without any disasters come morning. He’s slightly groggy from the short time he actually spent sleeping, but it’s better than nothing, and he did wake up dry and not at half mast. 

They go running and then set up more practice matches. Akimitsu’s pen flies over the pages of his notebook and by the end of each day, the sides of his fingers are coated in pencil lead. He spends the evenings with the third years, his notebook, and Ukai’s tablet, going over his notes and explaining what he’s been observing.

With Kei’s mind not in overdrive worrying about how he’ll manage to sleep, Kei is also able to observe his surroundings more clearly. When it’s lights out, Kei notices Yamaguchi pull his blanket over his head. This isn’t necessarily out of the ordinary since Yamaguchi has some peculiar sleeping habits, but then he notices the faint glow from under the blanket. Kei feels like someone’s kicked him hard in the shins. Yamaguchi is probably texting Chiba. He’ll probably text Chiba until one of them falls asleep. 

Tonight, this stings a lot more. No matter how many times Kei reminds himself that he has no business being jealous, he just can’t help it. Then again, when did Kei ever invite this kind of behavior? Usually, Kei would be the one to turn his phone off first. He’d tell Yamaguchi to go to sleep and say good night. He’d wake up to a good night text from Yamaguchi, and usually a good morning one too. This is yet another area where Kei has fallen short of Chiba. 

Kei gets up - he takes his wallet this time - and wanders around again. He ends up meeting Akimitsu by the vending machine again, and Kei buys him an apple juice. 

“We’re going to have a practice match tomorrow,” Kei tells him. “I heard from Ennoshita.” 

Akimitsu nods. “I’ll do my best.” 

They sit there in silence, Akimitsu periodically taking sips of his juice. Kei still feels a lingering sense of bitterness thinking of Yamaguchi texting under the covers. He wonders if this is the same thing Akimitsu feels watching tall, strong boys playing volleyball knowing that he was small and frail and not nearly hardy enough to play a sport. 

“Tsukishima-senpai?”

Kei almost tells Akimitsu to call him Kei, isn’t that fair since he calls Akimitsu by his first name? Then again, no one calls him Kei, not even Yamaguchi. Kei pauses a moment. Why doesn’t he? He used to. When they were younger, Yamaguchi called him Kei.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you start playing volleyball?”

“Same as you. My older brother played, so I did too.”

Akimitsu nods. 

Kei glances at him. “Why?” 

“Oh, I was just wondering.” Akimitsu flushes a bit. “Sorry. Am I prying?” 

Kei shrugs. “No.” 

They lapse back into silence. Akimitsu drinks down the last of his juice and the box crumples in his hands. 

“I’m going to try going to sleep now,” Akimitsu says softly. “Good night, Tsukishima-senpai.” 

“Good night,” Kei replies as Akimitsu throws away his juice box and begins padding back towards the room. Kei remains for a while, trying to quiet his thoughts again.

When he finally returns to the room, Yamaguchi has rolled out of his blanket and is drooling onto his pillow. His phone is pressed against his chest and that causes Kei to feel a fresh lance of pain in his gut. Kei lies down and turns on his side, staring at Yamaguchi’s sleeping face. Is he dreaming? Kei sighs and takes off his glasses, hoping his own sleep will be quiet and dreamless.


	3. waxing gibbous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos last chapter! I hope you all continue to enjoy! 
> 
> This chapter is mostly volleyball... and despite how much I love Haikyu!! I really don't understand a lot of the rules, so things might be wrong or not make sense but please don't mind it, I tried hahaha Oh, I also picked the names for the opposing teams from the losing team montage in Season 1! 
> 
> This may also be where this fic begins to incorporate some light manga spoilers - I personally have been avoiding them as much as possible, but I have seen some of them so they've ended up in this fic. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

“Hey, you! Glasses-kun! Karasuno!” 

Kei has his headphones over his ears even though music isn’t playing. Since Nationals, he’s been recognized a couple times by people on the street but he really has no patience for making small talk with these people so he tries to cut it short or ignore them by pretending to not hear.

“Tsukki!” 

Kei stops at that. It’s not Yamaguchi calling him, and not that many people call him Tsukki. He turns slowly and blinks several times. 

“Kuroo?” 

Kuroo saunters up to him and slings an arm around Kei’s shoulders. He grins, catlike. “Hey.” 

“Why are you here? What are you doing here?” 

“University! What? Not happy to see me?” 

Kei tugs his headphones off. “Just surprised. I didn’t think you would leave Tokyo.” 

Kuroo shrugs. “Nothing wrong with a change of scenery.” He glances over Kei. “You busy? Got time for me?” 

“I guess,” Kei says neutrally and Kuroo snorts but begins leading Kei down the street. 

Kei had kept in touch with Kuroo sporadically through text, yet somehow Kuroo hadn’t mentioned that he was in Miyagi now. Granted, Kei hadn’t asked either, but it seemed to him that Kuroo should have said something earlier. 

Kuroo leads him to a small apartment complex and they climb several floors to what is apparently Kuroo’s apartment. It’s a one room studio, and it’s pretty messy. Meeting Kei doesn’t seem to have been premeditated since Kuroo tosses some laundry - clean? dirty? - off the couch to clear a place for Kei to sit.

“So,” Kuroo flops down beside Kei. “The Interhigh must be starting soon.”

“Next week,” Kei answers. 

“How’s your team this year?” 

Kei narrows his eyes. “Are you going to spy on us and pass this all on to the Nekoma team?” 

Kuroo guffaws. “You’re so paranoid. You won’t even play them until the summer camp.” Kuroo smirks. “Let’s trade intel. I’ll tell you about the new Nekoma, deal?” 

Kei shrugs. “We have five first years, including a setter and a libero.”

Kuroo whistles. “Good haul. We had quite a few first years too, all positions except setter, but we’ve got a backup already. Last I checked Kenma was still working out strategies for everyone. He’s captain, by the way.” 

“He wanted all that responsibility?”

“Of course not, but who else would it be? The underclassmen make him keep on giving our pep talk before the game. Kenma tried to pass that duty off to Tora, but then he started adding things about guts, and of course Fukunaga started cracking his weird jokes, so Kenma had to do it himself.” Kuroo snorts. “He said he felt like a jerk because, since he’s the brain, it felt particularly dickish to ask the team to keep the blood flowing so he could keep working.”

“Are you still playing volleyball?”

“Not officially. Too busy. But I joined an intramural team, and since my university has a relationship with Shiratorizawa I got to play them a few days ago. They’re a different team without Ushiwaka.” Kuroo stretches out. “Their new ace? Black hair, bowl cut, you know him?” 

Kei nods. “Goshiki.” 

Kuroo grins. “I had so much fun stuffing him. He got so flustered. His setter, blonde hair, bowl cut, started panicking too.” 

“Somehow when you say that, it sounds a bit gross.” 

Kuroo presses a hand against his chest. “Tsukki, I’m hurt. I told you, I’m a very kind person.” 

Kei shrugs. That’s interesting news. 

“So,” Kuroo leans forward to look sideways at Kei. “Have you told Freckles that you like him yet?” 

Kei almost bites off his tongue. “What?” he sputters. 

“Confess to Freckles yet?” Kuroo repeats. 

“What? I don’t - what - how!?” Kei sounds like an idiot. 

“Oh come on, it was clear as day. ‘The man who walks ahead of you.’ I thought it was romantic. So. Did you confess?” 

Kei’s face is burning. He might faint. It was obvious? Did people know? Were all of his teammates silently pitying him already? Just how much did Kei wear his feelings on his sleeve? He always thought that he was good at hiding his feelings but perhaps not. 

“I’ll take that as a no then.” 

Kei snaps to attention. “No,” he confirms, feeling his shoulders sag. “Actually, he’s dating someone else right now.” 

Kuroo lets out a short breath. “Sorry.” 

They lapse into silence, Kei’s thoughts threatening to overwhelm him again, why do his thoughts have to be so loud? 

“I guess I understand where you’re coming from.” Kuroo says. “I told Kenma how I felt about him when I graduated. I gave him my button.” Kuroo taps the middle of his chest. “But, you know, I was leaving for university, and we’ve known each other since we were young. Codependence isn’t a good look for anyone, and I thought he and I would get like that if I ever told him my feelings. But I felt like I couldn’t miss my chance. After Nationals, a lot of guys came up and confessed to him. He has a lot of fanboys. I didn’t want to lose.” Kuroo is quiet. “When I confessed to Kenma, I felt selfish for doing it. I didn’t know if he felt like that about me. If he didn’t, I could run away. If he did, then I was just hurting us both.” 

“What did he say?” 

“He feels the way I do. And he agrees about the codependence thing. Right now, we’re okay with giving each other some space.” Kuroo cocks his head to the side. “It’s like a rebound.” He slowly slices his arm through the air. “The setup wasn’t quite right. You’ve got to reset and try again. But it doesn’t mean you’ve missed.” 

Kei nods. 

Kuroo smiles at him. “What? Not surprised about Kenma?” 

“I have a crush on my childhood best friend too,” Kei shrugs. “Who am I to judge?” 

“Is he dating a nice guy? Yamaguchi?” 

Kei thinks of Chiba, of Chiba’s friendly smile and kind demeanor. “Yes,” he says flatly. 

“But you don’t like him?” 

Kei bites his tongue to keep from snapping that of course he doesn’t like him. Kei’s reasons for disliking Chiba are petty. He doesn’t like Chiba because he’s dating Yamaguchi and Kei wishes that were him. Other than that, Kei doesn’t think there’s anything anyone dislikes about Chiba. 

“If Kozume had rejected you and started dating someone who was nothing like you instead, would you like that person?” Kei grits his teeth. “And please don’t give me that smarmy ‘well as long as the person I love is happy’ song and dance. We both know that’s a lie.” 

Kuroo grins. “I see your point.” He throws his arm back over Kei’s shoulders. “Well, I’m sure there’s other cute boys around to catch your eye.” 

Kei scowls at him and Kuroo bursts out laughing. 

Karasuno is exempted from the first round of the Interhigh - is this what being a powerhouse school feels like? - so they spend the morning warming up in one of the red-walled gyms of the Sendai City Gymnasium. Kei keeps his headphones over his ears while they’re still on their individual warmup time, preferring to drown out as much of everyone’s pre-game jitters as possible. The first years are collectively so nervous their trembling might set off a small earthquake. 

They’re facing unfamiliar foes this time around, and according to the bracket, the earliest Karasuno will meet an old rival is the semifinal. It’s not a very comfortable feeling, walking out into the unknown and yet being favored to win. Their team was the hottest story last year - everyone loves an underdog. They weren’t underdogs anymore. They were no longer the flightless crows. Kei wonders if they’ve mentally prepared to be the favorite in every match up. They’re used to digging in their heels and being gritty and unpredictable to win, but since they’ve risen from the ashes, Kei knows other teams have been researching them and probably know a lot of their tricks. Kei isn’t sure if what he’s feeling is dread or not, but it certainly isn’t sitting well with him. 

Yamaguchi is setting the ball to himself and Kei watches him. He looks calm and focused. Kei bites the inside of his cheek bitterly wondering how much of Yamaguchi’s cool demeanor is because of this morning. Before boarding the van, Chiba had been there, chatting amiably with the third years and Yamaguchi, but then he’d pulled Yamaguchi away so they could talk more privately. Unfortunately, Kei had been tasked with retrieving Yamaguchi when it was time for them to leave, so Kei had witnessed Chiba being so sugary sweet it made Kei feel sick.

“Give me your hands. Which hand do you serve with?” Chiba had taken Yamaguchi’s right hand in his and kissed his fingertips. “Go get a nice serve,” Chiba’s voice had been warm, and he had pulled Yamaguchi into a tighter hug and pressed a few more kisses to his nose and forehead before their lips had met.

Kei had cleared his throat loudly then, and called over his shoulder that they were going to leave without one of their pinch servers. He’d heard Yamaguchi go “ack!” and then quickly Yamaguchi was back at Kei’s side, face red. Kei had sighed and rolled his eyes when Yamaguchi had rubbed the back of his neck with a meek, “sorry, Tsukki,” as they headed to the van. Kei had replied with his usual “shut up, Yamaguchi,” but from the way Yamaguchi winced, he knew it had come out harsher than normal. Kei knew it had. He’d woken up sticky after so many peaceful, dreamless nights, and that had put him in a bad mood. Watching Yamaguchi get kissed by someone else only made Kei feel more grieved. 

Kei sighs and tugs his headphones off. Maybe it’s a good thing, he thinks bitterly. Usually before matches, Yamaguchi is clutching his stomach like his guts will fall out of his butt or his heart will climb up and out of his throat, but today he’s the picture of serenity. Kei glances over towards Ennoshita, who is checking in last minute with Akimitsu. Since only one manager can be on the bench, and that of course would be Yachi, Akimitsu would be watching from the stands with Takinoue, Shimada, and the small cheering section they’d gathered. Akimitsu had been watching the morning games and deciding whether or not he could take his regular game notes being so far away from the action. The answer he’d come to was yes, he could. 

Ennoshita gathers them around. “We’re playing Sakurashita. They just won their first match after a long three sets. They must be tired,” he tells them. “At last year’s Interhigh, Date Tech routed them. They didn’t let Sakurashita get into the double digits. Let’s put up a tall wall and block them out.” Ennoshita’s eyes meet Kei’s. “I’m counting on you, Tsukishima.” 

“Right.” 

“Let’s win this and move onto the second day,” Ennoshita yells, putting his hand in the middle of their huddle. The rest of them put their hands in. “Karasuno! Fight!” 

The players on Sakurashita look about half their size, and they all look knackered. Fujita is taller than Azumane, so the three man wall of him, Kageyama, and Kei is even taller than last year. If Sakurashita had any residual nightmares of being shut down by the Iron Wall of Date, Kei sure hopes their wall will be a painful reminder of it. 

Ennoshita jogs back to their side of the court. “We’re serving first.” 

Fujita goes absolutely rigid, face blanching with fear. Yamaguchi smacks him on the back and he yelps. “You practiced!” Yamaguchi tells him somewhat sternly. “You know where to aim!” 

Kei finds himself nodding along to Yamaguchi’s scolding. Fujita does have good aim. If he can train a jump serve, he could probably get on the same level of killer serves as Oikawa. 

“Yes, Tadashi-senpai,” Fujita nods, looking cowed. Kei raises an eyebrow. Yamaguchi is on a first name basis with the first years? When did that happen? 

Yamaguchi grins at him. “If you ever did personal training you’d know we’ve been working on our serves.” 

Kei rolls his eyes. “No one works on their serves more than you, Yamaguchi.”

“It’s true!” Fujita pipes up. “Tadashi-senpai is amazing!” 

Yamaguchi’s cheeks turn pink. 

“Careful,” Kei drawls. “If Chiba-san hears that he might get jealous.” 

Yamaguchi elbows him as he heads towards the warmup area. 

“Fuji-san!” Hinata crows. “Nice serve!” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Kei sees two of the Sakurashita players look at each other and mouth, “Mount Fuji?” in confusion. 

The whistle blows and Kei places his hands protectively on the back of his head. Time seems to slow down and Kei thinks he can hear the ball splitting the air. It sounds like a nice, high toss. Seconds pass and then Fujita’s hand makes contact with the ball and it rips the air, straight over the net and onto Sakurashita’s side. The ball makes a thunderous impact on the floor, right in the corner. The Karasuno cheering section explodes. 

“Nice kill! Fujita! Fujita! Fujita!” 

Fujita looks so relieved that Kei has to smile. Debuting with a no-touch service ace must be nice. Kei tosses him the ball.

“One more nice serve,” he says. Fujita’s eyes gleam.

“Yessir!” 

It’s not quite the rout Date Tech managed to pull off, but Karasuno defeats Sakurashita handily in straight sets and moves on to day two. If they win all their games, they’ll be playing three over the course of the day and Kei is already dreading it. His stamina is low compared to others, and he dreads what three games of full sets will feel like in his legs with the knowledge the final game is the next morning. Kei takes a deep breath. There’s no sense in worrying that far ahead. If he can’t focus on the enemy in front of him, he can’t defeat the enemy down the line. 

Yamaguchi is laser focused again today, though Kei doesn’t know if he and Chiba got to do their sickeningly cute ritual from yesterday again this morning. Kei unfortunately woke up after dreaming of kissing Yamaguchi’s fingers and then things had escalated quite quickly. Kei’s morning shower had been ice cold. 

They’re facing off against more unfamiliar teams and so they begin their first match of the day with their default lineup. Kaji North got knocked out early in the Interhigh last year, but it seems their current team was being buoyed by spunky first years. Their volleyball is somewhat unpredictable, but Kei doesn’t bite on trick plays, so he’s able to shut them out. His arms hurt from doing all that roofing, but if they can win in straight sets, it will make the rest of the day easier. In the end, they take Kaji North in straight sets and Kei gets treated to many overly hard slaps on the back over his blocking. 

For their second game they’re playing Ohgi East, another team that saw an early exit last year but had rebuilt their team with plucky first years. Akimitsu comes running down the stairs to come meet them in the holding gym.

“They’ve got some nasty serves,” he says solemnly. “They were playing on the court beside Sakurashita’s yesterday morning and they scored a third of their points in service aces.” Akimitsu pushes his glasses up his nose. “Be on your guards.” 

Kei is weak at receiving, and he’s already feeling tired, so this is incredibly unfortunate news.

“I’ve got a bad feeling,” Kinoshita grumbles to himself. “I don’t know why, but it’s bad.” 

Kei frowns. Sakurashita and Kaji North weren’t tough battles by any means, and it feels overdue to meet a real challenge. The defensive hole left by Sawamura hadn’t been felt in the past two games because there were no killer serves or powerful aces to contend with. Ohgi East was going to be a different matter. A third of their points in one set had been from service aces? Kei’s stomach flips. He’s starting to get a bad feeling too. 

At first, it feels like Akimitsu blew his report on Ohgi East’s serves out of proportion. Yes, there’s a third year with a nasty jump serve, but it certainly doesn’t look any worse than Oikawa’s or Ushijima’s, and they can receive it. For the cupcake teams Ohgi East had to trample to get here, it probably did look quite nasty to tiny Akimitsu. But then, they reach a rotation without Nishinoya and Ohgi East are up to serve. The whistle blows. Ohgi East is bringing in a pinch server. 

Before the pinch server even tosses up the ball, Kei feels his stomach drop.

Ohgi East’s pinch server uses jump floaters. The first one bounces off Hinata’s outstretched fingertips. 

“I’m sorry!” Hinata’s apology is nearly drowned out by Kageyama’s booming, “Hinata, you dumbass!” 

Ennoshita waves his arms. “We’ll get the next one! Focus!” 

The second jump floater bounces off Fujita’s arm. 

“I’m sorry!” Fujita looks pale again.

“Don’t mind!” Ennoshita swipes at his chin. Sweat must be dripping. “Next one!” 

The third jump floater hits Fujita’s arm again. Three service aces in a row. Ohgi East have taken the lead. Akimitsu wasn’t blowing anything out of proportion. 

“Time! Time!” Ukai bellows and the whistle blows. 

“I’m sorry,” Fujita pants. His face is dripping sweat. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t mind. You’ll get the next one. We need to change up our formation. You receive jump floaters overhand.” Ennoshita wipes his forehead. “We’ve got to cut him off before we fall farther behind.” 

“I’m really sorry,” Fujita repeats. 

“Don’t mind,” Kageyama says. “I’ll put the ball up for you and you’ll make up for all those points.” 

“Y-yessir!” 

Yamaguchi holds out a towel to Fujita to wipe his face. “You don’t have to be so tense,” he says, his voice oddly calm and reassuring. “You’ve caught my serves before. You know how to react to them.” 

“We’re going to lose this set because of me,” Fujita mutters into the towel, barely loud enough to be heard, but everyone’s heads swivel towards him. Fujita’s ears turn red. 

“We’re only one point behind!” Yamaguchi cries. “We’re only in the first set! You don’t need to think self-destructive things like that!” Yamaguchi sucks in a deep breath. “You don’t have to worry about things like that. This isn’t a match of destiny. Everything won’t end if we lose now. We still have the prefectural qualifiers in the fall! If it’s frustrating you now, it only means you can keep on getting better! And we won’t lose! You’re not the only one out there. You can rely on your teammates!” 

Yamaguchi blinks, and seems to realize that the whole team is staring at him. His face bypasses red and starts turning purple. “T-t-t-that’s just what I think!” he splutters. “You… you don’t have to listen to me,” he finishes quietly, tucking hair behind his ears. 

Ennoshita smiles. “Yamaguchi’s right. We need to calm down and take back this set.” The whistle blows signalling the end of the time. “Let’s go.” 

Karasuno shifts into a better receive position for jump float serves. “Bring it on!” 

“Nice serve!” Ohgi East yells back. 

The fourth jump floater seems to waver in the air but Fujita steps forward boldly with his hands outstretched and catches it perfectly, pushing it back into the air. It looks a little short of the setter, but Kageyama yells, “nice receive!” and runs into position to set it. 

“Fuji-san!” 

Kei blinks. Forcing their lone first year starter to receive the ball and spike it? The King was being quite sadistic, but Kei knew what Kageyama was thinking. Fujita needed to end this pinch serve of terror with his own hands. Fujita runs towards the net, plants his feet, and launches himself into the air. His right arm cuts through the air and he blasts through the two blockers who jumped up to stop him. The ball makes a thunderous impact on Ohgi East’s side of the court and the Karasuno supporters begin cheering. 

“KAZUO!” The first years scream from the box, making him jump slightly at their collective high frequency. Kei can see Yamaguchi is beaming. On the court, Fujita is roaring as the others surround him screaming. 

“Okay, let’s get those points back!” Ennoshita yells. It’s time for Karasuno to show off their own pinch server. 

“Go get a nice serve, Yamaguchi!” Hinata yells, high fiving Yamaguchi as they swap places. 

“Yamaguchi!” Yamaguchi turns to look at Kei. “Go show them what a real jump floater looks like.” Yamaguchi grins at him broadly. 

After breaking up Ohgi East’s pinch serve and not letting the pinch server get more than one serve the next few times he came in to serve, it didn't take much to dismantle the rest of their strategy. If Kei had to guess, their high success rate was because their jump floaters would send their opponents into a panic and the panic would cause mistakes to happen. If it hadn’t been for Yamaguchi’s wise words, Karasuno might have fallen into the same trap. They win in straight sets and then race off to the neighboring gym to see who they’ll play next in the semifinal. They reach the doors to the gym just in time to see a familiar black bowl cut landing a vicious straight shot right on the endline. The whistle blows. They’ll be playing Shiratorizawa shortly. 

As they huddle up before the match, Kei remembers Kuroo’s comments about how easy it was to fluster Goshiki after shutting him down quickly.

“Hey,” he says and his teammates look at him. “When we’re going up to block their ace, the black bowl cut over there, Goshiki, let’s go for kill blocks to start. If we can shut them down early we can make them panic. Their core of players were third years, and they might be getting used to each other still. Let’s exploit that and throw them off.” 

Ennoshita shivers. “You’re scary sometimes, Tsukishima.” 

Tsukishima adjusts his sports glasses. “It’s just a feeling I have.” 

Sure enough, Shiratorizawa’s first aggressive play has Shirabu setting to Goshiki. Kei feels Kageyama and Fujita rush to flank him. “Two, three!” They jump, arms straight up, and Goshiki spikes the ball straight into Kei’s arms. The impact hurts like a bitch, but the ball ricochets off his arms and slams down onto Shiratorizawa’s side of the court. 

Goshiki and Kei lock eyes across the net. “Hi there,” Kei says dully and Goshiki growls at him. 

Kuroo hadn’t given an indication of how many times he had roofed Goshiki to make him panic, or perhaps getting roofed so many times already had lessened the stress of it, but Goshiki and Shirabu don’t fall to pieces that easily. It’s not an easy match. It’s the third of the day, and even though Kei has gotten to rest when he’s out of the rotation, he’s been jumping at every spiker, reminding all of the players who faced Karasuno last time that Kei is a wall that will always be in their way, and his thighs feel like they’ll split. Even without Ushijima, Shiratorizawa are formidable, and they pry a set away from Karasuno and force them into a third. Even with a taller three man wall, Shiratorizawa’s players take points with vicious spikes, killer serves, block outs, and the occasional setter dump. Hinata also serves into the net more than once, causing Kageyama to whirl around and scream, “Hinata, you dumbass!” They take points back with their own combination plays and Yamaguchi and Kinoshira disrupt Shiratorizawa’s formations with their serves. Kei is only glad they aren’t going to play five sets. 

By the time they win, Kei is exhausted. He knows the others have it much worse, especially for his teammates who played all the minutes of all three games, but Kei has never been a stamina monster and he begins to worry about how sore he’ll feel tomorrow morning. 

Tomorrow morning. Yes, they’re going to play in the final tomorrow. 

Kei doesn’t have the energy to run like Hinata and Kageyama to see who their opponent will be, so instead Kei studies the bracket. Yamaguchi and Saitou join him, Saitou frowning hard.

“Look at the scores,” he mutters. “Tomorrow’s going to be murder and I’m not even going to be playing.” 

Kei has finally reached where Saitou’s eyes have landed. Date Tech is most likely their opponent tomorrow, granted they defeat Aoba Johsai right now, and if Kei had to guess, he thinks it will be Date Tech. They’ve been trampling their foes with minimal effort it seems. All of their opponents have been dispatched in straight sets with embarrassing point differences. Kei sighs and wipes the fog off his glasses. It seems the Iron Wall has only gotten taller and stronger. 

“We’ve beaten them before,” Yamaguchi says. “In fact, we’re probably going to play the exact same team as last year.” 

“Which just means they won’t have any of the growing pains we have,” Kei drawls. 

Yamaguchi elbows him. “Stop being so negative, Tsukki.” 

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” 

They find the gym where Date Tech and Aoba Johsai are locked in battle. It’s the third set and they’re at a deuce. Kei raises his brows. It doesn’t surprise him that Aoba Johsai hasn’t faltered despite their third years being the core of their team. It does surprise him that their setter, Yahaba, seems to be pulling as much from his players - including the first years who have undoubtedly come from the Kitagawa Daiichi pipeline - as Oikawa would. 

“Kyoutani!” Yahaba can be heard over the dueling “go go let’s go let’s go Dateko!” and the “ike ike ike ikeke Seijoh!” chants, but just barely. 

“Ooh!” Hinata says excitedly. “It’s the Mad Dog!” 

Kyoutani is running parallel to the net, readying himself for one of his wicked cut shots, but the Iron Wall is forming to cut him off, and their libero is in place for the cross shot. Kei finds himself leaning forward to see what will happen now. He assumes Kyoutani is still a slow starter, but in the third set, his engine must be hot now. His back arches, flexing those powerful dorsal muscles, and for a half second Kei thinks he’ll be able to punch the ball through, but then the Iron Wall is in front of him, blocking his path. Kyoutani may be strong, but he isn’t Iwaizumi, and Koganegawa isn’t making rookie mistakes like holding his arms wide open this season. 

The sound of the ball being slammed down onto Aoba Johsai’s side of the court - and the impact of the libero’s chest against the wood floor - is drowned out by the Date Tech supporters beginning to roar, “One more point! One more point!”

“They’re going to win,” Saitou says dully. 

“Seijoh could rally,” Yamaguchi begins but Saitou shakes his head. 

“Look at their body language. They’re finished.” 

Kei looks down at the court. In the roaring gym, he doubts anyone can hear Yahaba yelling at his team. On the Aoba Johsai side, everyone is hunched over, their bodies heaving with exertion. They look exhausted. On the other side, Date Tech looks larger than life. It certainly looks like they’ve retained their all starters from last year, and somehow they look taller. 

Date Tech is getting ready to serve. Saitou shudders. “I’d hate to have to put up a set under that kind of pressure,” he grumbles. 

Yamaguchi laughs. “You’re so cool-headed. Something like that would get to you?” 

Saitou scowls at the court. The ball is sailing over the net onto the Aoba Johsai side. Watari dives to receive it. The ball arcs up into the air. Yahaba is rushing to get underneath it. 

“Who wouldn’t crack under pressure like this?” 

Chants of “go go let’s go let’s go Dateko” drown out the name of the spiker Yahaba wants, but it goes up for Kyoutani who arches back to unleash a powerful spike, but once again he runs into the Iron Wall that quickly materializes before him. The gym feels like it’s shaking as the Date Tech supporters lose it. It sounds like they’ve just won the Nationals. 

“We seriously have to play them tomorrow?” Saitou looks freaked out. 

“At least you’ll be on the bench,” Kei says dryly. “I’m starting.” 

No, Kei is not looking forward to tomorrow. 

They’re waiting to board the van back to school - Yamaguchi sitting with Saitou, who has folded over and clutching his cramping stomach - when the Date Tech team strolls out of the gymnasium. They’d look intimidating if not for Koganegawa immediately lighting up. 

“Tsukki!” he bellows. Kei grimaces, and his eyes quickly dart over to Yamaguchi to see if he’s just as annoyed as last year by others using his nickname. Much to his disappointment, Yamaguchi is completely preoccupied by Saitou, who now looks like he is trying to fold himself into a ball so small he disappears. 

“Ooh!” Hinata answers. “Koganegawa!” 

“Hinata!” Koganegawa bellows, louder. 

Aone is waiting patiently for Koganegawa to stop shouting and for Hinata to pay attention to him. When Hinata does notice him, they bow to each other seriously. Then, Aone pivots and points towards the third years, who have been observing. His finger is pointed straight at Tanaka and Tanaka stares him down. 

Futakuchi grabs Aone’s forearm and pushes his arm down, grinning smarmily. “We’ll look forward to crushing you tomorrow,” he says pleasantly. 

“Bring it on!” Tanaka answers. 

When the Date Tech team has left, the third years collectively sigh. 

“They have a way of getting you worked up, don’t they?” Ennoshita says. 

“We’re going to win tomorrow!” Nishinoya declares.

Kei settles into a window seat, Yamaguchi sitting beside him. His legs feel heavy. He really isn’t looking forward to tomorrow.


	4. full moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! thanks so much for all the kudos and comments last chapter! i hope you all continue to enjoy!! 
> 
> (this chapter does contain some minor manga spoilers)

If Kei had to guess, it was only just after noon, but already his day had been full of stomach-turning, hair-curling incidents that made him want to go back home, crawl back into his bed, and start over tomorrow. 

First was the dreams. 

Kei had collapsed into bed and fallen asleep almost immediately. Part of him had foolishly hoped that he would be so exhausted that he would just sleep without dreaming, but of course he was wrong. He had dreamed of Yamaguchi resting his hand on Kei’s thigh, squeezing it lightly, asking in an innocent way if Kei’s legs were tired. Dream Yamaguchi had run his hands over Kei’s thighs, and then he’d moved his hands up higher, and then Yamaguchi’s hands had slid between… 

And then Kei had woken up, sweaty and hard, and he had shuffled off embarrassedly to take an ice cold shower. It had felt ominous, feeling the cold water run over his body, his heart racing.

Second was coming into the school’s parking lot and seeing the crowd gathered there. Kei’s stomach had turned, seeing all of the people milling about, along with an extra bus parked alongside their usual team van. Probably unnerved by the strength of the Date Tech supporters, the vice principal had allowed students to go as a cheering section. Without asking, Kei knew Chiba would be among them somewhere. 

Third was Saitou. Kei had always thought the first year setter was levelheaded and composed. He always seemed calm during practice, with eyes that never missed anything. He had looked nervous yesterday at the prospect of battling Date Tech, but today the nerves and the pressure had obviously gotten to him. He was hunched over in his seat, clutching his stomach and taking little sips of water that Kanda was practically forcing on him. 

“Haruki!” Nakano yelled. “You’re too tense!” 

“Please shut the fuck up,” Saitou wheezed. (Kei had bit the inside of his cheek so hard to keep himself from snorting inappropriately.) 

When they finally pulled into the parking lot at the Sendai City Gymnasium, Saitou’s face had gone white and he rushed off to a nearby bush to throw up. Yachi had descended upon him with the first aid kit and Yamaguchi had been right behind her with a sports drink pouch.

“I even ate breakfast,” Saitou whined, teeth chattering. “What a waste.” 

They managed to get through warmups without further incident. Yamaguchi was flitting amongst the first years, talking to them. It filled Kei with a strange, unidentifiable feeling to see Yamaguchi talk to them so effortlessly. Kei hadn’t been making any strides to get to know the first years better. They respected him, but they weren’t familiar - except for Saitou, who spoke to everyone in a familiar way. But Yamaguchi was on a first name basis with them. 

It made Kei feel lonely. 

Fourth was the blowing of the whistle, and Ennoshita striding over to the referee to shake Futakuchi’s hand before the match. Futakuchi had looked so much bigger than Ennoshita that the sight had set Kei on edge. He knew this was going to be a long, drawn out fight. 

The gym is loud. Kei’s ears are ringing. A tiny part of him is grateful that Saeko and her taiko crew are here today, battling with the extremely loud and enthusiastic Date Tech supporters. (Including those three guys from Date Tech who always seem to show up and act more enthusiastic than anyone else. Kei wonders vaguely if any of them go to college.) 

It’s the third set. Date Tech is at match point, but it’s Karasuno’s serve. This game has been long and hard-fought. They’ve been neck-and-neck the whole match, peeling points away one by one. They’d had a couple of lucky breaks, mainly from strings of good serves. Kageyama had been on fire and in the first set had earned three service aces. Yamaguchi and Kinoshita had also pulled some points against Date Tech. Ukai had even subbed in Yoshida as a pinch server, and though his serve was out of bounds, the power of his jump serve had been enough to rattle Date Tech. As Kei stepped back onto the court, he could see Yoshida grinding his teeth in frustration. If the first years were so chummy with Yamaguchi, they were all definitely going to be working on their serves. Yoshida’s jump serve was probably going to be a valuable weapon by the prefectural qualifiers. 

Even so, the Iron Wall has been hard to get around. To combat it, Hinata has spent the whole match rocketing around the court and doing all kinds of ridiculous moves to get around their blocks. It was exhausting just to watch him, and Kei was exhausted. In terms of height, Kei could go up against Aone and Koganegawa, so Kageyama had purposely been setting the ball higher, forcing Kei to jump and reach a higher contact point to try to tip the ball over the Iron Wall. He’d scored quite a bit like that, but now at the end of the match, and after spending all his time in the front also jumping up to block, it feels like his thighs are going to split open. Sweat drips down Kei’s chin and down his back and he can feel his jersey sticking to him. His chest heaves as he shifts in front of the net. He can hear Yamaguchi bouncing the ball against the floor. “Nice serve!” he calls over his shoulder. He wonders if Yamaguchi can hear him over the din.

The whistle blows. Kei can hear Yamaguchi’s sneakers squeak against the hardwood as he jumps. He sees the ball float its way over the net. Unfortunately, Date Tech has gotten used to their jump floaters now and they receive it easily. Koganegawa sets the ball for Futakuchi, and the world slips into slow motion. 

Kei’s legs feel like lead. He can feel it the moment he jumps up. He’s a half second too late, and so he’s just short of the ball. Futakuchi is too strong, and his arm swings powerfully to spike the ball. It connects with the weak part of Kei’s wrist and blows his arm away. Kei can feel himself falling, his head turning to see if anyone is coming to back him up. Nishinoya is out this rotation, and the ball is headed towards the back. Kei sees Yamaguchi there, in position to receive, but the ball is rotating strangely after hitting Kei, and when it hits Yamaguchi’s arms it ricochets up and hits his chin, then flies out of bounds. Yamaguchi hits the floor at almost the same time Kei does and in Kei’s ears, their impact on the hardwood is deafening. As is the whistle, signalling the end of the game, their loss. As is the roaring of the Date Tech supporters. As is his breathing, heavy and labored. 

Yamaguchi is sitting, staring at the back wall, and the volleyball, unmoving. Kei struggles to his feet, his traitorous legs feeling heavier than ever. That was his fault. He fucked up. He messed up the timing. If he’d been there that one second earlier, he could have made a good one touch. He could have given them a chance. Looking at Yamaguchi’s pale face, Kei knows that he’s blaming himself. It’s so wrong. It’s not Yamaguchi’s fault. Kei’s legs shake, but he has to go to Yamaguchi and tell him that it’s not his fault. 

Kageyama beats him there, holding out a hand that Yamaguchi takes, and hauls him to his feet. Kageyama looks like he’s also in shock. They line up and bow, shake sweaty hands with the Date Tech players, and then bow again to their supporters before clearing the court.

Kei blinks and suddenly he can see Date Tech, still on the court, embracing and crying. He thinks Kamisaki is about to climb down from the stands and jump directly onto the court to join the celebration. The loss hits Kei very suddenly and his knees knock together, legs threatening to give out from under him. 

Ennoshita slaps him on the shoulder. “Let’s go, Tsukishima,” he says quietly.

As they’re leaving the gym, Kei tries to talk to Yamaguchi. “Yamaguchi…” 

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi interrupts immediately. He won’t look at Kei. “I have to go to the bathroom.” Yamaguchi turns quickly and walks straight into the bathroom. 

Kei is about to follow Yamaguchi, the desperation to put Yamaguchi at ease seizing him, but a voice calls to him. 

“Tsukishima-san?”

Kei looks up and sees Chiba leaning against the wall close to one of the audience entrances to the gym. 

“Could I borrow your shoulder for a minute?” Chiba asks. 

Kei walks over to him and Chiba puts a hand on Kei’s shoulder and hobbles away from the wall. It looks like he isn’t putting any weight on his right leg. 

“What did you do?” Kei asks. 

Chiba smiles nervously. “Oh, I just missed a step when I was coming down the stairs.” 

Kei blinks. It’s an obvious lie. 

Chiba licks his lips. “Well, it might have been a few steps.” He glances furtively at Kei and then he sharply exhales. “Okay, okay, I fell down a lot of stairs and I landed hard on my bad leg.” He suddenly squeezes Kei’s shoulder. “Please, don’t tell Tadashi.” 

Kei is about to ask why he’d tell Yamaguchi something like that, especially when it was obvious that Chiba had hurt himself, but a small voice interrupts him.

“Masahiko-kun?” Yamaguchi is out of the bathroom. His face looks damp and his eyes look red. 

At first, Kei can barely feel it, but then he does. Chiba is pushing him away. Instantly, Kei is furious. Who the fuck does Chiba think he is, pushing him when he’s the one who asked to borrow Kei’s shoulder because he fell down a flight of stairs running like a moron most likely -

But Kei doesn’t have time to unleash any of this fury on Chiba because suddenly Yamaguchi is in Chiba’s arms and crying onto his chest. Chiba seems to have forgotten all about Kei as he wraps his arms around Yamaguchi and begins talking to him softly. 

“You did so well,” Chiba says placatingly, but Kei can see Yamaguchi shake his head against Chiba’s chest. Chiba runs his fingers through Yamaguchi’s hair and Kei feels a stab of envy. But as soon as he feels it, Kei starts to feel sick. His best friend is crying because he feels responsible for their team losing, and all Kei - the real reason that they lost - can think of is that he wishes he were the one petting Yamaguchi’s hair. Kei backs up slowly, leaving the couple lost in their own world. He sinks down on a bench and rests his head in his hands. 

Kei sees a pair of feet in his peripheral vision and glances up. Akimitsu is holding a water bottle out to him. Behind his glasses, his eyes look puffy. 

“Thanks,” Kei murmurs, taking the bottle. His gaze is pulled back to Chiba and Yamaguchi. His stomach turns. 

Chiba is holding Yamaguchi in a backhug and wiping at his tears while Yamaguchi talks to Shimada and Takinoue. Shimada pats Yamaguchi on the head and Chiba gives him a squeeze. Kei can’t take his eyes away from them. He can feel Akimitsu’s eyes on him, but can’t bring himself to care if Akimitsu figures out that Kei is jealous of Chiba. Of all the things that should be on his mind now, Kei can only focus on how much he suddenly hates Chiba. 

Kei makes himself sick. 

Kei slides into his regular window seat when they finally board the van to go back to school. Ukai took them out to eat, and almost everyone had cried into their bowls. Kei could only pick at his food. If he even ate one mouthful he was certain he’d throw it back up. 

Kei blinks in surprise when Yamaguchi continues moving down the aisle instead of sitting beside him. 

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi gives him a pinched, tired smile. “I just want to think for a while.” 

Kei doesn’t know why Yamaguchi can’t think beside him and watches as Yamaguchi slides into one of the single seats and pulls his legs up to his chest and buries his face in his knees.

Akimitsu ends up sitting beside him, absentmindedly thumbing through his notebook. Did he take notes on Kei’s late block? Kei turns the volume of his music up louder to drown out his thoughts. 

“We’ll have our meeting tomorrow,” Ukai says when they disembark. “Go home and get some rest.” 

They bow to Ukai and Takeda and begin to trickle out of the parking lot. Kei drags his feet. Does Yamaguchi still want to think? Without Kei? 

Kageyama is staring at him so Kei pauses. He can feel the hair stand up on the back of his neck. “Yes?” he grunts. 

“You could have made that block,” is what Kageyama says. 

Kei’s eyes widen. His ears are ringing and he can feel fury building in the pit of his stomach. 

“Noted, Your Majesty,” Kei snarls, turning away sharply. He knows very well that he could have made that block if he had been a little quicker. But he wasn’t. 

“I don’t understand you.” Kageyama barks. “You’re good. If you took it more seriously, you could be great.” 

Kei spins around, fury bubbling over. “How dare-”

“Stop, stop!” Yamaguchi steps in between them. “Don’t do this.” 

Kei looks at Yamaguchi’s face and his anger fizzles out. Yamaguchi looks so tired. 

“Anyway,” Yamaguchi adds. “It’s my fault. I couldn’t pick the ball up. Whenever I lose my serve, it’s usually because I can’t dig the ball when it gets returned.” 

“That’s not-” Kei starts. In his fit of jealousy, he forgot he had to apologize to Yamaguchi. 

Yamaguchi shakes his head. “It’s not over. We have the prefectural qualifiers. I’ll improve my receives.” Yamaguchi’s eyes are watery. “It’s not Tsukki’s fault, Kageyama.” 

Kageyama has a constipated expression that indicates he disagrees, but he drops it. 

Yamaguchi trails behind Kei as they walk home, but Kei can’t bring himself to speak. There’s too much poison inside of him. If he opens his mouth, he’ll say something awful. 

When they get to Yamaguchi’s street, Yamaguchi offers him a tiny smile. “Good night, Tsukki.” 

“Good night,” Kei echoes, and watches Yamaguchi walk away. 

This dream is different. 

Yamaguchi is standing before him, but he’s crying. Kei tries to reach out to Yamaguchi, but he pulls away. Kei reaches out again, but then he feels a sudden pain in his shoulder. He grabs it instinctively, hissing in pain. He can feel an almost imperceptible pressure on it, and then his shoulder hurts so much it feels like it’s on fire. Kei is bent over in agony, and when he looks up, Chiba is there, looking down at him. 

“Sorry, Tsukishima-san,” Chiba’s voice is cold. There’s a malicious smirk on his handsome face. “But Tadashi is mine.” 

Kei is rooted to the spot as Chiba takes Yamaguchi in his arms and kisses him. Yamaguchi melts into his embrace.

Kei wakes up with a start. His head is pounding. He can’t even be grateful that he didn’t have a wet dream - an erotic dream about Yamaguchi in tears would make him feel like a creep - because his head feels like it’s going to split open. He reaches up to cradle his shoulder. When he showers, he expects to see a bruise in the shape of Chiba’s hand there, but of course there isn’t one. It makes him feel crazy.

When Yamaguchi first started dating him, Kei thought he could keep Chiba at arm’s length, or ideally farther. He tried to tell himself that he wouldn’t get jealous, and would be as happy for Yamaguchi as he could possibly be, knowing full well that it was hard. If Kei were a good person, he really would want Yamaguchi to be happy. Kei knows that he isn’t the kind of guy Yamaguchi needs. Yesterday, he couldn’t even comfort Yamaguchi at all. Kei isn’t worthy. 

He sits in class in a daze, barely paying attention. He doesn’t even protest when Yachi asks him to buy her an apple tea from the vending machine because she’s busy working on something for the club. 

It’s when Kei is strolling to the vending machine when he sees someone - he thinks it’s a first year - pulling insistently on Akimitsu’s wrist. 

“I don’t know you,” Akimitsu says irritably. “Let go of me.” 

“I’ve seen you around though. Come on, you’re pretty cute. I like that. You’re tiny and kinda girly.” 

“Except I’m a boy,” Akimitsu snaps. 

“So? That doesn’t matter to me. Don’t be like that. Let’s hang out.” The guy pulling on Akimitsu glances up and locks eyes with Kei. He scowls suddenly. “What are you looking at?” 

Kei snorts. “A loser who keeps on begging someone who clearly isn’t interested.” 

Akimitsu looks over his shoulder, eyes widening at the sight of Kei.

“What did you say?” the guy puffs up his chest.

It only takes a few strides for Kei to be in front of the guy, and Kei towers over him. This reminds him of the first time he met Yamaguchi. His height has always been a weapon. 

“Hmm?” Kei asks, staring down. 

The guy tosses Akimitsu’s arm aside. “Whatever,” he grumbles and stalks away. 

Akimitsu sags with relief. “Thank you, Tsukishima-senpai.” 

Kei jerks his head so Akimitsu follows him. He buys Yachi’s apple tea and then buys Akimitsu an apple juice. Akimitsu’s ears turn red when Kei hands him the juice. 

“You don’t have to,” he sputters. “Actually, I should buy you something, because you saved me…” 

Kei shrugs. “You’ll owe me next time.” 

Akimitsu accepts the apple juice shyly. He follows Kei back to his classroom where Kei pointedly ignores the tittering of his female classmates when he delivers Yachi’s apple tea. Yachi thanks him brightly and then goes back to the poster she’s drafting. Kei finds that weirdly resilient. They lost a couple days ago and it hasn’t sunk all the way in for Kei yet. Has everyone else moved on except him? 

Kei leaves again and Akimitsu putters after him. 

“Does that happen a lot?” Kei asks over his shoulder. 

“Not really,” Akimitsu answers. “It has happened, but it’s not like it’s common.” Akimitsu is nervously tugging on the hair near his ears. 

Kei stops and frowns. “If it happens a lot, you should tell someone. Even if it’s just the team, I’m sure Tanaka and Nishinoya wouldn’t stand for one of our managers being harrassed.” 

“It’s not really harassment,” Akimitsu protests softly. “It’s just an idiot once in a while. People like to tell me that I look like a girl.” Akimitsu scowls at that. “Or they ask me if I was sick when I was born. I wasn’t, you know, I’ve just always been small. My parents aren’t that big. My sister’s taller than everyone in the family. She used to tell me she absorbed all the nutrients in the womb and that’s why I never got very big.” He flushes pink. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say all that.” 

Kei shrugs. “It’s fine.” They lapse into an awkward silence. “You know, Yamaguchi used to be quite small. When I first met him, he was only up to my waist. But I’ve always been tall for my age. Who knows, maybe you’ll shoot up like a weed one of these days.” 

Akimitsu smiles at him softly. “Senpai, could I ask you something?” 

“Sure.” 

Akimitsu hesitates. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I do think I’m being nosy.” He bites his lip. “Is there a reason why you don’t like Tadashi-senpai’s boyfriend?” 

Kei blinks. He figured that Akimitsu had noticed Kei staring down Chiba after the match, and figured Akimitsu was perceptive enough to put things together. 

“I just don’t like him,” Kei says mildly. It’s a lie, and Kei thinks Akimitsu probably knows. But he doesn’t really want to admit the depth of how much he’s grown to hate Chiba and his handsome face. He glances at Akimitsu, who seems to be chewing on this. Seeing Akimitsu’s thoughtful expression makes Kei want to explain himself better. 

“I don’t really connect that well with people…” 

“I guess I can understand why you don’t like him,” Akimitsu says, flushing when he realizes he’s spoken over Kei.

“You do?” Kei blinks. 

Akimitsu nods. “Chiba-san is kind of… ah, what would you call it? He’s a people pleaser. I haven’t really spoken to him much, but he has the kind of friendliness that makes you uneasy. I can’t imagine him angry about anything, but that doesn’t seem natural. He’s nice, but maybe it feels like he’s too nice?” Akimitsu glances up at him. Kei notices that he has very long eyelashes. “And senpai, you don’t seem to have much trouble connecting with me.” 

Kei shrugs. “I guess that’s true. All of that is probably true.”

Part of Kei wonders why Akimitsu won’t come out and ask him directly about why he doesn’t like Chiba, but he’s more surprised that Akimitsu apparently has similar feelings. 

“When do you see Chiba?” he asks.

“After extra practice. I track stats for everyone who does extra serving practice, to see if they’re improving. Most nights, Chiba-san is waiting for Tadashi-senpai.” 

Kei is suddenly struck by the fact that he hasn’t walked home with Yamaguchi in ages. Weeks. It might have even been a whole month. He hasn’t been walking home with Yamaguchi, and they also haven’t been eating lunch together. Before, Yamaguchi would come to Kei’s classroom so he could spend time with both Kei and Yachi, but lately, Yamaguchi was completely absent. Kei saw Hinata and Kageyama more than he saw Yamaguchi these days. 

“I should go,” Akimitsu says softly. “Thank you again for, well, everything.” 

Kei just nods. 

A few days later, Kei is strolling during the lunch break, dragging his feet to kill the time, when he spots Hinata and Kageyama squatting in the doorway of the gym, peering inside. 

“What are you doing?” Kei asks but Hinata shushes him emphatically. 

“Shut up,” Kageyama adds under his breath. 

Kei clicks his tongue in irritation but then he hears the impact of a hand on a ball, and the ball hitting a net and then the floor. 

“Ack!” 

Kei flinches. He knows that voice. 

“You almost got it!” 

“I don’t think so. First I was way short of the net, then I hit the ceiling, now I hit the net…” 

Yamaguchi’s laugh is so bright and full. Kei’s insides seize when he realizes he doesn’t think he’s ever heard Yamaguchi laugh like that. This is a sound that Kei can’t get Yamaguchi to make. 

“Hitting the ceiling could be a good thing. There’s a serve, it’s called a skyball serve, where you hit the ball underhand so it flies up and the high ceiling and the lights mess with your depth perception so you can’t receive it. We played a couple guys like that during Nationals.” 

“I doubt that’s something I could consistently replicate,” Chiba replies. 

“Well, you might hit a few people in the head by accident,” Yamaguchi says. 

Kei is unconsciously leaning forward, and he ends up pushing his leg into Hinata’s back and that creates a domino effect in which all three of them end up toppling into the entrance of the gym. Kei fixes his glasses while Kageyama untangles himself angrily, “Hinata, you dumbass!” When he looks up, Yamaguchi and Chiba are wrapped in each other’s arms beside the bin of volleyballs, Chiba looking bemused while Yamaguchi looks uncertain. Kei’s eyes shift downwards and he sees a more elaborate leg brace strapped to Chiba’s right leg. 

“Are you okay?” Yamaguchi asks cautiously.

“Stupidshima pushed us,” Hinata complains, shooting Kei a dirty look. 

“Pushed you? Barely. You’re so shrimpy, a light breeze could knock you over.” Kei snorts.

Hinata is clearly antagonized by this comment as he yells, “What did you say?” 

“Sorry, am I stealing your gym time?” Chiba cuts in lightly. “Tadashi keeps trying to teach me the rules to volleyball. I keep telling him I’m pretty dense and won’t learn, but he keeps trying.” He laughs and smiles handsomely. 

Kei feels his hatred bubble up and then sink down into the pit of his stomach. He can feel his face pulling down into a scowl. 

“No, we don’t usually practice at this hour,” Kageyama says. “I’m Kageyama Tobio.”

Hinata springs up. “I’m Hinata Shoyo!” 

Chiba smiles. “I know. Sort of. I’ve seen you both play. You’re both very cool. I’m Chiba Masahiko. Tadashi’s boyfriend.” Chiba shifts, moving weight off his right leg. “I’m sorry. You wouldn’t mind it if I sat down, would you?” 

They all end up sitting on the gym floor, Chiba’s right leg fully extended. Kageyama is watching his movements closely. 

“Did you get injured playing a sport?” he asks. Kei could roll his eyes over Kageyama being so blunt.

“It wasn’t one big injury. It was a lot of small and medium injuries that led up to this.” Chiba answers, patting his leg. “Since middle school I had some small injuries, sprains and muscle tweaks from playing too hard. Then my first year of high school, I tore a muscle in my knee and needed surgery to repair it. But I really slacked off in physical therapy.” He laughs. “I’m a really bad patient. Then, the next year, when I was able to play soccer again, believe it or not I got tackled really hard in my second game back and broke my leg!” He runs a hand through his dark hair. “Same leg. My doctor was furious with me. He warned me that I wouldn’t be able to walk if I kept this up.” 

Yamaguchi is leaning against Chiba’s shoulder, his expression sad. Kei bristles. 

“Honestly, I’m still pretty careless and so my knee and the rest of my leg has gotten worse. I want to run and play pickup with other guys and I end up straining my leg.” 

Or running and falling down the stairs, Kei thinks bitterly, remembering the way Chiba could barely support his own weight. 

“Tadashi worries about me a lot and tells me to take better care of myself.” Chiba leans into Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi smiles up at him. It’s a very soft smile. Kei doesn’t think he’s ever seen Yamaguchi make that kind of face. His stomach plummets again thinking that this is a smile that Yamaguchi will never show him, because Kei just isn’t capable of making Yamaguchi feel that way about him. 

“Maybe if you were more careful, Yamaguchi wouldn’t have to worry about you so much.” 

Kei blinks. Everyone is staring at him. He hadn’t meant to speak. His eyes meet Yamaguchi’s. Yamaguchi looks surprised, but there’s something else in his eyes. He looks a little hurt. Kei suddenly feels like an idiot. 

Chiba gives him a sheepish smile, the same one he gave after falling down the stairs. “You’re right, of course, Tsukishima-san.” 

Kei huffs and looks away. He feels immature for voicing his opinions. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. It’s not as if Yamaguchi will find Chiba too troublesome to deal with and break up with him. Even if he were, it’s not like Yamaguchi would ever pick Kei instead. 

Kei glances up and meets Yamaguchi’s eyes again. Kei flinches and averts his gaze quickly. Rather than hurt now, Yamaguchi looks disappointed in him. Kei clenches his fists. Of course Yamaguchi wouldn’t like this side of him, the side that couldn’t hide his dislike for Chiba. Kei berates himself silently, willing himself to go back to being uncaring. 

There’s no other way to get through this.


	5. supermoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! i hope everyone is taking care during these difficult times. i have always found reading to be great escapism when i need a breather, so i hope this chapter can provide that if you need it (even if this fic is an angsty slowburn lol) 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments last chapter too! I hope you all continue to enjoy!!

The night is warm, but Tokyo will be warmer. Kei isn’t looking forward to it, not really, but at least this time he’s well prepared. He packed extra underwear, just in case. 

Notably missing from their group, milling about and yawning, waiting to board the van, is Akimitsu. When he’d said, in a voice as thin and papery as his body, that he couldn’t accompany the team to this first Tokyo training camp, everyone had been shocked.

“Don’t tell me!” Nishinoya gasped. “You failed all of your exams!”

“I don’t think so,” Ennoshita said. “He did help all the other first years study…” 

“No, no,” Akimitsu had rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, ears bright red. “Um. I have a history of passing out in the heat, and my parents wouldn’t budge and let me go. Takeda-sensei and I are working on them so I can go to the longer training camp. We have to surrender this battle to win the war.” 

Kei settles into his seat and takes off his glasses. He hates sleeping in vehicles, but he’s adjusting bit by bit. He tugs out his eye mask and pulls it over his head. He blindly gropes for his headphones - one day he’ll perfect this process - and settles them over his ears. He turns on his music and settles in for the long, dark drive to Tokyo. 

The first day of this camp is sweltering. Kei can almost imagine Akimitsu shriveling up and fading away in the oppressive heat. Tokyo was much hotter than Miyagi. He wonders just how hot it has to be to get Akimitsu to faint repeatedly. 

The texture of the teams in the Fukurodani Group has changed significantly, especially Fukurodani itself without Bokuto loudly at the helm. 

“How are things?” Kei asks Akaashi casually. 

“Well, we aren’t constantly worried about motivating our ace so,” Akaashi replies. 

Despite his nonchalance, Kei knows Akaashi must miss Bokuto and his boisterousness. Kei will get the occasional loud text message from Bokuto himself, and can admit right now he misses Bokuto’s noise too. 

A year and a gym full of new teams doesn’t change the losing streak Karasuno has at these camps and by the evening, Kei’s chest is covered with friction burns from endless laps of diving receives. The first years look thoroughly exhausted as they flop over in a heap. Part of Kei is glad that Akimitsu isn’t here with his elaborate statistics on their day of losses. 

“Hinata! Did you get any taller?” Lev, who looks like he got much taller, is waving his long arms around. 

Hinata bares his teeth. “I grew three millimeters!” 

Kei sighs and turns away from their conversation. Yamaguchi is beside him, patting his face with a towel. 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to do extra practice all night,” Kei says, wiping off his glasses. 

Yamaguchi grins at him sheepishly. “Doesn’t our losing streak light a fire beneath you, Tsukki?” 

“No, not really.” 

Yamaguchi laughs. 

“Senpai!” 

The first years are on their feet and looking rather earnest. Though when both Kei and Yamaguchi swivel to look at them, a ripple of uncertainty goes through them. Kei raises his eyebrows. He has no idea what they want. 

The first years have elected Saitou as their mouthpiece because he takes a deep breath, “Ts-” but immediately gets cut off by a sharp elbow in the ribs and a hiss from the others. The elbow was Fujita’s, and Kei finds it amazing that Saitou could remain upright. “T-T-Tadashi-senpai!” 

Yamaguchi touches Kei’s arm and an electric shock travels through him. “Just a minute, Tsukki…” 

Kei waves him off. “I’m going to take a bath. Tell me later.”

Yamaguchi pauses and looks at Kei, though Kei doesn’t dare meet his gaze. Ever since he saw that disappointed expression on Yamaguchi’s face, he doesn’t want to see it again. Kei watches Yamaguchi trot over to the first years and then walks himself out of the gym. 

The air is thick and muggy, without a breeze to offer any relief. Kei is pretty sure he can hear Kageyama’s voice drifting out of one of the other gyms, “Jump higher, Hinata dumbass!” and wonders how everyone has all this spare energy to run around like hellions all day. He feels like a first year again, digging in his heels over not taking this volleyball thing too seriously, and part of him feels a weird yearning for a sharp kick in the ass. He shakes the thought away and gathers his things to go take a bath. He’s exhausted and sweaty and all he really wants is sleep. 

Kei takes a long bath and when he finally drags himself out, Hinata and Yamaguchi are sitting on their bedrolls with Kenma, who is glued to a video game. 

“I’m amazed you didn’t fail your exams like last year,” Kenma says. 

Hinata makes a face. “We barely passed, but we passed. Yachi helped us, and so did Chiba-san! He’s really good at English! Even better than Yachi!” 

“He’s older than Yachi,” Yamaguchi says modestly. 

“But his notes are like… like… gwah!” Hinata waves his arms. “They’re really clear! Even Yachi said they were easy to read and her notes are super easy to read!” 

“Like… gwah?” Yamaguchi smiles. 

“We didn’t have to ask Stingyshima for any help,” Hinata adds. “He didn’t even go when Chiba-san offered to help him too.”

Kei scowls. He had declined that invitation, not because he didn’t need any help, which he didn’t, but he hadn’t wanted to go to Chiba’s apartment. He didn’t want to see Yamaguchi there, and the inevitably easy way Yamaguchi navigated his space. Kei thought Yamaguchi would move around there as comfortably as he moved around Kei’s home, and Kei couldn’t stand the idea. 

“I think you and Kageyama pick up things too slowly for Tsukki,” Yamaguchi offers. 

“It’s not my fault that you’re so dim,” Kei says as he enters the room. 

“Gwah!” Hinata rolls over and puts up his hands defensively. “Stop sneaking up on people, Stupidshima!” 

“I’m just walking into the room,” Kei retorts. He sits beside Yamaguchi and finishes toweling off his hair. “What did the first years want?” 

Yamaguchi smiles at him conspiratorially. “Extra practice.” 

Kei sighs. He figured as much. That was probably why the other first years had prevented Saitou from speaking at first. Kei could have sworn he was on the verge of saying “Tsukishima,” even though it was well known by now that Kei rarely participated in extra practice. 

But maybe, over the summer, it wouldn’t hurt. He could spend more time with Yamaguchi that way too. It’s a nice thought. Spending summer break, even if it was going to be all volleyball all day in the heat, with Yamaguchi, and without Chiba lurking around, would be nice. 

The room is so hot that Kei can’t sleep. He rolls over, trying to get comfortable, and then realizes that beside him, Yamaguchi is also awake. 

“Can’t sleep?” Yamaguchi asks him quietly. 

Kei nods. His glasses aren’t on, so Yamaguchi’s face is slightly fuzzy, but Kei can still make out the small smile on his face. 

“Could I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Kei whispers. 

Yamaguchi pauses. Kei blinks and a still fuzzy Yamaguchi shifts on his side. “This may sound weird but, um, do you like Masahiko?” 

Kei blinks again. He reaches for his glasses. For some reason, he feels like he needs to clearly see Yamaguchi’s expression, to ascertain what he really means. 

“Like him how?” Kei asks, as he puts his glasses on. 

“Just, as a person. I know you haven’t really gotten to know him, but I’ve seen you talk a couple times.” 

“He’s…” Kei pauses, unsure of what to say. Obviously, he’d never voice his real feelings about Chiba to Yamaguchi. Kei would never admit to hating him because then Yamaguchi would ask why Kei hates him. The last thing Kei wants to do now is admit that he was in love with Yamaguchi, and bitterly disappointed and jealous that Yamaguchi didn’t love him back. But he also can’t fake liking Chiba. He doesn’t, and his bitterness has only grown so Kei knows he won’t be able to pretend. Yamaguchi knows him too well. “He’s fine. If you’re happy with him, that’s good. I don’t really think much about him.” 

Yamaguchi frowns slightly. Kei can feel his body tensing. He doesn’t know what to say now. It’s the only thing he could answer. The only thing that came close to being honest. It was important to him that Yamaguchi was happy. If Chiba was a bad guy who treated Yamaguchi poorly, it might be easier to justify hating him, but he wasn’t like that. Unless he was hiding something, Chiba was an affable, sweet person that everyone liked. 

“I don’t really know him,” Kei adds quickly. “You know me. I don’t get along with people that well.”

Yamaguchi’s expression softens. “That’s true.” 

Kei relaxes. 

“But you know, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi glances at him. Kei can feel his shoulders tensing again. “It would mean a lot to me if you two got along.”

“What?” Kei blinks. “What do you mean?” 

Yamaguchi bites his lip. Kei looks away from Yamaguchi’s mouth. “I don’t mean that you two should be best friends or anything, but if you were on good terms, that would make me happy.” 

“Does,” Kei swallows dryly. “Does Chiba-san think we’re not on good terms?” Kei’s mind races, thinking of his behavior towards Chiba. He had snapped at Chiba in the gym, but that was the only time Kei could remember where he’d been rude. Otherwise, he was aloof, which was how Kei treated everyone else. Then again, with Chiba’s magnetic personality, he probably wasn’t used to anyone treating him indifferently.

Yamaguchi rests his head on his arm, looking thoughtful. “He said you seem cold, but I told him you’re usually like that.” He smiles at Kei sheepishly. “I wasn’t bad mouthing you.” 

“No, you were telling him the truth.” A strange thought passes through Kei’s mind. Does Chiba want to be friends with him? Why?

“Sometimes it feels weird,” Yamaguchi says softly. “We’ve always been together, but lately, I feel like I never really get to spend any time with you. We don’t have class together anymore, and we’re busy during practice. And then when I’m with Masahiko, I think maybe it would be nice if you could hang out with us too. And it would be less awkward for everyone if you two were on friendlier terms. So I don’t have to, you know, go between you two.” 

Kei’s eyes widen. He cannot possibly think of anything worse than third wheeling. 

“Like I said,” Yamaguchi says quickly, sensing Kei’s resistance. “I’m not saying you should be best friends, but…” He looks away. “If you could get along, I’d like that. He’s important to me, Tsukki. I like him a lot.” 

“Of course,” Kei says stiffly, unsure of what it is he’s agreeing with. That he’ll try getting along with Chiba? That Yamaguchi likes Chiba a lot? All Kei is sure of is that he really wants this conversation to stop. What is he supposed to do when Yamaguchi wants him to spend more time with Chiba? 

Yamaguchi gives him a little smile. “Good night, Tsukki.” 

“Good night.” Kei pulls his glasses off while Yamaguchi rolls over and settles into his blanket. 

Now Kei really can’t sleep. His mind is racing. The prospect of having to spend time with Chiba and act friendly to make Yamaguchi happy makes him nervous. Kei can’t act, and Yamaguchi just knows him too well. He could already sense Kei’s resistance and Kei wonders what Yamaguchi thinks of him now. Does he have any sense as to why Kei’s is being like this? Kei hopes not. 

Kei wakes up to voices very near his head, whispering ineffectively. 

“Stop that! He’s going to wake up!” Ennoshita hisses. 

Kei is now fully awake, but he keeps his eyes shut. He’s paralyzed with fear. What is going wrong now? He tries to get a feel for his body. Has he woken up with embarrassing morning wood? The sticky remnants of a wet dream? Did he talk in his sleep and confess his love to Yamaguchi? 

With horror, Kei can feel a damp spot, but then he realizes that it’s nowhere near his crotch. The damp spot is close to his side, and he can feel something heavy laying across his stomach.

“If Tsukishima wakes up and sees, he’s going to be mad,” Kinoshita warns, his voice at regular volume. Ennoshita shushes him loudly. 

Kei opens his eyes, blinking at the sunlight streaming through the windows, and sees the five blurry faces of the third years hovering over him. Even in their blurriness, Kei knows they look shocked. He fumbles for his glasses and puts them on, trying to figure out what the hell is the problem. 

When he stretches, he feels it again. The weight on his stomach. Glasses half on, he looks down and sees what the commotion is about. Yamaguchi has his arm snaked around Kei’s waist. The damp spot is where Yamaguchi has clearly been drooling on Kei’s side for a long time. Kei freezes. Yamaguchi is cuddling up to him in his sleep. Kei is amazed he doesn’t have morning wood right now.

He turns back to the third years. “What?” he asks groggily.

Ennoshita glares at Tanaka and Nishinoya, who hold out their cellphones to reveal pictures they have taken of Kei and Yamaguchi asleep. In one, Kei has his hand on Yamaguchi’s arm. Kei’s heart hurts. The pictures look intimate, sweet, like ones of a happy couple. Except Kei isn’t Yamaguchi’s boyfriend, and he knows Yamaguchi’s octopus tendencies happen no matter what. It isn’t about him at all. 

“Delete those,” Kei says sullenly. 

Ennoshita shoots Tanaka and Nishinoya another dirty look and they do so wordlessly. Kei tugs his pillow from under his head and carefully wiggles out of Yamaguchi’s embrace, replacing his body with the pillow. Yamaguchi yawns and pulls the pillow greedily towards him, burying his face in the softness. Kei feels a burning pain in his chest. He doesn’t know if it’s good or bad that he was asleep when Yamaguchi curled up beside him. 

He leaves the third years and goes to shower, mind racing. Kei thinks he should be happy. Sleeping beside Yamaguchi is something he won’t get to experience, so even if he can’t really remember it, he should cherish the idea of being in Yamaguchi’s sleepy embrace. But it also brings unwanted thoughts of Chiba to the forefront of his mind. Has Yamaguchi fallen asleep beside him too? Has he become a grabby octopus and ended up in Chiba’s arms? Kei tries to banish the thought but it keeps coming back to him. 

He shouldn’t be jealous. He can’t be jealous. 

When he returns, Yamaguchi is still fast asleep, drooling onto Kei’s pillow. The third years except Narita have dispersed and some of the others are sitting up and yawning. 

“They didn’t mean any harm,” Narita says. “They were just being idiots.” 

“I don’t really care,” Kei replies. “I was thinking more about Yamaguchi and how embarrassed he would be. And Chiba probably wouldn’t like it either.” 

“You’ve said things like that before. You know, Masahiko isn’t a jealous type. At least I don’t think he is, he’s never acted like it. You don’t need to worry so much about Masahiko getting jealous if he sees other people close to Yamaguchi. You don’t need to distance yourself from him.” 

“Distance myself?” 

Narita nods. “Ennoshita said he thought you’ve been pretty distant from Yamaguchi. Actually, he said you’ve been more distant from everyone, but mainly Yamaguchi. It must be tough, when your best friend is dating someone that you think gets really jealous. You can rest assured. I don’t think Masahiko really minds.” 

Kei nods stiffly.

Damn Ennoshita and his perceptiveness. Kei cannot wait for this camp to be over. 

Later, Yamaguchi apologizes profusely for drooling on Kei’s pillow. Kei tells him to forget about it and doesn’t mention that he was only drooling on Kei’s pillow because he had been drooling on Kei first. Unless the third years mention it, Kei decides he won’t say anything. Even if Chiba won’t get jealous, Yamaguchi would get embarrassed. Kei already felt like his and Yamaguchi’s friendship was feeling more fraught - all of that entirely Kei’s fault - and so he didn’t want to give any indication that being around Yamaguchi made him uncomfortable. It wasn’t really Yamaguchi anyway. It was all Kei; all Kei and his stupid out of control feelings. 

Kei observes the first years huddled up with their heads together, talking in serious, hushed tones. He sighs, knowing that Yamaguchi will be roped into whatever they’re all planning and wonders if he’ll be able to spend any time with Yamaguchi at all. It doesn’t really seem likely. 

It’s the last day of this camp, and Kei is forcing himself to stand around with Yamaguchi, Hinata, Lev, and Kenma as they talk about something Kei has no interest in and has therefore completely tuned out. Kei keeps shifting on the balls of his feet. The tile floor in this particular hall feels cold even through his sneakers, and he badly wants to go lay down. But Kei is too conscious of Ennoshita apparently thinking that Kei has been distancing himself from the team, and so he’s making an effort to appear social. 

“Your phone is ringing,” Kei says and Yamaguchi reaches into his pocket for it. 

“Sorry,” Yamaguchi says. “I should go take this.” But before the phone comes all the way out of Yamaguchi’s pocket, it snags on the fabric and topples out, opening half way and hitting the hard tile floor and cracking the poor flip phone in half. It’s old enough to no longer be indestructible, upon further inspection and attempts to resuscitate it, the phone is declared very dead. Yamaguchi looks stricken, staring at his wrecked phone. 

“Here,” Kei fishes his own phone from his pocket. “Don’t drop mine. Maybe now you can upgrade to a smartphone. Tell your mom you broke it, and whoever else you want to tell.” 

Yamaguchi gives him a weak smile. “Thanks, Tsukki.” 

When Kei gets his phone back, he sees that Yamaguchi has called his mom, and has texted a number Kei doesn’t have registered. His phone buzzes and the unknown number has texted again. 

[unknown] Hello, Tsukishima-san! It’s Masahiko. Thank you for letting Tadashi borrow your phone. Please look over our Tadashi for me. 

Kei feels a sudden, inexplicable rage shoot through him. He knew Yamaguchi would contact Chiba, of course, but something about Chiba calling Yamaguchi “our Tadashi” was rubbing Kei the wrong way. Kei decides against responding and turns off his phone for the night, still steaming.

Yamaguchi upgrades to a smartphone when they get back to Miyagi and spends a lot of time asking Kei about apps and games he should download. Kei doesn’t actually play that many games on his phone, but he appreciates the time he can spend with Yamaguchi, their heads bent over the screen together. 

Of course, it doesn’t remain just the two of them for long. Chiba joins them eventually, with his arms wrapped around Yamaguchi’s back and his chin resting on Yamaguchi’s shoulder, and Kei finds his body being repelled from Yamaguchi’s bit by bit. It only fuels his bitterness. Kei had been enjoying the close proximity to Yamaguchi, being able to spend time when it was just the two of them, and now Chiba had popped up and made Kei feel like a third wheel again.

One afternoon, two days before they depart for their longer summer training camp, Kei passes Yamaguchi and Chiba on his way to the gym, Yamaguchi basically sitting on Chiba’s lap while they examine something on Yamaguchi’s phone together. 

“What model is this?” Chiba asks, holding Yamaguchi’s hand that is also holding the phone. Kei wants to roll his eyes. Can’t they separate for even a moment? 

Yamaguchi turns the phone over. “I don’t know. It was a cheaper kind so I wasn’t really paying attention.” 

“You don’t have a case yet.” 

“No, but I should get one. I’ve been really careful with it. I don’t want to break this one too.” 

“We have practice,” Kei calls out to Yamaguchi. He feels irritable seeing them so close together. 

Yamaguchi and Chiba pull apart, Kei looks away before he sees them do their usual Thing, and he heads into the gym. He glances back to check if Yamaguchi is following him, but only sees Chiba kissing his nose. Kei makes a disgusted noise. Unfortunately, he walks almost directly into Ennoshita who gives him a searching look. Kei sidesteps him, not wanting Ennoshita to start questioning him on the spot. He knows that Ennoshita already knows how Kei really feels, but he really doesn’t want to talk about it. Kei just wants to keep his petty feelings of resentment to himself. 

Yamaguchi rushes in behind him, cheeks flushed. Kei ignores him. 

Collectively, the team’s goal seems to be to break their losing streak during the long camp. Takeda and Akimitsu won the war with Akimitsu’s parents over letting Akimitsu go to the camp - apparently with some strict rules for what Akimitsu had to do in order to go - and so they wanted to produce some positive data for him to record. The first years keep huddling up together, clearly planning something. Yamaguchi occasionally drifts over to join them and Kei knows they’re planning all of the extra practice they’re going to squeeze into the camp. Kei wonders if he’s just surrounded by stamina monsters. Can’t they get tired like everyone else so Kei doesn’t stick out so much? 

The evening air feels thick and sticky and Kei just wants to go home. He’s waiting for Yamaguchi, but Yamaguchi is still talking to the first years, now joined by Akimitsu. Kei glances out the door of the gym and spots Chiba walking towards the gym. Chiba catches sight of Kei and waves at him. Kei sighs. 

“Yamaguchi.” 

Yamaguchi turns and looks at him. 

Kei nods towards the door. “Your boyfriend.” The words taste bitter. 

Yamaguchi blinks in surprise. “Give me a moment,” he tells the first years, who are doing a poor job of hiding their interest. 

Yamaguchi meets his boyfriend outside. Chiba is smiling brightly. 

“I got you something.” 

Yamaguchi smiles back. It’s the same warm smile that he always shows Chiba, and has never shown Kei. “Is it yogurt?” He asks. 

“It’s better than yogurt.” 

“Ice cream?” 

Chiba blushes. “Ah, well, it’s not food.” He pulls something out of his pocket. “Ta-da! A phone case! Look, I got two so we could match.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Kei sees the first years clustering by the door to eavesdrop. He rolls his eyes, not caring if everyone sees. Couple phone cases. Kei wants to gag. 

Yamaguchi is quiet and Chiba’s face falls. He starts to panic. “It’s tacky. You hate it.” He looks stricken. “It’s embarrassing!” 

“No! No!” Yamaguchi says quickly. “I’m just surprised. You didn’t have to do all that for me.” 

“I wanted to,” Chiba tells him sweetly. 

Kei can barely keep in his gag that time. 

“It’s cute,” Yamaguchi confirms. “I’ll use it really well.” 

“I even got you the kind with the extra shock guard protector. So if you drop it again, it shouldn’t break!” 

Yamaguchi sinks himself into Chiba’s arms. “Thank you, Masahiko.” 

Saitou is peering out from behind Kei’s shoulder. “Tadashi-senpai,” he calls softly. “Can we just ask you one more thing?”

“Of course!” Yamaguchi looks up at Chiba. “Just give me a few more minutes.” Chiba kisses Yamaguchi’s nose quickly and Yamaguchi’s face is bright red when he passes Kei to get back into the gym. 

Kei can’t take it anymore. “I’m leaving,” he announces. 

Yamaguchi looks a bit surprised, since Kei had been waiting for him, but neither of them had expected Chiba to appear and Kei really didn’t want to see any more of him. 

“Tsukishima-san,” Chiba says. “Can I ask you something?” 

Kei grits his teeth but nods. Chiba gives him a relieved little smile. Kei consciously tries to not ball his hands into fists. 

“Could you give me some advice? There are still things about Tadashi that I don’t know, and I was wondering if you could tell me what he likes to eat? I try to buy him different things, but he always reacts the same way so I doubt I’ve figured it out.” Chiba’s eyes crinkle when he smiles, and he is smiling at Kei, though the smile soon falters. “You don’t have to tell me. I can see it on your face, you’re telling me that I should figure it out on my own.” He laughs a little.

Kei sighs. He does think Chiba should figure it out on his own. Why should Kei help him? 

Chiba rubs the back of his neck. “I know you don’t like me very much, Tsukishima-san. I don’t really know what I can do to make you like me more.” 

Kei blinks at him, startled. 

“I wouldn’t normally be bothered if you disliked me, you have the right to, but Tadashi wants us to be closer. I’m sure he’s said something like that to you too.”

Kei’s mouth feels dry. Yamaguchi had said that to him too. Kei sighs again. Chiba’s face is still a bit hopeful and it makes Kei’s stomach hurt. 

“If,” Kei starts and Chiba’s face lights up. Kei immediately feels reluctant, but he pushes on. “If you go out for burgers or something and you get fries, leave them until they cool off and get soggy, and then give them to Yamaguchi. That’s his favorite. Soggy fries.” 

How many times had Kei and Yamaguchi gone out for burgers together, Kei purposely not touching his fries, or only eating a couple while they were still hot and crispy, just so he could slide the container across the booth to Yamaguchi and tell him to have them once they’d gotten soggy? How many times had Kei lied and said he was full and didn’t have room for them, or say he was saving room so he could eat one of the limited edition strawberry pies? Kei did it because he loved seeing Yamaguchi’s face light up when Kei gave him his food. He never seemed to catch on that Kei was doing it on purpose. That face was for Kei alone, it seemed, and Kei treasured that. He didn’t want Chiba to have any part of that, didn’t want to think about Yamaguchi turning that happy expression towards Chiba. Chiba already got to see a lot of expressions that were just for him. 

Couldn’t any part of Yamaguchi be just for Kei? 

Chiba’s expression is gentle. He looks older in a way, like a reliable senpai that under different circumstances Kei might like. “Thank you, Tsukishima-san,” he says. An unsaid “I know you didn’t want to tell me that,” hangs between them. 

“If that’s all,” Kei says stiffly and turns on his heel to leave. 

Kei should be congratulating himself. He wasn’t selfish. He told the truth. He could have lied easily. He could’ve been vindictive and told Chiba something Yamaguchi didn’t like instead. But he was honest. Yamaguchi will probably be pleased Kei made an effort to get on better terms with Chiba. By all accounts, Kei should feel good about this. 

Instead, all Kei feels is heartbreak.


	6. lunar halo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have forgotten all day that it is in fact wednesday and i literally just looked at the clock and screamed "it's wednesday i have to update today!!!!" ahahaha i'm sorry that it's a bit later than i've been posting new chapters, and since this is a little intermission chapter from yamaguchi pov and a little shorter than average i feel even sorrier hahaha i'm a mess TT i'm in a summer semester right now and my brainpower is getting ZAPPED 
> 
> also! thank you all so much for 100+ kudos!! i'm very touched and i hope you all continue to enjoy the fic!! <3

By the time Tadashi has finished talking to the first years, Tsukishima is long gone. He sighs. It doesn’t surprise him, but he still feels a pang of disappointment. 

Masahiko had wrinkled his nose when Tadashi had brought up wanting them to get along, and Tsukishima had looked equally reluctant. 

“He doesn’t like me,” Masahiko had said simply. “I really don’t mind it.” 

“But I wish…” Tadashi had been flustered. Masahiko was usually so conscious of what other people thought of him, and he was always courteous and polite to everyone. Everyone seemed to like Masahiko, and Tadashi had been surprised by Tsukishima’s brusqueness and he didn’t know why he was acting like that. “I wish you two could get along, just a little bit.” 

Masahiko had kissed his cheek and promised to try. “But Tadashi, I really don’t know what I can do to make him like me more.” 

Tsukishima’s response had been more cryptic, but Tadashi knew him, and knew that whatever he was thinking couldn’t easily be expressed. Tadashi doubted that Tsukishima knew how to put his feelings into words anyway. 

“I think that Tsukishima has a bad impression of Masahiko for some reason,” Narita says, seeing Tadashi’s crestfallen face. “He’s made some comments before that he thinks Mashiko gets jealous easily, and I think that’s why he’s being like that.” 

“Of course he’d think that,” Kinoshita snickers. “Chiba is always draped over Yamaguchi like a koala.” 

“But that’s not Masahiko being possessive,” Yamaguchi says quickly. “We just like to do that…” 

“Tsukishima isn’t all that emotionally intelligent, is he?” Ennoshita’s question seems pointed but his tone is kind. “He probably doesn’t realize that.”

“I guess I need to… explain.” Yamaguchi admits, wringing his hands nervously. 

“Be bold, Tadashi!” Nishinoya puts his hands on his hips. “Tell him, ‘Stupid Tsukishima! You’re misunderstanding everything!’” 

Tadashi covers his mouth to hide his laugh. He can’t imagine himself doing that. Then again, he has yelled at Tsukishima before, but it was only once and it was for Tsukishima’s own good. He doubts yelling at him over something like this will yield the same results. 

“I can feel him drifting farther away,” Yamaguchi admits. “And that makes me feel uncomfortable. But Tsukki and Masahiko don’t really seem interested in being friends so…” 

“You’ll get through to him,” Tanaka says confidently. “If anyone can get through his thick head, it’s you.” 

The encouragement and advice from the third years fills Yamaguchi’s head as he puts his things in his bag. He pulls out the phone case Masahiko gave him. It’s not really a couple case - he and Masahiko don’t have the same kind of smartphone - but they’re the same color, a light blue, and Masahiko had put stickers on it. Yamaguchi smiles softly, at the half heart, volleyball, and teddy bear stickers. He can only assume Masahiko’s case will have soccer balls instead of volleyballs. 

“Is Stingyshima jealous?” Hinata asks curiously. 

Tadashi almost drops the case. “Hmm?” he asks, bewildered. 

“Is he jealous of Chiba-san?”

Tadashi can feel his face heating up. “Why would Tsukki be jealous? That doesn’t…” 

“Did he like you before?” 

Tadashi’s face must be bright red. “Hinata!” he yelps. “Don’t say things like that! That… that can’t possibly be it… It wouldn’t make sense.” 

“Huh?” Hinata pouts. “Why doesn’t it make sense? You’re the only person he’s nice to.” 

“Nice?” Kageyama looks perplexed. “Barely.”

Hinata scowls. “Nicer to Yamaguchi than to anyone else! And he doesn’t like Chiba-san! Even though Chiba-san is really nice and really cool! He wouldn’t come over to study!” 

“Honestly, Hinata, I think not seeing you or Kageyama made Tsukki skip that more than not liking Masahiko.” Tadashi laughs. Inside, his heart is racing. No, it doesn’t make sense. Tsukishima isn’t acting the way he is because he used to like Tadashi. 

“Has Tsukishima ever been interested in girls?” Hinata presses, ignoring Tadashi’s previous comment. 

“Well, no, but he never has been. He’s not usually interested in making friends to begin with.” Even before things fell apart with Akiteru, Tsukishima had a hard time getting along with other kids. Tadashi had been a strange outlier in that sense. Somehow, Tsukishima put up with him at the beginning, and by the time Tsukishima was trying to push everyone away, Tadashi wouldn’t be moved. They were best friends. Sometimes it seemed like Tadashi was Tsukishima’s only friend. While Tadashi had grown more confident and was able to connect with people more easily, Tsukishima’s demeanor remained mostly unchanged. He was more social than when they were young, but Tadashi wasn’t sure if Tsukishima considered many of the people around him to be “friends.” 

“Hmph,” Hinata doesn’t sound entirely convinced. “I think he’s jealous. Maybe not because he liked you, but because Chiba-san is much cooler than him and you’re hanging out with someone a lot cooler than Tsukishima now.” 

Tadashi smiles. “Do you think Tsukki is that petty?” Does Tadashi think Tsukishima is that petty? This reason sounds more likely to Tadashi, to be honest. 

Hinata nods resolutely. “Yes.” 

Kageyama is also nodding. “Mm. I think so too. He’s also,” Kageyama pauses, thinking hard. “Tsukishima isn’t that nice to you. Lately, he’s been worse. His crappy attitude is getting in the way of his volleyball too.” 

Tadashi shifts uncomfortably. “He’s nice enough to me. You just don’t know him like I do.” 

Kageyama doesn’t look convinced. “Chiba-san is a good guy,” he declares. 

“Even though he doesn’t understand anything about volleyball?” Tadashi grins. 

When Masahiko had offered to help the second years study for their English exams, English being Masahiko’s best subject, Kageyama had tried valiantly to outline the rules of volleyball in return. Despite being warned that after three years of being friends with Narita, and a few months of dating Tadashi, and seeing quite a few volleyball matches in between, Masahiko could barely retain any information about the sport. Tadashi had smothered his giggles watching his boyfriend’s face go perfectly blank as Kageyama enthusiastically explained complicated plays. 

“I’m sorry, Kageyama-kun,” Masahiko said solemnly. “I didn’t follow that at all.” 

Kageyama’s distressed face had been priceless. Tadashi had wished Tsukishima were there to see it. They would have laughed a lot about it. 

“Yes,” Kageyama nods. “Despite that one major flaw.” 

Masahiko is waiting for him outside the gym, leaning against the wall and staring up at the night sky. The air is warm and the sky is clear. There are a lot of stars out. Masahiko smiles at him warmly and takes his hand. 

“Let’s go eat something?” he asks and Tadashi nods. 

Masahiko leads him to a burger restaurant and Tadashi grins. Maybe what he thought he heard was real after all. He could have sworn he heard Tsukishima talking about fries, but Tadashi had brushed it aside, thinking he had misheard. 

They order and Masahiko pays - no matter how quickly Tadashi tries to get his wallet out, even if it’s already in his hands, Masahiko is always faster at handing over money. No matter how much Tadashi whines that he can pay for his own food, or even pay for them both once in a while, Masahiko doesn’t listen. Occasionally, Masahiko silences these complaints with kisses, and maybe Tadashi whines a little more than he would on average just to see how often he can get kisses like that. The answer is pretty often, Masahiko is an affectionate person and always eager to kiss. 

Tadashi likes that about Masahiko. Tadashi isn’t really used to people paying much attention to him. He knows his mom loves him, but it’s just the two of them and she’s constantly working, so Tadashi has never gotten to spend a lot of time with her. That’s why things like getting bullied as a kid went unnoticed until Tsukishima saved him with one word and a disdainful look. Akiteru had mentioned once that he always thought Tadashi was starved for affection and did his best to make Tadashi feel welcomed whenever he visited the Tsukishima household as a child. Visiting had been some of the happiest moments of Tadashi’s young life. 

Being with Masahiko fills Tadashi with similar feelings of happiness. They’re different, of course, but the way Masahiko looks at him like Tadashi is the only person in the room, and the way Masahiko pulls him into hugs, and the way Masahiko showers him with kisses makes Tadashi feel like a giddy little kid again. He never realized how greedy he was for someone to make a lot of fuss over him and to shower him with all the attention, love, and praise he could ever ask for. Masahiko is an endless well of affection, and Tadashi just wants more and more. His greed scares him sometimes, but Masahiko always reassures him that fussing over Tadashi is his favorite thing to do. Tadashi was so used to accepting crumbs of affection from others, even Tsukishima, that Masahiko and his boundless affection felt unreal.

“What are you thinking about?” Masahiko asks him. 

“I’m just thinking that I’m happy,” Tadashi answers. “Since I’ve met you, I’ve been really happy.” 

Masahiko smiles so widely that Tadashi’s heart melts. He loves this too, how Masahiko is never hard to read. He wears his feelings on his sleeve and Tadashi never has to guess. 

“I like it when you’re happy,” Masahiko says cheerfully. “I’m glad I get to be the one making you happy.” 

Tadashi blushes.

“But is something on your mind?” Masahiko rests his chin on his hand. “Is anything bothering you?” 

“Just the same stuff about Tsukki,” Tadashi admits. “I was a little disappointed that he went home by himself.”

“He might have stayed if I didn’t come back,” Masahiko says. “But I wanted to give you the phone case, so I came back.” 

“I like it a lot,” Tadashi says, pulling out his phone to show Masahiko that he’s already using the case. 

Masahiko grins and takes out his phone. It has the same blue case, half heart, and teddy bear stickers. And Yamaguchi was right, instead of volleyballs, Masahiko has soccer ball stickers on his. 

“Can I ask you something about Tsukki?”

“Of course.” 

Tadashi fiddles with his fingers. “When you talked about Tsukki not liking you, I realized I never asked why you thought he didn’t like you. Why… why is it you think that way?” 

“Well, there are some obvious ways I can tell. He’s pretty blunt when he talks to me, and I can tell he avoids me when I’m around. He won’t look at me, and is almost never the one who starts a conversation with me when we do talk.”

“Why do you think he does that?” Part of Tadashi is afraid to know.

“Probably because I’ve stolen his best friend,” Masahiko gives Tadashi a wry smile. “Admittedly, we’re pretty wrapped up in each other. From the way you talk about him, I would have thought Tsukishima would be glued to you all the time. But he’s almost never around and I think I caused that. I wouldn’t like it either if someone suddenly came in and split me up from my best friend.” 

Tadashi turns red. “That’s not your fault, though. I’m the one…” 

“I also think he might like you.” 

Masahiko says it so casually but it makes Tadashi’s heart sink. 

“No,” Tadashi says quietly. “I think you’re wrong about that. Other people think it too, but I don’t agree. Tsukki is… and I’m not…” 

Masahiko frowns. “What are you not?” 

“I’m nothing special,” Tadashi admits softly. “Not compared to Tsukki.” Tadashi has always idolized Tsukishima. It wasn’t just because Tsukishima chased away three bullies who had taunted Tadashi endlessly with a word and a look, or because Tsukishima was tall and played a cool sport and had a brother who also played the same cool sport at a powerful school, or because Tsukishima was smart. Tadashi found all of those traits unbelievably cool, but there was always something more to Tsukishima. No matter how self-deprecating he could get, Tsukishima stood out and people noticed him. 

“What does that mean?” Masahiko’s frown is more pronounced. “Of course you’re special. You’re you, and you’re amazing.”

Tadashi’s face burns. “To you, maybe, but not to Tsukki.” Tsukishima had only ever called him cool once, after Tadashi had yelled at him. “Tsukki is a whole different level of cool. I don’t know if he prefers guys or girls, because he’s never been interested in anyone, but he probably wouldn’t… Not me…” 

Masahiko is still frowning and it’s starting to make Tadashi’s heart hurt. 

“I’m sorry. Let’s just forget I said any of that.” 

Masahiko sighs. “Do you really think that’s how Tsukishima sees you? As beneath him, and not worth dating?” 

Tadashi stares at the table. 

“If you really think that,” Masahiko says slowly, “then I’m glad that you aren’t dating him. You don’t deserve to feel like that.” His frown deepens. “I don’t make you feel like that, do I?” 

This is a disaster. “No! No!” Tadashi waves his hands frantically in front of his face. “At first, I didn’t know what you saw in me at all, but gradually I… you…” Tadashi shrinks in his seat. “You have no idea how grateful I am that you like me so much. You don’t make me feel like I’m not enough for you.”

Masahiko finally cracks a smile. “Good. Or else I would have a hard time figuring out how to remind you that I’m crazy about you. And how you’re amazing and that I’m always in awe of you.”

Tadashi blushes again at that. Masahiko pushes his carton of fries across the table. “Have mine.” 

Tadashi smiles at him. “Tsukki told you, didn’t he?” 

Masahiko grins sheepishly. “Yeah. I cheated and asked him to help me out. I was surprised he told me.” 

Tadashi feels something warm creep over him. He’ll have to thank Tsukishima for that. He knows it must have taken a lot of effort on Tsukishima’s part to tell Masahiko anything. 

“It was weird. I really thought he wouldn’t tell me, but then he did. And then, just for a moment, a weird thought crossed my mind.” 

“Oh?” Tadashi pushes a few fries into his mouth. They’re perfectly soggy, just how he likes them. 

“For a split second, when he was leaving, I thought he’d stop and say something to me. Something really cool. Like, ‘don’t you dare hurt Tadashi, I won’t forgive you if you ever hurt him.’ But he just kept walking away.” Masahiko muses. “If he had done that, it would’ve made me feel a lot more comfortable around him. I’d know where we stand with one another.” 

“I do still mean what I said,” Tadashi ventures. “I don’t need you two to be best friends, but if you could be on better terms, I would really like that.” 

Masahiko gestures to the fries. “Should I try to bribe him with food? What does he like? Something salty? Something sour? It would match his personality.” 

Tadashi giggles. “Chiba-san,” he scolds. “That’s mean.” 

Masahiko just shrugs and flashes Tadashi a good-natured grin. 

“Anyway, no matter what Tsukki’s personality is like,” Tadashi grins. “He has a real sweet tooth. He loves strawberry shortcake.” 

Masahiko’s eyes widen. “Really? I can’t see that.” He starts laughing. “I’m trying to imagine him, and his grim face, and can’t picture him eating cake while frowning like that.” 

“Chiba-san,” Tadashi nags, but can’t help laughing either.

“Do you want to stay the night?” Tadashi asks. “My mom won’t be home.”

“If you want me to come over,” Masahiko nods. 

They had this conversation a few weeks ago when Masahiko had invited a very flustered Tadashi to spend the night at his apartment. Masahiko’s parents worked abroad, so he was usually on his own, and when Tadashi had thought of the implications of being alone with him, he’d flushed so red it made Masahiko panic. 

“I’m not trying to come onto you!” Masahiko insisted, his own face red. “I just want to spend more time with you! I was only thinking of cuddling, nothing more than that!” 

“But,” Tadashi had sputtered. “In your bed!” 

“It’s big!” Masahiko protested. “We wouldn’t need to be on top of each other!” 

“But I,” Tadashi’s face had never felt hotter. “I move a lot in my sleep. I cling onto things like an octopus and I drool a lot.” 

Masahiko had started laughing. “That just sounds very cute. I want to see that now.” 

Tadashi wasn’t laughing. “I will cling to you and drool all over you. I’ve done it to other people before.” 

“Oh? Now I really want to experience this too.” Masahiko’s expression had softened and he had taken Tadashi’s hands in his. “If you don’t want to, or if you’re uncomfortable, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You can just come over for a little while to watch a movie and I’ll make sure you get home.” 

Tadashi had been embarrassed by his own thoughts so he agreed to watch a movie with Masahiko. They cuddled on the couch and when it was over, Tadashi decided to stay. He liked being in Masahiko’s arms, and true to his word, Masahiko had found Tadashi’s clinging and drooling endearing the next morning. 

Tonight, they just settle into Tadashi’s smaller bed, Tadashi curling up on Masahiko’s left side, careful to not jostle Masahiko’s right leg. He rests his head on Masahiko’s shoulder, enjoying the solid comfort it brings him. 

Tadashi thinks he should go see Tsukishima tomorrow and thank him for making an effort towards getting along better with Masahiko. Tadashi ends up thinking about Tsukishima more, how his attitude had been getting progressively weirder, and how much less of Tsukishima he was seeing. Tadashi knew at some point he’d see less of Tsukishima, certainly when they went to college and ended up in different parts of the country, but he didn’t expect this to happen so soon.

Masahiko is nuzzling the side of his face. Tadashi giggles. “What are you doing?” 

“Trying to kiss you,” he answers, his lips finally grazing Tadashi’s. “I want to give you one kiss for each one of your freckles.” 

“That’s a lot of kisses,” Tadashi says breathlessly as Masahiko kisses him again. “I have a lot of freckles.” 

“I know. And I really love all your freckles. They’re cute.” Masahiko kisses his nose. 

“I used to hate them,” Tadashi admits. “But I like them now.” 

“I hope you don’t just like them for me.” Masahiko’s breath is warm on his cheek. “I hope you like them for yourself too.”

Tadashi blushes as he buries his face in Masahiko’s neck. He can feel Masahiko’s fingers running through his hair. Tadashi has come a long way in accepting a lot of different parts of himself, and Masahiko liking him has helped him accept even more things. Tadashi curls up as close as he can, wrapping his arms around Masahiko and pulling him closer. Masahiko puts his arm around Tadashi’s waist. 

Tadashi closes his eyes and smiles to himself, feeling perfectly content.


	7. waning gibbous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! thanks so much for all the comments and kudos last chapter! i hope everyone is doing well! here i am not forgetting what day it is and that i need to update lol 
> 
> i hope you all continue to enjoy!

Kei’s morning has gone from bad to worse at an alarmingly fast rate. 

He had slept poorly the previous night and his dreams had been full of Yamaguchi, so he’d woken up sweaty and hard. He snuck into the bathroom for his usual ice cold shower, but he had paused before turning on the tap. His resolve felt weak. He didn’t want to brace himself for the icy sting of water on his overheated skin. It didn’t matter how hard Kei tried to suppress his desire for him. Yamaguchi was out of reach anyway. 

So he had turned on the hot water and basked under it for a while before letting his hand reach down to touch himself, the whole time thinking of Yamaguchi and thinking about his skin and his hair and the way his lips would taste if only Kei could actually have him. He had come hard, covering his mouth with one hand to muffle his loud gasp. His legs had felt weak as he caught his breath, and the shame of it all hit him much faster than he thought it would. He stood under the scalding hot water scrubbing at himself, trying to wash the guilt off him. He shouldn’t have done that. Who knew what door he had just opened? 

Kei had bumped into Akiteru, who was visiting for the weekend, on his way out of the bathroom and he hadn’t been able to look at his brother. Kei felt sure that somehow Akiteru knew what he had just done and it made him feel itchy all over. Kei had been content to hide in his room all day, but then Akiteru had called from the front door, “Kei! Tadashi’s here!” 

Now Kei finds himself sitting at the table with Akiteru and Tadashi, unable to look at either of them out of fear of exposing himself as the awful pervert he was. What had Kei been thinking jerking himself off to thoughts about Yamaguchi? Yamaguchi wasn’t his to fantasize about, and his shame was definitely making him behave strangely. 

“So,” Akiteru’s voice breaks through Kei’s thoughts and he belatedly realizes he hasn’t heard a word his brother has said for the past several minutes. Akiteru’s expression is bright and mischievous. Kei feels nervous. “Are either of you seeing anyone special?” 

Kei just sighs. His brother is nosy, and Kei is about to tell him so, but Yamaguchi is blushing and leaning towards Akiteru just slightly. “Actually…” 

Akiteru’s face lights up like someone’s about to give him an amazing gift. Kei balks, not knowing why his brother looks so pleased and then Akiteru’s eyes meet his and Kei’s stomach drops. Akiteru is beaming at him like Yamaguchi is about to say that it’s Kei that he’s seeing. Akiteru has it all wrong but Kei’s tongue is completely frozen in his mouth. 

“I am seeing someone,” Yamaguchi admits in a soft voice. 

Akiteru looks so excited. Kei’s heart starts racing. He tries to form words to explain that it isn’t him that Yamaguchi is blushing about. 

“Tadashi!” Akiteru trills. 

“He’s, oh wait, I have a picture!” Tadashi pulls out his phone with its stupid couple case and begins swiping through his gallery. 

“A picture?” Akiteru’s joyous expression wavers momentarily, his eyes trying to meet Kei’s across the table but Kei is pointedly looking away. Kei has no idea how Akiteru figured out his crush. Everyone seeming to know was really making Kei nervous that everyone was pitying him behind his back now.

“Here,” Yamaguchi looks flushed as he hands his phone over to Akiteru. His smile falters again - Chiba looks nothing like Kei, of course - but soon he’s beaming again. 

“Tadashi!” Akiteru elbows him playfully. “He’s so handsome! Who is he? How did you meet?” 

Yamaguchi is positively glowing as he tells Akiteru all about Chiba and beneath the table, Kei is clenching his fists so hard his hands hurt. 

“Does your mom know?” Akiteru asks. Kei finally unclenches his fists. He actually never bothered asking that himself. 

“She knows,” Yamaguchi nods, rubbing the back of his neck. “But she hasn’t met him yet. She’s been too busy.” 

Akiteru nods understandingly before launching into more questions about Chiba. Kei clenches his fists again.

When Yamaguchi apologetically tells them he needs to go home to pack for the training camp, Kei has never been so happy for Yamaguchi to leave. 

“See you tonight, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says brightly and Kei manages to nod and look less sullen. Kei has already packed his extra underwear, and after listening to Yamaguchi sing Chiba’s praises nonstop, he was feeling extra desolate. He turns to return to his room for an afternoon of enough sulking to put on a cool exterior for tonight, but Akiteru stops him. 

“Kei,” his brother’s voice sounds unreasonably sad. “I’m sorry.” 

Kei tries to plaster on a nonchalant expression. “Why are you sorry?” 

Akiteru is frowning at him, his brow furrowed. This is worse than just sadness. He looks gutted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…” 

“What?” Kei’s chest feels tight. “What didn’t you realize? Actually, how did you know anyway? I thought… I never…” 

“I’m your older brother,” Akiteru says. “You and Tadashi have always been so close. I always thought you two would… I hoped you two would…” 

Kei’s eyes widened. “You hoped?” he repeats. “Why?” 

“Tadashi is good for you, Kei. He’s always been a sweet kid, and when I noticed you started acting differently around him, I…” 

“Acting differently? When?” Kei is starting to panic. He thought he’d kept his feelings under wraps. Everyone really must know if he’s been this transparent. 

“It’s the way you look at him, and how you listen to him. You’re not always considerate of other people, but you’re always paying attention to Tadashi. I knew it was more than friendship when I saw it. And Tadashi has always been there for you. I always thought…” 

“No,” Kei croaks. “You’re wrong. He’s never felt that way about me. Not the way I feel about him.” 

“Oh, Kei,” Akiteru pulls him into a hug. 

Kei instinctively tries to push Akiteru away. He’s not a touchy person - of course, Akiteru is - and he doesn’t want his brother’s pity. 

“I’m not good enough for him,” Kei feels his resolve crumbling. The hug feels nice, comfort feels nice, and Kei is weak and wants to fold himself into his brother’s arms and cry.

“That’s not true,” Akiteru tells him, hugging him tighter. 

“Then why doesn’t he…” Kei trails off because there’s no good answer. It’s clear to him why Yamaguchi doesn’t love him back, and he won’t ask Akiteru to lie to him. So instead, Kei lets Akiteru hug him as a few tears leak out of the corners of his eyes. 

By the time they’ve boarded the van to Tokyo, Kei’s head has been pounding for hours. It’s what he gets for trying so hard not to cry, he supposes. He doubts he’ll be able to sleep like this, so instead of putting on his eye mask, he turns up his music louder than normal and stares out the window. Beside him, Yamaguchi has his smartphone screen dimmed to the lowest light setting, and is busily texting Chiba. If he’s noticed Kei acting strangely, he doesn’t say. 

Kei wakes up in Tokyo with a crick in his neck and his glasses halfway down his face. The sun is shining right in his eyes as the van pulls into the parking lot. He tugs off his glasses to wipe at his eyes and glances over at Yamaguchi who is sleeping with his mouth open.

The air is already hot and as they’re unpacking the van, Tanaka offers to grab Akimitsu’s luggage. 

“Allow your senpai to help!” Tanaka bellows, though Akimitsu appears to be making soft noises of protest. Tanaka goes to swing Akimitsu’s bag over his shoulder, but instead it hits the pavement with a loud thump. Tanaka looks at it blankly. “Honda-san, what do you have in here?” 

Akimitsu’s ears are red. “Please don’t ask,” he mumbles, tugging the bag from Tanaka’s hands and across the parking lot. 

(The reason Akimitsu’s bag is so heavy is the dozen bottles of suncream stuffed into it. Kei estimates it’s enough for a large family of tall, pale people to have enough suncream for everyone for several trips to the beach. For tiny Akimitsu, and a one week trip in which he’ll be indoors most of the time, it definitely seems like overkill.)

Yachi drags Akimitsu over to the cluster of other managers and she and Takeda explain Akimitsu’s delicate constitution and ask them for help keeping an eye on him. The other girls take to him immediately and descend on him like a flock of pushy older sisters - Akimitsu already has an older sister, Kei thinks, and he wonders if Akimitsu finds this comforting or unbearable. 

While Tanaka and Nishinoya grind their teeth over how easily Akimitsu is accepted into the fold of the girls, Kinoshita just snorts. “They don’t look flirty at all. It looks like they’re ready to eat him.” 

“It’s a good thing that one girl from Fukurodani graduated,” Ennoshita adds. “She probably would eat him.” Kei remembers that girl, and her monstrous appetite, and has to agree. 

They kick off their day with a loss and then they’re back at the hill of Kei’s nightmares. The sun is strong and the air is still and Kei just knows by the end of the day he’ll have run up this hill enough times to make him puke. 

“How is it that we still can’t beat these guys?” Yamaguchi pants when they’ve returned to the gym, already drenched in sweat. 

Yachi and Akimitsu are handing out water bottles. Kei takes his and gulps down some water before answering. “They’re elites,” he finally answers. He adjusts his glasses and takes another long drink. 

Yamaguchi has a fire in his eyes that tells Kei that he’s going to be doing a lot of extra practice. 

By the time the sun has set and they’ve called it quits for the day, the first years, Yamaguchi, and Akimitsu show just how much extra practice they’re going to be doing this camp. 

“Please! Would you play one more set with us!” 

The Ubugawa team’s surprise is matched by the rest of Karasuno’s - their first years and Yamaguchi bent at the waist asking to run around crazily some more after a hot, grueling day of losing sets. 

“A fifteen point set would be fine!” Yamaguchi adds quickly. He must sense their reluctance. 

“Well, I guess that would be okay,” the Ubugawa captain concedes. 

“Thank you very much!” 

“They’re crazy,” Kei grumbles, but he lingers, agreeing to keep score along with Ubugawa’s manager. Akimitsu is sitting on a chair beside him, his sleeves pushed up to his bony shoulders, and ready to take notes. 

Ubugawa crushes the first years quickly, mainly because they’re incredibly out of sync as a team and Fujita definitely doesn’t look comfortable hitting Saitou’s sets. They seem quite embarrassed as they thank Ubugawa for crushing them and then huddle together with Akimitsu to review what went so terribly wrong. 

Kei drifts away and runs into Lev.

“Tsukki!” 

“It’s Tsukishima,” Kei corrects. 

Lev ignores him. “Tsukki, come practice blocking with me!” 

Kei sighs but, thinking about the drive of Yamaguchi and the first years, he agrees. 

The following morning, Kei stirs from sleep groggily. He swears he can hear people moving around, but when he opens his eyes, the room is still dark. He tries to get his bearings but then feels a hand on his arm. It’s like an electric shock. 

“Go back to sleep, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whispers.

Even though Kei’s heart stirs, he does as Yamaguchi tells him and buries his face into his pillow and settles back against his bedroll. 

By the time the sun is streaming through the curtains and everyone is getting up, Kei is convinced it was a dream. However, when he goes to the cafeteria and sees Nakano and Yoshida sitting with their heads between their knees with several drained sports drink pouches lying between them, Kei realizes he wasn’t dreaming. 

“You went for a morning jog,” Ennoshita is pinching the bridge of his nose. “And you jogged so hard you threw up.” 

“They decided to race each other,” Yamaguchi explains. 

“And this is after you all stayed up the latest out of everyone, even Hinata and Kageyama, doing extra practice.” 

Yamaguchi squirms. “Yes.”

“Do I really need to tell you idiots that you’re overworking yourselves?” 

Yamaguchi smiles sheepishly. “We’ll tone it down.” 

“It’s not Tadashi-senpai’s fault,” Kanda says earnestly. “It was our idea and we roped him into it!” 

Kei raises an eyebrow. Out of the five first years, Kanda is the quietest, so it really must have been their idea to drag Yamaguchi into their extra training. 

Ennoshita sighs. “Just please tone it down, just a little. It’s good you’re all raring to improve, but it won’t help us if you all hurt yourselves from working too hard. Getting enough rest is just as important as training.”

“Anyway, we’ll be doing plenty of running up that hill,” Kinoshita adds. 

The first years and Yamaguchi just nod solemnly. 

It’s hotter than it was yesterday and the gym feels hotter too. Around Kei, everyone is sweating and constantly pulling their shirts up to wipe sweat off their faces. 

After coming back from a run up the hill, Yachi and Akimitsu are waiting with water bottles. Kei notices that Akimitsu’s arms and neck are red, and he smells powerfully of suncream. 

“Are you holding up okay?” he asks. 

Akimitsu nods unsteadily and won’t look at him. “Yes, senpai.” 

“Oh yes, very convincing,” Kei drawls. 

Akimitsu’s ears turn red too. “I’m okay.” 

“You’re supposed to tell someone if you start feeling faint.”

“I don’t feel faint,” Akimitsu puts a little more power behind his words. 

Kei’s lips twitch into a small grin. Akimitsu looks miserable. He looks like a tiny abandoned puppy. He’s red all over and sweaty. It’s almost cute. 

“Don’t act so tough,” Kei says pressing his cold water bottle against Akimitsu’s neck. The boy almost jumps out of his skin. 

As they step back into the gym, Kei notices Yamaguchi watching him. 

“I’m not bullying him,” Kei says defensively. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.” 

Yamaguchi gives him a bemused smile. “I didn’t say anything, Tsukki.” 

The first years play each other two on two during individual practice time, and Kei can hear them yelling at each other as he approaches the gym.

“Ouch! Kazuo don’t blast rockets over here! You’re going to rip my arms off!” Saitou is surprisingly loud. 

“I’m not trying to!” Fujita protests.

“Haruki-kun, have you ever considered that your upper body strength just sucks?” Yoshida snickers.

“Kyou, shut the hell up!” 

“Now, now,” Yamaguchi says. He looks up and sees Kei in the entrance to the gym. He looks surprised. “Tsukki?”

“You’re going to miss dinner,” Kei says. 

“Gah!” The first years all scramble to leave. 

Yamaguchi smiles at him. “Never thought you’d be the one nagging people to eat.” 

They fall into stride as they head to the cafeteria. 

“I’m just trying to get you all to relax like Ennoshita says.” Kei shrugs. “You’ll be in worse shape if you miss meals. None of you are dainty eaters.”

Yamaguchi laughs. “Well, that’s true. What have you been up to?” 

“Blocking practice with Lev and Inuoka,” Kei answers. “Seeing you wear yourself out makes me think I need to work hard too.” 

Yamaguchi is glowing. It makes Kei’s heart stutter. He hasn’t seen a smile like that directed at him in so long. 

“Aw, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi nudges him. “Are you admitting you really love extra practice?” 

Kei snorts. “Hardly.” He still doesn’t like it, but the prefectural qualifiers are inching closer, and he doesn’t want a repeat of the final where his own exhaustion kept him from making a play. But Yamaguchi is still smiling at him sunnily and it makes Kei feel warm all over. 

The temperature in Tokyo just keeps increasing, and Kei finds himself getting more worried about Akimitsu. He’s red-faced and dripping sweat most of the time, despite the fact that he really does seem to be moving as little as possible in an effort to stay cool. His notebook pages are damp from the humidity and his sweaty hands and he borrows someone’s headband to push his hair off his face. Akimitsu looks like he’s shriveling up in the heat. He looks like he’s been run over by a car. But the heat doesn’t seem to be what’s bothering him, since whenever Kei asks if he feels okay, Akimitsu nods as vigorously as possible, sometimes hard enough to make his glasses slide down his face. 

“They are scary,” Kei overhears Yachi saying later. “For people like us, we’re in a titans’ jungle! We could get eaten at any time!” 

Kei swears he hears Akimitsu mutter under his breath, “I want them to eat me.” But Kei must be hallucinating. This must be a remnant of jerking off to thoughts of Yamaguchi; he thinks everyone is having erotic thoughts all the time. 

“Is anyone bothering you?” Kei decides to ask. It’s nighttime, and Kei finds Akimitsu wandering around, fanning himself with a small paper fan. He buys Akimitsu an apple juice and they sit down together. 

Akimitsu’s shoulders hunch up by his ears. “What do you mean?” he mumbles. 

“Like that time at school,” Kei replies. “Is anyone bothering you like that here? From the other schools?” He pauses. “Are any of the female managers doing that?” 

Akimitsu shakes his head. “No. Everyone has been very kind to me.”

“Then why was Yachi telling you people were scary?” 

Akimitsu sighs. “I was just mentioning that everyone seems to be really huge here.” 

Kei nods. 

Akimitsu pulls his knees to his chest. “Senpai, can I tell you something?” 

“Sure.” 

“I like other guys,” Akimitsu says softly. “And I, um, have a type.” His ears are slowly turning red. “So, it’s been more difficult that I thought it would be, being around all these people.” 

“Ah,” Kei says. “I see.” 

Akimitsu squeezes himself into a small ball. 

“I understand how that would be difficult,” Kei adds. He feels extremely unhelpful. “But you’re doing a good job so far. It’s not much longer. And maybe the weather will cool down a tiny bit.” 

Akimitsu lifts his head and gives Kei a tiny nod. “Thank you, Tsukishima-senpai.” 

“Kei,” Kei finds himself saying. “You can call me Kei-senpai.” 

“Kei-senpai,” Akimitsu repeats, giving Kei a tiny smile. 

The next time the first years get up early to go jogging, they wake up Kei enough that he can’t go back to sleep. He goes and takes his shower and then wanders outside to find Akimitsu sitting in a chair in the shade and wearing a sunhat with a brim so wide it might as well be an umbrella. 

“What are you doing?” Kei asks. 

“Senpai!” Akimitsu looks up at him, startled. “Oh, I’m keeping time for them.” He shows Kei his phone which is running a stopwatch. “They promised to not start racing each other so I agreed to time them. Did we wake you?” 

“Yes, but it’s fine.” Kei isn’t much of an early riser, but the air is still cool from the evening.

“Thank you,” Akimitsu says suddenly, “for last night.”

“Huh? Oh, no problem.” 

Akimitsu is blushing beneath his ridiculous hat. “I’ve never told anyone before. I didn’t really know how to. I… I figured you would understand though, since you’re friends with Tadashi-senpai and he and I are both…” 

“I think everyone on the team would accept it if you told them,” Kei says. “But you don’t have to tell anyone anything. It’s up to you.” 

Akimitsu nods, looking pensive. 

Kei licks his lips. The sun is coming up. “I do too.” 

Akimitsu looks at him questioningly. 

“I like other guys too.” Kei clarifies. 

Akimitsu’s eyes widen. “You do?” 

Kei nods. 

“O-o-oh, I didn’t know that,” Akimitsu stammers. “Um, thank you for telling me.” 

Kei shrugs. “I haven’t told other people either.” 

Kei tries not to watch Akimitsu, but his face seems to be getting redder even as he tries to hide under his hat. Where did he even get such a big hat? Or did it just look big because Akimitsu was so small? 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yes!” Akimitsu squeaks. “Well, actually, um, no. I… I do feel a little faint.” 

Kei blanches. Even though they were all told that Akimitsu should tell someone when he felt ready to faint, Kei didn’t actually know what he was supposed to do in the event he did. “What do you need? Water? To go back inside?” 

“I have water,” Akimitsu says quickly, picking up his bottle. “Maybe I’ve just been sitting outside too long.” 

Kei watches him drink his water. “Should you go inside and cool off? I can write down their times when they’re back.” 

“No!” Akimitsu says quickly. “I’m fine, really.” 

“Akimitsu,” Kei says sternly. “Just because I’m tall doesn’t mean I’ll be able to easily drag your dead weight back inside after you’ve passed out.” 

Akimitsu meets his eyes once before quickly looking away and handing over his phone and notebook. “I already wrote down everyone’s names,” he says softly, pointing to the neatly written list. “Thank you, Kei-senpai.” 

Akimitsu slowly drifts back inside and Kei waits for the other first years to come back. They’re all a bit perplexed that Kei is there instead of Akimitsu, but when Kei explains that Akimitsu started feeling sick they quickly become concerned. 

Kei is worried Akimitsu crawled inside and then passed out somewhere weird where people wouldn’t find him for a while, but he’s sitting just inside the entrance, fanning himself and drinking his water. He’s apologetic to the other first years, who fawn over him and berate themselves over leaving him to sit in the sun by himself. Kei notices that Yamaguchi’s brow is creased too. 

“What’s up?” Kei asks as the other first years hustle Akimitsu away. 

“I was thinking about how it wasn’t a good idea to leave him by himself but I didn’t do anything,” Yamaguchi says with a frown. He looks up and gives Kei a small smile. “I’m glad you were there. Thanks for that.” 

Kei shrugs. “You all woke me up.” 

Yamaguchi grins. “Sorry, Tsukki.” 

Kei is happy to get Yamaguchi’s smiles every once in a while, and he feels like he’s getting a lot more of them than usual, but it still irks him that every evening after individual practice Yamaguchi finds somewhere quiet to talk to Chiba on the phone. It seems like these phone calls are getting longer, and Kei notes when Yamaguchi quietly returns to the room after it’s dark and slides into the bedroll next to Kei’s. When Kei and Yamaguchi talk, it’s about volleyball and practicing, and Kei wants to talk to Yamaguchi about things other than that. He misses meaningless conversations with Yamaguchi, and bitterly wonders if Yamaguchi is saving all of that chatter for Chiba. 

The week is almost over and Kei feels his hatred for Chiba pooling in the pit of his stomach. Can’t he ever have Yamaguchi to himself? Even in another prefecture, Chiba takes priority over Kei. If Kei can’t even get a few minutes with Yamaguchi when Chiba isn’t present, when they’re back in Miyagi Kei won’t have a chance. It’s been a while since Kei has had Yamaguchi to himself and it’s beginning to grate on him. Kei doesn’t want to get used to this. He misses Yamaguchi. 

It’s when Kei starts feeling this more intensely that Kuroo shows up at the training camp. 

It’s the second to last day, in the evening, when Kuroo walks into one of the gyms, wearing shorts and a Nekoma t-shirt and looking like he belongs there. 

“Oya, oya, how are my juniors doing?” he asks, sauntering in with a catlike expression. 

The Nekoma players are obviously happy to see him, though the first years look a little awed and intimidated. Kei finds himself watching Kozume’s reaction. Kei and Kuroo had texted quite a bit, Kei finding Kuroo to be a safe person to vent his Yamaguchi and Chiba related frustrations to, and Kuroo had mentioned that he and Kozume spoke often and that their relationship seemed to be warming up. 

“I think we’re both getting into the idea of dating,” Kuroo had said the last time Kei saw him. Kei wonders if Kuroo and Kozume had made any decisions about that. Observing them now, Kozume just seems to be hovering at Kuroo’s side while Kuroo chats with the rest of the team, so it’s hard to tell. 

“Hey, Tsukki,” Kuroo greets him. 

“Hello,” Kei says. “What brings you here?” 

“Checking on my juniors! Have to make sure they’re in good shape so we can have another dumpster battle, right?” 

“You’re just here in the hopes we have a barbeque tomorrow, aren’t you?” Akaashi cuts in. 

Kuroo grabs his chest. “You’ve figured me out too easily, Akaashi. You wound me.” 

Akaashi just shrugs.

It feels like old times, talking with the two of them. All that’s missing is Bokuto, but according to Akaashi, he’s very busy and training a lot. Apparently, he could go pro soon, and that obviously takes precedence over crashing his old high school’s summer training camp. Though, Kei admits he does miss Bokuto a little right now. 

As they’re walking, Kei sees a thin, pale, waifish figure drifting down the hall. A chill goes down his spine wondering if he’s seeing a ghost - the ghost Hinata seems to swear is always there - but upon closer inspection, it’s just Akimitsu. Kei frowns. Akimitsu is alone, which he shouldn’t be. After his morning in the sun, Akimitsu had been feeling under the weather and was under strict orders to rest and not wander around alone, but there he was. 

“Akimitsu,” Kei calls to him and Akimitsu swivels towards him, shoulders hunched up guiltily. Kei can see Akimitsu’s face is already red.

“Senpai, I’m not-” Akimitsu is holding his empty water bottle up defensively, but he stops short when he sees Kei. Or, actually, he isn’t looking at Kei. Kei follows his gaze and realizes that Akimitsu’s eyes have landed squarely on Kuroo. When Kei looks back, all the color has drained out of Akimitsu’s face. 

“Hey,” Kuroo says conversationally. 

Akimitsu’s bottle slides out of his hands. It hits the ground with a hollow thunk. 

Kuroo steps forward and picks it up. “Dropped this,” he says. Kei’s insides squirm. He doubts Kuroo is doing it on purpose, because of Kozume, but Kuroo’s voice is silky and low. It has a seductive quality to it. 

Akimitsu’s lips move but sound doesn’t come out. His eyes are wide. 

Kuroo tilts his head, concerned. “Hey, are you okay?” 

And when Kuroo places his hand on Akimitsu’s forehead, that’s when Akimitsu faints.


	8. last quarter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! thanks so much for all the comments and kudos last chapter! i hope you all continue to enjoy the fic!!

“Good job, Kuroo-san, you’ve killed Karasuno’s junior manager.” Akaashi deadpans. 

“How was I supposed to know he was going to pass out?” Kuroo protests. “Anyway, I caught him before he hit the ground!” 

They’re in the infirmary with the rest of the Karasuno team and Akimitsu is still unconscious. Kei sighs. They’re all acting like Akimitsu is on death’s door, and he’s sure that Akimitsu will only get more heated and embarrassed if he does wake up and sees all the fuss everyone is making over him. Once it looks like Akimitsu will probably be out for the night, everyone does trail out. Kei offers to stay a little while longer, since he was the one who brought an unconscious Akimitsu to the infirmary in the first place, and Kuroo stays with him.

“Shouldn’t you go check on Kozume?” Kei asks. He had seen Kozume sulking outside of the infirmary earlier. Kuroo fawning over another petite blonde boy probably wasn’t making Kozume feel very good right now. Especially not if his and Kuroo’s relationship was still ambiguous. 

“He’ll be fine,” Kuroo says, scratching his head. “I feel bad. I want to apologize for spooking the kid.” 

“He’s kind of delicate,” Kei admits. 

“He’s cute.” Kuroo grins at him. 

Kei bristles. “Isn’t one boyfriend enough for you?” 

Kuroo barks out a laugh. “You sound a little jealous, Tsukki.” 

Kei scowls at him. He isn’t really sure what Kuroo is insinuating. What is Kei jealous of? 

“Well, I’ll leave you to Sleeping Beauty here,” Kuroo rises from his seat. “I guess I’ll apologize in the morning. Give him a heads up so I don’t make him faint again.”

Kei nods. The door slides closed behind Kuroo and Kei starts to lean back. And then, Akimitsu opens one eye and whispers. “Is everyone gone?” 

“Shit!” Kei jumps out of his chair. 

“Sorry,” Akimitsu squeaks, sliding further under his bedsheet. “I’m sorry.”

“How long have you been awake?” Kei asks suspiciously. 

All Kei can see of Akimitsu are his eyes, without glasses, and his sandy fringe. “Since we came in here,” he says.

“Were you too embarrassed to ‘wake up’ in front of everyone?” 

The top half of Akimitsu’s face nods. Kei knew it.

“But I’m glad you’re here, Kei-senpai,” Akimitsu’s voice is small and muffled. 

Kei suddenly wonders about the different things Akimitsu heard, and what he thinks of everything. Did he hear Kuroo calling him cute? And accusing Kei of being jealous of something? Kei clears his throat nervously. “Are you thirsty? Do you want a drink?” 

Akimitsu nods and Kei rises. He pauses by the door and turns back to Akimitsu, who is slowly coming out of the bedsheet. “Do you actually like apple juice? Or am I just buying it for you out of habit now?” 

Akimitsu gives him a little smile. “I do like it, Kei-senpai. But since you’re asking, could you get me a sports drink instead?”

Kei nods and heads to the vending machine. As he’s walking, he sees Kuroo with his back turned to the rest of the hall. In the dim light, Kei thinks he can see a pair of sneakers behind Kuroo’s. 

“You silly thing,” Kuroo murmurs, voice low and soothing. “There’s no one but you.” 

As Kei passes, he sees one shoe kicking at Kuroo’s ankle. 

Kei buys the sports drink and walks back to the infirmary. Kuroo and Kozume are gone by the time Kei returns and he hands Akimitsu the bottle. 

“Thank you.” 

He lets Akimitsu take a few sips before asking, “Was Kuroo-san that good looking?” 

Akimitsu’s eyes dart up to meet his, and then away again. “Yeah,” he says. 

“He’s seeing someone,” Kei says. 

“I know. I heard. You mentioned he had a boyfriend.” 

“Ah, right. You were awake.” 

The lapse into silence. Part of Kei really wants to ask about what Akimitsu overheard while pretending to still be passed out, but instead he asks if he’s feeling better now. 

Akimitsu pulls his sheet back under his chin. “You can go to bed, Kei-senpai. Don’t worry about me.” 

Kei nods slowly. Almost without thinking, he reaches out to pat the top of Akimitsu’s head. His hair is soft. Akimitsu blinks up at him with wide eyes. He never put his glasses back on. 

“Good night, Akimitsu,” Kei says. 

Akimitsu just nods as Kei leaves the infirmary. As he passes the vending machines again, he sees Kozume, swimming in a sweatshirt that definitely doesn’t belong to him. As Kei gets closer, he can read the front of it and the name of Kuroo’s university stands out in big block letters. Kei quickly averts his eyes but Kozume has noticed him. He doesn’t laugh outright, but Kei swears he can hear Kozume’s nostrils flare. 

Kei takes his bath and then he runs into Yamaguchi. It’s just endless. He’s not going to sleep until dawn at this rate.

“Are you still awake?” Kei asks, sitting beside him, towel draped around his shoulders. 

Yamaguchi holds up his phone. “I was talking to Masahiko.” 

Of course. Kei runs his tongue over his lip. “You must be excited to get back home and see him.” He hopes he doesn’t sound bitter. 

“I am,” Yamaguchi admits, cheeks pink. 

They’re quiet for a moment, and just before Kei thinks about standing up to leave, Yamaguchi speaks. “Tsukki?” 

“Hmm?”

“I wanted to ask you something.” 

“Yes?” 

“Do you like Akimitsu?” 

Kei freezes. He knows what Yamaguchi is really asking him, but he answers like he doesn’t. “Sure, he’s a good kid. He helps the team a lot and he’s easy to talk to.” 

“I meant…” Yamaguchi sounds a little flustered. “What are your feelings…” 

Kei sighs. “Yamaguchi, please just come out directly and ask me whatever you need to.” 

“Tsukki, do you like Akimitsu?” Yamaguchi asks again. “In a romantic way?” 

Actually hearing it gives Kei more pause than he thought it would. He doesn’t. His romantic feelings are for Yamaguchi alone, but Kei can’t admit that. 

“No,” Kei says flatly. “I don’t feel that way about him.” 

The way Yamaguchi’s upper body tenses makes Kei realize that Yamaguchi must think Kei is offended at being asked if he likes other guys. Shit. He hadn’t meant to give off that kind of impression. Does he have to come out to save some face? But would coming out help Yamaguchi put the pieces together and realize why Kei was so cold towards Chiba? What’s worse? 

“I do like other guys,” Kei says before he can talk himself out of it. “But I don’t like Akimitsu more than anyone else.” Yamaguchi’s eyes are wide. Kei can feel his face getting hot. “What?” he barks. “Didn’t expect me to be gay?” 

“No, not really,” Yamaguchi blurts, then covers his mouth. “Well, I guess it makes sense. You never did have interest in any girls confessing to you.” When Yamaguchi moves his hands, Kei can see he’s smiling. 

Kei just shrugs. He can feel the words on the tip of his tongue: I was never interested in those girls because I was interested in you. But he bites down on it to keep himself from speaking. 

“Go to bed, Yamaguchi,” Kei says, standing up. “I’m going to.” 

“Oh, wait,” Yamaguchi touches his arm and Kei feels like he’s been burned. “Is he alright?” 

“Huh?” Oh, Akimitsu. “Yeah, he woke up, and then he went back to sleep. He said he felt okay.” 

“You do spend a lot of time with him,” Yamaguchi remarks. 

“So do you,” Kei retorts. 

Yamaguchi just gives him a strange and mysterious smile that makes Kei’s stomach cramp. It’s not a good idea to let Yamaguchi think that Kei likes Akimitsu. 

“You do realize,” he says, feeling a little bad he’s about to throw Akimitsu under the bus, “that he fainted because he thought Kuroo was hot, right?” 

Yamaguchi only gives him a wicked smirk. “Well, Kuroo-san is pretty hot.” 

Kei’s eyes bulge and Yamaguchi laughs in his face.

“Chiba-san wouldn’t like the sound of that,” Kei grumbles, flustered. 

“Masahiko isn’t the kind of guy who gets jealous,” Yamaguchi tells him rather firmly. His eyes are bright and sharp and Kei avoids making eye contact. “He trusts me.” 

Kei has nothing he really wants to say to that, so he just mumbles, “Good night, Yamaguchi,” and scurries back to the room so he can finally go to sleep. 

The next day, the weather is much cooler and a light breeze makes the air feel light and comfortable. Training camp concludes with a barbeque and everyone mills around eating and chatting. Kei sits with Yamaguchi in the grass, enjoying the breeze. Every once in a while, Kei scans the rest of the crowd, finding Akimitsu where he’s sitting in one of the few shady spots with Kanda and Saitou. He looks like he has a healthy serving of meat on his plate. Despite his small stature, the kid seems to have a big appetite. 

“Tsukki.” 

Kei looks up. The voice is Kuroo’s. 

Kei points towards the shade. “Akimitsu is there if you want to apologize.” 

“Already did.” Kuroo plops down beside him with a full plate.

“When?”

“This morning. I slept in the infirmary too, so I saw him when I woke up.” 

“You what!?” 

Kuroo snorts. “There was another bed so I crashed there. What? Did you think I crawled into bed with him and cuddled him all night? We would probably both fit, he’s pretty small.” He winks. “He’s pretty cute too. I wouldn’t have minded the cuddling.

Kei glares at him. “You probably scared him to death.” 

“Just a little,” Kuroo admits. “He didn’t faint though.” He grins. “We had a nice, long chat.” 

Kei shudders. “Why do you need to make everything sound dirty?” 

Kuroo places a hand on his chest. “Dirty? Goodness, Tsukishima-san, what do you think of me?” Kuroo looks at Yamaguchi. “Do you see how he treats me, Freckles? How do you put up with this guy day after day?” 

Yamaguchi gives Kuroo a wry smile. “Lots of practice.” 

“Traitor,” Kei grumbles.

“So, Freckles,” Kuroo turns his feline grin on Yamaguchi. “Tsukki here tells me your heart’s been stolen by someone.” 

Yamaguchi raises his eyebrows at Kei. Kei just shrugs. Damn Kuroo. 

“I’m dating, yes,” Yamaguchi says a little warily. 

“You’re hurting me, Freckles, I’m not judging. I’m just nosy.” Kuroo leans in. “Is he hot?” 

Yamaguchi swivels to look at Kei again. Kei can’t read his expression easily, but he can tell that Yamaguchi had not expected Kei to be talking openly about Yamaguchi dating a guy. Is Yamaguchi annoyed at him?

“Sorry,” Kei mumbles unprompted. 

“He is hot,” Yamaguchi finally answers Kuroo, looking defensive. 

Kuroo grins wider. “Of course! You’re a cutie, so I’m sure you’ve had lots of guys vying for your attention. Naturally you’d choose a good looking one.” 

Yamaguchi looks confused now and glances back at Kei. “I don’t know what Tsukki told you, but there weren’t others…” he says. “My boyfriend is the only person who’s ever expressed that kind of interest in me.” 

Kei is surprised by how much those words sting. Clearly, the very obvious ways he favored Yamaguchi were only obvious to others. Yamaguchi was oblivious to his feelings. That was just fine with him. Kei was right. Yamaguchi never had any interest in him as more than a friend. Kei just wishes that made it easier, but instead his heart just hurts more.

Kei is so happy to sleep in his own bed after a week of a bedroll on the floor, but then he finally sleeps soundly enough to dream. And he has a wet dream so intense it actually wakes him up. Kei sits up, shaking, sheets soiled, and he feels acutely guilty. His mother had told him so cheerfully that she had changed his sheets while he was away and here he was ruining them within hours of coming home. 

Kei lies there, too spent to move, and presses his hands to his face. The dream was so much more vivid. Maybe it was from too many nights spent not dreaming. He’d woken up half mast a couple mornings, but not enough for anyone to notice, and he’d been able to hurry off to a cold shower before anyone really saw him. 

Kei sighs. He can still hear the sound of Dream Yamaguchi’s voice ringing in his ears. 

“There are so many other people who like you,” Dream Yamaguchi said. “You can’t possibly want me.” 

Kei had cupped Dream Yamaguchi’s face in his hands and parrotted Kuroo’s words. “You silly thing,” he said. “There’s no one but you.” 

They had kissed, and then they had been in a bed, and then Dream Yamaguchi had been crying out Kei’s name in ecstasy. And of course then Kei had come so hard he woke himself up. 

Kei sighs, and then heaves himself into a sitting position. Hasn’t his dick gotten the memo that Yamaguchi isn’t into him? Was never into him? Kei was honestly just humiliating himself at this point by continuing to dream about Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi certainly wasn’t dreaming about him. 

Kei gets up and strips the bed. He changes into dry clothes and attempts to sneak into the laundry room. Unfortunately, he runs into his mother on the way. 

“Kei? What’s wrong?”

Just fuck his life. 

While Kei makes a fool of himself trying to lie, his mom figures it out. 

“Oh, Kei, that’s nothing to get embarrassed about! It happens to boys your age.” She tugs the dirty sheets and Kei’s dirty clothes out of his hands. Kei could absolutely die. “I already raised one teenage boy,” she gives him a teasing, reassuring smile. “I’m not so ignorant.” 

“Mom, please,” Kei squirms. 

His mom just laughs. “My second little boy is growing up so fast.” 

Kei loves his mom, but he cannot possibly understand how she can be smiling and laughing at him while holding the sheets he soiled from having a wet dream. It’s mortifying. Maybe this is another belated punishment for touching himself with Yamaguchi on his mind. Kei rushes off to take his shower and vows to be a better person who does not have sexual thoughts about his best friend. 

When Kei returns to his room, Yamaguchi has texted him. Kei’s heart drops when he reads it. The only time he has Yamaguchi to himself is the morning walk to school. It’s all he has left. But now, Yamaguchi is telling Kei to go ahead without him. Undoubtedly, he’s going to meet Chiba. Kei was right. If Kei couldn’t get Yamaguchi to himself while they were in Tokyo, he had no chance back home. Kei sits down heavily, feeling like he’s completely lost. Yamaguchi was never interested in him, and never noticed the overtures that everyone else noticed Kei making. All along it was one-sided. It was always just Kei sitting on his feelings alone. 

Kei drags his feet as he walks to school. He dreads morning practice and his mind keeps turning over terrible images of his mom taking his dirty sheets and Yamaguchi’s text message. Can’t Kei have one good morning? Was it too much to ask? 

When Kei reaches the school, he walks into an entirely unpleasant sight. Chiba has Yamaguchi pressed against a wall and is kissing him deeply and passionately. As their heads move, Kei can see flashes of tongue. His breakfast sours in the pit of his stomach. 

“I missed you,” Chiba says when they pull away for air, still lip to lip. 

“We talked every day,” Yamaguchi replies breathlessly. 

“Not the same.” Chiba dives in for another long, hard kiss. “Nothing is the same as this. I missed you so much.” 

“I missed you too.” 

Kei tears his eyes away from the kiss, from the way their bodies press together needily and like they belong together. He stomps up the stairs into the club room. He’s in such a bad mood. If anyone looks at him wrong, he’ll chomp their heads off. His bad mood persists and he only grunts when Yamaguchi asks him later if he’s okay. It’s not as if Yamaguchi has the time to listen to Kei’s answer anyway. He’s doing extra practice, of course, and has to run off. Kei feels hurt and abandoned and, just like when he was a kid finding out about Akiteru’s lie, he starts pushing Yamaguchi away. 

The week passes like this. Kei wakes up after dreams of Yamaguchi, drags himself to school alone, goes through the motions of his day, and then goes to practice. Sometimes Yamaguchi asks if he wants to join extra practice, and sometimes Yamaguchi asks if Kei wants to accompany him and Chiba to go grab a bite to eat. To Kei, doing one hundred more serves after practice and third wheeling with Chiba are equally unattractive so he always refuses. Then he goes home and stews in his loneliness. By the end of the week, Kei has built up so much bitterness and resentment that it’s no wonder he finally snaps. 

Yamaguchi is talking to him. He’s talking, but Kei can’t really hear him. Yamaguchi is talking, and asking Kei to do something, and Kei just can’t take it anymore. 

“It doesn’t really matter,” Kei snaps, interrupting Yamaguchi. “You never have time for me.” 

“I never have time for you?” Yamaguchi repeats, incredulous. Something in the air changes, and then Yamaguchi’s eyes are narrowed, his face reddening with anger. “I never have time for you?” 

The second time, Yamaguchi yells it and the whole gym comes to a standstill. Kei is instantly embarrassed. Part of him wants to back down, but Yamaguchi isn’t letting it go.

“When,” he seethes, “have you ever asked me to do anything with you first? I’m the one who always asks you to do things, and you’re the one who always turns me down!” 

When was the last time Kei asked Yamaguchi to do something with him? Oh, right. It was when Kei invited Yamaguchi to watch Akiteru’s last volleyball match in high school. That day… 

“I always have time for you,” Yamaguchi continues, his face getting redder. Kei is trying to not look into Yamaguchi’s eyes because he can see them filling with tears. “You’re the one who keeps blowing me off even though I’ve been trying to-” Yamaguchi’s voice breaks suddenly in a sob. Kei’s heart falls into his stomach. The whole team is staring at them. Kei’s whole body is burning with humiliation. 

“I could feel you pulling away,” Yamaguchi rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. “I could feel it so I was trying so hard to make sure you knew that we were still friends, that I wasn’t the one who was drifting away from you. All week I’ve been asking you to spend time with me. And all week you’ve told me no.” Yamaguchi lifts his head. His red-rimmed eyes are furious. Kei flinches. “How can you say that to me? How dare you say I never have time for you. I do! You’re the one who doesn’t have time. You never have! Ever since we were kids, I’ve been the one chasing after you.” Yamaguchi’s eyes fill with fresh tears. “If you didn’t want to be my friend anymore, you could have just told me. Instead of doing it like this!” 

For half a second, Kei has the crazy urge to seize Yamaguchi by the shoulders and kiss him. It’s not what you think, Kei wants to say. I love you, that’s the problem. I love you but you don’t love me. But Yamaguchi turns away from him and runs out of the gym. Kei lurches forward slightly, because Yamaguchi has ripped out his heart and taken it with him. Kei doesn’t dare look at his teammates, he just snatches his things up and flees. His legs carry him as far as they can before they start burning. Kei stops and pulls his phone out of his bag, dialing unsteadily and feeling like he’s slowly losing his mind.

“Hello?” 

“Are you busy?” Kei gasps out. “Do you have time for me?”

“Tsukishima? Are you okay?” Kuroo sounds concerned. “What’s the matter? Why are you breathing so hard?” 

“Can I come over and talk to you?” Kei repeats, ignoring Kuroo’s questions. 

“Sure. Let me text you my address. Are you sure you’re okay? What happened?” 

“I’ll explain later.”

Kei is shaking all over and his legs feel heavy but he makes his way to Kuroo’s apartment. All he can hear is Yamaguchi’s voice ringing in his ears. “If you didn’t want to be my friend anymore-” All he can see is Yamaguchi’s eyes filled with tears, Yamaguchi’s face red with anger. Kei’s heart is racing as he rings Kuroo’s bell, and Kuroo opens the door immediately. 

“Tsukishima, what the hell,” Kuroo says as Kei rudely lets himself in. “You scared the shit out of me. Are you okay?” 

He isn’t okay. Not at all. Kei sways on his feet. He can feel embarrassment creeping up again. 

“Kuroo,” he croaks. 

Kuroo raises an eyebrow. 

“Could you give me a hug?” Kei asks quickly, staring at the floor, with his hands clasped in front of him. 

“Yeah, man, sure. Come here.” 

Kei almost throws himself into Kuroo’s arms and Kuroo gives him a tight squeeze. Kuroo is a good hugger. Kei’s vision clouds and he realizes that he never took his sports goggles off. A hysterical bubble pops in his throat and Kei starts laughing and crying, not sure of what he’s feeling right now and only knowing that he’s a mess. 

“Hey, hey,” Kuroo pulls away and tugs Kei’s goggles off before pulling him back into a hug. “You’re okay, Tsukki. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.” 

Kei buries his face in Kuroo’s shoulder and stays there until he’s able to compose himself and stop crying. Kuroo gives him another tight squeeze. 

“Sit down. Are you hungry?” 

“No,” Kei says. His throat hurts. He flops down on Kuroo’s couch. 

“Well, I’ll just make two ramens anyway. I’ll eat it if you don’t,” Kuroo says flippantly as he fills his electric kettle. 

Kei waits until he hears Kuroo pouring water to wipe his eyes. He doesn’t bother putting his glasses back on and Kuroo’s ceiling fills his blurry eyes. 

Kuroo sits next to him, placing a bowl and chopsticks in front of him. “What happened?” 

“Yamaguchi and I had a fight.” Kei says. “No. Not really. Not a fight. Just. He’s mad at me. I ruined it. I ruined everything with him.” 

“Okay. Why is he mad at you?” 

“I told him that he never has time for me. Of course he got mad at me. It’s not true. I’m the one who never makes time for him.” 

“Then why did you say it?” Kuroo tears the lid off his noodles and blows on it. 

“I don’t know,” Kei admits. “I’ve just been sitting on all of these angry feelings for so long and I just…” He shrugs. “He told me that I’m the one who never has any time for him, and it’s true. Ever since we were kids, Yamaguchi was the one who invited himself along and stayed at my side. I was never worried about him leaving.” 

“I’m guessing you didn’t explain yourself, or apologize.”

Kei shakes his head. “He ran away and so did I.”

Kuroo sighs. “That sounds like a mess.” 

“He just made me realize a lot of things about myself.” Kei says softly. “What you said a while ago, about codependency, Yamaguchi made me realize that I’m very dependent on him. I’ve always needed him to be there for me, wanted him to need me, but I was never worried that he wasn’t going to be there. When we were kids, he didn’t have any other friends, and neither did I. It was just the two of us and we didn’t need anyone else. But as we’ve gotten older, it’s so much easier for him to make friends and I’m still just… And I’m so selfish. I want Yamaguchi to be with me, but I never thought anyone else would want him like I do.” His face flushes. “I’m a terrible friend. Yamaguchi is right to not want me. Maybe I don’t even love him. Maybe it’s just my possessiveness.” 

Kuroo puts his hand on Kei’s shoulder. “Tsukki…” 

Kei recoils. “Don’t call me that.” 

“Tsukishima.” Kuroo pats his shoulder gently. “You’re not a bad guy. Selfish, maybe that’s true. But you love Freckles. If you didn’t, it wouldn’t matter to you that he’s mad. You’ve just got to talk to him.” 

“I ruined everything with him, even if we talk, he won’t forgive me.” 

Kuroo pushes the bowl of ramen towards Kei. “Eat, Tsukishima. And text your mom or something so she doesn’t worry about you.” 

Kei pushes the bowl away but he does text his mom to let him know he’s staying over with a friend. She sends him back a heart sticker.

The next morning, Kuroo shakes him awake. 

“Come on, Four Eyes,” he says cheerfully. “Take a shower. Eat breakfast. And then we’re skipping school.” 

“Huh?” Kei says groggily, feeling around for his glasses before remembering that he never put them back on last night. He sits up and rubs his face. 

“Bathroom’s down that way,” Kuroo points. “I pulled out some clothes that might fit you. Sorry, you’ll have to do with track pants. You’re too skinny for my jeans.” 

Kei scrubs his hair with Kuroo’s shampoo, feeling strangely like this is all normal. He towels himself off and pulls on Kuroo’s clothes and heads back out to Kuroo’s living space. 

“Shit.” Kuroo grumbles. “Fucked up the egg. Whatever. Sit down. You refused to eat last night so you’ve got to eat today.” Kuroo starts pushing different breakfast plates towards Kei as he sits. 

“I really don’t eat a lot,” Kei protests. 

“I know, but you’ve got to. Eating is good for the soul. Let food soothe your broken heart.” 

“I’d rather have something sweet for that,” Kei says under his breath, but the way Kuroo’s face breaks out into a grin, Kei knows he wasn’t quiet enough. 

“Never pegged you for a guy with a sweet tooth.” Kuroo teases. “I guess I’ll have to buy you ice cream or something.” 

Kei can feel his face getting hot. “You don’t have to be so nice to me. I know I’m intruding on you and causing you a lot of inconvenience.” 

Kuroo waves his concerns away. “Doesn’t matter to me. I’m not that familiar with my neighbors yet. They’re all salary workers, so we’re not home at the same time.” 

Kei just shrugs and starts picking at his food. 

“You’re worse than Kenma,” Kuroo says despairingly after watching Kei barely eat.

Kei hunches his shoulders. “Sorry.” 

Kuroo just sighs. “Grab your stuff. Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Kei asks, but collects his things and follows Kuroo out all the same. 

“My campus,” Kuroo answers. “I need a new sweatshirt. Kenma stole mine.” 

“I saw him wearing it at the camp,” Kei recalls. 

“Yeah. He was in a prissy mood after your little manager fainted, so I gave it to him so he would chill. He’s a little bit possessive because we’re far away from each other. But I told him he was the only one for me.” 

Kei follows Kuroo onto a bus and then walks up a ridiculous hill to his campus. Kuroo leads him down a long road to a store where he starts browsing for a new sweatshirt. 

“Where do you want to go to college, Tsukishima?” Kuroo asks. 

“I’m not really sure. I haven’t given it too much thought.” 

“Gonna keep playing volleyball?” 

“I don’t know.”

“You’re so young,” Kuroo says, pulling an identical sweatshirt to the one he gave Kozume off a rack. “What are you, sixteen? There’s so much life in front of you. You’ll meet all kinds of people from all kinds of places. And more, if you stick with volleyball.” 

“Why are you saying all this?” Kei grumbles, face hot. 

“What I mean is, even if it feels like the world is ending because your best friend is mad at you, it really isn’t. Even if you’re right, and he never forgives you for that fight, the world will keep on turning. It will hurt, but give it time and it’ll get better too. Or talking about your feelings might make your bond even stronger. You never know. And you’ve got so much more growing left to do.” Kuroo grins at him, but there’s nothing greasy or smarmy about this one. “Trust me, I’m older than you.” 

Kei scoffs slightly, but he thinks about Kuroo’s words. Kei knows that Kuroo is right. 

Kuroo buys him ice cream as promised and they sit and people watch in a park. Kuroo is relaxed and smiling and Kei is still thinking hard. 

“You’ll be okay, Four Eyes,” Kuroo reassures him as he sees Kei off home.

“Thank you, Kuroo,” Kei says. “For everything.” 

“What can I say?” Kuroo gives him a slightly greasy smile. “I’ve always been a kind person.”


	9. waning crescent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! happy july! thanks so much for all the comments and kudos last chapter (boy i sure do make a lot of you cry hahaha) through everyone's tears, i hope you all continue to enjoy!!
> 
> (this may be the longest chapter, not sure. not that anyone could tell because i was still updating every week but i haven't actually written anything in a month because i was in school so i only started writing the last two chapters of this fic a few days ago lol)

When Kei gets home, it’s already late afternoon and his mom has left a note that she had to rush off to the market, but will be back soon. Luckily, she wrote down what time she left, and Kei guesses he’s only gotten home before her by a few minutes. He changes his clothes and sets Kuroo’s aside. He’ll have to find the time to return them another day. He wanders back downstairs and opens the fridge, surprised to find a small cake box on it with a note for him. 

Kei opens it - strawberry shortcake, his favorite - and reads the note. It says, “let me know when you want to talk” in his mom’s neat handwriting. His stomach seizes. 

The front door opens. “Kei? Are you home?” 

“Yes, Mom. I’m here.” 

Kei goes to the door and grabs his mom’s shopping bags. She’s smiling at him like nothing’s wrong and it makes Kei worry. Along with the note, he’s even more worried. 

“Mom…” he begins, but she cuts him off. 

“You let me know when you want to talk,” she says. “It doesn’t have to be now. It might be never. But I’ll listen, if you want me to.” 

Kei’s throat feels tight. “Mom…” 

“I know you weren’t with Tadashi because he brought your schoolwork over.” 

Kei blinks. It’s early for him. Yamaguchi must not have stayed for practice at all. That’s more worrying.

“So, just let me know.” She’s still smiling at him so warmly, so kindly. Kei’s heart hurts from how much he loves his mom. “I love you, Kei.” 

He hugs her then, bending and folding his tall frame to wrap his arms around her, and she gives him a tight squeeze. “I love you too,” he says hoarsely. 

She reaches up to stroke his hair and Kei lets her, missing how much she used to dote on him when he let her, before he got older and thought all of her and Akiteru’s breezy affection was embarrassing. He misses that, and hugs her tighter. 

“I’m in love with Tadashi,” Kei whispers into his mom’s hair. “But he doesn’t love me back.” 

“Oh, Kei,” his mom pats his head. “These are all just growing pains. Normal parts of growing up.” She gives him another squeeze.

“It hurts.” 

“I know, sweetheart.” 

Kei thinks that his mom might not have all the right words to comfort him, but her holding him is more than enough for right now.

In the morning, Kei knows that he will be walking to school alone and that Yamaguchi will not be there waiting for him. Even though he knows this, he still feels a pang of distress when Yamaguchi isn’t there. Kei knows the way their relationship has disintegrated is his fault, and that he’s the one who needs to fix it. 

He and Yamaguchi have never really fought before, so Kei has nothing to go on and no way of knowing how to patch things up. After Kei had learned Akiteru’s lie, he had tried to isolate himself from everyone, and had lashed out plenty. But Yamaguchi always came crawling back to him, unmoved by Kei’s meanness. This time, Kei doubted that Yamaguchi would be so forgiving. He resolves to talk to Yamaguchi before the start of morning practice.

Unfortunately, fixing it seems like it will be more difficult than he anticipated. 

Ennoshita intercepts him when Kei arrives in the clubroom. “Let’s talk,” he says. 

Kei saw this coming, but it still makes him uneasy. Ennoshita is a generally kind person, but every once in a while he starts exerting some ridiculous pressure that makes everyone realize that he’s undeniably the captain. He’s turned this on Kei before, and that was last year before he had the added power of being the captain, and Kei really doesn’t like being subjected to it. 

“I apologize for missing practice yesterday,” Kei tries to get ahead of Ennoshita.

“I figured that you would,” Ennoshita says. “Yamaguchi didn’t go either.” 

Kei had figured that already, since Yamaguchi had come over early in the afternoon to drop off his schoolwork. 

“What I want to know is whether or not what happened will affect your playing.” 

Kei raises an eyebrow. “Why would it interfere?” 

Ennoshita shrugs. “I don’t know. But we were all surprised you two had an argument at all, so anything’s possible.” Ennoshita levels him with a serious look. He’s exerting that pressure again. Kei wants to shrivel up and die. “We’re exempt from the first round of the prefectural qualifiers because we finished top two. So we’ve got some extra time to solidify our team. Nationals are being held in Miyagi this year.” His eyes shine. “That means there will be two spots open to teams from Miyagi.” 

Kei knows what Ennoshita means. It means their path, no matter how daunting a powered up Date Tech is, has widened. If they can make it to the final, they’ve punched their ticket. But they don’t know when they’ll meet Date Tech in the prefectural qualifiers, and won’t know what other teams have sharpened their knives in between tournaments. They haven’t faced the majority of their old rivals from last year. To get to Nationals again, and play a Nationals match on a home court, they need to be a united team. 

“None of us third years retired,” Ennoshita continues. “We all want to go back and play at Nationals again.” 

“So do I,” Kei says.

“I can’t make you and Yamaguchi reconcile, and I know that you must have a lot of complicated feelings.” Kei grimaces. Of course Ennoshita knows. “But I want to know if you can leave that off the court.” 

“Of course.” Kei says. It feels mean of him, but it’s not like Yamaguchi is a starter and they’ll constantly have to interact on the court. When Yamaguchi comes in to serve, they do their serve and block, but that doesn’t necessitate them being close. They just each do their jobs. Yamaguchi gets in a killer serve and Kei blocks the opposing team’s botched counterattack. 

Ennoshita nods. “Are you…” he glances at Kei. “Are you going to try talking to Yamaguchi?” he asks. 

Kei is puzzled. He suddenly feels like Ennoshita is holding more cards than he is, that he knows something Kei doesn’t. 

“Only,” Kei says slowly, “if Yamaguchi wants to talk to me.” 

Ennoshita seems pleased with his response and dismisses him. Kei still feels somewhat itchy as he leaves the club room, and even more so when he sees Yamaguchi heading his way. Kei’s insides clench. He hasn’t prepared what to say yet. There are a lot of things he has to mention, so many things he needs to say, but he isn’t ready. Even so, he needs to fix things. Kei wets his lips, tries to find his voice. 

But then Yamaguchi just walks right past him. As if Kei wasn’t even there. Kei feels like someone has slapped his face at full force. He sways on his feet, the ground beneath him tilting and spinning. 

Yamaguchi ignored him. 

Yes, fixing things is going to be more difficult than he thought.

It soon becomes abundantly clear to Kei that without Yamaguchi, he is very much alone. He has classes with Yachi, but they don’t usually talk, and today she keeps sending him nervous glances across the classroom. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see some of their female classmates catching Yachi’s looks and whispering to one another, but that’s another headache for another day. But even with all her looking, Yachi doesn’t make a peep.

When he passes by the third years in the hall, they nod at him a bit coolly, and Tanaka and Nishinoya don’t greet him boisterously. So far, Ennoshita was the only one who has spoken to him, but Narita, who usually dispenses some Chiba-related advice or comfort, doesn’t quite meet his eyes when they pass each other. 

Kei doesn’t see Hinata, but he hears him, and hears him saying Yamaguchi’s name so Kei makes an immediate about-face and retreats in the opposite direction. He’s still shaken from the morning and doesn’t think he can bear another ice cold rejection from Yamaguchi right now. 

Kei does see Kageyama at the vending machine, and Kageyama gives him a surprisingly dark look. Since it’s Kageyama, it makes Kei’s irritation flare up. He’s about to ask Kageyama what his problem is, but then Kageyama just clicks his tongue as he snatches up his milk and stalks off. Kageyama’s standoffishness just serves to make Kei more irritated and that’s when he hears the voices of the first years.

He doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he does, and then he realizes just how alone he is.

“Well I don’t think Tadashi-senpai should have to say anything first.” This voice is Yoshida’s. He sounds surprisingly annoyed. Kei always considered him to be rather easygoing. 

“But you also didn’t think Tsukishima-senpai was going to apologize,” Saitou says. 

“I don’t,” Yoshida says grumpily. “But even if it makes practice awkward for the rest of the year, I don’t think Tadashi-senpai should make the first move.” 

“Was it that awkward? I didn’t think it was so unbearably awkward,” Fujita says. 

“It was awkward if you were standing near Tsukishima,” Yoshida grumbles. 

Kei prickles. What does that mean? 

“I’m sure that Kei-senpai is hurting too,” Akimitsu offers quietly. 

Yoshida groans. “Don’t take his side just because he likes you.” 

Akimitsu sputters. “He does not!” 

“Who else is he on a first name basis with?” Yoshida counters. 

“I’m just saying…” Kei can practically hear Akimitsu squirming. “Kei-senpai probably said what he did because he was hurt.”

“But you can’t deny that Tadashi-senpai is in worse shape now,” Nakano interrupts. 

“He really did take it very hard,” Kanda echoes. 

“Well,” Yoshida says dismissively. “I’m on Tadashi-senpai’s side, and I really hope he won’t say anything until Tsukishima apologizes to him.” 

Kei feels cold all over. He couldn’t have seen this coming. There are sides. And it appears the rest of the team is firmly on Yamaguchi’s side. Even Akimitsu doesn’t seem to be with Kei. 

This knowledge weighs on him the rest of the day. He carries it with him into the clubroom, feeling like an outcast, and sure enough, no one is really going out of their way to talk to him. It isn’t really different, Kei isn’t talkative with the rest of his team, but today he knows they’re purposely not speaking to him. It makes Kei feel cold and hot at the same time. There’s something he’s missing here. If everyone was just going off the scene they witnessed, Kei had only said one thing. Surely, that wasn’t enough of a reason for everyone to take Yamaguchi’s side? Kei was missing something. What happened after he ran away? He has to know. 

But of course, nothing is easy for Kei. 

They play a practice game and Kei finds himself matching up with Yoshida across the net. Kei prickles, thinking about what he overheard, Yoshida’s self-righteous anger towards Kei and his adamant belief that Kei was obliged to go to Yamaguchi first. Remembering makes Kei feel even more heated. He grits his teeth. Whenever Saitou puts up the ball for Yoshida, Kei is going to roof him. 

“Center!” 

Kei jumps up to block Yoshida and he drills the ball directly into Kei’s hand. One of his fingers bends back painfully, but it’s still a solid one touch that someone can follow up on. Kei’s side scores the point and Kei quickly tapes up his finger. Across the net, Kei’s eyes lock with Yoshida’s. He doesn’t look the least bit apologetic about jamming Kei’s finger. Kei’s anger starts to simmer again.

The next time Kageyama sets the ball, it’s a high one for Kei, and even though Kei hates Kageyama for making him jump higher and higher, he’s so fueled by anger that he leaps and spikes the ball as hard as he can. 

Right into Yoshida’s face. 

It’s an accident. Or at least Kei thinks it’s an accident. He wasn’t looking clearly, and Yoshida obviously had his arms spread too wide to make a proper block, but Kei nailed him in the face all the same. Play stops while Yoshida gets first aid. Nothing is broken, but his face is already starting to bruise. Kei can’t help but feel a little bit gratified. That should teach him to talk about Kei like that… 

But then Yamaguchi is crouching by Yoshida with an ice pack in one hand and a concerned look on his face and all of Kei’s triumph fizzles out of him. Does everyone think Kei spiked at Yoshida’s face on purpose? No, they shouldn’t have any reason to think so. No one knows Kei overheard the first years talking. 

Narita subs in for Yoshida and shoots Kei a weary grin across the net. Kei grinds his teeth. 

After the match, practice ends. Yamaguchi and the first years slip away to do whatever extra practice they usually do, and so Kei finds himself muddling along in the clubroom, packing and repacking his bag. He wasted the day and wasn’t able to talk to Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi hadn’t even glanced in his direction. Kei was beginning to miss the constant calls of “Tsukki” coming from his best friend’s mouth. 

Were they still best friends? 

“Are you going to play volleyball in college?”

Kei’s head snaps up. Kageyama is the only one left in the clubroom now. Kei sighs. 

“I don’t know,” he echoes what he told Kuroo. Kei really didn’t know if he was going to keep playing volleyball after high school. Sometimes he could imagine himself playing on a neighborhood team, but he still never thought about wearing a national team jersey like Kageyama did. 

“You could do it,” Kageyama says matter of factly. “You’re good enough.” 

Kei feels a prickle of irritation sliding down his back. “Yes, Your Highness.” 

Kageyama narrows his eyes. “If you weren’t such an asshole, things would be fine right now.” 

Kei can only just keep his jaw from dropping. “What the hell does that mean?” he snaps. 

“It means that you aren’t as nice to Yamaguchi as you think you are.” Kageyama says. His dark eyes are deep and angry. 

Kei doesn’t know what to think. Since when did this idiot run to Yamaguchi’s defense? 

“I bet you don’t even realize that you treat him like shit and that’s why you thought Yamaguchi didn’t want to hang out with you.” Kageyama’s voice grates on Kei. His tone is almost pitying and it makes Kei want to hit him. “Have you ever asked Yamaguchi how he was feeling even once?” 

“Don’t lecture me about Yamaguchi,” Kei growls. “Since when did you two become such good friends?” 

“Since you started being a bigger jerk to everyone.” Kageyama returns. He slings his bag over his shoulder. “I doubt you’ve ever asked Yamaguchi how he was doing. That’s something Sugawara taught me; you have to check in with your teammates.” 

Of course Kageyama would somehow bring this back to volleyball. Kei is about to snap at him again, but Kageyama leaves the clubroom before he manages. Kei slams his hand on the shelf irritably. If even Kageyama has the nerve to lecture him, something must have happened after Kei left. He sighs. He has to find out. 

As Kei stomps down the stairs to leave, he sees Chiba and immediately grimaces. Chiba glances up at him and after a moment, cautiously waves. 

“Are you going to lecture me too?” Kei growls, not caring that right now he can’t fake pleasantries. Chiba knows very well that Kei doesn’t like him, and right now Kei can’t pretend that isn’t true.

Chiba stares at him and glances around as if to see if Kei is talking to someone else. “Why would I lecture you, Tsukishima-san?”

Kei scowls. “You don’t have anything you want to say to me about Yamaguchi?”

Chiba just shrugs. “It’s not like you’re little kids and you need a grown up to make you sort things out. It had nothing to do with me, right? So why should I interfere?”

Kei blinks. It’s not really what he expected to hear from Chiba.

“Of course, I care that Tadashi was upset, but all I can do is make him feel better. I wouldn’t think I could make you do anything you didn’t want to do. It’s up to you, really.” Chiba crosses his arms over his chest. “Even if I lectured you about how I felt disappointed by you, I don’t think you’d care.” 

“Disappointed?” 

Chiba frowns. “Tadashi only has kind things to say about you, Tsukishima-san. In his way, he loves you a lot. And I thought - and maybe I was wrong - that you wouldn’t hurt him. That’s why I’m disappointed.” 

Kei stares at Chiba, his handsome face marred by a severe looking frown. It’s the closest he’s ever looked to the Chiba who shows up in Kei’s nightmares. It makes him feel cold all over. He turns away stiffly and marches away. He can feel Chiba’s eyes on him the whole way.

Sleep isn’t kind to Kei that night. 

Rather than an erotic dream, it’s a nightmare. In his dream, Yamaguchi is crying again, and just out of reach. But before Kei can reach him, Chiba blocks his way, shoving hard on Kei’s shoulder, the same one that always feels pain when Chiba is nearby. (When Kei wakes up he swears it feels sore.) 

Dream Chiba leans in close to Kei’s ear and whispers, “Did you really think you’d ever be good enough for Tadashi?” and then pushes Kei away.

Kei wakes up with a throbbing headache and a need to know what happened after he ran off that night. Kei is pretty certain the only person he can squeeze information from is Akimitsu, so the next day at lunch, Kei rushes around trying to find him. 

“Akimitsu.” 

Kei feels only a little bad about how badly Akimitsu startles. 

“Kei-senpai!” he squeaks, eyes widening. “What is it?”

“I need to talk to you.” 

“You do?” Akimitsu’s eyes flit around looking for an escape. 

“Yes, I do.” Kei says firmly. “Come with me.” 

Akimitsu looks reluctant, but he follows Kei until they’re in a more private corridor. He looks more uncomfortable now. 

“Why are all the first years treating me like I ran over all their dogs?” Kei didn’t want to come straight out and ask about Yamaguchi, and he didn’t want to let on that he overheard them the day before. 

Akimitsu fidgets. “Senpai… I really shouldn’t…”

“It’s because of the fight I had with Yamaguchi.” 

Akimitsu nods. “Yes, that’s why.” 

Kei crosses his arms. “And I guess they want me to talk to Yamaguchi and say I’m sorry.” 

Akimitsu looks more relaxed as he nods. “You really should.” 

“Well how do they expect me to do that when Yamaguchi won’t look at me and instead it’s just the five of them giving me dirty looks?” Not to mention the covert dirty looks almost everyone else on the team seemed to be giving him too. 

Akimitsu is back to squirming. “Kei-senpai, I don’t know what to tell you.” 

“I need to talk to Yamaguchi. Alone. Without the team and without his boyfriend around. You’re always there for extra practice. What time would be best to catch him alone?” 

Akimitsu is squirming in earnest now, shifting his weight from foot to foot like a human metronome, but his lips are sealed.

Kei sighs. “Please, Akimitsu. I really do need to talk to Yamaguchi.” 

Akimitsu seems to agonize over it for a moment before whispering. “They do serving practice in the girls’ volleyball gym after regular practice ends, and Tadashi-senpai sends everyone home and locks up himself because Chiba-san waits for him.” 

So Kei will have a very narrow window to catch Yamaguchi alone. 

“Thank you, Akimitsu.” 

“Thank me for what?” Akimitsu’s ears are red. “I didn’t say anything.” 

Kei just snorts. 

Kei is lurking and he knows it. He probably looks huge and lumbering and awkward because he is so obviously waiting for someone and he is so wound up that he just sticks out like a sore thumb. Kei has been rehearsing what he needs to say to Yamaguchi but the words keep slipping away from him. Much like the confession he was never able to do, Kei is worried that he’ll forget what he wants to say to Yamaguchi and Yamaguchi will only rebuff him. 

Kei fretfully texts Kuroo, questioning what to do if Yamaguchi just keeps on ignoring him. 

Kuroo calls him. 

“You’re at match point, Four Eyes,” he says without preamble. “You only get one chance to say something, so you better make that one thing count. What’s the most important thing you’ve got to tell Freckles?”

Kei’s mouth feels sandpapery. 

“Other than you’re sorry,” Kuroo adds. “What’s the one thing that will clear things up between you two?” 

Kei bites his lip. He knows what he needs to say. 

“I knew it. Honda fucking cracked.” 

Kei nearly drops his phone. He hangs up on Kuroo and whirls around. Saitou is looking at him with an exasperated expression. 

“Saitou. What are you doing here?” Kei asks stupidly. 

“Tadashi-senpai told me to go home early because my shoulder is sore.” Saitou answers. “Why are you still here, Tsukishima-senpai?” 

Kei swallows. “I think you know.” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” Saitou sighs. 

“Saitou,” Kei licks his lips. “Why are you and the rest of the first years so angry with me?” 

Saitou raises his eyebrows. 

“Is it just because of the fight Yamaguchi and I had?” Kei presses. 

Saitou sighs again. “Senpai, if it was just the fight, we probably wouldn’t be that upset with you. Everyone thought you and Tadashi-senpai had both stormed off and that was fine. Everyone has fights, even best friends. But Tadashi-senpai was in the clubroom and he was sobbing. Even if you think it was some small argument you had, it really hurt Tadashi-senpai, and it hurt all of us to see him like that. And we all knew you hadn’t thought about checking on him or trying to work things out because he was by himself and inconsolable. That’s why we’re mad.” 

Kei’s mouth feels dry. He didn’t know that. And it’s true, following Yamaguchi to try to clear things up never occurred to him. When Kei ran away, he wanted to be comforted. He hadn’t wanted to prolong that experience and feel any worse, so he ran to Kuroo. How long did Yamaguchi stay curled up in the clubroom, crying by himself? Was he waiting for Kei to come find him? Maybe he had been giving Kei the cold shoulder because he never showed. 

“Tadashi-senpai has been working really hard to help us first years catch up while also working on himself, and he’s stressed. I’m sure he doesn’t try to show it to anyone, but he is.” Saitou scowls at him. “The least you could do is be a supportive friend to him. He misses you, and you’re always blowing him off.” 

“I didn’t mean to,” Kei snaps. He was blowing Yamaguchi off to avoid Chiba, not Yamaguchi. Anyway, he didn’t know any of this. It’s not like Yamaguchi said anything either. 

Or did he say something but Kei didn’t listen? 

“Practice ends in ten minutes,” Saitou says as he begins to leave. “Tadashi-senpai always locks up.”

“Thank you,” Kei says softly. 

Ten minutes later, the other first years and Akimitsu appear at the doorway of the gym and bow to Yamaguchi. They leave together and Kei hides from them. He sees that Yoshida is sporting a very nasty bruise on his face and he feels slightly bad about it. Kei waits until he can no longer see the first years and then he takes a deep breath and enters the gym.

His sneakers squeak loudly against the wood floor and Kei winces. 

“Did you forget something?” Yamaguchi asks without looking. When he turns and sees Kei in the entrance, Yamaguchi’s eyes widen. His demeanor shifts almost instantly and Kei feels cold. “Do you need something, Tsukishima?” he asks, turning his back and beginning to pick up volleyballs. 

Kei can’t describe how much it hurts to hear his name come out of Yamaguchi’s mouth. He can’t even remember the last time that Yamaguchi has called him by his last name and it’s heartbreaking. Part of Kei wants to retreat again, to run away and cry. But that’s what got him into this mess in the first place - running away. 

It’s match point. Kei isn’t going to run. He takes another deep breath.

“I’m jealous of your boyfriend.” 

Yamaguchi drops all the volleyballs he’s picked up. He turns to Kei slowly, his eyes wide. “What?” he says. He blinks at Kei owlishly. 

“I’m jealous of your boyfriend,” Kei repeats. “When you’re with him, I feel inferior and like you don’t need me anymore and I can’t deal with it so I’ve been pushing you away. And I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I know I’m the problem and I feel terrible and you deserve a better friend than me and I-” 

Kei doesn’t get to finish because Yamaguchi sprints across the gym and tackles Kei in a bear hug. They crash onto the floor and Kei thinks it’s going to hurt later, but right now all Kei can feel is Yamaguchi’s weight on top of him. 

“Yamaguchi?” Kei can’t move. 

“Stupidshima!” Yamaguchi yells. “You’re so stupid! I can’t believe you’d think that!” 

“Sorry,” Kei manages to say. Yamaguchi is hugging him now. 

“I didn’t know what to think,” Yamaguchi tells his shoulder. “I thought you finally just got sick of me.”

“That would never happen,” Kei says quietly. A confession is on the tip of his tongue. How could I ever get sick of you? I love you.

Yamaguchi sits up and Kei immediately misses him. Yamaguchi wipes at his eyes. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t chase you that night,” Kei says. “I’m sorry you were crying by yourself.” 

“Ugh,” Yamaguchi groans. “Who told you about that?” 

“Saitou did. The first years were all pretty mad at me. You’ve got them well-trained.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Yamaguchi says. “I know that you take in things best if it’s a calm kind of discussion, and I had meant to tell you that my feelings were hurt but I couldn’t.”

“To be fair, I did snap at you first.” Kei says. 

They lapse into silence. Kei is still flat on his back and he’s starting to feel the soreness from where Yamaguchi tackled him. Yamaguchi has his knees pulled up to his chest. 

“You’re my only friend,” Kei says softly. Yamaguchi’s head swivels towards him. “You’re my only friend and so when you started dating him, I thought you didn’t want to be around me anymore. I can’t compete with him. We’re so different, and you like him so much more than me.” Kei sighs. He stares at the ceiling. “Sometimes I hate him for that.” 

Yamaguchi is fiddling with his hands. “Can’t I love you both in different ways?” he asks. Kei turns his head to look at Yamaguchi again. Yamaguchi is looking away. “Can’t you be my best friend, and can’t he be my boyfriend? I guess I was asking too much when I wanted you to get along.” 

“Sorry,” Kei says. 

Yamaguchi shakes his head. “Masahiko told me when I asked him that he didn’t think you liked him, but I didn’t want to believe him so I kept on pushing him and asked you too. It’s just like me, I didn’t want you two to dislike each other but I ended up making it worse.” 

“It’s not your fault.” Kei sits up. “I could have just told you the truth earlier. I was hurt and so I wanted to push you away before you could push me away first. I haven’t grown up at all. It’s the same way I acted when we were kids.” 

Yamaguchi pushes himself to his feet. “I forgive you,” he says with a soft smile. “I hope you can forgive me too.” 

Kei stands up. “Of course,” he says. He wants to hug Yamaguchi now, but he doesn’t move. 

Yamaguchi bends to pick up a volleyball. His eyes light up suddenly. “Do you want to see what I’ve been working on?” he asks. 

Kei raises an eyebrow. “You can work on your serve more than you already do?”

Yamaguchi just grins as he heads over to the end line. He bounces the volleyball a few times and then tosses the ball up in a graceful arc. Kei’s eyes widen as he sees Yamaguchi run and jump into the serve. He thinks there’s something a bit different about this serve, but when Yamaguchi swings his arm at full power, his palm making a full, satisfying impact with the ball, that’s when Kei realizes this is a regular jump serve. The ball flies past the net and hits the corner of the court, in bounds. 

“Oh! That was a good one!” Yamaguchi says excitedly. “Ah, I wish Akimitsu saw that one.” 

Kei is amazed. “That’s what you’ve been working on?” he asks. 

Yamaguchi smiles at him broadly as he begins to gather up volleyballs. “Ever since we played the Miyas, I kept on thinking that it would be a great weapon if I could change up my serve. By now, other teams know I do the jump floater, but if I could have a regular jump serve - a really good jump serve - in my arsenal, we could have another weapon as a team. Kageyama helped me a lot.”

“Ah,” Kei says. “So that’s when you became such good friends.”

“Hmm?” 

“He lectured me about how I’m not nice to you and how I should ask you more about how you’re feeling.”

Yamaguchi laughs. “Yeah. He’s actually quite caring once you get to know him better.” 

“How do you have everyone wrapped around your little finger?” Kei wonders out loud, helping Yamaguchi collect volleyballs. “The first years worship the ground you walk on.”

“Well, Hinata and I always get along, and the third years really took me under their wing last year when you, Hinata, and Kageyama were at your training camps. And I wanted to support the first years. They want to get better, and I want to help them.”

“You’re too nice to everyone,” Kei grumbles. 

Yamaguchi just smiles and bumps his shoulder lightly. His eyes are bright. “Let’s go back to Nationals, Tsukki.” 

Kei can’t help but smile back.


	10. new moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! thanks so much for all the comments and kudos last chapter! here we have another volleyball chapter! 
> 
> thanks so much for reading! i hope you all continue to enjoy!

“Where’s Tadashi-senpai?” 

Kei glances around. He doesn’t see him and shrugs. “Don’t know. Maybe he went to the bathroom.” 

Fujita considers this. His brow is creased. 

“What’s wrong?” Kei asks. 

Fujita’s eyes meet his, surprised. Since Kei and Yamaguchi reconciled, the rest of the team had warmed back up to him, but the first years were still a bit wary. 

“These are all going to be matches of destiny,” Fujita says. “If we lose, it’s over for the season. The third years retire, and the team doesn’t go back to Nationals.” He bites his lip. “I just wanted to talk to Tadashi-senpai and find out what he’d say about all that.” 

Kei thinks. “Well, he’d probably tell you that there are six players on a court, and probably to not think such apocalyptic things. We’ve all gotten stronger. We won’t lose.” 

“Yeah, that does sound like something Tadashi-senpai would say,” Fujita says thoughtfully. “Thank you, Tsukishima-senpai.” 

Kei nods and decides to go find Yamaguchi. It isn’t like him to disappear before a match, especially with the first years clearly dependent on him to ease their nerves. He checks the bathroom first and then begins combing the stairwells. Eventually, Kei finds Yamaguchi getting hassled by the Johzenji team’s captain. 

“What’s your Line ID?” Terushima keeps leaning into Yamaguchi’s personal space. “You’re so adorable, Freckles-kun! How come we didn’t meet last year?”

Yamaguchi leans away from Terushima with an apologetic look. “Sorry, I’m actually dating someone else…”

“Aww, seriously?” Terushima pouts and then brightens. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t get your number!” 

Kei clears his throat loudly. Yamaguchi and Terushima swivel to look at him. Terushima’s mouth forms an “o” of recognition. 

“Oh, no, that’s not my boyfriend,” Yamaguchi says quickly, but still takes Terushima’s momentary distraction as an opportunity to slip away. 

Terushima suddenly grins and winks at Yamaguchi. “Sure, whatever you say. I’ll get your number later, Freckles-kun!” 

Kei rolls his eyes. “He is so annoying,” he mutters.

Yamaguchi’s face is slightly pink. 

Kei raises an eyebrow. “You don’t actually like that kind of thing, do you?” 

Yamaguchi pushes him. “Shut up, Tsukki,” he whines. The color of his cheeks deepens. “I like guys who are really forward.” 

Kei snorts. “Poor Chiba-san. What would he think if he saw this?” 

Yamaguchi pushes him again, a little harder. “Masahiko-kun isn’t a jealous type. We’d probably just laugh about it together.” 

“Oww, Yamaguchi,” Kei grabs his arm in mock pain. “You’re hurting me right before this very important game.” 

Yamaguchi gives him a sly smile. “Sorry, Tsukki.” 

As they reenter the gym to start the official warmup, from above them, Kei hears a very distinct, “Oya, oya, there you are.”

Kei turns to see Kuroo leaning over one of the railings, grinning his usual catlike grin. 

“Ugh,” Kei sighs. “It’s you.” 

Kuroo presses a hand to his chest. “You wound me, Four Eyes. It wasn’t enough for you to rudely hang up on me and then never call me back? You’re breaking my heart here, Tsukki.” 

“Please tell Kozume-san to fix that for you,” Kei replies. 

Kuroo guffaws. “You’re a real comedian, Tsukki. Hey, Freckles, does this guy practice all these jokes on you too?” 

Yamaguchi just smiles politely. Kuroo snorts and then his expression brightens. He leans farther over the railing. “Hey, cutie!” 

From behind Kei comes one tiny, terrified squeak. Kei looks behind him and sees Akimitsu clutching a volleyball to his chest protectively. 

“Hello,” he whispers, though Kei doubts Kuroo can actually hear him. 

Kuroo pats the railing. “I’ll save you a spot right next to me.” 

Akimitsu just squeaks again and shifts to hide behind Kei. 

Kei glares up at Kuroo. “Leave him alone. He has to do important work during the match.” He says sternly. 

Kuroo seems unfazed. “Don’t worry, Tsukki. I’ll take good care of him.” 

Kei sighs. This time he won’t even point out how greasy Kuroo makes everything sound. “I doubt that,” he grumbles. 

Kei takes Akimitsu by the shoulders and steers him away from the stands. “Don’t let him bother you,” Kei tells him. 

Akimitsu’s ears are bright red. “I’ll do my best to stay focused.” 

Kei sighs. “Honestly, Kuroo has really good volleyball sense. It would probably be helpful if he actually bothered watching the game instead of being annoying.”

Akimitsu tugs at the hair near his ears. Kei has a bizarre urge to make him stop. “It’s not that he’s annoying,” he says softly. “It’s just…” 

“Yes, he’s hot,” Kei says flatly. 

The rest of Akimitsu’s face turns red. “Senpai!” 

“Well, he’s taken,” Kei adds. “Don’t tell him you think he’s good looking; you’ll just inflate his ego more.” 

“I won’t!” Akimitsu protests as he leaves to head into the stands. 

Their first match is against Kakugawa High, and Hyakuzawa looks like he got even taller. Kei sighs. This match won’t be fun. He glances at the first years on their team and thinks that they’re pretty tall, but of course no one comes close to being two meters tall. Actually, Kei might be the one who comes closest.

Hinata is vibrating with excitement. 

“Why are you so excited?” Kei sighs. “This match is going to be rough. I bet we’ll play three sets.” As soon as he says it, Kei is sure this is Hinata’s ideal scenario. Monster.

“We get to play Hyakuzawa now that he’s all powered up!” Hinata says. 

Kei sighs heavily. “I’ll never forgive you for helping him at that training camp.” 

“Stingyshima! Don’t you want to challenge yourself with tough opponents?” 

Kei just gives Hinata a withering look. 

“I bet he’s learned how to hit straight shots,” Ennoshita muses. “Guarding the cross won’t be enough to shut him down.”

“He looks taller too,” Kinoshita adds. 

“Leave it to me!” Tanaka says boldly. “I don’t care if he’s three meters tall!” 

Kei shudders at the idea. 

“Honestly, Hinata spent a lot of time working on his block outs,” Narita says. “I’m sure that will come in handy this match.” 

Ennoshita laughs. “I’m sure the first years will be happy he’s finally going to do that to an opponent and not to them!” 

Kei takes a deep breath. They’ve sharpened their claws in the months leading up to this tournament. They’ll win. Fujita is right though, these are matches of destiny now, and the loser goes home. If they lose, the third years retire. Kei closes his eyes. They begin the long upward climb now. The chance to win a rematch against Date Tech, the chance to play a Nationals in Miyagi, the chance to repeat a dumpster battle… to make any of it happen, they need to first win this match. 

From what Kei remembers, Kakugawa’s team was composed almost entirely of second years, and it seems they like their chances of going far because the now third years are still there. Kei is sure that Hyakuzawa is still the star of the show and that their offense is still centered on him. But he knows they must have new tricks up their sleeves this season, and they can’t lower their guard. 

“We’re serving first,” Ennoshita announces. He tosses Fujita the ball. “Go get a nice serve, Fuji-san.” 

Kei looks at Fujita, who looks markedly more relaxed than earlier in the year. “Hey,” he says. “How confident are you that the ball will land exactly where you aim? Even with your new jump serve.” 

Fujita considers this. “Well, Akimitsu said my success rate is around eighty-five percent when we’re doing extra serve practice. I think I can land the ball anywhere I aim it.” 

“Aim at the two meter guy,” Kei says. “I want to know if he got any better at receiving.” 

“Tsukishima-senpai!” Now this is the Fujita that Kei recognizes, the one that gets freaked out too easily. “Do you seriously want me to pick a fight with that huge guy?”

“Yes, I do.” Kei nods. “Just smash it.”

Fujita gives him another wary look but then sighs and nods. “Okay, Tsukishima-senpai. I’ll trust you.” 

Kei raises an eyebrow. He’s willing to bet if Yamaguchi told Fujita to serve a home run onto the opposite court’s cheering section he’d do it without asking any questions. But maybe this is the residual wariness from making Yamaguchi cry; Kei isn’t quite off the first years’ collective shit list.

As Kei wanders away, he sees Ennoshita pat Hinata on the shoulder. “How are you feeling, Hinata?” 

When Hinata looks up, he’s got that creepy hyper focused look in his eyes. It sends a shiver down Kei’s spine. 

“Captain,” even Hinata’s voice has a slightly creepy edge. “I’m feeling really good today.” 

Ennoshita smiles. “Good. Let’s go take them down.” 

The nice thing about having a match where Fujita, Tanaka, and Hinata are all in top form is that the ball rarely goes up for Kei to spike. Fujita had proven Kei’s theory correct that Hyakuzawa had not improved his receives enough to handle a killer serve like Fujita’s, and so whenever someone with a jump serve was up they’re able to pick off a few consecutive points just beaning the volleyball off of Hyakuzawa. Tanaka was punching the ball through every wimpy two man wall Kakugawa put up when Hyakuzawa was in the back row. And Hinata has been running up a hot streak of block outs against Hyakuzawa’s hands and Kei can see the Kakugawa team’s frustration and panic building with each point they fall behind. It’s true that Hyakuzawa has improved a lot and has diversified his attacks, but he’s still the sun his team orbits around and without Hyakuzawa on the offense, Karasuno has openings to rack up points. 

It doesn’t mean they can defend against Kakugawa all the time. Sometimes they seem to pull a tricky play out of nowhere and catch up in points, and then of course Hyakuzawa’s height is always a potent weapon, but then Karasuno counterattacks and Kakugawa can never take the lead. 

They win handily in straight sets and afterwards, Kei can see Hinata and Hyakuzawa animatedly talking through the net. Kei sighs, intuitively knowing that Hinata is probably giving Hyakuzawa some kind of advice that will only make him more annoying next year. 

Akimitsu and Kuroo are waiting for them outside the gym. 

“Congrats,” Kuroo says cheerfully. “You slayed the giant again.” 

Kei shoots him a look. “That sounded lame.” 

Kuroo snorts. “So ungrateful. I spent my day off watching you play volleyball instead of lounging at home in my underwear and yet you have nothing nice to say to me.” 

Kei adjusts his goggles. “I’ve never pretended to be a nice person, Kuroo-san.” 

Kuroo just guffaws loudly. 

Kuroo has followed them back to school and Kei doesn’t really want to keep entertaining him. Especially not when he spots Chiba waiting for their return and the way he lights up when he spots Yamaguchi. 

“Tadashi!” 

“Masahiko-kun!”

Chiba opens his arms and Tadashi jumps into them. Kei wants to gag - it’s still his knee jerk reaction because it’s so grossly romantic - but when Yamaguchi lands in Chiba’s arms, Chiba’s bad knee buckles and they nearly topple over. 

“Sorry, sorry, I’m so sorry!” Yamaguchi’s voice is shrill and panicked as Chiba is half bent over holding the back of his leg. 

“No, no, that was all my fault,” Chiba says with a grimace. “Totally saw you coming but didn’t brace myself.” 

“Will you be more careful?” Narita chides, lightly hitting the top of Chiba’s head. “You’ll scare everyone to death. Especially Yamaguchi.” 

The rest of the third years begin hassling Chiba and Kei feels Kuroo’s arm drape itself across his shoulder. Kei tries to shrug him off but Kuroo just holds onto him.

“Is that him?” he asks casually. 

“No,” Kei deadpans. “That’s just some guy in another class. We’ve never seen him before.” 

Kuroo pinches his shoulder and Kei swats his hand away. “Always the comedian, Tsukki,” Kuroo snorts. 

They stand there, watching the third years disperse, and the way Yamaguchi and Chiba’s arms snake around each other in an embrace. 

“Did you get a lot of serves?” Chiba asks. 

Yamaguchi shakes his head. “I didn’t play today.” Even from a distance, Kei can see that Yamaguchi isn’t looking directly at Chiba when he says this, as if he’s embarrassed. Kei doesn’t see why. It’s not like Chiba knows the rules. Yamaguchi could say anything and Chiba would probably just lay the praise on thick because that was his personality. 

Kei doesn’t hear what Chiba actually says, but he does see Chiba pulling Yamaguchi closer to pepper kisses all over his face. Kei can barely contain his gagging. Being open about disliking Chiba has given Kei more liberty to show his feelings, though he’s still conscious of not showing Yamaguchi too much of them. Kei might not like Chiba, but Yamaguchi is smitten and wants there to be peace between them so Kei restrains himself. 

When Chiba sees them and leans down slightly, probably to ask Yamaguchi about who Kuroo is and where he came from, Kei becomes aware that Kuroo’s arm is still around his shoulders and elbows him in the side. 

“Get off me,” Kei grumbles. 

Kuroo makes an exaggerated movement of pain. “Ah, Tsukki, you’ve killed me.” 

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Kei huffs. Worse still, Yamaguchi and Chiba are approaching, still arm in arm and Chiba is slightly limping. 

“Hi,” Kuroo says first, grinning at Chiba, who returns the smile. “You must be Yamaguchi’s boyfriend. I’m Kuroo Tetsuro, an old friend.”

“Friend is pushing it,” Kei mutters. 

Chiba is all handsome pleasantry, as usual. “Chiba Masahiko. Tadashi’s told me about you.”

Kuroo arches an eyebrow. “Really? Terrible things, I assume.” 

Chiba laughs. “I wouldn’t really know. It’s all been related to volleyball and I don’t really understand the rules so I can’t tell.” 

Kuroo barks out a laugh. 

“Say, do you want to join us? Tadashi and I were going to grab something to eat and you’re welcome to come with us.” Chiba glances at Kei. “You are too, Tsukishima-san.” 

Kei is about to refuse but Kuroo slings his arm around Kei’s shoulders again. “Sounds great! I’m starving!” 

“What are you doing?” Kei hisses as they walk slightly behind Chiba and Yamaguchi, who are of course holding hands.

Kuroo glances at him. “You didn’t honestly expect me to third wheel on my own, did you?”

Kei blanches. “You’re such a busybody.” 

Kuroo just winks. 

Burgers are probably not what Ukai would define as a proper dinner, but that’s what they end up eating, cramped in a booth that feels a bit too small for four taller than average boys. Kei is having trouble keeping his appetite watching Kuroo hork down what looks like a triple cheeseburger swimming in condiments. 

“You and Kenma make the same face whenever I eat,” Kuroo comments, wiping his mouth. 

Kei arches an eyebrow. “Do you also eat this disgustingly in front of him? That’s romantic.” 

Kuroo groans. “You’re so heartless, Four Eyes.”

Yamaguchi snickers across from Kei and Kei gives him a half-hearted glare. “Traitor,” he says dully. 

Kuroo starts wiping off his hands. “So you’re a third year?” he asks Chiba. “Where are you going to university?” 

“I haven’t decided yet,” Chiba replies. “I have a few options though.” 

Kei quietly observes the way Chiba’s shoulders hunch defensively. It’s very slight, but it’s there and Kei is suddenly very curious. Yamaguchi didn’t have the same reaction, so it appears he isn’t quite in the loop. Kei dunks one of his fries into the pool of ketchup Kuroo poured out on his empty burger wrapper and eats it. It’s still crispy. Is Chiba planning to go to school far away? His English is impeccable and his grades are high; he could go to any of the top universities anywhere in the country. Or abroad.

“Your junior manager is adorable,” Kuroo says conversationally. “So diligent and sweet. I just want to eat him up.” 

Kei scowls. “Isn’t one boyfriend enough for you? You’re greedy.” 

“What can I say? I like blondes.” Kuroo winks at Kei and he gags. 

“Do you have to flirt with everyone you come in contact with?” Kei sighs. 

“I could flirt with that kid all day but I bet he wouldn’t even notice,” Kuroo snorts. 

Kei furrows his brow. He thinks about Akimitsu’s very visceral reactions to seeing Kuroo - fainting and squeaking and hiding - and can’t imagine him being indifferent to Kuroo turning up the charm on him. “How do you figure?” 

Kuroo raises his eyebrows comically high. “You haven’t noticed?” He surveys the table. “No one has noticed? That cute little kid has a crush on our Tsukki here so massive you could see it from space!”

“What?” Kei sputters. “No he doesn’t!” 

“Really? Because when I was watching the match with him today every other thing out of his mouth was, ‘Kei-senpai this’ and ‘Kei-senpai that.’ He really lights up when he talks about you, Tsukki.” Kuroo is grinning at him. 

Kei is far too embarrassed to speak. He’s trying to sort through all of his mental files, thinking of moments where Akimitsu seemed to have a crush on him, but Kei keeps pulling up blanks. Was Kei just uniquely oblivious to romance? 

While Kei is sifting through his thoughts, he hears Kuroo saying, “oh,” beside him.

“What?” Kei snaps back to attention. “What? What ‘oh?’” 

Kuroo’s not looking at him. He’s looking at Yamaguchi. “You knew.” 

Yamaguchi nods. “Yes, I did know.” 

Kei’s eyes widen. He’s about to ask when Yamaguchi found out such a thing - and why he didn’t say anything about it to Kei - but then he remembers something. The morning Kei sat out with Akimitsu in the sun, when Kei came out to him, Akimitsu had gotten very red in the face. Of course, he said that he was just struggling in the heat, but could it possibly have been related to finding out that Kei also liked guys? And then, Yamaguchi asked if Kei liked Akimitsu. 

“That’s why you asked me,” Kei realizes. 

Yamaguchi offers him a sheepish smile. “If you had told me you liked him, I would have told you that Akimitsu was crushing on you too. But you didn’t, so I didn’t say anything. He really does admire you, and I didn’t want to change things between you.” Yamaguchi shoots Kuroo a mildly disapproving look. 

“It’s not like I would treat him differently had I known,” Kei says defensively. Except he doesn’t know if that’s true. The first years seemed to think Kei favored Akimitsu, since Yoshida had mentioned that he thought Kei liked Akimitsu, and Kei wasn’t sure if he wanted to go on favoring him when Akimitsu liked him. Wasn’t that being unkind? Kei didn’t have romantic feelings for Akimitsu and didn’t want to encourage his crush.

“I know,” Yamaguchi says. “But you overthink so much, I thought you might start behaving strangely.” 

Kei says nothing to that. Admittedly, he had been acting strangely around Yamaguchi since Yamaguchi and Chiba began dating, so Yamaguchi was probably right to think Kei would have started clamming up around Akimitsu. 

Chiba stretches. “It’s getting late,” he says. “You two need to be up early so you can play more volleyball, right?” 

They leave the restaurant, and when Yamaguchi and Chiba wave and head off together, Kei suddenly feels cold. 

“They’re going home together,” Kei says softly to Kuroo. “Yamaguchi and I live in the opposite direction.” 

Kuroo only nods and he follows Kei. 

“You still love him, don’t you?” Kuroo asks. “That’s why you didn’t notice that kid being enamored with you.” 

“I can’t just change how I feel,” Kei says defensively. “Akimitsu is a good kid. It wouldn’t be fair to him if I wasn’t completely serious about him.”

Kuroo shrugs. “I think that’s smart, but at some point, you’ve got to move on, right? Those two look really happy together.” 

Kei agrees. Even though Chiba had been quiet during the meal, Kei saw him pay for Yamaguchi, and saw the way they were holding hands under the table. He even saw Chiba not eating his fries, definitely saving them for Yamaguchi once they got soggy.

“Oh,” Kei says. “I have your clothes at my house.” 

Kuroo leans against him, pushing his face way too close to Kei’s. “Oh, Tsukishima-kun,” he simpers, his voice dripping grease. “Are you inviting me over to your place?”

Kei pushes him away. “No,” he deadpans. “I’m just informing you I’m going to throw your clothes away.” 

Kuroo laughs. “Don’t be so mean to me, Tsukki.”

Kei brings Kuroo back to his place and hurries to find his clothes before Kuroo can tell his mom something embarrassing. When Kuroo leaves, his mom has a cheerful smile on her face. Kei feels nervous. 

“Your friend is nice,” she comments. 

“I guess,” Kei says. 

She lifts an elegant eyebrow. “Kei, is he a special friend?” 

“Ugh!” The emphasis on special makes Kei want to curl up in a ball. “No! Mom! Please don’t!” 

His mom starts laughing. 

Their opponent this morning is Johzenji and Kei can feel his eye twitching as they’re warming up. He slept well enough, he feels prepared enough, but he can’t shake the irritation from last season. Those ridiculous, unpredictable plays from a team full of overly athletic clowns. And of course, Terushima had already gotten halfway under Kei’s skin when he’d lit up at the sight of Yamaguchi as they entered the gym. 

“Freckles-kun! I’m coming for your number after this match!” 

Kei expects Yamaguchi to get flustered but instead he only grins. “Bring it on!” 

Kei raises an eyebrow. “Yamaguchi-san, are you flirting with our opponent right now?” 

Yamaguchi laughs. “You know Tsukki, I think you’re awfully concerned about who’s flirting with whom. Last night you kept on criticizing Kuroo-san over him being flirty. Is there something you’re not telling me?” 

Kei can feel heat rising in his neck. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Shut up, Yamaguchi.” 

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi’s smile tells Kei that he isn’t remotely sorry. 

Johzenji is still a tricky team to play against. They’re a well-oiled machine, comfortable with each other enough to fool around, and from last year they don’t appear to have evolved much. Kei does notice when their plays come together more fluidly, but they still manage to pull off random attacks that catch him unawares. But they still make plenty of mistakes that Karasuno can capitalize on, and Karasuno seems to be the team that cultivated more weapons in the past year, so they defeat Johzenji again in straight sets. 

Like last year, they’ve still got that hungry look in their eyes, the one that says they’d gladly play ten more sets, but this time their new manager is openly weeping beside Coach Anabara and half the team appears to be attempting to comfort her in a chorus of “Runa-chan, don’t cry!” rather than being carried away by their own sorrows.

Coach Anabara nods to Kei as he passes. “Your form looks very good, Tsukishima,” he says. “I hope I’ll see you again this winter.” 

“Thank you,” Kei bows slightly. “I hope so too.”

Coach Anabara cracks a small smile. “Or maybe I won’t see you.” 

Kei blinks. “Sir?” 

“Who knows. You might get called up to the All Youth camp and we’ll have to miss out on you.” 

Kei’s instinct is to say something self-deprecating, that he obviously has no place among all those elites, he isn’t a genius like Kageyama, but he stops himself. Since Kuroo had asked him about his future, Kei had started thinking more about what he actually wanted. So he smiles politely at Coach Anabara and says, “First, I need to focus on our next match.” 

He laughs. “Of course. Best of luck.” 

Kei thanks him again and rejoins his team. “Hey, Kageyama.” 

Kageyama glances at him. “What?” 

“I’ve decided that I want to keep playing volleyball in college.” 

Kageyama’s face would look creepy under most other circumstances, but the intense look in his eyes tells Kei that Kageyama believes him and is about to push him to be a much better player. Kei shivers. 

Their second match will be against Aoba Johsai, and Kei spends his warm up time stretching his legs. Kageyama’s eyes told Kei all he needed to know about this match. He was going to be jumping a lot. 

The first years look particularly solemn and Yamaguchi is flitting about them, clearly trying to boost their spirits. Kei isn’t sure why they look so grim. It’s true that they haven’t yet matched up with Seijoh this year, and this could be their one and only meeting of the season. Last year, they were fated rivals, but this will be their first meeting of the season. If they win, they’ll be guaranteed a spot at Nationals. The final, which will likely be a five-set rematch against Date Tech, will really be a pride match that will only decide where the two Miyagi teams will land in the bracket. Granted, that’s pretty important… 

Kei takes a deep breath. One fight at a time. 

As the teams are warming up, Kei watches the Aoba Johsai team. They certainly look polished and any gaps left by losing Oikawa don’t seem to be present. Yahaba looks laser focused and a little bit angry. Kei is sure to watch him closely. Playing angry can lead to mistakes that can be exploited. 

Kei also sees Kindaichi’s eyes following Akimitsu around the gym as he picks up volleyballs and tosses them to Saitou to set. 

“Hey, Hinata,” Kei hears Kindaichi say. “Is that guy your manager’s younger brother or something?” 

Hinata glances over his shoulder at Akimitsu, who beside Yachi does look like he could pass for a sibling. “Oh no, that’s our junior manager,” he says. 

Kei swears he detects the faintest blush on Kindaichi’s cheeks. He lets out a small huff of irritation. Surely Kindaichi isn’t more interested in making eyes at Akimitsu than preparing for the match. Even so, Kei watches Kindaichi watch Akimitsu. 

Before Akimitsu leaves to return to the stands, Kei pats him on the head. Akimitsu blinks up at him rapidly. He really does have long eyelashes. 

“Do a good job,” Kei tells him. 

Akimitsu’s ears turn bright red. “Senpai, shouldn’t I be the one saying that to you?” 

Kei raises a brow. “Well then?” 

Akimitsu looks away and Kei can see the blush spreading across his face and down his neck. “Good luck, Kei-senpai.” Akimitsu’s voice is barely above a whisper but Kei ruffles his hair. 

Kei avoids Yamaguchi’s pointed look. Kei knows that his feelings for Akimitsu aren’t romantic in the slightest. He just likes the feeling of being liked. 

Given the way Yahaba was clearly trying to break Ennoshita’s fingers during the captain’s handshake, and the way he apparently told Ennoshita through gritted teeth, “sorry, but we’ll be the ones going to Nationals this time,” it’s really no wonder that Aoba Johsai come out firing on all cylinders. Last season, the match against Karasuno was Kyotani’s first of the tournament, and his slow start hadn’t kicked in until the match’s midpoint. But this time, Kyotani was already warmed up, having played all minutes as the team’s integral ace, and defending against him proved difficult in the first set. Though the score was close, Karasuno had dropped the first set. 

“We can’t let them get too cocky,” Ennoshita said as they set up to play the second. “Those nasty cut shots, some of them are unavoidable. But we can dig the rest. Don’t get intimidated.” 

They had battled back in the second set and forced the match into a third. The third set was when Kunimi started to get more involved in the attack. Kei feels irritation creeping up his back, thinking back to Kunimi’s craftiness during the winter training camp, how despite how lazy he looked, that he was always reading the game. 

During a time out, Ukai looks at Saitou. “I’m going to put you in for a few plays. We’ve got to throw something at them they won’t see coming.” He looks at Yamaguchi. “I think it’s time for you to show off your new weapon, Yamaguchi. Next time I put you in to pinch serve, do it.” 

The whistle blows as Saitou comes in for Kageyama. 

Yahaba smirks at him through the net. “What’s this? Is the genius tired?” 

Saitou just gives Yahaba a disinterested sidelong glance. Considering that this is his first official Karasuno appearance and last tournament this kid was curled up in a ball and puking, Kei is impressed that finally Saitou has brought his usual level headedness from practice to the official court. 

Karasuno neatly receives Aoba Johsai’s serve and Saitou jumps straight up into his set. His form is textbook, even Kei can’t clearly read which way he’s going with his set. Which is actually a problem because Kei doesn’t know if the ball is going up for him. He jumps anyway, raising his arm to swing, and then Saitou neatly flicks his wrist and dumps the ball over the net. It lands without a Seijoh player so much as touching it. Kei can almost hear how hard Yahaba is grinding his teeth in rage. 

Saitou bows just slightly. “Hello. My name is Saitou Haruki. Even though I’m not a genius, please don’t look down on me.” 

“Brat,” Yahaba growls. 

When Yamaguchi is subbed in to serve, Kei can hear Yahaba sigh as he turns to his team. “This is the jump float guy,” he reports. Kei can hear the squeak of sneakers as they reposition themselves to receive a jump float. He bites the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning. It’s such a shame they can’t keep this a secret for one game longer, but needs must.

The whistle blows and Kei imagines the way Yamaguchi tosses the ball up. He can hear impact before he sees it register on Watari’s face that the incoming serve is not a jump floater. The ball lands solidly in the corner of the court and before Kei can react, he can hear the first years screeching in celebration, including Saitou beside him. 

Some of Yahaba’s furious bravado seems to have drained out of him. “What the hell,” he mutters. “These guys are monsters.” 

As Yamaguchi bounces the ball preparing to serve again, Kei lets himself smile. They’re going to win this.


	11. blue moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! first of all, thank you so much for 200+ kudos!! it really means a lot and i'm very grateful for all the love and support for this fic! 
> 
> secondly, i have a little housekeeping to talk about: in case you didn't notice, the chapter count has increased! i was having a lot of trouble writing this chapter and it took much longer than usual to write (especially after taking a month off of writing because i was in school, getting back into it was really difficult) but i also realized what i wanted to include wouldn't fit into just one more chapter without the word count exploding (as it is, this chapter is the longest by a decent margin) so i decided to add a chapter. i've also been a bit stuck on how i actually want the story to end, so though i don't actually anticipate the next two chapters being delayed, i'll ask for your patience in advance in case they are - i want to write a proper ending and do it well. 
> 
> that being said, i hope you enjoy this chapter!! it may contain some light manga spoilers (i am failing my own challenge to not see too many spoilers so ah... well...) thank you all so much for reading!!

Kei doesn’t get called up for the All Youth camp, but he does get an invitation to the training camp at Shiratorizawa again. (Hinata gets one too, and this time it’s a formal invitation.) Kei is surprised that missing the All Youth camp doesn’t sting more, but then again, Karasuno lost to Date Tech after four sets. This time the loss hadn’t been Kei’s fault, but it had been a significantly more devastating one. If someone had looked in on the team after the final whistle, he’d have thought the team had been eliminated from ever playing volleyball again with the way they were crying. Date Tech were totally dominant and it had been a different kind of loss knowing that they’d been cut off before they could fight to the end. They had only been able to pry one set away from the Iron Wall and it was still an open wound. 

Kei goes into his winter training camp feeling more motivated to take more away than last time. He still prickles at Koganegawa’s familiarity, especially after getting crushed by him, but Kei finds himself unable to hold grudges. Hinata certainly doesn’t seem to, and his eyes constantly have that look of animalistic intensity to them. Kei sees that and decides he doesn’t want to lose. 

At school, Akimitsu asks how the training camp is and Kei asks what the rest of the team is doing without Kageyama, Hinata, and Kei again.

“Lots of Tadashi-senpai directed serving practice,” Akimitsu reports, listing the activities off on his fingers. “Nakano and Nishinoya-senpai are practicing all kinds of defensive plays. Um, everyone has been working on syncing up with Saitou as the setter too.” 

“The training camp is intense. It’s a lot of two on two matches because that’s what Coach Anabara does with Johzenji.” Kei glances at Akimitsu. “You probably wouldn’t survive there. Coach Washijo only likes the tallest and strongest players. You’d definitely faint.”

Akimitsu’s face is red as he kicks meekly at Kei. “Don’t tease me,” he huffs. 

Kei snorts. “But it’s so easy.” 

Akimitsu glares at him halfheartedly and kicks at him again. 

It becomes Kei’s routine for the week of the training camp, to spend his lunch break with Akimitsu, then after school head to Shiratorizawa with Hinata, and spend the rest of the evening playing volleyball. The camp is composed of more or less the same people as last year, and Kei takes time to observe the opponents they didn’t get to play much against this year, namely the Seijoh players. In addition to Kindaichi and Kunimi is a Seijoh first year. Kei doesn’t catch his name, but he’s ridiculously tall. His serve is all over the place - Karasuno picked up a few points just from his serve misses - but he’s left handed, so picking up the balls he did get over the net was a bit tricky. The kid is no Ushijima, but it’s obvious from Washijo’s interest in him that he’s a good candidate to become one. Kei is glad he’ll have graduated by the time that kid becomes a fully powered up third year. 

Every time Kei sees Kindaichi, he’s reminded of Kindaichi’s eyes following Akimitsu around the gym during their warmup time, the hint of a blush on his face. Their eyes meet from time to time, and Kindaichi always looks away first. It’s not as if they got along well last year, but Kei doesn’t really know what to make of the sudden awkwardness between them. So it’s even more surprising when Kindaichi clears his throat in a very unnatural way to get Kei’s attention. His eyes won’t meet Kei’s and he keeps twisting the cap on and off his water bottle. 

“So,” Kindaichi says. “I saw you guys have a second manager. A guy.” 

“Yeah,” Kei replies. “We do.” He pauses before adding, “I saw you watching him.” 

Kindaichi’s face turns red.

“Ah,” Kunimi joins them, blotting his face with a towel. He cuts a glance at Kindaichi. “So that’s why you sucked so bad during that match.” 

“No, I didn’t!” Kindaichi sputters. 

Kunimi just shrugs. 

“Anyway,” Kindaichi straightens his shoulders. “I just wanted to say that I didn’t realize you guys were, you know.” Kindaichi’s face is redder. “But he’s cute, you know. So, uh, good for you.” 

Kei blinks. “Huh?” 

Kindaichi waves his hand awkwardly. “When I told Hinata that he was cute, I didn’t realize you were with him.” 

Kei’s eyebrows raise in alarm. “We’re not together,” he says, and before he can stop himself adds, “What gave you that idea?” 

“You, you,” Kindaichi is back to sputtering. “You were playing with his hair!” 

It’s Kei’s turn to sputter. “Playing?!” 

Kunimi’s eyes are shifting back and forth between them like he’s watching a particularly interesting rally. Kei wants to crawl into a hole. 

Kei adjusts his goggles, feeling heat crawling up his neck. “I was not playing with anybody’s hair,” he tries to say firmly. 

“You were,” Kindaichi huffs. “You don’t need to be embarrassed about it. I’d do it if I were you.” 

“I patted his head. That’s not playing with his hair.” 

Kindaichi squints at him and then a realization dawns on him. “So wait, you two aren’t dating?” 

“No,” Kei huffs. “We’re not. I told you that.” 

Kindaichi looks slightly more cheerful. “Oh, uh, so, is he, um, seeing anybody then?” 

Kunimi rolls his eyes and glances at Kei. “He’s been dying to ask you that. He figured Hinata wouldn’t know.” 

“He isn’t,” Kei answers, though Akimitsu’s apparent crush on him is in the back of his mind. But he won’t tell Kindaichi that. It’s not like it matters. Did Kindaichi even show up on Akimitsu’s radar? He’s certainly Akimitsu’s type, but Kei doesn’t really know what kind of guy Akimitsu likes when it comes to personality at all. He looks at Kindaichi appraisingly. “I don’t know if you’re his type though.” 

Kindaichi’s face falls. “What? What’s his type then?” 

Kei just shrugs. He feels mean, but he doesn’t really want to spend this camp fending off questions about Akimitsu from Kindaichi. 

And maybe a tiny part of Kei doesn’t want Akimitsu to date a guy like Kindaichi. 

Kei never brings this up, of course. He already feels mean for giving Kindaichi the idea that Akimitsu wouldn’t be into him - based on body type alone, Akimitsu probably would find him attractive, but there had to be other factors into who Akimitsu liked, right? - so he won’t take it any farther and tell Akimitsu he has an admirer from a rival school. He doesn’t really want to imagine Akimitsu’s reaction either, the way he would probably get all flushed and shy if Kei told him. 

Kei’s first day back at regular practice with Karasuno starts like any other. At the lunch break, he meets Akimitsu and buys him an apple juice. Akimitsu sneezes. It’s a little sneeze, almost cute.

“Are you alright?” 

Akimitsu nods and pulls a tissue out of his pocket to blow his nose. “Yes,” he says. “I’m just really sensitive to when the temperature changes like this.” 

Kei stares appraisingly at the apple juice. “Drink something hot?” he says, thinking out loud. 

Akimitsu’s ears turn red. “It’s fine, Kei-senpai.” 

“Do you faint when it’s cold too?” 

“No,” Akimitsu pouts. “But I get really bad chills.”

Kei nods, squirreling this information away for later.

“Oh, so this is where you two hang out.” 

Kei turns around. “Yamaguchi?” 

Yamaguchi smiles. “Hey, Tsukki. Akimitsu.” Yamaguchi is wearing a cardigan that Kei can’t quite place. It looks slightly big on him, so if Kei had to guess, it’s Chiba’s. It still bothers him a tiny bit, even though Kei has been trying to moderate his feelings more, and he doesn’t like the idea of Chiba courteously stripping off his sweater to keep Yamaguchi warm. 

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Kei asks. 

“College counseling,” Yamaguchi replies. “Can I join you?” 

“Of course,” Kei scoots over to make room for Yamaguchi. Despite making up, Kei still didn’t see much of Yamaguchi on his own and he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity. 

From over Kei’s shoulder, Akimitsu suddenly stands up. Kei glances up at him. Akimitsu’s face looks pale. “I forgot Saitou asked me for something. I need to go do that. Sorry.” Akimitsu bows awkwardly at them before scurrying away. 

Yamaguchi frowns. “Did I interrupt something?” 

Kei is equally confused. “No, you didn’t. I guess Saitou really needs whatever it is, though.” 

Yamaguchi sits down beside Kei and sighs, stretching his legs. 

“Isn’t it kind of late to do college counseling?” Kei asks. 

Yamaguchi cracks a small smile. “That’s what I said. He was having a hard time picking what school he wanted to go to, so I guess that’s why he’s seeing the counselor now.” 

“Where is he going?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Kei blinks. “He still hasn’t picked?” 

“No, I think he finally has, but I don’t know what school it is. I told him to not do anything stupid like decide with me in mind, so we haven’t talked about it at all.” 

Kei thinks about Chiba’s grades, and his English skills, and says, “But aren’t you worried he’s going to go to college far away?” 

Yamaguchi laces his fingers together. “Well, of course I am. If I could pick, I’d want him to stay close so we could still see each other every day. But he has big aspirations, and we’ve only been dating for a few months. I can’t be that selfish and ask him to consider me when picking where he wants to go to college.” 

Kei frowns. Yamaguchi’s words certainly make sense, but he doubts he really feels that way. He’s seen the way Yamaguchi pines after his boyfriend when they’re apart for a week in different parts of Japan. The idea of Chiba going to another country is something Kei can’t really wrap his head around. 

“What do his parents want?” 

Yamaguchi shrugs. “They both work internationally, so I think they probably expect Masahiko to do the same thing.” 

“And what does he want to do?” 

Yamaguchi starts fiddling with the too long sleeves of his boyfriend’s cardigan. “He wants to be a doctor,” Yamaguchi says. “So I want him to go wherever he needs to so he can do that.” 

Kei raises his eyebrows. “He wants to be a doctor but he never listens to his own about his bad knee?” 

Yamaguchi’s face flushes. “He’s getting better!” he tells Kei hotly. “He’s taking it more seriously now and he’s improved a lot!” 

“I don’t really stare at your boyfriend when he walks, Yamaguchi.” Well, that’s not really true. Sometimes Kei does stare, but usually only when Chiba is limping around. It’s basically a compulsion now, checking to see if Chiba is walking normally, trying to make sure he isn’t doing anything to cause Yamaguchi undue stress. 

“It’s really getting better,” Yamaguchi says stubbornly. 

“Of course,” Kei drawls. 

Yamaguchi elbows him. 

Later, at practice, Kei sees Saitou stretching and asks, “Did Akimitsu do whatever you needed him to do?” 

Saitout glances up at him. “Huh?” Saitou thinks for a moment and then says, “Oh, yeah, he did.” 

Kei’s eyes scan the gym and when he doesn’t see Akimitsu he asks again, “Where is he?” 

Saitou shrugs. “He said he wasn’t feeling well so I guess he went home.” 

Kei frowns, trying to remember if there was something off about Akimitsu earlier. He had seemed fine, cheerful and chatty as usual, up until Yamaguchi joined them and then his demeanor had changed, he’d gotten all pale and left. Maybe feeling sick had come on suddenly, combined with almost forgetting whatever errand Saitou asked him to do. 

The next day, the first years report that Akimitsu had started running a fever and had to go home, and that he was likely to be out for a few days recovering. 

Kei finds himself missing Akimitsu’s company, but the empty space left by Akimitsu is filled by Yamaguchi for the next few days as Chiba spends his lunch hour in college counseling. 

“Does he need to have so many meetings?” Kei asks. 

Yamaguchi shrugs. “I don’t know.” 

Kei frowns. “Are you two not talking about him going to college?” 

Yamaguchi hugs his knees to his chest. When he speaks, he sounds defensive. “We did talk about it. I know he’s not going to stay in Miyagi, and I know I can’t ask him to. I want him to worry about his future, and he wants me to worry about Nationals. We’re trying to not distract each other.” 

“But couldn’t you negotiate? There are good universities here in Japan that can set him up to work internationally. He doesn’t need to go far.” 

Yamaguchi sighs. “Tsukki,” he says softly. “If we could negotiate, we would have. I know him, and if I asked him to stay here with me, he would. He’d change his plans for me. I don’t want him to do that.” 

Kei is silent. He doesn’t know Chiba well enough to know whether or not this is true, but Yamaguchi seems certain of it. 

“I’m worried if I ask him to stay, he’ll regret it in a few years and end up hating me.” Yamaguchi starts fiddling with his hands. “I’d rather we try to bear with being apart instead of breaking up later because Masahiko-kun gave up something he wanted to keep me happy.”

Kei doesn’t know what to say, so he leans against Yamaguchi so their shoulders press together, hoping that his silence can be comforting. 

Akimitsu returns a week later, the day of their final practice match before the new year and the start of Nationals, but Kei doesn’t know he’s back until he walks into the gym and sees Akimitsu standing beside the scoreboard with his hands jammed under his armpits. Even from far away, Kei can see how badly Akimitsu is shivering although the gym doesn’t feel that cold. He remembers Akimitsu said he got the chills when it suddenly got cold like this and Kei frowns as he approaches Akimitsu. 

“Should you be here?” he asks. 

Akimitsu jumps. “Yes, Kei-senpai. I’m fine.” His words are punctuated by chattering teeth, so Kei really isn’t buying it. 

He raises an eyebrow. “You’re obviously freezing.” 

Akimitsu’s black volleyball club jacket is zipped up to the chin. “I have my gym sweatshirt under this,” he protests. “I’m fine. My hands are just a little cold.” 

“Just your hands?”

“I’ll be able to hold a pencil.” Akimitsu says, ignoring Kei’s question. “I’m fine, Kei-senpai, I promise. The team needs me. I missed a week of practice and you’re playing a practice match today.” 

Kei just sighs and unzips his own jacket. He holds it out to Akimitsu who stops shivering for half a second to stare up at him blankly. “Take it,” Kei says. “You’re obviously cold and probably still sick.” 

“I’m fine!” Akimitsu protests, pulling his hands from his armpits to hold them up defensively. “Really, senpai, please…” 

Kei feels a surge of irritation. What’s with this kid? He tosses his jacket at Akimitsu who fumbles to catch it. “Just take it,” he says gruffly. “Stop acting so tough.” Kei stalks away, not quite sure why he’s so annoyed at Akimitsu’s stubbornness, but when he looks over his shoulder, Akimitsu is quietly shrugging on Kei’s jacket and zipping it up. 

Their opponent today is Aoba Johsai and Kei can’t say he’s looking forward to it. He can only guess that they’ll be carrying their bitterness from losing to Karasuno just a few weeks ago with them and will treat these practice matches as real games with real consequences. 

So Kei is very surprised when the Aoba Johsai team arrives without their third years. 

Ennoshita raises his eyebrows and turns to Tanaka and Nishinoya. “Should we make it fair and sit out the first match or so?” he asks. When they nod, he turns to the rest of the team. “Hey, Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, pick which one of you is going to be captain during the first match. Hey first years! Nakano, Yoshida, Kanda, you’re all playing!” 

“Obviously, it’s got to be Yamaguchi.” Hinata says pointedly. 

Kageyama nods. “Obviously.” 

Yamaguchi flushes. “What do you mean ‘obviously?’” he squeaks. 

“Who else could it be other than you?” Kei asks. “You’re the one who’s holding the team together.” 

“I’m not a starter!” 

“So?” Kei shrugs. “You’re the only man for the job, Yamaguchi.” 

Yamaguchi blinks and glances at Kei, Kageyama, and Hinata. “Are you sure?” he asks softly. They all nod and Yamaguchi takes a deep breath and stands up straighter. “Okay.” Pride swells in Kei’s chest. When they were kids, he never could have imagined this, Yamaguchi being this confident right now. 

Kunimi is the one who walks over to shake Yamaguchi’s hand, and when their hands meet, Kei thinks he can see the future - next year, will they be destined rivals again? Will they meet in the final for a chance to play at Nationals again? Will they go for all five sets? 

This is a rare chance for Karasuno to see what their opponent will look like next year and so Kei keeps his eyes wide open, trying to take in as much information as he can. Their left-handed first year has managed to improve his serves quite a bit as almost all of them are in bounds. Their setter is also a first year and though he lacks the connection to the other players, it’s clear he has a lot of skill. Karasuno wins a majority of the matches, but Kei can sense the Seijoh team’s hunger from across the net. He shivers. 

Next year, maybe they’ll really be destined rivals once more. 

The sun is setting and both teams are tidying up the gym. Kei is starting to feel cold. 

“Where’s your jacket?” Yamaguchi asks, glancing at Kei’s still bare arms. 

“I gave it to Akimitsu,” Kei answers. Yamaguchi raises his eyebrows. “He was cold,” Kei says defensively. “Didn’t you see him shivering?” 

“I did, but you look like you’re cold now.” Yamaguchi observes. 

Kei sighs. “I don’t know where he went.” 

Yamaguchi nods towards the open door of the gym. “I think he went to refill water bottles.” 

Kei heads outside, flinching at the cold early evening air. He was so adamant that Akimitsu take his jacket, neglecting the fact that he was bound to get cold himself. He scans the area around the gym, searching for Akimitsu’s sandy hair, but instead he sees the top of Kindaichi’s spiky head by the water fountains.. Kei figures he’ll ask Kindaichi, since Kindaichi’s eyes were still trailing Akimitsu all over the gym when they were warming up, and Kei bets Kindaichi will know where Akimitsu is. 

As Kei approaches, he hears Kindaichi clears his throat awkwardly. “So,” Kindaichi’s voice has that same high awkward quality from when he asked Kei about dating Akimitsu. “I couldn’t help but notice you were watching me a lot.” 

Kei’s eyebrows knit together. Who is Kindaichi talking to? Kei turns and sees Akimitsu standing by the water fountains, a case of water bottles on the ground between them. He freezes. Kei is at a far enough distance that he’s not immediately noticeable, so he stays where he is and watches Akimitsu tug at the hair by his ears. He’s looking up at Kindaichi and Kei can almost imagine the look on Akimitsu’s face, the way his long eyelashes are probably fluttering in the presence of another tall, hot guy. 

“Was I? Akimitsu says. “I guess… I probably was. You’re very tall and strong.” 

Kei blinks. Akimitsu’s voice is softer than normal. Is… is Akimitsu flirting? Gooseflesh rises on his arms.

Kindaichi coughs. “Oh, well, you know, volleyball is a sport where you’ve gotta be pretty powerful.” 

“Yes, I know.” 

“Well, maybe I could give you my phone number? You know, so we could talk about volleyball.” 

Kei sort of expects Akimitsu to kindly reject Kindaichi, but instead, Akimitsu leans a little closer to him and says, “Yes, I’d like that.”

Kei thinks Akimitsu is probably looking up at Kindaichi through those eyelashes. He’s a little amazed Kindaichi doesn’t crumble. He watches them exchange numbers and then Kindaichi walks back to the gym. Kei thinks he has a skip in his step. 

Akimitsu lingers though, finishing filling the water bottles. He’s still wearing Kei’s jacket. Kei approaches him slowly, but when Akimitsu sees him, he still jumps. 

“Senpai!” he gasps. “You startled me.” 

Kei licks his lower lip. “You startled me too,” he says casually. “I didn’t know you had that side of you.” 

Akimitsu blinks at him, confused. “Senpai?” 

Kei takes Akimitsu in, the way Kei’s jacket hangs off him, still several sizes too big even over a sweatshirt and Akimitsu’s own jacket, the way Akimitsu has rolled the cuffs at least three times so his hands poke out from the too long sleeves. Did Kindaichi not see that and wonder if it belonged to some other guy? 

“I saw you,” Kei says, “wiggling your fox tail at Kindaichi like that.” 

“My what?” Akimitsu yelps, his hands swinging back towards his butt, as though he expects a tail to be there. Kei can see Akimitsu’s face slowly reddening. “Don’t… don’t tease me,” he says shakily. 

Kei shrugs. “Don’t you think it’s a little shameless to flirt with another guy when you’re wearing my clothes?” 

Kei tries to say it casually, and not like an accusation, but the color drains out of Akimitsu’s face all the same. He quickly reaches for the zipper to Kei’s jacket, yanking it down so hard it gets caught but Akimitsu just yanks it harder, the zipper opening up with a groan of metal. He peels it off like it’s burning him and holds it out to Kei. 

“I didn’t ask for it,” Akimitsu’s voice is still shaking, but somehow forceful. “You can have it back.”

When Kei doesn’t take it, Akimitsu pushes it into his hands, grabs the case of water bottles, and retreats. Kei isn’t sure why it stings so much, or why it feels like a rejection. 

Kei doesn’t really have time to worry about Akimitsu because soon it’s the New Year, and then it will be Nationals. Kei has to start mentally preparing for it. He knows he’s stronger than last year, but there’s added pressure from being the team playing on home turf. It will be difficult no matter how they look at it. 

Yamaguchi texts him to ask if he wants to go to a shrine and get New Year’s fortunes, but Kei declines. He’s not a superstitious type but he thinks if he pulls a bad fortune he’ll internalize it and let it get to his head. Unfortunately, his first dream of the New Year is an erotic one about Yamaguchi, and as Kei throws his sheets and pajamas in the wash, he can’t help but feel it’s an inauspicious sign. 

At school, Kei meets Yamaguchi and Chiba, one arm slung around Yamaguchi’s shoulders and a crutch under the other. He raises his eyebrows at Chiba’s braced knee and ginger steps. 

“What did you do?” he blurts out. Yamaguchi shoots him a withering look and Kei backs down. 

Chiba, however, laughs. “It’s all thanks to my New Year’s fortune. My o-mikuji said ‘great curse’ and what do you know, the next day, I slipped on a patch of ice and landed on my bad side. Nothing’s broken, luckily, but my hip’s pretty banged up and my knee isn’t too happy with me.”

“I wish you had called me,” Yamaguchi grumbles. 

Chiba smiles at him kindly. “By the time you got to me, I would have pulled myself up anyway. I’m fine.” 

Yamaguchi keeps pouting until Chiba swoops down and kisses him. Kei averts his gaze immediately. When he looks back, the lovebirds have separated and Yamaguchi looks much happier. 

“Did you get your fortune?” Chiba asks Kei. 

He shakes his head. “I don’t really believe in that kind of thing.” 

“Mine said ‘small blessing,’” Yamaguchi says cheerfully. 

Chiba beams. “Maybe you’ll do really well in your matches? Score lots of serves?” 

“Oh, maybe,” Yamaguchi leans against his boyfriend.

Kei snorts. “Yamaguchi doesn’t need a fortune for him to get in a lot of good serves. He practices so much he could do it in his sleep, I bet.” 

“I guess that’s true,” Chiba concedes.

Yamaguchi just flushes with pride. 

The gymnasium is loud and is about to get louder as Kei spots the Date Tech cheering section hauling in their banner with Moniwa, Kamasaki, and Sasaya leading the way. (Kei would really like to know if any of them go to school.) Soon enough their part of the gymnasium was going to be rocking with chants of “go go let’s go let’s go Dateko!” 

Yamaguchi smiles. “I don’t know why, but them being here sort of makes me feel better.” 

“Yamaguchi, they crushed us.” 

“I know, but it’s still kind of comforting to see familiar faces.” 

Kei waves to their own cheering section, headed by Shimada, Takinoue, Saeko, her taiko crew, and Akiteru. “Those aren’t familiar faces?” Behind them, in the sea of students, Chiba was somewhere too. 

Yamaguchi frowns at him. “You know what I mean,” he whines. “This isn’t Tokyo. Anyway, there’s a chance the Date Tech fans might root for us too.”

Kei just shrugs. 

As they warm up for their first game, Saeko and the taiko drums providing them a steady beat, Kei keeps his eyes on the first years. They’re an anxious bunch and though they all had their moments of levelheadedness, Kei knew they were taking Nationals very seriously and were probably panicking inside. Yamaguchi and Ennoshita are talking to them and Kei relaxes knowing that their current and future captains were keeping the team together. 

Kageyama pulls up beside him. “Are you ready?” Kageyama asks him.

Kei glances at Kageyama’s focused expression. “Of course,” he answers.

Kageyama grins. 

They win their first match and Kei feels lighter. It’s not like it was an easy match, there are no cupcake teams at Nationals, but Karasuno had played seamlessly together, like they were in perfect harmony, and it definitely boosted his spirits. 

His spirits then promptly drop when he sees Akiteru waving to him happily with Chiba leaning on him for support. Ugh. He cannot imagine anything worse than the two of them talking to each other. When Kei sees Akimitsu’s sandy fringe just behind his brother’s shoulder, Kei can’t help but groan. He and Akimitsu were still awkward around each other since the jacket incident. He doesn’t even want to think about whatever nonsense Akiteru was telling both of them. Saitou gives him a questioning look but Kei ignores him in favor of scowling at his brother. 

“What are you up to?” Kei grumbles. 

Akiteru is still smiling giddily. “Kei, why didn’t you tell me what a nice guy Chiba-kun is? You just let Tadashi do all the talking.” 

Kei sighs. “I figured there was nothing more to say because he’d already said everything.” 

Akiteru has started pouting. Akimitsu pokes his head out from behind Akiteru as he starts up again. “And you didn’t tell me anything about Akimitsu-kun! Did you know we write our names with the same characters? He’s so sweet! How could you not say you’re making friends!”

Kei is acutely aware of Saitou still standing beside him so he reaches past his brother and pulls Akimitsu away and pushes him into Saitou and tries to shoo them both. “Could you please…” Kei doesn’t know who he’s directing his request at. Could his brother please stop embarrassing him? Could the first years please stop witnessing Akiteru embarrassing Kei? 

“How do you think I feel, Tsukishima-san didn’t tell me he had a brother, but neither did Tadashi.” Chiba decides this is the perfect time to chime in.

Kei thinks he might be baring his teeth at Chiba. “Not helping,” he grunts. 

“Lucky you two look alike.” Chiba adds. 

“No we don’t,” Kei says the same time Saitou pipes up, “no they don’t.” 

Akiteru doesn’t look ruffled. “I take after our mom, but Kei takes more after our dad,” he explains. 

“I have to go give my notes to Ennoshita-senpai,” Akimitsu says to no one in particular and quickly slips away. Saitou follows, apparently deciding it was no longer entertaining to watch Kei being flustered. 

“Where’s Tadashi?” Chiba finally asks. 

Kei looks but Akiteru sees him first. “He’s still talking to Shimada. I’ll go get him. Here, Kei,” Akiteru slides out from under Chiba’s arm and pushes Kei into his spot. 

Kei sighs, now saddled with Yamaguchi’s boyfriend. He feels a prickle of irritation at Chiba’s smug expression. Clearly, he enjoyed Akiteru’s display of brotherly love. 

“Where are you going to college, Chiba-san?” Kei asks. 

Chiba is still smiling. “Ah, well, you know…” 

Kei rolls his eyes at Chiba’s non-answer. “That far away, huh?” 

The smile falls off Chiba’s face. Kei feels a droplet of sweat sliding down the back of his neck. He has never liked Chiba, but this is the first time Kei has considered that maybe Chiba doesn’t like him that much either. 

“Tsukishima-san, why don’t you just pay attention to this tournament and not worry about what I’m doing? You’re the one who scolds me and tells me I should stop making Tadashi worry, so why don’t you let me do that.” 

Kei is tongue-tied and luckily Akiteru returns with Yamaguchi at that moment. Chiba lights up and pushes off from Kei’s arm to embrace his boyfriend. “You did so well,” he croons, kissing Yamaguchi’s forehead. Yamaguchi just beams.

“I told you,” Kei says, trying to keep his tone light, to not let on to the uncomfortable exchange he and Chiba just had, “Yamaguchi doesn’t need a fortune to tell us he’ll get his serves in.” 

The second day brings their second match and they win again. This time it’s a bitter fight in full sets and Kei feels exhausted by the end of it. He’s leaning against a wall, trying to stretch his legs when he hears, “Oya, oya, there you are.” 

Kuroo is wearing his Nekoma jacket over a pair of jeans, still looking every inch the captain of his team, especially compared to the actual captain, Kozume, who was sweating profusely and dragging his feet behind Kuroo. 

“Kuroo,” Kei greets, standing up straight.

“How’s it going?” Kuroo asks. 

“We’ve won two matches so far. Our third is this afternoon.” Kei doesn’t say that they’re facing Inarizaki again. Damn elites. Of all the teams he wished to avoid meeting this early, Inarizaki was high on the list. Those damn annoying twins… 

Kozume leans heavily against Kuroo’s side. “Carry me,” he mumbles at Kuroo. 

Kuroo raises his eyebrows. “Carry you?” Kozume just kicks at Kuroo’s ankle and Kuroo sighs but kneels down so Kozume can climb onto his back. “You’re taking advantage of me,” Kuroo says. “I’m feeling very used.” 

Kozume just rests his head on Kuroo’s shoulder and closes his eyes. 

Kei nods towards Kozume. “How are they doing?” 

“Won their first two, like you guys. You better beat the Miyas. I want to see another dumpster battle, Tsukki.”

“I do too,” Kei says. 

Kuroo glances over Kei’s shoulders. “Where’s your cute little manager?” 

Kei shrugs. “I don’t know.” 

“What? He’s not orbiting around you like usual?” 

Kei glares at Kuroo. “It’s not like that,” he sighs. He thinks of Akimitsu’s face as he held Kei’s jacket to him. Kei hadn’t noticed but in hindsight he realized Akimitsu had looked hurt. “I think he realized I don’t like him the way he likes me and it hurt him.” 

Kuroo frowns at him as he adjusts Kozume on his back. “You know, Four Eyes, you’re going to have to let Freckles go at some point.” 

“I know, but I can’t do it just like that.” Kei doesn’t think Kuroo can really understand. He’s standing in front of Kei with his childhood love drowsing on his back, and Kei doesn’t even know where Yamaguchi is right now. If he had to guess, Yamaguchi was probably wrapped up in Chiba’s arms, Chiba cooing sweet nothings at him and encouraging Yamaguchi to get lots of good serves. And even Akimitsu was avoiding Kei now. 

Kei pushes thoughts of everything other than volleyball out of his mind as he regroups with the team. Yamaguchi is talking to the first years, who are wearing five identical solemn expressions, and explaining Miya Atsumu’s dangerous serves. “Nobody’s caught more jump floaters or killer jump serves than you guys,” he tells them, a surprisingly stern edge to his voice. “There’s no reason to get panicked if he changes it up. You need to keep calm.” 

“Oh man,” Yoshida is bouncing on the balls of his feet. “I really want to see Tadashi-senpai get into a full dual wielding serve battle with that guy!” 

Yamaguchi smiles serenely. “He’s the one I got the idea from.” 

Kei swears Yoshida’s got hearts in his eyes.

Kei stops short in front of Akimitsu, their eyes meeting for the briefest of moments. Akimitsu looks away first, lowering his gaze. Kei wants to reach out and ruffle his hair but doesn’t. He can tell Akimitsu looks nervous. 

“Hey,” he says and Akimitsu’s head pops back up. “We’re gonna wipe the floor with those elites.” 

Akimitsu’s eyes widen. 

“Do a good job,” he adds. His hand twitches. He really wants to touch Akimitsu’s head. 

“We’re counting on you, Kei-senpai,” Akimitsu says softly. 

Kei snorts. “We’ll all do our best.” 

Kei joins the circle of his team. The sounds of the gym fade away - the taiko drums and Inarizaki’s band and the cheering all filter into nothingness - and Ennoshita pulls them into a huddle. “We’ve beaten them before,” he says simply. “It won’t be easy, but it’s not impossible. Let’s beat them again. Karasuno, fight!” 

Kei takes a deep breath as he steps into his starting position on the court. It’s all an uphill battle from here.


	12. solar flare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! here we have another chapter from yamaguchi's pov! it was what i wanted at the beginning, then in the middle it felt like the wrong choice, but then i thought it was right at the end... i hope the quality of writing isn't that bumpy, this chapter took a long time to write TT 
> 
> this chapter contains light manga spoilers, but we are also wading into canon divergence territory (my attempts to avoid manga spoilers have been failures but whatever) 
> 
> i hope you all enjoy this chapter!!

They lose. Tadashi is surprised when tears don’t come. He stands in the gym unable to hear any of the hustle and bustle around him, not even the Inarizaki band that seems to just be getting louder and louder. He feels some regret, if just one more of his serves had landed in bounds, if he’d been able to dig one more ball… but they peel away from him one by one. The Nationals of his second year have ended, but all Tadashi feels is pride. It wasn’t an easy fight. They played to full sets, forced deuces in two of those sets, and had only lost by a hair. It was an admirable effort and despite the loss, Tadashi can’t find the rain cloud. 

Granted, he knows his team doesn’t feel the same as he does given the way Fujita is sobbing in front of Ennoshita right now, but his own tears still won’t fall. He falls into stride with Kei who has his goggles hanging around his neck. His best friend looks dazed, as if the loss hasn’t sunk all the way in. Tadashi knows that Kei is turning each play over in his head right now, analyzing every detail, figuring out where they went wrong. As they exit the gymnasium, Tadashi sees Akiteru first, crouching by Akimitsu who is also crying. 

Kei seems to wake up suddenly. “Why are you crying?” he blurts. 

Tadashi and Akiteru both give him incredulous looks. Akimitsu looks up, eyes puffy and tears still rolling down his face. He’s holding his glasses and his notebook in one hand, the other is wiping ineffectively at his eyes. “I just didn’t want us to lose,” he hiccups. 

“We’ve lost before,” Kei points out. 

Tadashi slaps his shoulder. “Tsukki!” he hisses. 

Kei seems to snap himself out of whatever emotionless daze he had just been in. “Oh, just, come here,” he says awkwardly to Akimitsu, as he tugs the smaller boy towards him. Akiteru and Tadashi are both perplexed as Kei inexpertly wraps his arms around Akimitsu, who has never seemed quite so small, and pulls him against his chest. Kei folds his upper body over Akimitsu’s shorter frame, and it isn’t the prettiest looking hug, but Kei isn’t very touchy-feely so it’s the best he can do. Akiteru now looks like he might cry too and Tadashi lets himself drift away. Sometimes Kei perplexes him a little. Maybe it’s a leftover worry from when everyone was theorizing that Kei used to have feelings for him and Tadashi is still too afraid to face that kind of possibility, but Tadashi really wonders about Kei and his feelings for other people. 

Sometimes Tadashi is too afraid to ask Kei if he understands his own heart. 

Tadashi bumps into Kuroo as he wanders around the different parts of the stadium. Kuroo is wearing his Nekoma jacket and leafing through a tournament booklet. 

“Hey, Freckles,” Kuroo says. “That was a good match.” He grins suddenly. “Those were some pretty nasty serves. Oh man, I was sitting on the Inarizaki side of the court when you did that regular jump serve - I didn’t know you could do that, you crafty little bastard - and man, the look on Miya Atsumu’s face when it was a no touch ace. I don’t think he knew whether to be pissed off or impressed.” 

Tadashi has to smile at that. It had been a good strategy he had developed after playing Aoba Johsai and Date Tech by using both serves. If he could lull the opponent into thinking he was only using one or the other, he could get them to mess up when he changed it. Beating Miya Atsumu at his own game wasn’t actually something Tadashi was striving for, he had only been thinking about scoring points neatly for his team, but it made him feel good to know about it. 

“How are Nekoma doing?” he asks. 

“They’re about to play their third game,” Kuroo replies. “Kenma will probably say that since your team has been knocked out, it’s not exciting anymore, but I can tell he’s feeling competitive. They’ve looked pretty solid. I think they can go far.” 

“That’s good,” Tadashi smiles. 

“You did a good job out there, Freckles, don’t be too hard on yourself.” Kuroo says.

Tadashi laughs a little. “Honestly, I think we played the best we could. I’m not beating myself up about it yet.” 

Kuroo smiles back at him and Tadashi moves on. 

He finds his team again, noticeably calmer now, and sees Masahiko looking antsy. His boyfriend’s face lights up when he sees Tadashi and Tadashi can’t help but rush over to him. 

“Where were you?” Masahiko sounds relieved as he pulls Tadashi into a one-armed hug. “Nobody knew where you went.” 

“Sorry,” Tadashi sits beside Masahiko and wraps his arms around him. “I just needed a walk to clear my head.” 

Masahiko gazes at him adoringly. “You did so well out there.” 

Tadashi smiles shyly. “Do you think so?” 

“I know so! Everyone around me kept saying that you looked so cool, and you could do that serve switchy thing that the other guy did, and I was so proud. I kept on wanting to jump up and yell, ‘That’s my boyfriend!’” 

Tadashi laughs. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t jump.” 

“I’m not tempting fate!” Masahiko pats his right hip. “I’m already sore enough.” 

Tadashi lets himself rest against Masahiko’s shoulder while they wait to depart the stadium. Tadashi closes his eyes. Tears still won’t fall. 

When they finally board the van to go back to school, Ennoshita taps his shoulder. “Let’s talk,” he says. 

Tadashi mouths, “Sorry, Tsukki,” to Kei who just nods and moves to take his regular seat. Tadashi sits beside Ennoshita and they talk about the game during the ride. 

“I know it’s not up to me, but if I could cast my vote for the next captain it would be you.” Ennoshita says. 

Tadashi’s heart leaps in his chest. It was one thing to be the acting captain during a practice match, but another thing entirely to actually be the captain. 

“You held all those first years together, the guys in your class all trust you, and you’ve always been a polite and obedient kohai to us upperclassmen,” Ennoshita continues. “You’ve proved yourself time and time again and everyone on the team knows we can depend on you, Yamaguchi.” 

Tadashi flushes. “But I’m not a starter…” 

“Who knows, maybe you’ll become one. If not, then your vice captain will be captain when you’re not on the court. You’ve got to choose wisely from those three volleyball idiots.” Ennoshita smiles at him kindly. “Don’t doubt yourself, Yamaguchi. You’re the only one and I’m sure they’d all agree.” 

Now Tadashi can feel tears stinging his eyes. Being the captain isn’t something he ever thought he could do, he always saw himself as too weak, but his teammates keep telling him that he’s the only one for the job. He sniffles and thanks Ennoshita for his kindness and his guidance and Ennoshita just smiles and reassures him again. 

When they’ve parked back at the school, Tadashi turns in his seat to see Kei asleep in his seat, forehead resting against the window. Akimitsu is asleep beside him, curled up on Kei’s shoulder. Kei stirs slowly, blinking and when he looks down at Akimitsu leaning on him his face goes blank. Tadashi smiles softly at them. 

No, Tsukki still must not know his own heart. 

It’s two days later when Masahiko takes his hand after classes are over for the day and says to him quietly, “We have to talk.” 

It doesn’t register, not really. Tadashi just nods, thinking in the back of his mind that he hopes it isn’t anything that will take too long because he has to go to volleyball practice soon. He walks with Masahiko, he’s off the crutch now but he’s still moving slowly, and they sit down together.

Masahiko is running his thumb over Tadashi’s knuckles. Tadashi suddenly feels uneasy. This is a nervous habit of Masahiko’s, and Tadashi’s mind begins racing.

“Now that Nationals are over,” Masahiko begins slowly, “I need to tell you about my plans for university.” 

Tadashi suddenly feels cold all over. He wonders if his hand suddenly feels clammy in Masahiko’s. They had agreed before Nationals that they wouldn’t distract each other; Tadashi wouldn’t pester Masahiko about school, and Masahiko wouldn’t pester Tadashi about volleyball. They had their individual goals and their own ways of getting to them, and they agreed to not interfere with the other. But now, Nationals was over. Tadashi knew Masahiko had made his college decision while Tadashi was spending every evening in practice. He knew Masahiko was going to be leaving him soon. 

“I haven’t actually given my formal decision yet, but the deadline is coming up soon.” Masahiko squeezes his hand. 

Tadashi just nods. 

Masahiko’s thumb stills as he takes a deep breath. “The university I’m considering… well, it’s in Canada, and I…” 

Tadashi can’t hear anything after Masahiko says the word, “Canada.” His heart pounds in his chest loudly and he can’t think straight. The word keeps ringing in his ears, drowning out everything else. Tadashi isn’t even sure he’s breathing. 

Masahiko squeezes his hand and suddenly Tadashi is jerked back into the present. Masahiko’s eyes are deep, dark pools of concern. “Tadashi?” he asks softly. 

“Sorry,” Tadashi jumps to his feet. “I’m late for practice, I have to-” 

Tadashi is a terrible person. He knows very well that Masahiko cannot jump up and chase him, knows that even on a day when Masahiko’s leg isn’t bothering him that Tadashi can walk much faster than him and so on a day like today when Masahiko is in pain, running away is the simplest thing in the world. It makes Tadashi a coward to take advantage of Masahiko’s injury like this, but it’s all he can do. Tadashi runs to the club room and slams the door behind him, relieved to find it empty, but of course it’s empty because he’s late. He slides to the floor and buries his face in his knees, the tears that wouldn’t fall days ago finally coming now, the dam broken by Masahiko’s announcement. 

In a sense, Tadashi still doesn’t think he deserves to cry about this. Not when he was the one who told Masahiko to go to whatever university he really wanted to go to. When they’d first spoken about it, the night they went out for burgers with Kuroo and Kei, Tadashi had tentatively asked about it. He had known it was coming all along, Masahiko was a third year, of course university was around the corner, and since he was an exceptional student, Tadashi knew Masahiko would at least be moving to one of the big cities. They had been lying side by side in Masahiko’s bed, Masahiko holding his hand and running his thumb over Tadashi’s knuckles. 

“Like I said, there are a few options. But honestly, I just recently started thinking about Tohoku. It’s in Sendai, so I wouldn’t be too far away. In fact, I might not even move apartments, the commute wouldn’t be that bad.” Masahiko had looked at him then, his eyes so tender. “And I wouldn’t be that far away from you.”

Tadashi should have been thrilled. He should have been ecstatic that he meant so much to Masahiko that he’d stay in Miyagi just for him. But he hadn’t been thrilled. Tadashi had been terrified. A small part of Tadashi was starting to brace himself for the possibility that they’d break up when Masahiko graduated, but somehow the possibility that Masahiko would stay was scarier than him leaving. 

It was the one word. “Recently.” Maybe if Masahiko had always been considering Tohoku, it wouldn’t have scared Tadashi so much, but the idea that Masahiko was changing his college plans for Tadashi’s benefit didn’t sit well with him. Tadashi knew that Masahiko had always been set up to do great things and his parents had high expectations of him even when they were living apart from him. Tadashi had only been Masahiko’s boyfriend for a few months. He couldn’t let Masahiko alter his life’s path for his sake. 

Tadashi had sat straight up. “Don’t,” his voice had cracked around the world. “Please don’t do anything stupid like picking your college while thinking about me.”

Masahiko had stared at him blankly. “Sorry?” he said, sounding dumbfounded. 

“You can’t do that,” Tadashi had rushed to explain. “You can’t change your plans, your life goals, and go somewhere you weren’t planning to for me.”

Masahiko had eased himself into a sitting position and reached for Tadashi’s hand again. “It wouldn’t necessarily be a change. It’s still one of the best schools in Japan. Sure, I hadn’t thought about staying close to home until we started going out, but don’t you want me to stay close?” 

Of course Tadashi wanted that. But he hadn’t been able to explain it then, though eventually he’d voiced these fears to Kei. If Masahiko really did stay, he might regret it later and he’d hate Tadashi for holding him back. 

“It’s your future,” Tadashi had said at the time, fiddling with his fingers. “I don’t want you to decide things based on me. You have to make decisions based on what you want.” 

“I understand,” Masahiko said, continuing to reach for him. “Come here. I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d react like this. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” 

Tadashi had settled into Masahiko’s arms heavily, burying his face against Masahiko’s shoulder, hoping that he couldn’t feel Tadashi’s racing heart. 

The exchange had made Masahiko begin to fuss over him and Tadashi often found Masahiko waiting for him after practice, looking worried. “Are you overworking yourself? Shouldn’t you be trying to rest more right before a big tournament?” he asked. 

Tadashi had wrinkled his nose at that. Even though he had told Kei that Masahiko had been taking his health more seriously and was complying with his doctor and physical therapist’s advice, he still found it pretty rich that Masahiko was asking him about overdoing it. 

“Masahiko-kun, I know what I’m doing,” Tadashi told him, but Masahiko continued to fret until Tadashi had proposed they both try to let each other focus on what they needed to focus on. 

“I won’t bug you about picking a university if you don’t bug me about Nationals, okay?” 

Masahiko had pouted as he pulled Tadashi into a hug. “Alright,” he conceded. “I am worried about you though.” 

“I’m worried about you too, but I want you to trust me.” 

Masahiko kissed the top of his head. “I do. So, please, trust me too.” 

Tadashi had nodded against Masahiko’s chest.

What had Tadashi really wanted? What had he really been expecting? Secretly, had he wished for Masahiko’s decision to be choosing to stay nearby? Since they had agreed to let the other figure things out alone, was Tadashi expecting to not feel guilty or scared when Masahiko inevitably decided on Tohoku? But he hadn’t chosen Tohoku. He had chosen somewhere in Canada. Masahiko had chosen himself, his future. 

Just like Tadashi wanted him too. 

Tadashi loses track of time as he crouches in the club room, sobs racking his body, forcing their way up and out of him. He must be crying so loudly he doesn’t hear the door to the club room open and doesn’t hear his name until Kei is kneeling beside him with his hands on Tadashi’s shoulders. 

“Yamaguchi? What’s wrong? What happened? Are you hurt?” Kei’s voice sounds far away and anxious and Tadashi sniffles loudly as he wipes away his tears and snot. Kei is blurry and wet in his vision so he scrubs at his eyes harder.

“I’m okay,” is what Tadashi instinctively says even though it’s pretty obvious that he is not remotely okay. 

“Yamaguchi-” Kei begins but Yamaguchi inhales sharply, cutting him off. 

“I’ll be okay,” he rephrases. “It’s just…” He feels his resolve rapidly crumbling again. “Masahiko just told me he’s going to college in Canada.” 

Kei stares at him. “Canada?” 

Even though Tadashi tries to stop himself, he ends up crying again. “I thought it was going to be far, but I was thinking of an international college somewhere in Asia. I never thought… not the other side of the world…” 

Tadashi can feel Kei’s hands on his knees. “Yamaguchi, you’ve got to talk to him…” 

Tadashi shakes his head. “I can’t. I told you, I want him to do what he needs to…” 

Kei is frowning at him. “Will you really be okay?” 

Tadashi takes a deep breath. “Yes,” he says, trying to not sound uncertain. He had left Masahiko without really talking to him. They had to talk about the future together and Tadashi couldn’t run away again. He wipes his eyes and takes another deep breath. “I’ll be fine. I’m sorry. I’m making us both late to practice.” 

“That’s why I’m here. It’s not like you to be late.” Kei replies as he helps pull Tadashi to his feet. 

Tadashi pauses by the water fountain to splash his face and hopefully wash away some of the evidence of his crying. He returns to the gym with Kei, deflecting questions about where he was and quickly getting lost in the rhythm of their practice. If Tadashi is honest, he almost forgets about Masahiko’s announcement until Coach Ukai pulls him aside and asks him about being captain next year and if he had chosen a vice captain yet. Tadashi hasn’t yet decided but promises Coach Ukai to do it soon. 

Kei is waiting for him and then says suddenly, “Come home with me tonight.” Tadashi is taken aback and Kei’s face turns slightly red. He coughs. “I only mean, my dad is home. He’d probably like to see you.” 

“Oh! Of course I’ll come over.” As they’re in the club room again, packing things up for the evening, Tadashi pulls out his phone. Masahiko has texted him once, asking when Tadashi wants to talk. Tadashi bites his lip as he texts back that tonight he’s going to visit Tsukki’s family and that they should talk tomorrow instead. 

A reply quickly comes in. “Have fun.” 

Tadashi swallows thickly as he pockets his phone and follows Kei down the familiar path home. 

“Tadashi!” Kei’s father’s voice is loud and cheerful. 

“Otousan,” Tadashi greets politely. “It’s nice to see you again.” 

“You and Kei are growing up so fast,” he says, appraising Tadashi. “I remember when you were half Kei’s size!” 

Kei groans from behind Tadashi. “Dad, please.” 

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t see any of your volleyball matches,” Kei’s father adds. “I hoped I could get back a little earlier, but things at work came up last minute.” 

“Yes well we got eliminated a little earlier than expected too,” Kei says dully. 

Tadashi elbows him. “Tsukki!” 

“Did you know Yamaguchi is going to be team captain next year?” Kei barrels on. 

“Are you? Tadashi, that’s wonderful!” Kei’s mom chirps, swooping over to peck Tadashi on the cheek. 

He blushes. “Thank you.”

Akiteru also arrives after he gets off work and Tadashi sits down with the Tsukishimas for dinner. It feels like he’s in elementary school again, when he used to come over almost every day. Kei’s father had just recently started living abroad for work and at first, Tadashi had assumed that Kei’s mom was a single mom like his own. 

“Where does your mom work?” Tadashi asked curiously, comparing the Tsukishimas’ spacious house and how Kei’s mom was always home when Tadashi was visiting with his own smaller apartment and how infrequently he saw his own mom.

“Huh?” Kei had looked confused. “She works at home. You know, like cooking and cleaning the house.” 

Tadashi had stayed confused trying to figure out how Kei’s mom could be so rich while only working at home and then Akiteru must have gotten wind of Tadashi’s question because one day he pointed at the world map hanging above his desk at the time and said, “Do you know what country this is?” 

Tadashi shook his head and Akiteru unpinned the map to show Tadashi. “This is South Korea. Our dad works here.” He traced his finger between South Korea and Japan. “It’s not really that far away, but it’s too far to go back and forth everyday, so he lives there most of the year when he’s working. But he comes back and visits sometimes.” Akiteru smiled. “Cool, right?” As Tadashi got a little older he learned that Kei’s father worked in electronics and when they’d finally met, Tadashi had been surprised at how much Kei looked like his dad. Even now, the resemblance only grows stronger, though Tadashi can see a few wispy grey hairs near Ke’s father’s temples behind the arms of his eyeglasses. 

After dinner, Tadashi offers to help Kei with washing the dishes and they stand side by side, the only sounds between them the sloshing of water and the clinking of plates. It’s peaceful and Tadashi feels so at home right here. 

At some point, Kei’s parents leave together to have a spontaneous night out - even though they just had a family dinner - and Tadashi can’t help but notice how vibrant and happy Kei’s mom looks.

“I think that’s the first time I’ve seen her wear makeup in at least half a year,” Kei says offhandedly. 

“She looks happy,” Tadashi says. 

“Of course. He hasn’t been home in a few months.” 

“It’s nice he could be home for the lunar new year,” Tadashi adds, settling deeper into the Tsukishimas’ plush couch and letting his head loll near Akiteru’s shoulder.

“Kei,” Akiteru says suddenly. “You should go and buy some wagashi.” Akiteru shifts to pull out his wallet. “Here, I’ll treat.” 

Kei looks at him sullenly. “Get it yourself if you want to eat some.” 

“I traveled all the way here from Sendai,” Akiteru whines. “I’m tired.” 

Kei heaves out a sigh. “Fine. Let’s go, Yama-” 

“No!” Akiteru throws his arms around Tadashi’s shoulders. “I never get to hang out with Tadashi. Leave him here.” 

Kei looks even more disgruntled but eventually snorts out an irritated “fine,” and takes Akiteru’s money. “I’ll be right back,” he grumbles and heads out. 

Akiteru looks smug and cheerful. Tadashi just laughs. 

“So, Tadashi,” Akiteru still has his arms around Tadashi’s shoulders. “How are you?” 

“I’m fine.” 

Akiteru stares at him appraisingly. “Are you sure? Is anything going on? You know, Kei was looking at you like he was worried about you.” 

Tadashi can feel his face getting hot. “I really am fine. Tsukki’s just worried about me because… well…” Tadashi feels flustered. His hands fumble together and he starts pressing his fingers together. “My boyfriend is going to college in Canada, and it just sort of took me by surprise. I knew he was going somewhere far, but I still got a bad shock when he told me.” 

“That is really far,” Akiteru nods. “That’s going to be tough.” 

“How does okasan do it?” Tadashi blurts. “How does she manage when otousan doesn’t live here with her?” 

Akiteru pulls one hand away to rub his chin thoughtfully. “I’ve never really thought about that, weird as that sounds. I’ve always just thought, they love each other so they make it work. I’m sure they talk as much as they can, sometimes he sends presents in the mail for her. I’m sure it’s really hard for them, but it’s what they’ve decided to do.”

Tadashi nods. “Love is really powerful,” he says softly. 

Akiteru ruffles his hair. 

Kei returns with a bag of wagashi, looking extra cranky. “Here,” he grunts, tossing the bag at Akiteru. 

Akiteru brightens as Kei flops down beside Tadashi again. Tadashi leans on him and Kei raises his eyebrows, but Tadashi doesn’t pay attention to him as Akiteru passes them both wagashi.

Tadashi’s heart is racing. Part of him wants to avoid this completely, but he knows he can’t. He barely heard anything Masahiko told him before he ran away and he owes him this. Tadashi won’t run away.

“Masahiko,” Tadashi says as he approaches Masahiko, who is sitting on a bench. 

Masahiko’s face lights up when he sees Tadashi. “Tadashi, you’re here.” 

Tadashi nods and sits beside him. Instinctively, they reach for each other’s hand. Tadashi smiles. Even if he feels uneasy, naturally he still feels comforted by Masahiko right now.

“I’m here,” Tadashi smiles. 

Masahiko squeezes his hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you’d be so upset, but I don’t know why I thought that.” 

Tadashi shakes his head. “I knew what you would tell me and I didn’t prepare myself. I told you to go where you wanted but then I got upset when you did what I told you.” 

“There’s one thing I wanted to ask you about, but I’m a little worried you already gave me your answer.” Masahiko wets his lips nervously. His thumb is rubbing Tadashi’s knuckles. Tadashi feels his stomach flop. 

“What is it?” 

“It’s just,” Masahiko glances down at their hands. “I’m going away, and it’s going to be hard for both of us. I’m open to having a long distance relationship with you, but the way you ran off the other day, I just…” 

Tadashi gasps and launches himself forward to throw his arms around Masahiko who catches him. “No! I didn’t give you my answer! I want to be with you!” He clings as he feels Masahiko wrapping his arms around him. “I was just rattled, it didn’t mean I didn’t want to be with you anymore. I love you.”

Masahiko kisses Tadashi’s cheek. “I love you too. I love you so much.” 

They stay like that, wrapped up in each other’s arms. Tadashi’s mind is racing, thinking about how difficult it’s going to be when Masahiko is on the other side of the world, but he just snuggles deeper in Masahiko’s embrace. It’s something they’ve decided together. They’ll make it work. 

Graduation sneaks up on them and Tadashi finds himself sniffling as they bid the third years goodbye. It’s a noisy parting, of course, and Ennoshita gives him a tight hug. 

“You’re going to take the team farther than we did this year,” he says into Tadashi’s ear. “You’re going to go farther than we did with Daichi. You’re going to make it to center court.”

It sounds like a promise and Tadashi squeezes Ennoshita harder.

When Masahiko moves out and leaves for Toronto, Tadashi sends him off with a smile and then goes home alone. Kei comes over, uninvited but not unwelcome, with a strawberry shortcake and sits beside Tadashi in his room and rattles off random dinosaur facts until Tadashi is all cried out. Tadashi leans against Kei’s shoulder, wiping his eyes, and Tsukishima plops the strawberry from his cake slice onto Tadashi’s plate. 

Tadashi stares at him. “But you always steal mine,” he snuffles. 

Kei shrugs. “You look like you need it more than me.” 

This brings on a fresh wave of tears and a fresh wave of dinosaur trivia. 

The first day of their third year, the first thing Kei says to him as they meet on the walk to school is, “You cut your hair.” 

Tadashi’s hand finds the back of his neck. His hair had gotten past his shoulders last year but he’d decided to cut it all off. “It was starting to get in the way so I got it cut.” 

Kei’s got a strange look on his face. “I liked it long,” he stammers. 

Tadashi laughs. “It’s just hair, Tsukki. It can grow back.”

They walk at a leisurely pace, the cherry blossoms looking brighter and more vivid than usual, and Kei asks if Masahiko has settled in on the other side of the world. 

“Masahiko asked me if I could send him some candy.” Tadashi grins. “He says everyone he’s met so far has this fascination with Japanese candy so he asked me to help him out.”

“Do you want to bet those two idiots are already in the gym?” Kei asks as they enter the school grounds.

Tadashi’s eyes sweep the school yard and find Hinata’s bike already chained up. “They’re definitely there already.” 

And they are. 

“Captain!” Hinata yells. 

Tadashi smiles. The title still makes him feel warm all over. 

“Hey,” Kageyama nods at him. Tadashi had chosen him to be his vice captain and Kageyama was already taking the role very seriously. 

The entrance ceremony is a blur, as is the first day of classes. This year Tadashi shares his classroom with both Kei and Yachi, which is really the most convenient configuration given what needs to be done to run the team. At the end of the day, Yachi races out of her seat to collect the interest forms for the club and Tadashi’s stomach churns with concern. 

“Last year we had five,” he says thoughtfully. “I wonder how many there will be this time.” 

Kei shrugs. “Who knows.” 

They join up with Hinata and Kageyama as Yachi comes running down the hall. “Yamaguchi-kun!” she squeals. “Look! Look!” She thrusts a stack of papers into his hands and they all gawk. Tadashi’s fingers tremble as he pages through the stack. One, two, three… 

Ten.

There are ten forms in Tadashi’s hands right now. There are ten first years these forms correspond with all hoping to be a part of Karasuno’s volleyball team. They’ll have too many players to stay in the box. Akimitsu is going to have company in the stands this year.

It feels unreal. 

They all run to the gym to open it up, running into the second years on the way. 

“Tadashi-senpai! Let me carry that for you,” Yoshida says, holding his hands out for one of the bags of volleyballs they’re pulling out of the club room to bring to the gym. 

“Thanks, Kyou-kun,” Tadashi smiles as he passes Yoshida the bag. Yoshida beams. 

They set up the gym, the air thick and electric with excitement. Akimitsu hovers at Tadashi’s side asking about plans for the year. He has new glasses and a fresh notebook. 

First years begin to trickle in and Tadashi takes them in one by one. His heart starts thumping louder and louder. One, two, three… 

The tenth and final first year to arrive does so in brilliant fashion, running in and nearly crashing into the net, panting and looking frazzled. 

“Oh!” Hinata suddenly exclaims. “It’s you! You got so tall!” 

The tenth first year looks up and yells back. “Oh! Shoyo-senpai!” 

“Do you know him, Hinata-senpai?” Kanda asks. 

“Yes! He was one of my miracle first years!” Hinata launches into the story of his one and only middle school volleyball game. The tenth first year seems to be vibrating in anticipation, waiting for Hinata to finish his story. 

“My name is Kawashima Yuuki from Yukigaoka Junior High!” the tenth first year finally bellows. “I came to Karasuno to follow Shoyo-senpai because he taught me to never give up faith that you can win! Senpai! I swear, I’ll make sure you go back to Nationals again! I’ll make sure you stand on center court! Tokyo’s Orange Court!” 

The gym is in stunned silence for half a second before Saitou starts snickering from where he’s leaning on the scoreboard. “I like you, kid, you’ve got spunk, but why don’t you try getting on the bench first?” 

“Haruki,” Fujita groans. “You’re so rude.” 

Tadashi decides that’s his cue to bring the gym to order. He feels Kageyama take his place at his side and Tadashi smiles at him.

“Welcome,” he says, letting air fill his lungs and pull his body to his full height. “My name is Yamaguchi Tadashi. I’m your captain.”


	13. half moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi! so housekeeping once more: remember how i said i wanted to write an ending for this fic that i was happy with and proud of? so it turns out that like... monday afternoon i realized that the way i was writing the ending was not going to meet my standards of what was good and what i was proud of... so surprise! fic extension!! this chapter is comparatively shorter than the last few, but it begins a transition into the ending i want to write, so i hope that's okay, and thank you for letting me keep on playing with your feelings about when the fic is going to end hahaha 
> 
> this new arc of the fic takes place during the timeskip in haikyu, so there is a potential for manga spoilers, but it's also pretty firmly cemented in canon divergence now because i'm not up to date on said manga spoilers, so just be aware of that. there is also more of a mature theme to these last few chapters with more implied sexual content - i will reevaluate to see if this fic will get bumped up to an M rating, but for this chapter there's nothing too much beyond implication
> 
> thank you so much for all of the support for this fic! it means a ton to me and i sincerely hope you all continue to enjoy it!!

Kei’s final year of high school passes by in a blur. It’s almost like he blinks and he misses it. Before he knows it, he’s standing on center court, jersey sticking to his chest, catching his breath. They lose their final high school match, but they lose in the semifinals, and anyway, it’s the third year in a row they’ve brought their team to a Nationals after years of being labeled fallen champions. 

No one is saying that now. 

Kei is leaving Karasuno a powerhouse school and he feels a weird tingling every time Yamaguchi points out Kei helped make it that way. 

“The credit is all yours, Captain,” Kei returns. “You’re the one who was always holding us together.” 

Yamaguchi just nudges him and they head into the crowd that has amassed after the end of the game. 

The first group of people Kei sees is all of their upperclassmen and Kei’s heart pulls in his chest. They’re coming off a loss and yet they’re all standing there and beaming, even going so far as to skip greetings and jump straight ahead to hugging. Kei can see Ennoshita pulling Yamaguchi into a hug and saying, “What did I tell you?” 

“You look like you’ve grown a lot, Tsukishima,” Sawamura’s voice is warm. 

“Yes,” Kei nods. “I have.”

“It makes me want to cry,” Sugawara’s voice is bright and teasing. “Who would have thought?” 

“It’s all thanks to the captains that have supported me,” Kei says, and he doesn’t meant to sound like he’s kissing anyone’s ass, but somehow Sugawara’s hand is gripping his shoulder and bending him just enough to punch playfully at Kei’s stomach while calling him a suck up. (It seems time has not dulled the power of Sugawara’s fists though…) 

After their classmates, Kei locates his father in the crowd. A tiny part of him is terribly embarrassed that one of the only games his father has ever seen him play happened to be a loss.

“Hey,” Kei’s dad grins. “You were great out there.” 

“Dad, we lost.” Kei sighs. 

He laughs. His laugh reminds Kei of Akiteru. He forgets these little things when he doesn’t see his father. “Yes, well, you did a good job losing. But you guys looked like you weren’t going to for a while there.” 

Kei huffs out a laugh as Akiteru’s voice carries over the din of the gymnasium. “Hey!” Akiteru appears, towing Saeko along with him, their hands clasped together. “Oh, good, you already found Dad.” 

“Kei!” Saeko squeals, giving Kei a very powerful hug. 

“Hello, Saeko-san,” Kei wheezes. 

Akiteru takes Saeko’s hand again and pulls her closer to him as he turns to their dad. “Dad, this is Tanaka Saeko, my girlfriend. Saeko, this is my dad.” 

Kei can see the way Saeko’s face reddens as they introduce themselves. His dad seems even brighter and more cheerful than he just was talking to Kei about the game. They chat for a minute, Saeko telling him enthusiastically, “Bring your wife on a date! I’ll give you guys a discount!” before then saying that she had to go help pack up the taiko drums for the ride home. 

“Wow,” Kei says as she goes. “Did you just spring a surprise meet-my-dad on her?” 

Akiteru blushes. “Well when else would there be time to do that? You know he’s going back soon.” 

“Wait. Does this mean,” Kei covers his mouth, “you introduced your girlfriend to Dad before you introduced her to Mom?” 

Akiteru’s face pales. “Oh no,” he groans. “Will she be mad?” 

“She’ll disown you,” their father cuts in cheerfully. “But don’t worry. I’ll keep my lips zipped. She won’t hear it from me.” 

Kei leaves his brother and their father to strategize about talking to their mom to use the bathroom, and when he emerges another female voice calls to him. “Kei?” 

Kei looks and sees a girl he doesn’t recognize. Her hair is platinum blonde and pulled into a sporty ponytail, and she seems to know him but he can’t place her. 

“Sorry,” he says. “Do I know you?” 

She smacks her forehead. “Oh. Hi. Stupid. No, you don’t. I’m Honda Mitsuko.” 

“Akimitsu’s sister,” Kei realizes. 

“That’s me. Yeah, I know, our parents were super creative naming us. Anyway, just wanted to say hi to you. Thanks for looking after my brother all this time too.” 

Kei blinks. “Oh, uh, it was no problem. He’s been an asset to our team.” 

She nods proudly. “I was surprised when he put himself out there like this, but I was glad. He was such a cute little kid when he watched me play.” 

“Do you still play?” 

Mitsuko shakes her head. “Nope. That chapter of my life has closed. I’m a personal trainer now, so if you ever need someone to help you work out, ask my brother for my number.” 

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Kei says. 

She grins and waves as she leaves. 

Kei takes a deep breath. Though it irks him just a tiny bit, he can’t help but think of Hinata hollering about the smell of icy hot spray. Kei has gotten used to this smell and he isn’t ready to give it up yet, even though the next time he steps onto a volleyball court in a jersey he’ll be wearing different colors and a different number. Kei pulls his goggles off to press the heel of his palm to one of his eyes, trying to keep tears from coming. 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says softly, “we’re heading back to the hotel. You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Kei says putting his goggles back on. “I’m good.” 

Wordlessly, Yamaguchi wraps his arms around Kei in a hug. Kei puts an arm around Yamaguchi’s shoulders and just whispers, “Thanks.” 

Graduation is another thing that passes Kei before he knows it. He has no idea if he’s mentally prepared for what happens next, or ready to let go of the safety net of Karasuno that he’s built himself up on. He tries to soak up as much as he still can - Yoshida piggybacking Tamura-chan, the junior-junior manager, around the gym while Nakano chases them; Kanda and Fujita, the new captain and vice captain, talking with Yamaguchi about next year and the kinds of teams they’ll face; the first years asking Kageyama if they can have his autograph in advance so they can sell it later; Hinata imparting words of wisdom or something to Kawashima; Saitou and Yachi just observing observing the chaos. Kei turns and Akimitsu is at his side. Kei reaches out and pats his head. 

“They’re all yours now,” Kei tells him. “Do a good job, senior manager.” 

Kei can’t quite describe it, the way it feels to walk out of the gym with the others, knowing that it’s the last time they’ll be in each other’s worlds like this. When they graduate, they’ll all be going their separate ways - Kageyama to go pro, Hinata to South America (Kei thinks he might have unconsciously tuned out whenever Hinata was explaining the “why” of that), Yachi to university in Tokyo, Yamaguchi to university in Osaka (unexpectedly far away and unexpectedly not the city Kei was thinking), and Kei… 

Kei was only going to Sendai. A hop, skip, and a jump away from home. If he could put up with the commute, he probably could have kept on living at home. In fact, if not for Kuroo calling him to let him know “hey, one of my neighbors a couple floors above me is planning on moving soon, he’s got a nice little place if you’re thinking of moving out of your house,” Kei probably would still be living with his mom. A few weeks after graduating, Yamaguchi had helped him move, and they had a little housewarming with Kei’s mom in his new little apartment. 

And now, a month later, Kei finds himself sitting on the floor of Yamaguchi’s room, helping him pack. Osaka had been a surprise, even though Yamaguchi had mentioned early on in their third year that he wanted to go to a different city for college. 

“I don’t really plan on playing volleyball in college,” Yamaguchi said thoughtfully. “So I think it’ll be alright if I spread my wings a little.” 

Kei, on the other hand, was staying in Miyagi because of opportunities to play volleyball. The college he chose had a team, and they expressed an interest in him playing for them. He could also join a local team like his brother’s, and Sendai was home to a division two team as well. His volleyball options were spread out all in front of him and so Kei didn’t have to travel far to spread his wings. 

Osaka was far. When Yamaguchi had talked about cities, Kei had just immediately thought of Tokyo, but Yamaguchi picked somewhere else. As Kei pulled a familiar t-shirt out of Yamaguchi’s drawer, the reason came to him. 

Osaka was just practice for Toronto one day: living by himself in an unfamiliar place, too far away from home to easily run back for comfort. Yamaguchi and Chiba were a strong couple, they had fastidiously stayed in touch throughout their third year and Kei could always tell when Yamaguchi had received a care package from Chiba because he’d show up the next morning glowing. They sent each other mail back and forth, Yamaguchi usually sending candy as per Chiba’s request, and Chiba sending whatever seemed to catch his eye. One time he actually sent keychains for the entire volleyball team with a note declaring, “I didn’t want to be cliche and send everyone the same thing so I tried to match one to everyone’s personalities!” (Kei’s keychain had been a squishy strawberry that smelled faintly of the fruit; Kei had been annoyed and embarrassed and touched all at once.) 

And one time Chiba sent the t-shirt Kei was holding now. It had a cartoon basket of fries wearing a sweatband beneath the words, “Exercise? I Thought You Said Extra Fries.” When Yamaguchi had worn it the first time, the whole team puzzled over it collectively, no one’s English skills strong enough to understand English jokes and Yamaguchi even had trouble explaining it before shrugging, “Masahiko says it’s really funny in English.” 

Kei runs his hands over the t-shirt now, Yamaguchi’s imminent departure hitting him suddenly. His eyes start stinging. 

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asks. 

“Nothing,” Kei says, but his nose feels stuffy from trying to hold back tears. “It just kind of hit me just now that you’re moving.” 

“Oh, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi scooted across his bedroom floor. “We’ll talk all the time,” an unsaid, I managed a whole year with my boyfriend on the other side of the planet, you in a different part of Japan will be easy, trailing off behind. 

“I know,” Kei sniffles. “I’m just going to miss you.” 

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi pulls Kei into a hug, which Kei tightly returns. Yamaguchi had been by his side since they were kids. It felt wrong to be stepping into a new chapter of life without Yamaguchi at his side. It was what lay ahead of them but Kei doesn’t want to let Yamaguchi go.

Not yet.

“I’m telling you, man. You need to get laid.” 

When Kei had met Futakuchi - met as in, met again or met formally after high school - he had felt a bit grateful. Kei hated meeting new people, hated needing to introduce himself, especially hated the question about how to read the character of his first name, and so when Futakuchi had caught sight of him and had pointed at him and yelled, “Ah! You!” Kei had been thankful. He hadn’t really expected to be friends with Futakuchi and Aone per say, but they ended up as a type of comrades, playing beside each other on their college team (well enough that Futakuchi had said, “You know what, Tsukishima, you’re an honorary member of the Iron Wall now,”) and they filled up most of Kei’s social life. Kei’s social network had only grown because of Futakuchi, who seemed used to juggling strong silent types like Aone so taking in Kei was no problem.

But at moments like these, Kei could not help but think, “of all the people I’ve known in my life, did the one I ran into in college have to be this guy?”

It’s the autumn of his second year of university, and they’re in a bar. Aone’s mere presence gives them a wide berth around their barstools, which makes Kei happy, but he also feels a bit bad for Aone who seems to fret over his outer appearance scaring people away. 

“You have been so tense, and so stressed, you’ve just got to let it all go!” Futakuchi continues. He talks with his hands which is mildly concerning with the way his beer is dangerously sloshing in his half-empty glass. “You’ve gotta get laid!” 

Kei does not tell Futakuchi that he has no sexual experience. So far, Kei’s one and only kiss had been a drunk one with Kuroo when Kuroo had moved back to Tokyo. It had been Kei’s first time drunk when he confessed he had never kissed anyone. Kuroo had been a lot drunker than Kei as he leaned across the couch and said something about “fixing that” and then they’d been kissing. They had both leaned in to deepen the kiss and then something hit Kei in the chest. 

It had been Kozume’s shoulder. Kozume, who had been sitting on Kuroo’s lap, stone cold sober and texting disinterestedly. Kozume, who had slid off Kuroo’s lap and into Kei’s chest when they’d both moved. Kozume, who just said “really?” without even looking up from his screen. 

Kei didn’t know which was worse - Kuroo’s apology the next day asking if he’d crossed a line by kissing Kei without asking, or Kozume refusing to speak to him for three months after the fact. Kei never asked what Kozume made Kuroo do to atone but given how invested Kozume was in giving Kei the cold shoulder, and Kei barely ever saw Kozume anyway, Kei was certain it was petty and harsh. 

“I do not need to get laid to relieve stress,” Kei grumbles.

“But you admit you’re stressed.” 

Kei sighs. He was stressed. Between classes and volleyball and trying to visit home to see both his and Yamaguchi’s moms and check that neither of them needed anything, Kei was finding himself stretched thin. Even the team’s physical trainer had commented that Kei’s shoulders were feeling tense. 

“Trust me,” Futakuchi says. “You’ll love this guy. You’re just his type. He’s kinda cute and shy, but he’s really something else in bed. A real freak. And he has the sweetest, most perfect little ass.” 

Kei pinches the bridge of his nose. “Can I just ask why you’re trying to set me up with a guy you’ve already slept with?” 

“Because he didn’t want to go on a second date with me, but hey, you’re so tightly wound I figured you could use the fun. Please, Tsukishima,” Futakuchi shakes Kei’s arm. “Just give him a chance.” 

Kei doesn’t want to give him a chance. In fact, he feels bad for the guy - whoever he is - because he probably doesn’t realize Futakuchi is running his mouth about him, telling other people about what a nice ass he’s got. It’s embarrassing. If Kei were the guy, he wouldn’t want to go on a second date with Futakuchi either. But instead of saying no, or leaving, Kei just sighs disapprovingly at his sort-of friend and drinks another beer. 

For a while it actually looks like Futakuchi’s guy stood them up because he is so late, and for some reason that makes Kei nervous enough to drink another couple beers so by the time he actually shows up, Kei is tipsy. 

“Kenji,” the guy huffs. He’s petite and blonde with a pretty face - the type Futakuchi seems to prefer in both guys and girls - wearing a white sweater that looks expensive and extremely attractive on his slim frame. Maybe it’s because Kei’s drunk, but he finds himself thinking that there would be no harm in sleeping with him. “I couldn’t find you. Why didn’t you answer your phone?” 

“You called me?” Futakuchi yelps. “When?”

The guy just sighs and pulls at the hair near his temples. Something sparks in the back of Kei’s mind. It’s a familiar gesture. “It doesn’t matter now. I found you, didn’t I?” 

“Right.” Futakuchi puts a big hand on the guy’s shoulder. “This is my buddy…” 

Futakuchi never gets to finish his sentence because the second Kei’s eye meets the guy’s, they recognize each other. 

“Akimitsu?” Kei chokes. He suddenly desperately wishes he wasn’t drunk. 

“Kei-senpai?” Akimitsu looks equally surprised. 

How could Kei not recognize him? Well, actually, Akimitsu looked very different. Could a year and a half really make this much of a difference? 

“You know each other already?” Futakuchi sounds shocked too. “How do you know each other?” 

Kei stares at Futakuchi. Akimitsu had been their junior manager when Futakuchi was the captain of Date Tech. Their time in high school had overlapped, though just barely. Had Futakuchi not thought Akimitsu seemed familiar? 

“We went to Karasuno together. Akimitsu was our volleyball team’s junior manager.” 

“Manager!” Futakuchi yelps. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“You didn’t ask me,” Akimitsu replies. 

“Well,” Futakuchi huffs. “Isn’t this something. I guess Aone and I will let you two catch up then.” 

Kei can’t believe Futakuchi and Aone are ditching him right now, but they do. With them gone, Kei turns his full attention back to Akimitsu, who is tugging at the hair by his temples. 

Akimitsu does look completely different from the last time Kei saw him. He isn’t wearing glasses and he has a trendy looking haircut. His clothes are also stylish, and Kei thinks belatedly that he isn’t sure he’s ever seen Akimitsu wearing clothes that fit him properly, all of their school issue uniforms were too big for him, and even the clothes he wore during summer training camps were loose and baggy, so the nice sweater and the tight jeans look particularly strange to Kei. Somehow he looks smaller, but he also looks a little less fragile.

Akimitsu glances up at Kei through his eyelashes, his expression shy and suddenly he looks like the Akimitsu that Kei remembers from high school as he boosts himself onto Futakuchi’s vacated barstool. 

“Do I look that different?” he asks. “You’ve been staring at me.” 

Kei blinks. Yeah, he really wishes he wasn’t drunk. “Oh, sorry. But um, yes. You do.” 

Akimitsu looks pleased when he smiles, tucking hair behind his ears. 

“So,” Kei is torn between wanting another drink, because his mouth suddenly feels like it’s full of sand, and not wanting to get any drunker. “Why the change?”

“Hmm?” Akimitsu blinks up at him. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just part of living by myself, and starting somewhere sort of new. And anyway, it’s not like I wasn’t this way before, there just wasn’t a chance for me to show this part of myself much.”

Kei nods. He still feels very much the same as he always did, and even living by himself hadn’t changed him that much, at least not compared to his friends. Whenever Kei checked his social media, it was weird to see Kageyama interacting with kids who were his fans, or seeing Hinata on some tropical beach halfway around the world, or Yachi looking very glamorous at the design firm she was interning for, or even Yamaguchi who posted lots of pictures of foods he was eating all around Osaka with a new group of friends. And Kei was still Kei. His only friends are guys he already sort of knew and even this botched blind date booty call thing was with someone Kei already knew. And even Akimitsu looked like a whole other person. Kei’s actually not surprised Futakuchi couldn’t recognize him. Even if he only saw Akimitsu in passing, the boy sitting with Kei now barely resembled him. 

“Senpai?”

Kei blinks. 

Akimitsu bites his lip. “Are you okay? You’re staring at me again.” 

Kei coughs. “Sorry. Sorry. I just. I don’t know why I feel nervous.” 

“Is it because Kenji said this was a date?” 

Futakuchi’s words rise up unbidden in Kei’s mind. A freak in the bedroom. The sweetest, most perfect little ass. Kei can feel heat rising in his face. Akimitsu slept with Futakuchi, and Futakuchi set this meeting up so Kei could get laid. 

“Yeah,” Kei stammers. “I didn’t expect it to be you.” 

Akimitsu smiles kindly at him. “Well, I wasn’t really expecting you either. Though Kenji did tell me that I’d like you a lot, and I do.” 

“It’s just that,” Kei wonders how red his face is right now. “Futakuchi, he just… um, he mentioned some things about you.” 

“Oh?” Akimitsu’s eyes flicker with worry. “What kinds of things?” 

Should he say it? Kei looks at Akimitsu and it just doesn’t click in his head. He can’t reconcile the shy boy from high school with how Futakuchi described him, and yet Akimitsu was clearly familiar with him enough to call him by his first name. 

“He just said… well, he mentioned…” Kei regrets opening his mouth. Maybe if he lets it all out in one breath it’ll be less embarrassing for both of them. “He just said you had a really nice ass.” 

Kei can see a shadow of irritation cross Akimitsu’s face. “Oh, did he?” he says, his voice flat. Just as suddenly, he turns a blindingly pretty smile at the bartender, who puts a drink in Akimitsu’s hand almost as soon as Akimitsu looks at him. 

“Are you old enough to drink?” Kei begins to ask but Akimitsu has already drained his glass. 

It doesn’t take very long for Akimitsu to get a lot more drunk than Kei - in part, Kei assumes, because Akimitsu still doesn’t look like he weighs anything substantial - and soon he’s leaning heavily on Kei. 

“I wanna go home,” he slurs, face red and eyes closed, cheek pressed against Kei’s shoulder. Kei feels guilty that he thinks Akimitsu looks cute. Thinking back, Kei seems to frequently feel bad whenever he finds Akimitsu cute no matter how distressed he seems. 

“Okay, I’ll help you get a taxi…” 

“No!” Akimitsu tilts dangerously off his barstool and Kei catches him. “Wanna go home with you.” 

“Would still need to get a taxi,” Kei mumbles. “Come on.” 

They get a taxi and Akimitsu falls asleep on Kei’s shoulder. It reminds him of his last year of high school, when he sat beside Yamaguchi a lot less, the captain needing to talk to Kegeyama to strategize, or by himself to think, and Akimitsu became Kei’s regular seatmate. Kei hadn’t known it before, but apparently Akimitsu almost always fell asleep on the ride to and from school to the gymnasium and when he started sitting next to Kei, Kei became his pillow. 

Akimitsu stirs when they get to Kei’s apartment, but he still leans his entire body weight on Kei as they ride the elevator up. Kei practically drags him over to his couch where Akimitsu flops facedown, burying his face in the cushions. Kei brings him a glass of water, but Akimitsu doesn’t move from where he’s landed. Kei thinks he might have fallen asleep again so he reaches a hand to stroke Akimitsu’s hair. It’s still soft, and his touch is so familiar that it feels comforting. 

Akimitsu lifts his head just slightly from the couch, startling Kei. “Senpai,” he murmurs. “Why didn’t you like me back then?” 

Kei blinks. “What do you mean? I did like you.” 

Akimitsu sighs softly, and presses his face back into the cushion. Kei wonders if Akimitsu thinks he’s being purposely obtuse. Is he? 

Akimitsu lifts his head again. “Is it because you thought I was a fox? Is that why you wouldn’t date me?” 

Kei can feel heat climbing up his neck again. He had actually apologized for that after they’d lost in his second year to Inarizaki. Akimitsu had been crying and Kei had been so dazed he had asked why, and then he’d given Akimitsu an awkward hug. He had bent down to tell Akimitsu he was sorry for being rude to him that day. Kei had realized that Akimitsu had been hurt, and went so far as to avoid Kei afterwards, and he had felt bad about it. He wanted to apologize because he didn’t know why he’d said it in the first place. Why did it bother him if Akimitsu was being flirtatious with someone else? 

“That’s not why,” Kei says. “I just didn’t feel that way about you.” 

“I liked you so much,” Akimitsu sounds faintly miserable. “And I kept getting my hopes up that you’d like me back.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Kei-senpai,” Akimitsu looks at Kei. “Why did you agree to let Kenji set us up? What did he really tell you about me?”

“I don’t want to say,” Kei mumbles. Wasn’t it only a couple hours ago he’d felt bad for whatever mystery guy Futakuchi was talking about so casually? 

“Did he tell you I was easy?” 

Kei nods. 

“Is that why you still don’t like me?” 

Kei frowns. “I do like you, Akimitsu.”

“Then why have you been staring at me like that all night?” he grumbles, pressing his face back into the couch. “I’m already embarrassed,” he sniffles. “You don’t need to make me feel worse.”

“Don’t cry,” Kei says hastily, scooting closer to Akimitsu. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. I’m not judging you or anything like that. I’m just surprised.” Kei strokes Akimitsu’s hair softly. Akimitsu continues to quietly sniffle as Kei pets his hair, feeling helpless and useless. He feels bad because he didn’t mean to get Akimitsu worked up and upset like this. 

“Just stay here tonight,” Kei says. “And drink some water. I’ll bring you a blanket.” 

When Kei returns with a blanket, Akimitsu has drained the cup and is curled up on his side. His eyes are puffy and Kei drapes the blanket over him. He pauses and reaches out to stroke Akimitsu’s hair again. 

“Why are you doing that?” Akimitsu asks. 

Kei’s hand stills. “Do you not want me to?” 

Akimitsu just shrugs. “When you did things like this, it always got my hopes up.”

Kei pulls his hand away. “I’m sorry.” 

Akimitsu pulls the blanket over his head, and then lowers it again so only his eyes peep out. “Thank you for letting me stay,” he says. 

“No problem. Good night.” Kei turns the light off and goes into his room. He leans against his door and sighs. He misses Yamaguchi a lot right now. Kei can’t help but think Yamaguchi would know what to do in such a situation, and maybe Yamaguchi has already faced something just like this. 

Kei can’t help but feel lonely.


	14. dark side of the moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! first of all, thank you so much for 300+ kudos!! i'm really amazed, thank you all so much for the love and support for this fic <3 also, you can choose to interpret the addition of another chapter to this fic as my thanks, or just evidence that i am a clown that this fic keeps getting away from... (it's the latter, really, but i hope getting another chapter is exciting... ah i can't believe when i started writing this i had only 12 chapters planned...) but really, thanks for trusting me to keep on extending this work 
> 
> this chapter contains some light sexual content (not enough for me to bump this up to an M... but if you disagree with this, you can let me know...) and also some brief mentions of body image issues - both of these are towards the end of this chapter, so be aware of that if need be
> 
> thank you all for reading! i sincerely hope you continue to enjoy!

Kei wakes up to a text from Futakuchi that just says, “Well?” Kei deletes it irritably and drags himself out of bed. He slept badly, tossing and turning, worrying about Akimitsu out on his couch, wanting to call Yamaguchi for some kind of reassurance but also not wanting to call him in the middle of the night. (Would it hurt more if Kei woke Yamaguchi up or if Yamaguchi was out having a good time with new friends?) As a result, Kei wakes up crankier than normal.

He leaves his room to find Akimitsu still curled up on his couch. Kei quietly turns on his coffeemaker and tries to figure out what he could cook for two people. His fridge is usually pretty empty - everyone who has been to his apartment seems to comment on this, even Aone - and he really doesn’t eat much breakfast anyway. He glances over at Akimitsu, who is still a blanket-wrapped lump, and surveys the inside of his fridge. He could make rolled eggs - one of the things his mom taught him to make before he moved out, fretting over whether or not Kei would be able to feed himself - and make rice, and he thinks he has miso soup packets somewhere in the pantry. He could make a sparse breakfast for two. His appetite was still quite small, and even though Akimitsu always ate more than him, he still wasn’t very big himself. 

Kei sets about cooking quietly, glancing over at Akimitsu every so often to see if he’s still asleep. He rolls up a couple of tamagoyaki and slides them out of the pan and onto a plate. He thinks his mom would be proud of his efforts and their light golden color. 

When Kei puts on the electric kettle to make the soup, he notices Akimitsu is finally awake, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Kei asks. 

Akimitsu nods. “I just slept in my contact lenses.”

Kei begins to assemble their sparse breakfast - laying slices of tamagoyaki over the rice and pouring the soup into individual bowls - and brings it over to Akimitsu. 

“You didn’t have to,” Akimitsu’s ears are red as he accepts the bowls from Kei. 

Kei just shrugs. “It felt rude not to.” 

“I’m sorry about last night,” Akimitsu fidgets. “I shouldn’t have done that. I was very embarrassing.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Kei says. “How do you like your coffee?” 

“Lots of milk,” Akimitsu says. 

Shit, does Kei have milk? Kei finds some milk in the back of his fridge and it thankfully hasn’t gone off, so he pours it into a mug and tops it off with coffee. (Kei on the other hand doesn’t usually add milk to his coffee but instead pours in lots of sugar so it only looks like he’s drinking black coffee.) Kei joins Akimitsu and sits on the floor beside the couch.

“What are you studying?” Kei asks, taking a sip of his coffee and promptly burning his tongue.

Luckily, Akimitsu doesn’t seem to notice as he answers, “Statistics. Lots of math, lots of computer stuff, making analytical models, things like that.” 

Kei remembers Akimitsu’s meticulous volleyball spreadsheets. He actually misses having that much data on-hand when he practices now. 

“What about you?” 

“History, mostly,” Kei says. “Ancient civilizations, really old stuff.” 

“Mm,” Akimitsu bites into a slice of tamagoyaki. Kei tries to casually gauge his expression but Akimitsu doesn’t make any discernible face. 

“You mentioned you’re living by yourself now?” Kei tries to keep the conversation going.

“Yeah, it’s student housing, and I don’t really like it.” Akimitsu reaches to tug at the hair near his temple. Kei’s fingers twitch with an urge to make him stop. “My neighbors are noisy and I hate sharing the bathroom. I thought it would be better to move out but so far it’s just been really unpleasant.” 

Without realizing it, Kei’s hand is suddenly pulling Akimitsu’s away from his hair. They freeze there, staring at one another. 

“What,” Akimitsu blinks at him. “What are you doing?” 

“I… I…” Kei swallows thickly. His tongue still pulses where he burned it. “Ever since high school, I’ve wanted you to stop doing that.” 

Akimitsu shakes Kei’s hand away and runs a hand through his hair. His ears are redder. “You never said anything back then,” he huffs. “And I did it all the time.” 

“I know,” Kei says stupidly. “Look, I…” He doesn’t know what to say. Everything has felt topsy turvy since Akimitsu reappeared in Kei’s life, especially with Akimitsu in this new form that Kei struggles to match up with the Akimitsu that lives in his memories of high school. “I’m sorry,” he says eventually. “I’m sorry for a lot of things. I knew you liked me back then. I shouldn’t have encouraged you when I knew how I felt.” 

Akimitsu stares at him. “You knew?” he squeaks out. 

“Yes.” 

Akimitsu stares at the bowl in his hands. “I didn’t know that you knew. You did a good job hiding it.” 

Kei frowns. He didn’t think he hid it at all. In their third year, every so often Yamaguchi would ask him pointed questions about his relationship with Akimitsu and that’s when Kei would start to pull himself away. He knew he favored Akimitsu over the other underclassmen, and they knew it too. The second years knew Akimitsu was Kei’s favorite, and even the first years gossipped among themselves that Kei was only nice if either Akimitsu or Yamaguchi was around. 

“What do you mean?” Kei asks. “Everyone else always said I favored you.”

Akimitsu looks up at him, confused. “Senpai, it might have seemed like that, but if Tadashi-senpai was ever there, he was all you ever paid attention to.” 

Kei blanches. Was he always so easy to read? Were his feelings for Yamaguchi, the feelings that really never waned, always on display for everyone to see? 

Akimitsu sighs, tapping his fingers against his bowl. “I was always jealous of Tadashi-senpai. Everyone loved him, and it was so hard to not like him because he was so kind to everyone. Even though I was jealous of him, I couldn’t dislike him. Kyou and Tamura-chan worshipped the ground he walked on. Kyou would have bottled up his sweat and anointed himself with it before every match if he could.” Akimitsu’s hand lifts towards his hair and then slowly lowers again. “When Chiba-san sent us all those keychains those two sat for hours trying to figure out what Tadashi-senpai was saying about them to get that kind of response from his boyfriend.” 

Kei remembers this, Yoshida and Tamura-chan both following Yamaguchi around with hearts in their eyes. He actually asked Yachi once why she recruited Tamura-chan when she was clearly only in it because she was smitten with Yamaguchi. 

“She wasn’t before!” Yachi had protested. “Her younger brothers play volleyball, she said she wanted to learn more to help them out. But when she came into the gym and he introduced himself to her, she totally fell for him.” 

Kei had thought Tamura-chan was a kind of chic and stylish girl but she turned into mush if Yamaguchi so much as looked at her. As a result, even though she tried to hog the job of handing Yamaguchi his water bottle and towel, she often got kicked off the job because she’d stand there with her jaw slack staring at him. (Not that Kei didn’t understand this reaction.) 

“You told me once that Tadashi-senpai used to be really small. You said he was half your size. But then, by the time I met him, he was such an imposing force. That’s why it was impossible to not like him. He had all our respect, and he was a good captain. I just couldn’t stop feeling jealous that I couldn’t be like that.” 

Kei thinks about Akimitsu, always being small for his age, always being petite even by girls’ standards. He wasn’t much taller than Yachi at any given point. He thinks about Akimitsu’s sister, taller than average for a girl and athletic. And Kei understands. 

“I never really got any bigger as I got older, never had much of a growth spurt,” Akimitsu sighs. “And you liked Tadashi-senpai so much. I always wondered if I was more like him, would you start to like me?” 

“I did like you,” Kei protests. “Not that way, but I still liked you. I cared about you. I still do.” 

“You don’t have to try so hard to make me feel better,” Akimitsu’s tone is suddenly grouchy. “I know how you really think about me. I don’t want pity from you.” 

“How do I feel about you?” Kei challenges.

“You think I’m a fox,” Akimitsu snaps, placing his bowl on Kei’s coffee table. “And you still feel that way about me.”

“I told you I was sorry for saying that,” Kei argues. “If you’re still upset with me-” 

Akimitsu bursts into tears and all of Kei’s irritation fizzles out of him. “Shit, shit, don’t cry,” he begs, searching desperately for tissues. 

“You didn’t like me!” Akimitsu chokes out. “That whole time I thought you were finally starting to like me, but then when Tadashi-senpai came that one day, suddenly you stopped paying attention to me and I realized you didn’t like me that way. And when someone else flirted with me, you said I was being a fox, and I didn’t know what to do. You didn’t want me but you got mad at me when someone else showed interest in me. I was confused! I didn’t know what to do.” Akimitsu scrubs at his eyes. “And you’re all like this!” he adds, angrily. “I went out with a guy who told me he liked guys who were kind of foxy, but then he got mad when I told him I’d slept with someone else before. You only want me to act that way, you don’t actually want me to be one.”

Kei has amassed a wad of tissues in his hand which he tries to hand to Akimitsu. “I’m sorry. I mean it. I really didn’t mean to hurt you. And I’m sorry other guys have treated you badly. I didn’t realize it hurt you that much.” 

Akimitsu takes some of the tissues and blows his nose. “I should go,” Akimitsu begins. 

“Wait a moment,” Kei stands to block Akimitsu’s way. Akimitsu still only comes up to barely the center of his chest. 

“Thank you for letting me stay and be a mess, but I really-” Akimitsu starts to push past him but Kei catches him by the arms. 

“Live with me,” is what he blurts. 

Akimitsu freezes and slowly raises his head to blink at Kei owlishly. It’s not exactly what Kei planned to say, but it’s what came out.

“You said you hated your dorm. This place is quiet,” Kei’s words stick in his throat. “It’s too quiet, and I’m by myself here and I… I’m… I’m pretty lonely here.” Kei can’t meet Akimitsu’s eyes anymore. It’s not something he dares say to anyone else. If he ever did, he’s sure Yamaguchi would pop up to visit and Kei didn’t want Yamaguchi to see him miserable, or his mom would tell him to just move back home, or maybe one of his other friends would say living alone is actually great once you get used to it. But Kei feels more stifled than not when he’s by himself and he doesn’t want to feel lonely anymore. “You can tell, obviously. I’m friends with Futakuchi. I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here. I wouldn’t mind company…” 

Akimitsu is still staring at him blankly and Kei realizes how absurd he’s acting. He and Akimitsu just argued about how one idiotic, flippant comment of Kei’s has been hurting Akimitsu for a couple years and now Kei is asking Akimitsu to move in with him. 

“Can I kiss you?” is what Akimitsu says to Kei’s request. 

Kei just nods, unsure of what to do with his body that has never felt bigger or more unwieldy than right now. He doesn’t know where to put his hands or if he should squat to make it easier for Akimitsu to reach him. Akimitsu puts both hands around the back of Kei’s neck and pulls him down so their foreheads touch. Kei still doesn’t know what to do with his hands so he awkwardly rests them against Akimitsu’s hips that feel ridiculously bony underneath his jeans. Akimitsu’s lips are dry, and salty with his tears, but Kei tries to kiss him back gently. Kissing Kuroo barely counted as a kiss because they had been drunk and uninhibited, and Kei doesn’t know what kind of answer Akimitsu is searching for in this kiss. 

When they pull apart, Kei stares at Akimitsu’s long eyelashes against his pale, still tear-streaked cheeks and thinks about the way civilizations have crumbled, thinks of wars waged over beautiful women, and thinks that Akimitsu has never looked more attractive than he does now. Kei isn’t so sure he’d lead an army into battle for him, but he really does want to keep Akimitsu at his side. 

“Please stay with me,” Kei breathes out as Akimitsu’s eyes slowly open. 

“Okay,” he says back quietly. 

Later, after Akimitsu goes home and Kei has washed up all the evidence there was someone else in his home for breakfast, Yamaguchi calls. It’s like telepathy. Kei is desperate to talk to someone, and here Yamaguchi was calling. 

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi’s voice is bright and excited. “How are you doing?” 

“I’ve had a very weird day,” Kei confesses. His shoulders already feel lighter. 

“Tell me,” Yamaguchi says. Kei can almost imagine him sitting up straighter on his bed in a room he shares with a roommate whose name Kei can never quite recall. 

“I’m getting a roommate,” Kei says. 

“Really? I thought you liked living alone.” 

“I could use some company other than Futakuchi and Aone,” Kei replies. “It’s Akimitsu.” 

“Akimitsu? Really?” Yamaguchi sounds surprised. “When did you bump into him again?” 

“Last night, actually. He knows Futakuchi.” Kei does not tell Yamaguchi how. “And he doesn’t like his dorm, so I offered to let him live with me.” 

“Right, you do have that spare office,” Yamaguchi muses. “And he’s so small it won’t be cramped. He’d have to buy a bed though.” 

Kei had not actually given any thought to the logistics of their living situation. He did have a spare office in the apartment, but it was so tiny Kei just used it to store random stuff. It would barely fit a bed, even a small one. Kei’s bed was pretty large, but part of him doubted Akimitsu would want to share it. Kei really had no idea where they stood with each other now. What were they to each other? Sure Akimitsu had agreed to come live with him, but would he? 

“It seems like something’s bothering you,” Yamaguchi prompts and Kei realizes he’s gone silent. “What’s up?” 

“I don’t know,” Kei confesses. “I just kind of feel like things are a little out of control.” 

“And you always hate that,” Yamaguchi muses. “Well what have you tried to do to make things easier on yourself?” 

“Nothing,” Kei grumbles. “But it’s not like I can take things off my plate.”

“My mom says you visit her every weekend,” Yamaguchi challenges. “She says she tells you that you don’t have to but you show up anyway.” 

“I like going to see your mom,” Kei protests. Unlike visiting Kei’s mom, which always filled Kei with guilt, he felt much better seeing Yamaguchi’s mom. He didn’t mind doing small chores around the apartment for her so she could take a break because he knew she worked a lot and that she missed Yamaguchi being there. Whereas when Kei visited his own mom he felt guilty. For so long it had just been the two of them, with his dad working abroad and Akiteru living on his own, and then Kei had moved out too. He doesn’t like to think about his mom at home by herself wondering how to fill her time without someone to take care of. 

“I know you do, but if you’re really busy you don’t have to make yourself go and see her. She’ll understand too.” 

Kei just grumbles about considering it. “What about you? What have you been doing lately?” 

“Oh!” Yamaguchi’s voice is bright again. “I have exciting news!” 

“Did you win the lottery?” 

“Sort of,” Yamaguchi laughs.

“What, seriously?” 

“Well, no, I guess it’s not, but it feels like it.” Kei can almost hear Yamaguchi’s smile, the way it must be lighting up his whole room. “I’m going to see Masahiko in Toronto over Christmas.” 

Kei blinks. Chiba had come back to Japan a couple times since he went away, and whenever he was back, the rest of the world was dead to Yamaguchi as he basked in his boyfriend’s temporary presence. But Yamaguchi had never gone to visit Masahiko in Canada. 

“I finally saved up enough, and Masahiko said he would pay for part of my trip,” Yamaguchi sounds flustered. “I’ll be staying with him so I won’t have to get a hotel, and he said he’d pay for food too…” He laughs. “I still need to go get a passport, actually! I should’ve just gotten one when Hinata got his, he even said I’d probably need one soon!” 

“That sounds fun,” Kei hopes his voice actually conveys his sincerity and that he doesn’t sound deadpan and unenthusiastic. “You’ve been wanting to go see him.” 

“I feel better too,” Yamaguchi adds, “that I’ll get to walk with him when it’s snowy out. He can lean on me.” 

Kei remembers vividly the first winter Chiba was away and Yamaguchi fretfully checking Canadian weather reports and sending messages to Chiba warning him about snow and ice and walking carefully; Kei and Kageyama helped Yamaguchi find a box to mail a pair of ice cleats to Chiba too. Yamaguchi had looked much happier after Chiba sent him a picture of his heavy duty snow boots with the ice cleats strapped onto them. At least from what Yamaguchi reported, Chiba seemed to avoid any slips and falls during that first winter in Canada. 

(Chiba sprained his right ankle going skiing with his classmates a different time, but that was a different issue altogether.)

When Kei hangs up, he feels empty. He wanted his talk with Yamaguchi to make him feel better but instead he felt worse. Part of him was still jealous of Chiba, but the jealousy felt a little different now. Kei was just jealous that they had each other while Kei was feeling extremely lonely. Kei didn’t have anyone he looked forward to talking to every day. He talked to Yamaguchi a lot, but it wasn’t really the same as what Kei imagined having a boyfriend would be like. And while he did want Yamaguchi like that still, he was gradually warming up to the idea of dating someone else too. Kuroo had been right all along, at some point he had to let his dreams of Yamaguchi go. 

Kissing Akimitsu had made things a bit more complicated. Kei keeps on poring over the kiss as he wanders around his apartment, thoughts filtering through his mind about where Akimitsu would fit into all the spaces Kei carved out for himself. Did he enjoy that kiss? Did Akimitsu? Was Kei only feeling this way because of how lonely he was now? Did he only want Akimitsu to be with him because he was familiar, and Kei was craving familiarity? 

Kei is picking around his kitchen, wondering what to cook for his dinner, when the doorbell to his building rings. He checks the monitor to find Akimitsu’s small face filling the screen. Feeling somewhat dizzy, Kei buzzes him into the building and then fidgets by the door to his apartment. Akimitsu knocks softly and Kei swings the door open to find Akimitsu standing there, with a few bags at his sides. 

“You did mean it, didn’t you?” he asks quietly. 

Kei helps bring his bags inside. 

“You never answered my text,” Futakuchi whines at him the next morning. They have conditioning today and Kei is already crankier than normal. 

“Shut up,” Kei grunts. 

“What? You didn’t hook up?” Futakuchi groans. “Tsukishima! I set that up perfectly for you! How did you blow it?” 

“It was not a perfect set up,” Kei snaps. “He’s my classmate from high school.” 

“Yeah, but you still could have done it.” Futakuchi just sighs pityingly. “I’m trying to help you out, you know. You’re wound up so tight you look ready to snap any minute.” 

“Who looks ready to snap?” The team’s physical trainer, Aimi, pops her head out from behind a weight machine. “Tsukishima! I told you to do those stretches to loosen up your shoulders! I bet if I touched your back right now you’d be wound up tighter than my you-know-what.” 

Kei does not tell her that he has never, in the year and a half he’s known her, ever figured out what her you-know-what actually referred to. 

“Futakuchi is stressing me out,” Kei says. 

“I’m trying to get him laid,” Futakuchi explains. 

“And all that did was stress me out more.” 

Aimi shoos Futakuchi away and sits next to Kei on the bench. She scrutinizes him and Kei tries to not shrink back. She’s an intimidating woman, with a buzz cut and biceps that are almost as big as some of the players. She has her sweet side, but she rarely ever shows it in the weight room. Sometimes Kei wants to give her Yachi’s phone number… 

“Tsukishima,” she says solemnly, “I know you’re probably worked up about the Frogs coming to take a look at you, and I’m sure Futakuchi’s being an idiot behind the scenes, but you’ve got to manage your stress better. What’s bugging you?” 

What’s bugging Kei is what’s waiting for him at home. When Akimitsu arrived, Kei ordered takeout while he unpacked his things, and then they ate in silence. No one talked about the kiss, or what living together meant, or even how Akimitsu vacated his dorm with so few things so quickly. And when Akimitsu asked where he should sleep, Kei’s stupid mouth outpaced his brain and offered half of his bed, and so Akimitsu had slept beside Kei, seemingly unperturbed by it. Kei barely slept and he woke up by rolling onto Akimitsu, a soft “hing!” of discomfort escaping Akimitsu, but not waking him up, and Kei had left for his morning workout without saying anything or even leaving a note. He’d suddenly jumped into a whole new world and he felt naked and stupid. He was never impulsive; he didn’t know what had come over him. 

“There’s just… stuff…” Kei says vaguely. He doesn’t want to say any of this. 

“Oh my god,” Aimi groans. “You’re worse than Aone.” She leans closer, this time Kei does shrink back. “Tsukishima, I’m going to show you those stretches one more time, but I swear if you come into my gym with tight shoulders one more time I’m going to flatten you against the floor and beat all the tension out of you myself, got that?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Kei tries his best to not squeak. 

Kei is exhausted by the time he gets home, praying that Akimitsu is not using the shower so he could quickly rinse off before heading to his classes. Instead, he finds Akimitsu on the couch, tapping away on his laptop. His glasses are on and his hair looks damp. “Hi,” he says in greeting, casually, as if this is perfectly normal. 

“Hi,” Kei says, stepping out of his shoes and laboring towards the bathroom. “I’m going to shower.” 

Akimitsu hums in acknowledgement but his eyes remain glued to his screen as he types away. He doesn’t move from his spot even as Kei emerges from the bathroom, changes his clothes in his (their?) bedroom, and repacks his things to leave. “I’ll be back in the evening,” Kei tells him. 

Akimitsu looks up and adjusts his glasses before nodding. “Have a good day, Kei-senpai.” 

Kei doesn’t have a good day. He muddles through it, sitting through lectures, eating cafeteria food that has never been more flavorless, coming home to find Akimitsu has migrated to the table, leaving again for volleyball practice, suffering through a long evening of drills, and then coming back home to find Akimitsu back on the couch. He changes his clothes again and while he’s waiting for water to boil to make a cup ramen, he attempts one of the stretches Aimi assigned to him. He can practically hear her screaming about cup ramen and sodium, and he can hear echoes of Coach Ukai extolling the virtues of eating proper meals but Kei hates cooking and doesn’t have the energy. He eats standing up, suddenly missing the meat buns from Sakanoshita Shop. He misses a lot of those little rituals, even though they were small things, things he thought he didn’t care about. He misses a lot of that now. 

When Kei turns around, Akimitsu is leaning on the kitchen counter, staring at Kei curiously. Kei jumps slightly. 

“Are your days all usually this busy?” he asks. 

“Yeah, mostly,” Kei answers. “Do you not have class every day?” 

Akimitsu shakes his head. “A couple of them are just online so I have a few days where I don’t go to the campus.” 

“Ah.” Kei throws his empty cup ramen in the trash. “Akimitsu.” 

“Yes?”

Kei swallows thickly. “What are we right now?” 

Akimitsu blinks and tilts his head just slightly. “What do you want us to be, Kei-senpai?” 

They haven’t talked about the kiss. They haven’t talked about sleeping in the same bed. 

“I don’t know,” Kei deflates. 

Akimitsu walks around the counter to wrap his arms around Kei in a backhug. Kei can feel Akimitsu’s cheek resting against the center of his back. “That’s okay,” he says softly. “I’m right here.” 

That night, Kei lays on his side facing a sleeping Akimitsu, running his fingers against Akimitsu’s cheek. What did he want them to be? What had stopped him back in high school from asking Akimitsu to be his boyfriend? What would have Kei’s third year been like if he’d just asked him out? Would they have stolen kisses before practice? Had sickly sweet rituals before matches with Akimitsu telling Kei to get in lots of good blocks?

Kei sighs and shifts closer to Akimitsu, willing himself to fall asleep. 

They still don’t talk and Kei becomes increasingly weirded out by the fact that they don’t. Is Akimitsu waiting for Kei to say something? He was the one who asked for the kiss! He also doesn’t know how Akimitsu can adapt so quickly to living in someone else’s house and sleeping in someone else’s bed. Kei had once again woken up by rolling on top of Akimitsu, his soft “oof!” being enough for Kei to realize he’d rolled too far again. 

“How did you pack up your dorm so quickly?” Kei asks the next evening when they’re both slouched in front of Kei’s television. It’s not even on. The apartment feels too quiet. 

“I didn’t have much stuff with me,” Akimitsu shrugs. 

“Why did you ask to kiss me?” 

“Hmm, I just wanted to. It’s what I wanted for a long time.” Akimitsu looks at Kei. “You did kiss me back, you know.” 

“I know,” Kei huffs. “I’m just… trying to figure things out.”

“How is living with Akimitsu?” Yamaguchi sounds curious. 

Kei sighs. “It’s kind of weird. Like, it’s normal, but it feels like it shouldn’t be normal.” 

“Stop overthinking things, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi scolds. 

“Well didn’t it take you some time to get used to your roommate?” 

“But we were total strangers. You and Akimitsu already know each other really well.” 

“We kissed,” Kei blurts. 

“You kissed?” Yamaguchi screeches. “When?” 

“The day he moved in,” Kei says. “I’m still kind of figuring that out.” 

“What do you mean?” Kei can almost hear Yamaguchi thinking. “You’ve always liked him, Tsukki. I don’t know why you didn’t tell him how you felt in high school, but don’t you think this is a second chance?” 

Kei sits on this idea for the rest of the day. When Aimi karate chops him in the back he finally admits to her that he’s having problems in his love life and she softens for half a second before making good on her promise to knock him flat and beat the tension out of him. 

“You’ll figure it out, Tsukishima,” she says confidently after she has sufficiently knocked the stuffing out of him.

Kei stands under the hot water for an extra long time when he gets home and then flops onto the couch, not even caring that his head almost ends up in Akimitsu’s lap. He does notice when Akimitsu rests a hand on his head and starts twirling a strand of Kei’s hair around his finger. 

“Long day?” Akimitsu asks. 

“You have no idea,” Kei groans. 

“Well, it’s over now,” Akimitsu keeps on playing with Kei’s hair. 

“I want you to stay here with me,” Kei says softly, hoping that Akimitsu understands what he really means.

“I will,” Akimitsu replies. 

Kei sits up. Akimitsu blinks. He’s wearing his glasses again today and it comforts Kei because Akimitsu looks familiar like this, in his glasses and the baggy clothes he wears around their house. 

“I want to kiss you again,” Kei says. 

When their lips meet, their glasses also knock into each other, but Kei doesn’t really mind. Akimitsu’s lips are softer this time and he kisses Kei deeply. Kei still has no idea what to do with his hands even as Akimitsu cups his face, trying to bring him closer even as Kei can feel his glasses getting knocked askew. He finally settles on placing one hand on Akimitsu’s waist only to feel shock at how narrow his waist is. Akimitsu squirms a little so Kei moves his hand back to Akimitsu’s hip. 

That night, Akimitsu falls asleep curled up next to Kei’s chest. 

The next week, Kei signs a contract with the Sendai Frogs and starts practicing in their facilities, something he forgets for the first three days of his status as an upcoming player since he finds himself walking to the bus to campus only to realize he’s going to wrong way and has to run in the opposite direction for a different bus. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Aimi says, pinching Kei’s face in the college’s weight room. “Even if your shoulders are still tense as anything, you’re moving up in the world.”

Kei wants to be a starter, so he spends more time in the weight room and more time running even though he hates conditioning activities with a passion. 

“I’m going to buy a jersey,” Yamaguchi tells him happily the next time they talk. 

“If you buy it now you’ll have one before I do,” Kei says. 

Yamaguchi just laughs. “You’ll be great, Tsukki.” 

Kei spends the evenings when he gets home with his head on Akimitsu’s lap, dozing. Usually, Akimitsu isn’t paying any attention to him, eyes fixed on his laptop screen, fingers tapping away at the keys. Whenever Kei tries to figure out what he’s doing, endless numbers just swim in Kei’s vision. Whatever math Akimitsu is doing, it makes Kei feel like a dumb jock for the first time in his life. 

At night, Akimitsu curls up closer and closer to Kei, almost against his chest, and when he’s asleep, Kei has a strange habit of smelling his hair. Kei is still trying to figure out the way Akimitsu smells and so while Akimitsu is deeply asleep Kei likes to bury his face in Akimitsu’s hair and try to place his scent. 

The next few weeks pass like this, and as the autumn begins to change into winter, Akimitsu comes up behind Kei and wraps his arms around him. It’s not so uncommon for Akimitsu to be affectionate, when he isn’t engrossed in his work, he plays with Kei’s hair when Kei has his head on his lap, and at night he’s very cuddly as they’ve gotten used to sharing the bed. What is uncommon is the way that one of Akimitsu’s hands is resting right above Kei’s belt buckle, his fingers stroking back and forth lightly. 

“Kei-kun,” Akimitsu says softly; Kei can feel his forehead resting against the middle of his back. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah,” Kei answers, but half of his brain is hyperfocused on the feeling of Akimitsu’s fingers rubbing right underneath his navel. It sends tremors down his spine. Kei hopes it’s not a complex question. 

“Do you want to sleep with me?” 

Kei’s brain comes this close to short-circuiting. 

“It’s just… we’ve been living together for a while, and we’ve been sleeping in the same bed, but you haven’t made a move and well I…” Akimitsu hugs him tighter. “I haven’t been with anybody else because you asked me to stay with you, and we kiss, but you haven’t asked me to date you or anything so…” Akimitsu pulls away and Kei turns to look at him; the way he’s biting his lip makes Kei want to eat him. “I just wanted to know if you were interested in me that way.” 

“I am,” Kei stammers. “I’ve just… never been with anyone, and I didn’t really know how to go about anything…” Then he blinks. “Have I really not asked you to date me?” 

Akimitsu shakes his head. “No. You’ve only asked me to stay with you. Which,” Akimitsu starts fidgeting. “I interpreted that as you wanting to date me, so I rejected a couple of guys who came onto me, but you don’t really say much about the two of us so I wasn’t really sure.” 

Something twists in Kei’s gut thinking about other guys asking Akimitsu out. “We’re dating,” he says hotly. 

Akimitsu smiles shyly and looks up at Kei through his eyelashes as he steps back into Kei’s arms. “Have you really not been with anyone before?” he asks. 

“You were only my second kiss,” Kei grumbles. 

Akimitsu runs his hand down Kei’s chest, pausing to hover over his belt buckle again. “If you’re unsure, I could show you,” Akimitsu gazes up at him, his eyelashes fluttering. Kei can’t help but think Akimitsu really is a fox that finally grew out all nine of his tails and has Kei wrapped up in them now. 

Kei is nervous and he has never felt more bumbling and uncoordinated. He feels like his body is too large and he doesn’t know how to arrange his limbs. Being naked isn’t even what’s embarrassing him, he just doesn’t know how to organize his body. He doesn’t even know if he should take his glasses off or leave them on. 

“Relax,” Akimitsu says softly, pulling off his shirt. “It’s just me. You don’t need to panic.” 

Akimitsu is much skinnier than Kei thought he was. His ribs stick out and his waist is so tiny Kei wonders if he could fit his hands around him so his fingers touch. 

Akimitsu blushes. “Don’t stare, please.” He tugs at the hair near his temples. 

“Sorry,” Kei murmurs, reaching up to pull Akimitsu’s fingers away from his hair. 

Perhaps under other circumstances, Kei might feel jealous that Akimitsu had been with other guys before him whereas even Kei’s wet dreams were monogamous (though he would die before admitting he still sometimes had wet dreams about Yamaguchi). Instead, Kei is glad that Akimitsu knows what he’s doing and knows how he likes being touched because Kei had no idea what he’s doing and so he lets Akimitsu guide him. Akimitsu is very vocal and Kei drinks in all of his appreciative noises of pleasure and kisses Akimitsu’s neck trying to get more out of him. 

At some point, Kei looks between them and sees that Akimitsu is also wearing a condom. Akimitsu just turns redder and says, “It’s cleaner and safer like this.” Kei just nods. 

When Akimitsu orgasms, he cries out, clinging onto Kei’s shoulders as he shakes, Kei trying to pull him closer, or maybe swallow him whole. Kei’s own orgasm sucks all of the energy out of him and he lays back against the bed feeling boneless and jellylike. 

When Akimitsu moves though, Kei almost lunges at him. “Wait,” he stammers. “I want to hold you for a while.” 

Akimitsu blinks and Kei almost shrivels up from embarrassment, but then Akimitsu lays back down. “I guess a bath can wait,” he says gently. 

Kei pulls Akimitsu closer to him and buries his face in Akimitsu’s neck. Akimitsu starts playing with his hair again and Kei snuggles in closer, breathing in Akimitsu’s scent.

Later, when they do take a shower, Akimitsu runs his hands over Kei’s abs appreciatively. “You’ve gotten really muscular,” he says. 

“You see how much I work out,” Kei flushes. 

“You look good,” Akimitsu rests his head against Kei’s chest. 

“You do too,” Kei says, stroking Akimitsu’s wet hair. 

Akimitsu scoffs against his chest.

Sometimes Akimitsu sleeps in weird positions, it’s his own strange sleeping habit. Tonight, he sleeps with his arms extended above his head. Even in the semidarkness, Kei can see the way his ribs stick out. He’s curious. It almost seems like he could slot his fingers in the grooves between each individual rib. He reaches out slowly, oh, his fingers do fit there…

“Don’t do that!” Akimitsu snaps, jerking his body away from Kei’s wandering hand. It seems he hadn’t been sleeping. “Why do you all do that?” Akimitsu jerks the blanket away from Kei to cover his body. There’s just enough light in the room for Kei to see Akimitsu’s scowl. 

“Sorry,” Kei says, stunned. He’s practically frozen in place, his hand still outstretched, not knowing what to do. 

Akimitsu sighs. “No, no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just don’t like it when people touch me there, and every guy I’ve been with has done that.” 

“Sorry,” Kei repeats. 

Akimitsu scoots closer to Kei on the bed and rests his head against Kei’s shoulder. 

“The guys you’ve been with before,” Kei puts an arm carefully around Akimitsu’s shoulders, “they’ve all been really tall guys right? Muscular?” 

“Yes.” 

It seems Akimitsu’s type is still very much the same. “They probably all do that because it’s amazing you’re so tiny. And your waist is so small.”

“Kenji said my ribs were sexy,” Akimitsu grumbles. “I don’t see how it’s sexy. I hate the way it looks.”

As if Kei needed one more thing to find annoying about Futakuchi. “I won’t do that again,” he says softly, kissing the top of Akimitsu’s head. “I’m sorry.” 

“I didn’t mean to snap at you,” Akimitsu repeats, nuzzling Kei’s shoulder. “You just startled me and I reacted without thinking.”

Kei just kisses him again and pulls Akimitsu into his arms so they can sleep.


	15. blood moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! would it be a notes from me if it didn't start with... housekeeping? so this chapter kind of happened in a way that i absolutely did not plan (i have a list with major points i want each chapter to have) and i basically wrote this chapter under demonic possession because i wrote 5000 out of the 7000 words of this chapter on like thursday night and it was not what i had planned for this chapter. so i am adding another chapter because i am determined to just drag this out for as long as possible i guess but well, as usual, i hope you don't mind! 
> 
> please note that this chapter has a more mature tone overall and be advised there is a content warning here for unhealthy relationship behaviors, some mentions of depression, and alcohol abuse as a coping mechanism (this last one is only at the very end) - please heed these warnings if you need them
> 
> thank you all so much for the comments and kudos last chapter! i hope you all continue to enjoy!!

(It starts as a small thing: an insect laying an egg in a maturing fruit, the larvae growing protected by its ripening sweetness, finally becoming an adult once the fruit is fat and ready for harvest, but remaining overlooked until it starts rotting.) 

Their relationship starts out sweet.

Akimitsu smiles at him a lot and Kei is happy to have him at his side. Akimitsu is affectionate and cuddly and Kei always wants their bodies to be in constant contact. It’s hard because their schedules match up poorly, with Kei out of the house more than in, and the only time they really spend together consistently is in bed at night. Kei crawls in and finds Akimitsu’s body warm and welcoming and they have sex in the dark, Kei carefully not holding Akimitsu around his waist as to not upset him. Everyone once in a while, Akimitsu pushes him away saying he’s too tired and Kei curls up on his side of the bed feeling wounded from the rejection but then Akimitsu will roll over and wrap his arms around Kei so they can still sleep in each other’s embrace. 

When they do try to go on regular dates, Kei invariably finds that he walks too fast but doesn’t notice until Akimitsu yanks on his sleeve, or once on his belt loop, panting for Kei to please slow down. They discover they have very different tastes in food, and neither of them is very good at cooking. Sometimes they have a peaceful breakfast together, but Akimitsu is frequently glued to his own work which demands all of his concentration. 

Kei is content, or so he thinks, until he begins to notice the way other guys stare at Akimitsu. If they go out in the evening, Akimitsu is always dressed nicely and wearing his contacts, and he always attracts male attention even if Kei is beside him. Kei hates that he’s basically invisible beside Akimitsu. He especially hates the bartender who always stares at Akimitsu’s lips when they’re wrapped around a straw. Akimitsu had caught Kei glaring once and asked if he wanted to go home because he looked like he was in a bad mood. He wasn’t in a bad mood, but it startles him with the way his body reacts when other guys are paying attention to Akimitsu. 

Unlike with Yamaguchi, when Chiba’s appearance had blindsided Kei because he hadn’t considered ever having competition for Yamaguchi’s affections, Kei knew going in that other guys found Akimitsu very desirable and that Akimitsu had dated and slept with other guys before Kei. It starts to bother Kei that in comparison to all the others, Kei was probably the only one without any experience. Even though Akimitsu was receptive to Kei’s advances and seemed to enjoy himself in bed, Kei finds himself growing increasingly paranoid that he’s not as good as other guys. Does Akimitsu actually enjoy taking the lead whenever they’re together? Kei finds himself staring daggers at Futakuchi, boiling over with irritation that Futakuchi ever had his hands on Akimitsu, occasionally getting caught and even more annoyed when Futakuchi asks him, sounding hurt, why Kei was glaring at him. 

Kei begins to wonder if he’s enough for Akimitsu. It’s just a small thought worming around in the back of his head, but Kei thinks it all the same. He doesn’t like all the eyes that are drawn to Akimitsu. Some possessive part of him wants to say that Akimitsu is his. Especially because Akimitsu seems oblivious to when guys are trying to flirt with them, and worse, he just smiles back. Kei knows that Akimitsu isn’t flirting, but it still bothers him. He tries to dismiss his jealousy as irrational thoughts. 

But the thought keeps growing.

“Here,” Kei says, handing Yamaguchi a somewhat poorly wrapped gift. “I know it’s early, but it’s something for your trip. Merry Christmas.” 

Yamaguchi looks surprised. “Really?” They’re sitting in Yamaguchi’s bedroom a few days before Christmas. Downstairs, Kei can hear their moms laughing at something on TV. Yamaguchi carefully unwraps Kei’s gift and gasps softly. “Tsukki!” 

“They’re noise cancelling headphones,” Kei says. “I figured they’d be good for your flight.” 

Yamaguchi’s eyes are welling up with tears. “Tsukki!” he squeals, hugging him tightly. 

“Hey, hey, it’s just a present. It’s not a kidney or something,” Kei huffs, but he’s secretly pleased Yamaguchi likes it so much. 

Yamaguchi puts them on and blinks. “Wow,” he says loudly. “These really do block out noise!” 

“Good for a long flight,” Kei smiles. 

“Just so you know, I didn’t buy you anything yet. I was going to get you something from Canada.” Yamaguchi smiles. “So what did you get for Akimitsu?” he asks. His expression is curious and expectant. 

“You don’t need to look at me like you’re expecting I’ll say, ‘oh crap, I forgot my boyfriend.’” Kei grouches, suddenly feeling gloomy. “I did get him something.” Now he feels even gloomier. “Even if you’re right to assume that I’m a bad boyfriend. I am one.” 

“Woah, you look really worn out just saying that. What happened?” Yamaguchi asks. 

Kei sighs heavily, thinking of all the small conflicts that had cropped up in the past month. “We’ve been arguing a lot lately,” he says. 

Being with Akimitsu in an official capacity had really only done one thing: shine a spotlight on the many ways previously unseen that made them an incompatible pair. In high school, Kei held more power of Akimitsu even if he didn’t think he ever used it. He was an upperclassman, someone Akimitsu admired and liked, and in return, Akimitsu was a devoted underclassman, and always gave off an impression of being shy and meek. Trying to be equals was proving more difficult, especially because Akimitsu had changed drastically from the boy who seemed afraid of his own shadow. 

Sometimes they snipped at each other and sometimes they argued a bit. The things that made them incompatible made it difficult to get along at times, but usually they could resolve things quickly. But between the small arguments and Kei’s growing sense of insecurity over the guys who showed an interest in Akimitsu, things bubbled over. And just over a week ago they’d had their first really big fight. 

“My afternoon lecture got cancelled, so I decided to go over to where the math department is to surprise Akimitsu so we could go home together. And when I got there, Akimitsu was talking to some other guy. And he just reaches out and pinches Akimitsu’s cheek,” Kei pinches Yamaguchi’s cheek softly. “And says to him, ‘Aki-chan, you’re so cute! You could be an idol!’” 

Kei thinks his rage had distorted his vision when he saw that. Through the haze of red, Kei thought he saw someone lecherously handsome, someone who could seduce Akimitsu away from him, not the nerdy looking classmate he really was, and Kei had stormed over to them both, snarling. “Akimitsu.” 

“Senpai?” Akimitsu squeaked as Kei grabbed his wrist and yanked him away. (Looking back, Kei thinks Akimitsu’s classmates probably thought he was getting abducted.)

“I dragged him halfway home before he stopped me and asked me what was going on,” Kei covers his face. “And it started going downhill from there.”

“What’s wrong?” Kei had growled, still seeing red, not seeing that Akimitsu looked frightened at the time. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong, Aki-chan? Who the hell was that? Do you always let other guys flirt with you like that?” 

“Flirt!? What?” Akimitsu had been rattled, but to Kei, he had looked guilty. “That’s my classmate! He’s a math nerd with an idol fetish; he says everyone looks like an idol, it’s basically his standard greeting!”

“So you let even math nerds with idol fetishes just touch you and call you cute nicknames,” Kei snapped, resuming dragging Akimitsu back to their apartment. “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t do that when you’re dating me.” 

“You’re not understanding me,” Akimitsu pleaded. “It’s not like that at all.” 

Kei sighs. Yamaguchi isn’t looking at him, instead his face just looks pale. Even talking about it now, Kei doesn’t know where this side of him came from. 

“When we were back home, I had finally started cooling down, and I wanted it to be over so I tried to kiss him.” Kei says. He can’t tell Yamaguchi all of this. “And I guess because we were back home, he could finally start fighting me back and… it was bad.” 

Bad was an understatement, as was Kei saying all he did was try to kiss Akimitsu. He had tried to kiss him, but what he really wanted was to sleep with Akimitsu, to comfort himself that Akimitsu was Kei’s and that even though there were other guys flirting with him, that Akimitsu was still his no matter what. 

Akimitsu had pushed him away. “What are you doing?” he sounded panicked. 

“What do you think?” Kei had asked.

Akimitsu had stared at him, his face that had been drained of color slowly getting redder and redder. “What the hell do you think I am?” he had finally shouted in Kei’s face, shocking him. “How cheap do you think I am that I would let you humiliate me in public and scream at me and then I’d just lie down and still open up my legs for you?” 

Kei had been stunned into silence. He hadn’t been expecting an outburst like this so all he could do was stand silently while Akimitsu trembled with fury. 

“You think I let other people touch me,” Akimitsu seethed. “What did I do to make you not trust me? I don’t understand. But clearly, since you think I’m so disgusting, I’ll stay out of your way. So just leave me alone!” Akimitsu had locked himself in the spare room and although Kei tried to plead with him to open the door so they could talk, and then tried and failed to pick the lock with a paperclip, Akimitsu wouldn’t budge. 

“You’ve said enough,” Akimitsu fumed. “Maybe too much. There’s nothing else to talk about.” 

Kei had paced around anxiously, hiding in their room, straining his ears for Akimitsu trying to sneak out of the room to use the bathroom or escape the house but the door never opened. The rest of the afternoon passed and by the evening Kei had felt so worn out and defeated that he was ready to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He had enough time to cool his head and realized that his reaction was way too extreme for what he’d seen. 

Akimitsu had gotten harassed in high school by guys who thought he was cute and girly, had this time also been a situation like that? Had Kei misunderstood it and blamed Akimitsu for someone harassing him? It made Kei feel sick to think of it. 

He had gone to the door of the spare room, ready to beg, when he’d heard it. 

“He was crying,” Kei feels numb all over saying it now. “I could tell he was crying but trying hard to not make enough noise that I would hear it. And I just stood there and listened and didn’t do anything.” 

He’d lost his nerve listening to Akimitsu cry. He had just silently crept back to his room and lay there sleeplessly all night. He half expected Akimitsu to be gone in the morning, but he’d still been there, though Kei noticed there was a new bedroll leaning against the doorway of the spare room. 

While Kei was in the shower, wondering what to say to Akimitsu, Akimitsu had gone and gotten dressed for his day. When Kei came out and saw Akimitsu ready to leave for his classes, he had panicked. It had been cold that morning, the coldest day of the winter so far, and Akimitsu didn’t have a scarf. Kei thought about Akimitsu’s bad chills brought on sudden drops in temperature.

“Wait,” Kei had choked out, rushing back to his room to grab a scarf. “Take this.” He held it out to Akimitsu, praying it conveyed the rest of Kei’s feelings, all of the apologies that were sticking to the roof of his mouth.

Akimitsu just stared at him like Kei was holding out a live snake. “I’m not going to wear that,” he said flatly. 

Kei looked at it, suddenly worried that in his haste he’d grabbed something that wasn’t a scarf. But it was a scarf. It was a bright green Sendai Frogs scarf that Kei had bought right before his first game with the team. 

“It’s cold,” Kei insisted. “You’re going to get sick-” 

“I don’t want it!” Akimitsu snapped and then left in a huff. 

Kei had been confused and hurt for a while until it dawned on him that perhaps to Akimitsu, who was still clearly hurting from yesterday, that Kei offering up his Frogs scarf was like Kei asking Akimitsu to label himself as someone who was Kei’s by wearing his scarf. Considering Kei’s possessive behavior from the day before, he wouldn’t be surprised if that was exactly what Akimitsu thought. Kei balled the scarf up and screamed his frustrations into it. 

“Oh, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi sounds so sad. “Have you apologized yet?” 

“No,” Kei admits softly. 

It is, Kei thinks, from a lack of trying on his part. He knew he had to apologize in words even though he wished Akimitsu would understand his actions. The scarf had been his first feeble attempt which Akimitsu vehemently rejected. Akimitsu got sick a couple days after that incident and Kei had called his mom to casually ask if she could walk him through the steps to making soup, pretending to be sick himself. Even though Kei had tried to check on him, Akimitsu had just stayed in his bedroll and refused to let Kei nurse him. Kei felt even more wounded when Akimitsu’s sister showed up at their apartment the next day. 

“He didn’t answer our mom’s call so she assumed he was on his deathbed or something,” Mitsuko explained. “Where is he?” 

Kei had been mortified to show her the spare room but she hadn’t seemed bothered. 

“I made soup but he wouldn’t eat it,” Kei said wringing his hands feeling worse and worse by the second. 

She laughed at him. “You’re so jumpy. Calm down. He won’t really die. He’s always like this. Stubborn as a mule. Can you go reheat it? I’ll make him eat it.” 

Kei had reheated the soup, trying to infuse it with the apologies he still hadn’t said. 

“His fever should break soon,” Mitsuko said confidently, returning an empty bowl to Kei. “He always gets sick this time of year.” She slapped his arm. “Come on, kid, you look like death warmed over! He’ll be fine. Thanks for taking care of him.”

She had meant it as a genuine compliment but it had felt like a slap across the face. Kei hadn’t been taking care of Akimitsu at all. In fact, part of Kei was blaming himself for Akimitsu getting sick. If she knew the real way Kei had treated Akimitsu, would she kill him? Probably. 

Kei had gone shopping for Yamaguchi’s headphones a few days later, when Akimitsu’s fever had in fact broken. He had been passing by a clothing store when he thought suddenly that he could try again. 

He’d walked into the shop and a bubbly female assistant had flocked to him. “What can I help with?” she chirped. 

“I need a pair of gloves and a scarf. Something elegant. It’s a gift.” 

She brought out a selection of scarves and several pairs of gloves. “We have gloves in different sizes,” she chirped. “Please let us know if you need to size up or down!” 

Kei examined everything thoroughly, selecting a coal grey scarf that felt silky to the touch but was also surprisingly warm. He fussed over the gloves for a longer period of time. 

“I need these in a smaller size,” he finally said, holding a pair of black gloves. They were a faux leather exterior and lined inside with fleece.

“Your girlfriend must have dainty hands,” the shop assistant said dreamily, watching Kei compare the smaller gloves against his own hand. “Oh! It’s so romantic! I wish I had a boyfriend who would buy me gloves so painstakingly!” 

Kei gave her a weak smile. “I don’t think so. They’re an apology present.”

“What a romantic way to say you’re sorry! She’s got to forgive you!” 

Kei wanted just one ounce of her confidence in Akimitsu’s capacity to forgive. 

Kei had the scarf and glove boxed up and gift wrapped and walked home with a cloud of dread hanging over him. It would kill him if Akimitsu rebuffed him again, and it would make Kei wonder why Akimitsu hadn’t dumped him yet. Especially now that he was well again, maybe he’d muster up the strength to tell Kei to go fuck himself. 

He went home and wrapped Yamaguchi’s headphones somewhat lumpily and stuffed it into his luggage. If Kei didn’t try to make peace with Akimitsu now, he might come home from his winter holidays to find Akimitsu moved out of the apartment without saying anything. A tiny, tiny part of Kei hoped maybe that could happen. Maybe their breakup could be quiet and bloodless and they’d both just act like nothing happened at all. 

“Akimitsu,” Kei said softly. Akimitsu was sitting at the table typing away at his laptop. If not for the way he flinched and the wary glance he sent Kei’s way, it would be an almost normal sight. 

Kei placed the boxes on the table. “This is for you. Early Christmas. Because I’ll be at my parents’ house. So. Here.” The apologies stuck in Kei’s mouth and still wouldn’t come out. 

“You didn’t have to,” Akimitsu mumbled as he very gingerly reached for the first box. 

Kei tried to not stare Akimitsu down while he unwrapped the boxes. He’s beyond antsy by the time Akimitsu is finally holding the scarf and the gloves. 

“I noticed you don’t have a scarf and you don’t wear gloves,” Kei blurted. “I don’t want you to get sick again.”

“Thank you,” Akimitsu says quietly. 

It had been something. Kei had felt momentarily cheered that Akimitsu had accepted the gift and had left the house feeling slightly better. 

Akiteru drove him back to their mom’s house and Kei’s thoughts had receded back into gloomy territory. Maybe Akimitsu accepted the gift to avoid making another scene and would quietly throw them away later. Or when Akimitsu secretly moved out while Kei was gone, he would leave the gift. 

“You alright?” Akiteru had asked. “You don’t look too good.” 

Kei had turned to look at his brother and had caught sight of the bright green Frogs scarf around his brother’s neck. 

“You finally noticed!” Akiteru grinned. “Looks great, doesn’t it?” 

The green was eye-searing. Kei’s stomach turned. “The color doesn’t suit you,” Kei said weakly. “Hey, pull over.” 

“Huh?” Akiteru pulled over and Kei practically tumbled out the passenger door to throw up on the side of the road.

“Woah! Woah!” Akiteru fumbled for some wet wipes. “Are you okay? You don’t usually get carsick!” 

“I’m okay,” Kei wheezed. 

The ride finished uneventfully and Akiteru had helped Kei into the house. “He got sick on the way,” Akiteru explained to their worried mom. 

“Maybe you’re still a little sick. I’ll make you some soup.” 

Kei’s stomach turned again. “I don’t want soup,” he said weakly. “Can I have tea to start? I think it’s passing.” 

Kei sighs deeply. “Sometimes, we’d argue about something that wasn’t really my fault. Without knowing it, I’d do something that some jerk Akimitsu dated before me did that made him really upset and he’d react really badly. He would say something like, ‘you’re all like this,’ and that used to drive me crazy and that would turn into the argument. I’d get mad and tell him that he couldn’t just lump me in with all those other assholes because I wasn’t like them.” Kei slumps against the wall. “I’m worse than all of them. I’m not some random jackass Akimitsu met by accident. He knew me. He liked me and trusted me for a long time and everything I did, I did it by myself.” 

“That’s why you’ve got to say sorry,” Yamaguchi says gently. “I know the way you show that you care about someone is to give them things, but you’ve got to talk about this one.” 

“I can’t,” Kei struggles. “There’s nothing I can say that can make up for how I acted. Nothing I can say that’s not an excuse.” 

“Were you worried he would cheat on you?” Yamaguchi’s brow creases. “Because it seemed to me like you were trying to hurt him before he could hurt you.” 

“It’s just… it’s like…” Kei fidgets. “I knew he had dated other guys before me, and when we go out together there are a lot of guys who notice him. And I’m just…” Kei sighs. “I’m not a great boyfriend in the first place, and I’m always busy.” 

“You’ve always been fixated on people who get jealous in relationships,” Yamaguchi says. “You would always comment about me and Masahiko. But if either of us got paranoid about that, we wouldn’t be able to last.” 

“But how do you not?” Kei asks, thinking of Chiba’s various social media posts. Mostly, his pictures were with new friends and classmates touring parts of Toronto. The picture that stood out most vividly in Kei’s mind was one of Chiba with a group of guys all smiling and holding rainbow flags. “Do you really never worry?” 

“I don’t,” Yamaguchi says honestly. “I’ve always trusted him, and he trusts me.” 

That just makes Kei feel miserable. 

“Will you break up?” Yamaguchi asks softly. “If you really think you did something too unforgivable?” 

Kei’s mouth feels dry. “I don’t know,” he sighs. “I like him a lot. In the beginning, I kept on telling him I wanted him to stay by my side, and it’s true. I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want to hurt him more than I already have.” 

Yamaguchi nods. 

Kei feels even gloomier the next day seeing Yamaguchi off at the airport but he hides it so nobody worries anything is wrong with him. That night, he has a terrible nightmare about Akimitsu. In the dream, it’s the morning Kei tried to offer his scarf again, but Dream Akimitsu lashes out at him. 

Dream Kei asks, “Where are you going?” 

Dream Akimitsu snarls. “I’m off to seduce a bunch of guys and eat their livers.” Kei can see the nine fox tails fanning out from behind Dream Akimitsu. “Kei-kun, if I wanted to seduce someone, I’d just do it and you’d never catch me.” 

Kei wakes up drenched in cold sweat. He knows it’s just a dream but it feels like a divine threat. He’s anxious to reach out to Akimitsu. He has to apologize, that’s the only way he can even start to think about staying together. 

“Are you that worried about Tadashi?” Akiteru asks curiously, watching Kei pace and fidget around the house. 

“It’s far,” Kei says defensively. In reality, he’s not really worried. Yamaguchi arrived in Toronto safely and from the pictures he was posting, it seemed he and Chiba were trying to see all of Toronto in the one week Yamaguchi was going to be there. 

On New Year’s, Kei goes to the shrine with Akiteru to get fortunes. 

Naturally, Kei’s o-mikuji just says “curse.” 

It’s not like Kei believes in these things, but the word mocks him and sinks like a stone into the pit of his stomach. He carries it around with him on his trip back to his apartment a few days later, the dread accumulating until he’s nauseous again. He hesitates in front of his door, unsure of what he’ll find on the other side of it.

When Kei unlocks the door the first thing he sees is a pair of shoes in the doorway that aren’t his. His heart soars for a moment when he steps in and sees Akimitsu on the couch watching the TV. 

“Senpai,” Akimitsu scrambles to his feet. 

“I’m home,” Kei says, heart pounding. 

Kei sets down his things in their room - everything looks untouched, Kei wonders if Akimitsu has been sleeping in the spare room - and returns to the living room. Akimitsu is holding a small gift bag in his hands, looking intensely nervous. 

“This is for you,” he mumbles, ears red. 

“Thanks,” Kei motions for Akimitsu to sit with him on the couch. He pulls the gift out of the bag and finds a bottle of cologne. 

“It’s a Christmas present, even though it’s after the New Year now,” Akimitsu is fidgeting in earnest, and tugging on the hair near his temple. “It’s also… I wanted to tell you I was sorry.” 

Kei stares at him incredulously. “I’m the one that’s sorry,” he stammers. “I’m the one who-”

“I knew you were trying to apologize to me before,” Akimitsu interrupts. He won’t meet Kei’s eyes. “I knew and I still acted like I did, and I’m sorry for that. It must have hurt you.” 

Kei feels dizzy and confused. Yes, Kei had been hurt by Akimitsu’s attitude, but it can’t have been anything compared to what Akimitsu had been feeling. After all, Kei was the one who stood by the door listening to him cry. 

But maybe because Kei is selfish, he just scoots across the couch and pulls Akimitsu into a hug. Maybe he’s imagining it, but Akimitsu feels even less substantial in his arms. 

Their relationship seems to pick back up in tentative leaps and starts. Sometimes Akimitsu looks like Kei will suddenly bite his head off and a few times Akimitsu has visibly flinched when Kei has reached out for him. Kei feels like they’re a couple of caged animals circling each other, and Kei doesn’t know what to do. It feels like Akimitsu has changed again. It’s almost as if they’re in high school again when Akimitsu was jumpy and nervous most of the time. 

In the back of Kei’s mind, a sinister voice whispers, “You did that.” 

Kei is even more surprised when Akimitsu suddenly back hugs him and asks if he wants to have sex. Kei is confused, because Akimitsu had flinched again when Kei petted his hair earlier in the day, but says yes anyway because he’s been longing to touch Akimitsu. 

Kei wants to be gentle, to try to express to Akimitsu that he loves him and wants to make him happy, but Akimitsu just grips onto Kei’s shoulder and meekly asks if Kei would go harder. Kei does what Akimitsu wants, but he feels weird about it, and then guilty when he sees Akimitsu’s eyes are wet. 

“Did I hurt you?” he yelps, reaching to wipe Akimitsu’s tears, but Akimitsu ducks his head away.

“No, I’m fine,” he says, though Kei can tell he’s about to cry. “I’m going to take a bath.” 

Kei is trying desperately to find clues about where and how he keeps on fucking it all up. He’s still puzzling over this when Yamaguchi returns from Canada with Kei’s gift. Kei is back in Yamaguchi’s room with a can opener and a can that, alarmingly, is labeled “100% Canada Moose.” He opens it warily, expecting some gross canned meat, but instead it’s a moose plush. 

“It can sit next to your dinosaurs,” Yamaguchi teases. Kei almost throws the moose at him. 

“So how was it?” Kei asks, examining the moose now that he’s decided to not use it as a projectile. “Did you like Toronto?” 

“Yes,” Yamaguchi says. “It was a lot of fun.” 

Kei raises his eyebrows, surprised that Yamaguchi isn’t gushing over the trip. “Is everything okay? With you and Chiba?” 

“Oh, yes, of course,” Yamaguchi grins sheepishly. “Honestly, as much fun as I had, it was kind of nerve wracking. You know the feeling you had a kid when you lost sight of your mom at the supermarket? I had that feeling the whole time. I was terrified I’d lose sight of Masahiko and be trapped wherever I was. And I knew he was pushing himself really hard to make sure I got to see everything I wanted to; we talked so much planning the trip, but I noticed he looked like he was in a lot of pain when we were walking around and I ended up feeling bad.” 

“Well, it’s not like that can really be helped.” 

“No, but I still felt bad.” Yamaguchi sighs. “But I was so happy to see him. We really don’t get to see each other that much, and I really treasured every moment. I just wish I hadn’t been so panicked everywhere we went.” 

Kei just nods understandingly. 

“So how is Akimitsu?” Yamaguchi asks. 

Kei doesn’t know what to say. Akimitsu is anxious as all hell, jumping at every little thing, and from what Kei can tell, spends a lot of time pretending to not be crying. 

“I don’t know,” Kei says. “He doesn’t really say much.” 

“Are you still dating?” 

Kei doesn’t know what to say to that either. They had sex a few more times though from Kei could tell from Akimitsu’s lack of noise was that he wasn’t that into it, despite being the one initiating it. When Kei had asked Akimitsu to go out with him, Akimitsu had declined and said he wanted to stay in that night. 

“I think so,” Kei sighs. “He wouldn’t accept my apology and apologized to me instead.” 

Yamaguchi is equally confused by that. 

When Kei gets home, moose in tow, he finds Akimitsu gone. There’s a note saying he’s visiting his sister and won’t be back until the next day, so Kei goes out to the nearest convenience store and buys a few six packs of beer to drown his sorrows. 

Kei doesn’t really mean to drink until he blacks out, but he wakes up to Akimitsu shaking his shoulder. “Did something happen? Why did you drink like this?” He sounds concerned and it makes Kei want to cry. 

“Akimitsu,” he slurs, still a little drunk. “Let me hold you. You don’t let me hold you anymore.” 

“You’re on the floor,” Akimitsu says. “You should go to your bed.” 

It stings, little things like “your bed” instead of “our bed.” 

“Just let me hold you,” Kei whines. “Why won’t you let me?” 

“I lost a little weight so my bones stick out more.” Akimitsu says, struggling to pull Kei into a sitting position. “It wouldn’t feel good.” 

“But when we have sex you let me touch you,” Kei protests, swaying upright. 

“If you don’t want to touch me, that’s fine,” Akimitsu says. 

“I didn’t say that,” Kei says. “I want to cuddle with you. You’re the one who won’t let me.” 

Akimitsu drops him. Kei hits his head on the floor. “Oww!” 

“Sorry,” Akimitsu sounds like he’s ready to cry again. 

“Akimitsu,” Kei croaks, blinking up at him. He’s wearing his glasses but Kei is too drunk to see straight. “Do you want to break up?” 

“What?” Akimitsu squeaks.

“Do you want to break up?” Kei repeats. “I think you’re scared of me now, and I’m always making you cry. I don’t want you to cry. But you won’t let me tell you I’m sorry for yelling at you.” 

“Kei-kun, you’re still drunk,” Akimitsu says. “Go back to sleep.” 

“Only if you sleep beside me,” Kei says stubbornly. 

It stings a lot, seeing Akimitsu hesitate before slowly lying down beside Kei on the floor. Kei tugs Akimitsu into his arms immediately and he can feel Akimitsu holding his body rigidly. Kei buries his face into the crook of Akimitsu’s neck and he can feel that Akimitsu is a lot bonier. He presses his nose against where Akimitsu’s pulse is beating quickly and Kei feels his heart sinking. This isn’t the rapid heartbeat Kei knows when they used to be wrapped up in each other’s arms, instead it seems more like fear, Akimitsu a small animal trapped in Kei’s large frame. Even so, he doesn’t let go, and clings to Akimitsu until he does fall asleep again. 

When Kei wakes up, Akimitsu has escaped his arms, but Kei’s head is pillowed on Akimitsu’s lap (his legs feel thinner too under Kei’s head) and Akimitsu is playing with the moose plush. Kei’s head is throbbing now and his mouth feels like it’s been stuffed full of cotton. 

“Akimitsu,” he rasps. 

Akimitsu glances down at him and reaches to hand him a glass of water. Kei gingerly sits up to drink it. His mouth feels better but his head still hurts.

“Senpai,” Akimitsu says softly. “Did you mean what you said earlier?” 

Kei turns to look at Akimitsu. Akimitsu isn’t looking at him but instead at the moose. “What do you mean?” Kei asks. 

Akimitsu frowns. “Do you still want to break up?” 

Kei eases himself back down to lay with his head on Akimitsu’s lap. “Not really,” Kei says softly. “But I think we have to.” 

“Why?” Akimitsu’s voice trembles. “Do you dislike me that much?” 

Kei blinks up at Akimitsu. Belatedly, he realizes that his glasses are no longer on and so Akimitsu’s face is blurry. “I don’t dislike you at all, but I dislike that whenever there are other guys around you, I get jealous and I can’t hold it in.”

Akimitsu says nothing. 

“I like you,” Kei says softly. “So I don’t want to cause you any pain. You won’t let me apologize to you even though I made you cry.” 

“Kei-senpai,” Akimitsu murmurs. “What did I do to make you not trust me? I keep trying to remember what I did, but I can’t.” 

Kei feels his heart break a little. “You didn’t do anything. It was just me. It was all in my head.” 

Akimitsu is silent again, still playing with the moose. “Is it because I’ve been with other guys before? You think I can’t help myself and I’m still looking at other guys?” 

Kei doesn’t answer quickly enough because he can hear Akimitsu sniffling. 

“I’d never do that,” Akimitsu says softly. “I liked you for so long, I’ve always…”

Kei sits up, room spinning, “Akimitsu…” 

“Let’s break up!” Akimitsu blurts out. “If you really don’t want me, and you think I’m trying to cheat on you, then we should.” 

Kei wants to hug him, because Akimitsu is crying again, but when he tries Akimitsu elbows him away. 

“Don’t touch me,” he hiccups. “I was trying so hard to move past what happened, to get you to trust me again, but if you want to end things then I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.” 

Kei doesn’t know what to say to that. 

Akimitsu leaves as quietly as he arrives, with only a few bags. 

“Where are you going to stay?” Kei asks. He feels nervous about Akimitsu’s departure. Losing him already feels terrible, and even though he offered to let Akimitsu stay as long as he needed to, Akimitsu still said he’d leave by the next day. 

“I’ll stay with my sister for a while,” Akimitsu answers. His face is pale and he has dark circles under his eyes. 

There are a lot of things that Kei wants to say, but he holds them all in. He doesn’t want Akimitsu to leave; he doesn’t really want them to break up like this. They’ve only been together for a couple of months. But as much as Kei wants to beg Akimitsu to change his mind, Kei knows breaking up was his idea. Even though Kei still wants Akimitsu by his side, he doesn’t want that if Akimitsu didn’t want to be there, and given that Akimitsu always shrinks when Kei approaches him, he knows Akimitsu didn’t really want to be with him even if he said he was trying to move past their fight. 

Kei’s words get stuck in his throat as Akimitsu picks up his bags. He wants to say goodbye properly, and maybe apologize again, but he stands there mute as Akimitsu shoulders the door open and leaves. He pauses in the doorway for a moment, glancing back at Kei. 

“I’ll see you around, I guess,” Kei says stupidly. 

Akimitsu blinks at him. “I guess so,” he says softly. 

Akimitsu coming into Kei’s apartment was a bizarrely quiet affair, and at first his departure was the same. It takes a couple of days for Kei to find it weird he isn’t rolling into anyone on the other side of bed, but then once he notices it’s impossible for him to not notice how much room he has. His apartment feels too quiet without Akimitsu’s constant typing. Kei feels lonelier than ever. 

He must look awful too because the next time he goes home to visit Yamaguchi’s mother, she gives him a big hug unprompted and tells him that he’s turning into a good man. It leaves Kei flustered because he hadn’t been doing anything that felt all that great. (Yamaguchi’s mom has a plush Sendai Frogs mascot sitting on her TV stand, which only serves to fluster Kei more.) 

His mom gives him the same kind of reception, compounded with strawberry shortcake. 

“I’m taking a baking class,” she says airily. “You’ll have to let me know if it’s any good.”

Kei only looks at her suspiciously as he eats - the cake is fluffy but the whipped cream is a little too sweet - and his mom just laughs. 

“Well, fine, Tadashi mentioned that you seemed a little down and nothing cheers you up like cake.” 

“You call him to check up on me?” Kei groans. 

His mom places a hand over her heart. “Well how else am I supposed to know how you’re doing?” 

Kei goes home with bags of tupperware and half of the cake, and after he puts everything away he decides to tidy up his apartment. He leaves the spare room for last. It’s almost pathological, but he hasn’t stepped foot inside of the spare room since the day Akimitsu refused to let Kei feed him the soup he made. Kei enters the room now finding that Akimitsu has already scrubbed it of his presence. Even so, Kei dusts and vacuums the room, only stopping when the vacuum hose gets stuck on something. Kei sighs and lifts the hose, expecting to see a large quantity of dust, or a discarded pair of socks, but instead it’s a single glove. Kei freezes realizing it’s one of the gloves he gave to Akimitsu and he scours the rest of the house for its mate but can’t find it. Kei’s heart pounds when he realizes that Akimitsu might have left it accidentally, and fumbles for his phone. 

As soon as he hits the call button, there’s a click and then an automated voice message informs him the number has been disconnected. Kei blinks and redials, but the same thing happens. He keeps on redialing until the pit in his stomach is a black hole forcefully seizing his insides. 

He had meant it, really, when he told Akimitsu he would see him around. They went to the same college and Kei hoped their paths might cross. Selfishly, he didn’t want Akimitsu to disappear from his life permanently, but apparently Akimitsu was trying hard to cut ties. 

The hurt blindsides Kei as he folds over, clutching the glove in his hand, and tries to hold back his tears. 

Futakuchi kicks over the umbrella stand in Kei’s apartment doorway and it crashes loudly to the ground.

“Shit!” Futakuchi grunts, stepping over it and helping Kei step over it. “You’re one person, how many umbrellas do you need?” 

Kei just grunts. His eyes are closed because he’s drunk enough that any light kills his head, so he stumbles along blindly with Futakuchi, Aone and Aimi on their heels. Futakuchi helps flop Kei down on his couch, Kei groaning at the impact. His head spins even as he lies flat against the cushions. 

“You are unbelievable,” Aimi huffs. “What did you drink like that for? Are you trying to kill yourself? Don’t you professionals have to stay pretty clean?” 

“He broke up with his boyfriend,” Futakuchi explains.

Kei makes a soft whine of protest. He wasn’t out to Aimi but now he was. 

“There are more fish in the sea,” Aimi says sympathetically. 

Kei blinks but it hurts his eyes. He can hear someone clinking plates and thinks Aone must be attempting to find him a glass to pour water into, but Kei hasn’t really felt like doing much housework lately. The disconnected number and lone glove had sent Kei into a spiral of gloom and he had only been dragging himself out of the house to go to school or play volleyball. His diet was getting abhorrent as he was only nibbling on what he could get out of vending machines on campus or at the stadium. 

“I’m such a shit person,” Kei slurs. “I thought he’d leave me for someone else so I broke up first even though I didn’t want to, and now he’s disappeared. I lost.” 

Kei had lurked around the math department for a couple of days but had never caught sight of Akimitsu. It hurt him a lot to think Akimitsu was just going to disappear from his life again. 

“Yeah, Tsukishima, you’re the worst.” Futakuchi agrees. “But you can’t drink yourself to death.” 

“Can too,” Kei argues. 

He feels Futakuchi and Aone rearranging his body on the couch so his head is safely resting on its side and then he hears the door click shut as they all leave. Kei just wishes he could be resting his head on Akimitu’s lap.


	16. lunar eclipse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! i am honestly kind of shocked i wrote this chapter without it like veering off in a totally different and unplanned direction so there's no housekeeping to talk about this week! next week's chapter will in fact be the last! (just in time for me to go back to school hahaha) 
> 
> thank you all so much for the comments and kudos last chapter! i hope you continue to enjoy!

Kei spends the next week moping, though he grows increasingly unsure if he’s even allowed to be this upset over a relationship that he ended. It’s all his fault, so why should he be the one wallowing in his sadness and self-pity? 

The people around him notice his gloominess and offer him words of encouragement. Aimi, being herself, informs Kei that she will break his spine if he ever gets himself that drunk again and so Kei avoids drinking away his sorrows. 

Kei tries to not unload any of his uncertain and messy feelings onto anyone, especially not Yamaguchi who tells him that Chiba will be visiting him in Osaka soon. Kei knows Yamaguchi really lives for the brief times they can be together and he doesn’t want to intrude with his concerns. The problem is the more Kei thinks about his relationship with Akimitsu over time, the worse he feels about it. Akimitsu had liked him and trusted him but in the end Kei was probably the worst guy Akimitsu had ever dated. Before Akimitsu came back into Kei’s life, his memories of Akimitsu had been good ones. But what about now? Would Akimitsu remember anything good about Kei? Or had Kei’s possessiveness wiped out any fond memories Akimitsu might have had about him? It’s too depressing to think about, and Kei just feels even more downtrodden.

Aone is the one who finally breaks through Kei’s haze of gloom in the form of an email with the subject line: “Urgent Request for Help.” 

Kei has learned that Aone’s main form of communication is long form emails, and so he isn’t really sure what to expect when he opens an email with such an alarming subject. The email itself is a lot less alarming than it implies though; Aone is going to be away from home all day but as he has just adopted a puppy, he needs someone to feed her and walk her, and asks Kei if he could help. 

“Some scientific studies have shown that playing with dogs can improve mood,” Aone has written. “Hinagiku is still a puppy with a lot of energy and you can play with her until she tires out and falls asleep. Taking her for a walk when the weather is nice might also help to boost your mood. If you can take care of her, please let me know.” 

Kei feels touched. Aone was the one who tried to get him water the night Kei got himself too drunk to see, and he had warned him through email that Koganegawa had also signed an upcoming player contract with the Frogs so Kei had already braced himself for the bellow of “Tsukki!” the next day when Koganegawa arrived at the Frogs’ training gym. He quickly types back that he’ll gladly watch Aone’s puppy. Aone’s reply comes equally fast, thanking Kei for the help, and also asking if Kei would please feed his turtle as well. Kei agrees again, looking forward to playing with a puppy and hopefully rising out of his depressed state. 

When Aone described his dog as a puppy, Kei expected a small dog. Aone seemed to like small things - he had succulents growing on his windowsill, and a small turtle in an elaborate tank - so Kei assumed Aone might also like small dogs. 

Hinagiku is not a small dog. 

When Kei is greeted by a golden retriever rearing up on her hind legs and putting her front paws on Kei’s chest, he thinks he’s come to the wrong house. But no, Aone’s succulents and turtle tank are where they always are, and Hinagiku is trying to lick Kei’s face in earnest. 

“Sit!” he tells her, feeling flabbergasted, and Hinagiku plops her behind on the floor, tail wagging excitedly behind her. 

“This is not a puppy!” Kei types to Aone frantically. “This is an adult dog! It’s almost as tall as me! It probably weighs more than my ex-boyfriend!” 

A few minutes later, Aone’s fax machine whirs to life and a copy of Hinagiku’s adoption certificate gets spit out of the machine. It confirms that she’s still a puppy and Kei stares at her, already feeling exhausted. He locates the dog food and fills Hinagiku’s bowl and while she noisily chomps her food, he shakes some turtle food into the tank. Hinagiku barks and wags her tail even more vigorously when Kei gets her leash and they take off for their walk. 

Aone warned Kei that Hinagiku’s grasp of basic commands was still a bit weak, but what he didn’t warn him about was how strong she was. Kei finds himself being dragged down the street and in any direction Hinagiku wants to go and he has very little control over her. 

This comes to a head when she rears up and topples a man on the sidewalk. Kei is mortified. 

“I’m so sorry!” he says, trying to not get shrill. “She’s not my dog and she’s still a puppy and are you hurt anywhere I’m so sorry!” 

The man laughs as he stands up, dusting himself off. “I’m fine. She’s such a pretty girl. What’s her name?” 

“Hinagiku,” Kei says, relieved that the man is very relaxed as he squats down to pet her. Hinagiku’s tail is wagging happily. “I’m really terribly sorry. Are you sure you’re not hurt?” 

“Nope, not hurt at all,” the man says cheerfully. “But if you’re so worried about it, maybe you could make it up to me over dinner?” 

Kei blinks, shocked, and the man laughs. 

“Oh? Not into that? Whoops.” 

“No,” Kei stammers out quickly. “You just took me by surprise. Uh. It’s not everyday my friend’s dog knocks someone over and then he asks me out.” 

“Give me your phone number,” he says. “I know a great place for dinner.” 

Kei hands over his phone. The man winks. “I’ll text you later and send directions, okay?” 

“Okay,” Kei says, blushing. 

He gives Hinagiku one last pet before waving and going on his way. Kei checks his contacts and finds the newest one is labeled ‘Arima Yuki.’ When Kei gets back to Aone’s apartment, with Hinagiku flopping down on her dog bed with a satisfied huff, Arima texts him an address with a, “meet you at eight?” 

Kei texts back that he’ll be there. 

Once again Kei finds himself blindsided as he finds himself standing in front of a duplex apartment. What restaurant is this? 

Arima answers the door when Kei rings the bell and he’s even more surprised to see Arima wearing an apron. “Hey! You came! Come in.” 

Kei follows Arima, looking around and feeling perplexed. “I thought you knew a great place,” he says. 

“This is a great place,” Arima says, his voice light and teasing. “I’m a great cook.” 

Kei decides to just go with it and he examines Arima’s apartment. Every available surface is cluttered with camera equipment. “Are you a photographer?” he asks. 

“Yup. Freelance. Mostly boring stuff though, passport pictures and driver’s licenses. You?” Arima is pulling things out of his well-stocked refrigerator. 

“I’m a student,” Kei answers. “And I play volleyball semi-professionally.” 

“Student?” Arima’s head pops up. “How old are you?” 

“Twenty-two,” Kei says, feeling a little defensive. Arima is certainly the first one to skip over the professional volleyball part. “How old are you?” 

Arima just smiles. “Guess.” 

Kei’s eyes sweep around the apartment. It’s a small one, only one bedroom and only one bathroom, with a kitchen and dining space in one… Arima says he’s a freelance photographer too… Kei shrugs. “Are you twenty-five?” 

“Twenty-five,” Arima muses. “That’s really flattering. I’m twenty-nine, actually.” 

Kei blanches. This guy is older than Akiteru. Kei is on a very weird date with a guy older than his brother. Kei finds people in his brother’s age range attractive. He represses a shudder. 

“You look younger,” Kei’s voice comes out all strangled. 

Arima just laughs. “Yeah, I get that a lot. I didn’t take an office job with a suit, that’s how I held onto my boyish good looks.” He winks and turns back to cooking. “You don’t have allergies, do you?” 

“No,” Kei answers. He stares at Arima from the back, cataloguing the way he looks. Arima has dark hair that curls at the nape of his neck and dark eyes that always seem to sparkle mischievously. His height seems average and he could probably comfortably rest his head on Kei’s shoulder. Kei’s thoughts screech to a halt at that. He’s getting ahead of himself. 

Arima makes okonomiyaki and it looks and smells amazing. It tastes even better and Kei, who is really not a big fan of most foods, has to admit he could probably eat the whole thing by himself. Arima just smiles at him while he eats, occasionally eating himself, and when he leans across the table to wipe sauce from the side of Kei’s mouth, Kei freezes. 

“You’re really cute,” Arima says conversationally. “Even though you’re younger than most guys I’d normally date.” 

Kei flushes. “Yeah? And you’re older than most guys I’d date.” It’s true, in a sense, Akimitsu is younger than Kei. 

“Guess we’re even,” Arima nods. “We should do this again.”

“We should,” Kei agrees. 

“I could come to your place instead,” Arima muses. “Ah, but wait. You’re a student. Do you live in a dorm? Or at home? I feel like I’d make a bad impression on your parents. Me almost being thirty and all.” 

Kei doesn’t doubt that. Akiteru would probably be horrified that Arima was older than him. Kei’s mom would probably just ask embarrassing questions; since Kei moved out she had asked him several questions about having “special friends” that made Kei want to tear off his skin. (As a result, he never told her about Akimitsu.) And Kei wasn’t actually sure if his dad knew he was gay. Coming out by introducing an older boyfriend to the whole family would sure be something…

“I live by myself,” Kei says. 

“Oho,” Arima raises his eyebrows. “Are you a rich kid?” 

Kei flushes. “I wouldn’t say so.” 

Arima nods sagely. “That’s what a rich kid would say.” 

“Hey!” 

Arima texts him regularly, though he mostly asks Kei about Hinagiku. Kei reminds him periodically that Hinagiku is not his dog and that dating Kei will not increase his access to her. Arima always pretends to be hurt by Kei assuming he’s only interested in the puppy.

Kei hears from Yamaguchi less often, which worries him a bit so he sends more texts to ask how he’s doing. 

“Sorry Tsukki!” is how Yamaguchi usually replies. “Been busy! Learning how to drive!” Another time it’s because he’s going to visit a hot spring with his roommate. And one time he was going to a baseball game with the same roommate. Yamaguchi’s social life sure does seem full. Interestingly enough, he doesn’t mention Chiba’s visit, but part of Kei wonders if Yamaguchi is kindly not rubbing his love life in Kei’s face given that he’s still feeling cut up about Akimitsu. 

The thing is, Kei doesn’t know how quickly he’s allowed to move on. He was the one who broke things off, so did that mean he was allowed to start dating again whenever he wanted? He felt drawn to Arima’s liveliness and thought to himself that dating someone so sunny would be nice, but he wasn’t sure if it was right to start dating again so quickly, and someone so different from Akimitsu. 

Is it really okay to move on? Kei never did figure out what Akimitsu smelled like either.

Kei still carries Akimitsu’s glove with him like a talisman, hoping one day they’ll run into each other and Kei can return it to him. Maybe Kei will be able to apologize properly then too. 

Instead what Kei gets is an alarmed “gah!” as he stands in the college cafeteria, debating what to eat. He turns to see someone he doesn’t recognize staring at him in horror. 

“It’s you!” he says, sounding like he’s stepped out of a murder mystery and has discovered Kei had killed someone. 

“Do I know you?” Kei begins to ask, but then the face does look familiar and Kei realizes he knows this voice too. It’s Akimitsu’s classmate, the math nerd with the idol fetish. And he’s still looking at Kei like he’s killed someone. 

“You! You’re Aki-chan’s…” 

The nickname sends a flare of irritation up Kei’s spine. He doesn’t like to admit it, but it really bothers him. Akimitsu never asked Kei to call him anything special, even though early on they were on a first name basis. Akimitsu was still the only person who regularly called Kei by his first name. 

“Can I help you?” Kei barks. He shouldn’t be acting this mean. This guy already has a terrible impression of Kei, and Kei shouldn’t add fuel to the fire. 

“You… you…” the guy steels himself. “That day, you didn’t take Aki-chan home and hit him did you?” 

Kei’s jaw drops. “Did I what?” What did he look like that day to give off that kind of impression? Did he really look like someone who would hit his partner? “Why would you even-” 

“He didn’t come back to school for two weeks!” the math nerd interrupts. “And when he did come back, he looked terrible! Two weeks would be long enough for obvious bruises to fade!” 

Kei’s brow crinkles. Two weeks? Some of that time had been Akimitsu’s flu, but not all of it. Where had Akimitsu gone if not to school when he left the apartment every day? 

He raises his fists. “I’m not very strong compared to a giant athlete like you, but if you hurt Aki-chan I’ll make sure to get in one good hit!” 

Kei just sighs. It’s very noble of this math nerd to offer to fight for Akimitsu, but Kei finds it unbelievably irritating. It also stings a lot to think that Akimitsu’s classmates apparently thought Kei was hitting him and Akimitsu hadn’t said anything to tell them his prolonged absence was because he was sick. 

“He was out of school because he had the flu,” Kei says frostily. “And I didn’t hit anyone.” 

“Then where is he right now?” 

Kei shrugs. “I don't know. We broke up a while ago.” Kei blinks. “What? You haven’t seen him?” 

“After the winter break, he filed for a leave of absence and then he disconnected his phone! All of the girls are saying that’s what abusive boyfriends do to isolate the person they’re dating so they can maintain control over them! We’ve all been worried about him!” 

Kei scowls. “I didn’t abuse anybody and I haven’t seen him either. I told you, we split up.” 

“Well good!” the math nerd snaps at him. Kei can feel his blood boiling. “You were probably bad for him! Aki-chan’s so nice and you seem like such a jerk!” 

Kei wants to tell this guy that it’s his fault Kei lost his temper in the first place. If he hadn’t been touching Akimitsu like that and calling him cute nicknames… 

Before Kei can speak though, the math nerd has stomped away. Kei is steaming so he skips eating cafeteria food and scowls his way through his afternoon lectures. He has no practice scheduled for tonight, so he decides to call Arima. 

“Tsukishima! To what do I owe the honor?” Arima chirps. 

“Can you bake?” Kei asks. 

“Bake? Tsukishima-san, you think I’m just using you so I can play with that cute puppy, but I think you’re using me so I can make you food.” Arima teases. “But yes, I can bake. What do you want?” 

“A strawberry shortcake,” Kei says, feeling himself blush.

“Sure,” Arima says. “I can do that. When do you want it?” 

It kind of sounds like Arima is taking his order. “I’m free tonight.” 

“Hmm, that works. Should I come over so we can have dinner together?” 

“That would be nice,” Kei answers. He could use the company. He feels worn out and lonely, and very, very hungry, so he’s already looking forward to Arima joining him. 

Kei goes home and cleans the house again, washing dishes that always seem to stack up, and folding clothes that could be clean or dirty but Kei doesn’t know. While he’s trying to figure out if he should hide his dinosaurs and the moose plush, Yamaguchi calls him. 

“Hey, how are you doing?” Yamaguchi asks. 

“Fine,” Kei says. “How are you? You seem busy.” 

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi laughs. “Ryota and I are keeping busy now that it’s warm outside. I got my driver’s license!” 

“Congratulations,” Kei says. 

“You should come visit sometime when you’re free,” Yamaguchi says. “You haven’t come here to see me.” 

“I’ll check when I can come,” Kei makes a mental note to check his schedule again. “Hey, have you heard from Akimitsu?” 

“Akimitsu? No, we haven’t actually talked at all since we graduated. Why?” 

“I ran into one of his classmates and he said Akimitsu took a leave of absence from school. Naturally, he wouldn’t have told me, but I wondered if maybe he told you.” 

“You might have better luck reaching out to someone from his year, like Saitou or Fujita.” 

That would be an awkward message. Like, “hello, we haven’t spoken in quite a while and surprise, Akimitsu and I dated for a bit but it went south very fast and now he’s disappeared, do you know where to find him?” Kei cringes at the idea. 

“Maybe,” Kei says to Yamaguchi. “I’m just worried about him.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Yamaguchi says and Kei doesn’t know where his certainty comes from. “His parents were always the type that would hover, so if something was wrong, I’m sure they’d help him out.” 

Kei just shrugs and checks the clock. Arima will probably be arriving soon so he tells Yamaguchi that he has to go, hangs up, and finishes cleaning.

Arima hands him a cake box when he steps inside Kei’s apartment, eyes sweeping over it with great interest. “Wow,” he says. “You really are a rich kid.” 

Kei just flushes red. “Thank you for the cake. It looks really professional.” 

“Well, I’m nothing if not detail-oriented,” Arima says, toeing off his shoes. “I trust you have things to cook with, right?” 

“Yes, I do,” Kei says, carrying the cake into the kitchen, Arima following him. 

“What do you want to eat then?” Arima asks, opening up Kei’s fridge. 

Before Kei answers, he notices Arima’s posture and the slack jawed look on his face. Arima shuts Kei’s fridge and then opens up one of his cupboards. 

“You’re an athlete?” Arima sputters, closing the cupboard and whirling to face Kei. “How?” 

“What do you mean, ‘how?’” Kei asks, not sure of how to interpret Arima’s disbelief. 

“You don’t have any food in your house! What do you eat? How did you get so big if you don’t eat anything? How do you possibly take in enough calories to play a sport?” Arima takes the cake box and puts it in the fridge before pushing Kei back towards the apartment door. “Put your shoes on.”

“What? You don’t need to cook if you think there’s nothing to…” 

“No, stupid, we’re going to the supermarket! This isn’t a game show where it’s all, ‘What gourmet meal can Yuki whip up with one cup ramen, a half a wilted cabbage, and milk that is possibly expired!?’ You need food! How do you ever have any energy?” Arima is pushing Kei out the door and Kei is mostly mortified but also a little touched. As much as his few friends comment on the lack of food in his house, no one has ever forcibly dragged him to a supermarket to fix that, not even Akimitsu. 

Kei pushes the shopping cart while Arima lectures him about proper nutrition and eating enough as he throws various things into the cart. Sometimes Kei can interrupt him and get him to put something he doesn’t usually eat back on the shelf, but Arima really digs in his heels for most of the items. 

“You really are a baby,” he says wistfully as he fits a bottle of wine into a small gap in the overflowing cart. “Such a picky eater. And you don’t even know how to cook for yourself.” 

“I can cook,” Kei protests, thinking that when he has the energy to, he makes really good tamagoyaki now. 

“But you clearly don’t,” Arima chides. 

“How do you know so much anyway?” Kei grumbles as he pays for the groceries. 

“I majored in nutrition when I was in college,” Arima replies. 

“Then why do you work in photography now?” 

He shrugs. “Wanted to do something I liked more.” 

“You could have majored in the arts.” 

“Yeah well, one of my friends went to film school with that kind of mindset and he spent a lot of money to get his degree. You know what kind of films he makes now? Porn. Fancy film school degree just to make porn.” Arima snorts. 

When Kei’s refrigerator and pantry are fully stocked, Arima flops down on the couch with the cake and Kei sits beside him. 

“Dessert first?” Kei asks. 

“I’m worn out by you, Tsukishima,” Arima says. “How did you get so tall if you don’t eat anything?” 

“I’ve always been tall for my age. When I was younger, I was just skinny.” 

“Hmph.” 

The cake is perfectly fluffy and just the right level of sweetness. Kei is licking his fork when he notices how intensely Arima is staring at him. 

“What?” Kei asks, feeling heat rising in his face. 

“I want to take care of you,” Arima says simply. “You don’t give me an impression that you’re holding things together, you know?” 

“I don’t need taking care of,” Kei mumbles as Arima leans in closer to him. 

“I know. But I still want to.” Arima places a hand on Kei’s knee. “Let me kiss you?” 

Kei leans in and their lips meet. Arima’s mouth is sweet and tastes like strawberries. Kei cards his fingers through the curly dark strands of hair at the nape of Arima’s neck and Arima squeezes his knee gently. 

When they separate, Arima just smiles at him. “What do you want to eat? Other than me, of course.” 

Kei just groans. 

Their relationship is very different from Kei’s relationship with Akimitsu. For one, Yuki has his own life, his own apartment, and a job. They meet when they both have free time and sometimes they’ll sleep over at one another’s apartments. They don’t have sex, which surprises Kei at first, but he finds it doesn’t really bother him. Their relationship is very casual. 

Yuki teaches Kei how to cook, and Kei gets tickets for Yuki to come see him playing volleyball. Yuki knows nothing about the sport and Kei wonders if this is how Yamaguchi felt in high school when Chiba just never learned the rules. 

Yuki is also just very different from Akimitsu. He’s vibrant and bubbly and seems like nothing really bothers him. At least from what Kei can tell, Yuki doesn’t seem prone to any gloominess and he’s actually quite mischievous. He rearranges the dinosaurs on Kei’s shelves when he thinks Kei won’t notice, and several times Kei has found his dinosaurs mounting one another. Sometimes the moose gets in on the action.

“Stop that,” Kei said, face burning, putting the dinosaurs back in orderly rows. “How old are you?” 

Yuki’s age is something Kei has to constantly not think about. Dating him had made Kei think about Yuki being older than Akiteru a lot more, and it was something he was always trying to not think about. It didn’t seem to bother Yuki to be dating someone still in college, in fact, Yuki seemed to enjoy teasing Kei about being a baby and not knowing about the world. But Kei wasn’t exactly sure how to tell people how much older Yuki was. How they met was theoretically a cute story - Aone’s dog knocking over Yuki, Kei helping him up, them having a home cooked meal at Yuki’s apartment and hitting it off - but if Kei thought their age gap was odd, wouldn’t other people? 

Kei thinks he’ll pick Yamaguchi’s brain over what he feels like while dating an older guy while he’s visiting him in Osaka. 

The night before Kei’s long weekend in Osaka, Yuki sleeps over and Kei wakes up by rolling into him. 

“Oof,” Yuki groans, wiggling out from under Kei. “You’re heavy, Kei.” 

“Sorry,” Kei says, climbing out of bed. It’s earlier than he’d normally wake up, but the trip to Osaka is long and to maximize time spent with Yamaguchi, Kei had opted for the earliest train he could stomach. Hopefully he’ll be able to nod off on the long ride. He gets dressed sluggishly, wanting to crawl back under the covers for a few more minutes, but he resists. 

It’s as Kei is fighting with the buttons of his shirt - why was Kei putting on a button-up shirt anyway, he should have worn a t-shirt but now he was too stubborn to change clothes - that he notices that Yuki is propped up on his side and taking pictures of Kei with his phone. 

“What are you doing?” Kei yelps, wrapping his arms protectively around himself. 

“Taking pictures of you. You’re too cute when you’re all tired and cranky.” Yuki replies evenly. “You’ve got a really sexy back too. All those muscles.” 

“You knew that,” Kei grumbles. Yuki liked groping all along Kei’s back whenever they hugged. 

“Yeah, but it’s still a nice sight to wake up to.” 

“You don’t need to take pictures of me,” Kei huffs. 

“I do. If you don’t want me to take pictures, then stop being so big and sexy,” Yuki pauses. “Hmm, actually, if you did stop being so big and sexy, I probably would be less interested in you.” 

Kei scoffs. “Are you only dating me because of my looks?” 

Yuki smirks. “That’s right. Now do a little twirl for me, hot stuff. Yeah, just like that.” 

Kei rolls his eyes and finishes buttoning his shirt. “You’ve been hanging out too much with your friend that makes porn.” 

“He asks about you a lot,” Yuki nods. “Do you want to meet him?” 

Kei can’t help but imagine some kind of slimy character whenever he thinks of this friend and so he just shrugs. “We’ll see how much free time I have after I get back.” 

“We should take a trip together one of these days,” Yuki yawns widely and stretches his arms above his head. He’s still shirtless and Kei can see his soft stomach even though he has the blanket pulled up under his armpits. It’s another thing that really distinguishes him from Akimitsu, Yuki was never an athlete and had a normal, soft shape to him. Kei actually liked it a lot, and was grateful that Yuki was also very cuddly though sometimes he also got squirmy whenever Kei would run his hands over his sides. 

“Don’t grab me where I’m flabby,” Yuki whined. “I don’t have much time to lose all this weight before I hit thirty and my metabolism goes away.” 

“This is hardly flabby,” Kei protested.

“I’m not going to take positive comments about my body from you when your torso is carved out of marble, Tsukishima Kei,” Yuki poked his cheek. “And do not make some insensitive comment about how there’s more of me to love.” 

Kei was actually on the verge of saying that. “Compared to my ex, there is more of you to love though.” 

“What was he like?” 

Kei’s insides had frozen up at that. What was Akimitsu like? He’d taken very different forms over the short time Kei knew him, and he was always changing. And Kei had caused a lot of damage to him, enough for him to almost disappear. He actually had asked Saitou about him, under the ruse of inviting him to a Frogs match - their ticket seller had joked with Kei that he was always really good at using up his complimentary tickets - and Saitou had come with his girlfriend. 

“How does she put up with you?” Kei had asked. She had been razor sharp and unbelievably chic. Kei realized he never knew what type Saitou liked anyway, apparently it was this type. 

“We have the same niche interests,” Saitou said dully. (This niche interest, Kei later learned, was playing insanely violent video games while laughing; they’d met in an internet cafe while both laughing gleefully at exploding enemy units onscreen and it was love at first click, or something like that. Kei realized perhaps he didn’t know his underclassmen at all.) 

“So do you keep in touch with the others from your year?” Kei asked. Out of the corner of his eye, Koganegawa was trying hard to get Saitou’s girlfriend’s attention but she was pointedly ignoring him as she took selfies with the frog plush in her hands. 

“Yeah, we’ve got a Line chat together. Why?” 

“Have you heard from Akimitsu lately?” 

“I have,” Saitou answered. Kei had panicked. Saitou knew. All of them knew. They had to. Akimitsu told them what a horrible person Kei was. “Why?” 

“Oh, I bumped into him a couple months ago at my college, but I haven’t seen him since.” Kei said, praying he sounded casual, that his lie would go undetected. 

“Yeah, he transferred schools,” Saitou replied. “His sister moved to Tokyo and he decided to go with her.” 

Kei’s heart had been pounding wildly. Tokyo? But why hadn’t he told any of his classmates, especially when they had been worried about him? 

“Like I said,” Kei had said to Yuki, “he was petite. Really skinny and pretty short.” 

Now Kei leans over the bed and kisses Yuki languidly. “I’ll be back in a few days,” Kei says. “Don’t forget to lock up when you go back to your place.” 

“I’ll remember,” Yuki yawns again and settles back against the pillow. “Have a good trip.” 

Kei’s back is stiff by the time he disembarks the train, but Yamaguchi is waiting for him looking bright and cheerful. The first thing they do is eat and Kei notices Yamaguchi’s raised eyebrows. 

“What?” Kei asks through a mouthful of noodles. 

“Nothing, you’re just eating ravenously,” Yamaguchi says.

“Hungry. Long trip,” Kei returns to slurping up his noodles. It’s also because of Yuki training him to eat more, usually through light guilt-tripping. If Yuki had cooked and Kei ate only a small portion, Yuki would ask forlornly if Kei didn’t like the food and so Kei would hork down more to make him happy. After a few times, Kei caught on and while he thought it was sneaky of Yuki, he also couldn’t deny that he had a lot more energy. 

Yamaguchi is a good driver, much better than Akiteru actually, and so Kei can talk in a relaxed way because he isn’t fearing for his life. 

“Ryota and his girlfriend are away on a trip,” Yamaguchi says. “He said it’s fine if you use his bed. It’s better than an air mattress, right?” 

“Sounds much better,” Kei agrees. “So, I heard from Saitou about Akimitsu.” 

“Oh?” 

“He relocated to Tokyo. He moved with his sister. It doesn’t explain disconnecting his phone or not telling any of his classmates about it. They seemed worried about him.” 

“It could have been a spur of the moment decision,” Yamaguchi muses. “She’s moving and he decides to just go with her.” 

Kei doesn’t mention how much of a relief it is to know that Akimitsu is somewhere and being taken care of by someone who loves him. For a while, Kei had been worried about all that unaccounted for time, and where Akimitsu had been. 

Yamaguchi’s dorm is small but cozy, and Kei can definitely tell that two young men live there. Ryota, the roommate whose name Kei can finally remember, has a neatly made bed and a couple of posters hanging above it, one of an idol group, the other of a baseball team. There’s also a photo on his bedside table of Ryota with a cute girl that Kei assumes must be his girlfriend. Yamaguchi’s side of the room looks messier, Kei always remembers that Yamaguchi’s room at home was always a little rumpled, and he has a big collage of photos taped above his bed. Kei studies the photos. Most of them are from high school, lots of them in volleyball uniforms, some official match photos. There’s one of Yamaguchi and Kageyama holding their Spring Tournament trophy from their third year, both of them looking tired but still beaming. There’s even a team picture from the youth team Kei and Yamaguchi played for as kids. But as Kei looks, he realizes there are no photos of Yamaguchi with Chiba. Kei figures he’s got one in a place of honor, like Ryota, but when he glances at Yamaguchi’s bedside table, there’s no picture frame. 

Kei taps the wall. “Where’s your boyfriend?” he asks. “You must have tons of pictures with him.” 

“Oh,” Yamaguchi blinks, as though he’s realizing this for the first time. “I need to tell you something.” 

“What?” Kei asks, sitting on Yamaguchi’s bed as Yamaguchi sits beside him. 

“Masahiko and I broke up.” 

“What?” Kei can’t believe his ears. “What? When? How!?” 

“Um, by now, I guess it was two months ago when he came to visit me.” 

“He flew all the way from Canada just to break up with you?” Kei sputters.

Yamaguchi shakes his head. He actually cracks a smile. “No, no, nothing like that. It was a decision we made together. He came because he knew we had to talk everything out in person.” 

“But… but why?” 

Yamaguchi takes a deep breath. “Masahiko really likes Toronto and he wants to live there permanently. Once he finishes his undergraduate studies, he wants to stay there for medical school, and then keep living there. He started investigating what it would take to become a Canadian citizen. For one thing, he’d have to give up Japanese citizenship.” Yamaguchi looks at him and gives him a small smile. “We broke up because he couldn’t ask me to accept him leaving Japan for good, and I couldn’t ask him not to go. Unlike with what we had before when we both thought eventually he’d come back and we’d be together again, we realized that wasn’t going to be happening. Especially because when I graduate I was already planning on moving back to Miyagi. We were always happiest when we were together in person, and when it seemed like having that again wouldn’t happen, we both decided we wouldn’t drag it out.” 

Kei lets himself fall back against Yamaguchi’s bed. He feels dizzy. “I don’t even know what to say,” Kei says, voice unsteady. “I feel like I shouldn’t believe in love anymore.” 

Yamaguchi just laughs. “You have to! We didn’t break up because we stopped loving each other. I guess we loved each other too much because neither of us could be selfish about it. He wanted me to love Toronto as much as him when I went to visit him, and when I didn’t, when it was still too overwhelming for me, I guess he started to realize that I might not want to immigrate there with him.” 

Something clicks in Kei’s mind. “All of the stuff you were doing with your roommate… He was trying to distract you from having a broken heart.”

“Yes, Ryota was really supportive.” 

“Why…” Kei’s tongue feels too big for his mouth. “Why didn’t you tell me until now? I would have…” 

“I know you would have done everything for me too, that’s why I didn’t say anything. You were still reeling from breaking up with Akimitsu and I knew if I told you about what happened, you would have done everything to comfort me even if you couldn’t comfort yourself.” Yamaguchi fiddles with his fingers. “It’s like when you gave me that strawberry when he left. You would have done it again when we broke up, but I know you didn’t have any strawberries to give me. And I know you would have tried to find one for me, but I just wanted you to deal with your own breakup.” 

“I’m sorry,” Kei mumbles. 

Kei is suddenly reminded of another conversation he had with Kuroo. It had been three months after their drunk kiss, and Kenma had finally extended an olive branch to Kei and invited him to his house to hang out with him and Kuroo. Kenma had still been a bit standoffish but at least he acknowledged Kei’s existence. 

It had been evening, Kei had been having a drink with Kuroo while Kenma had been sleeping on Kuroo’s chest when Kuroo asked, “Are you ever gonna tell Freckles you liked him?” 

“What for? He’s still with Chiba and I’ve accepted we won’t ever date.” Kei snorted. 

“Not tell him like, confess and expect an answer from him, just tell him just to get it off your chest.” Kuroo scratched his head. “Now wouldn’t be good since you’re single, but once you meet a nice guy and get all settled down, like Freckles is now, you could just say it in passing. Like, ‘hey, did you know I had this massive crush on you in high school?’” 

“Why?” Kei grumbled. 

“Just so you can say it at least once.” 

Yamaguchi and Chiba had broken up right after Kei and Akimitsu had broken up. But Kei hadn’t known. It felt like they had been two ships passing in the night. Kei tries to squash the idea. Even if Kei had taken that moment when they were both newly single to confess it’s not as if Yamaguchi could have accepted him. His heart had been broken. He and Chiba had been together for years. It would surely take time for Yamaguchi’s heart to heal enough for him to consider dating again. Even so, Kei felt like he had missed his window of opportunity. 

And now Kei was dating again. 

“Are you okay, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asks. 

“Just shellshocked. Anyway, I should be asking you that. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s getting easier.” Yamaguchi says, leaning back so he and Kei are side by side. 

Later, Kei and Yamaguchi order chicken wings and are sitting side by side eating them when Kei’s phone buzzes. 

“What is it?” Yamaguchi asks. 

“Kageyama has posted a picture for the first time in a while,” Kei moves to delete the push notification then pauses. “Want to see what it is?” 

“I bet it’s of him giving autographs to kids,” Yamaguchi says. 

Kei opens up Kageyama’s social media and drops his phone. 

“What?” Yamaguchi asks, peering at Kei’s phone. 

It’s Akimitsu. 

The picture is of Kageyama, looking slightly sweaty in his Schweiden Adlers jersey, with his arm around Akimitsu, and Ushijima standing beside them. Akimitsu is grinning broadly and holding up a piece of paper with Ushijima’s signature. The caption is slightly sappy and nostalgic and Kei wonders if Kageyama wrote it, and the second picture in the slide is from high school. It looks like a picture from a practice match with Kageyama wiping his face with a towel, but his eyes are visible and they’re locked on Akimitsu’s, and Akimitsu is holding out his notebook and showing Kageyama something. But Kei keeps on going back to the main photo. What’s with Kageyama’s body language? He has his arm around Akimitsu, but he also has his hand gripping Akimitsu’s elbow firmly, as if he needs to hold Akimitsu even closer to him. 

“Is Kageyama gay?” Kei asks, feeling short of breath.

Yamaguchi just shrugs. “I have no idea.” 

“You don’t think…” Kei can’t bear to say it. It’s one thing for Akimitsu to abscond to Tokyo without telling anyone, but it’s another thing if he suddenly started dating Kageyama. 

“I don’t know. Kageyama doesn’t look really happy in the picture.”

It’s true. Kageyama looks constipated and his smile looks forced. Ushijima just looks calm. Akimitsu must have been starstruck meeting Ushijima. 

“Does it bother you?” Yamaguchi asks curiously. 

It shouldn’t. Not when Kei has Yuki back home. But it does. Because it’s Kageyama. And even though they’ve never been in the same league (figuratively or now, literally) Kei doesn’t want to lose to him. 

Kei just sighs. “A little,” he admits. 

But Akimitsu looks happy. Not only does he look happy, but he looks good. His face seems a bit rounder, and although it’s hard to tell, Kei would guess he put on a little weight. When they’d broken up, Akimitsu had lost a lot of weight, enough for Kei to feel new bones and hollows in Akimitsu’s body whenever they touched. 

“But if Akimitsu’s happy with him,” Kei grumbles, “I guess I’d have to accept it and be happy for him too.” 

Yamaguchi just nods sagely.

It bothers Kei because even though he tells himself that he broke up with Akimitsu, not the other way around, and he has Yuki now, he can’t help but feel jealous and inferior.


	17. moonrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so, as you can probably see, this isn't the last chapter like i said it would be last week and that's because i've had a very busy and stressful week and honestly, i just ran out of time to write the ending before my usual update day. so what i did was cut what i was writing off into a decent sized chapter (this one is 5000ish words) at a spot i thought was good, and added another chapter (hey i like the number 18 better anyway) and i am really sorry to keep on flopping around about when this fic is ending and how many chapters there are going to be but i really hope you don't mind. i didn't want to not update because i didn't give any indication that i might not, but i am going back to school this week and my program is reading/writing intensive so if there is no final chapter next week, please don't worry i am 100% dedicated to finishing this, but please be understanding and know i will be trying my best to finish this on time.
> 
> thank you all so much for the comments and kudos on this fic, it really does mean a lot to me and i am always thankful for the support my writing gets. i hope you continue to enjoy this (once again extended) fic!
> 
> please be advised this chapter has a content warning for some frank (but not overly explicit) discussions about sex and past relationship abuse around the middle-end of this chapter

“Did you have fun?” Yuki asks when Kei comes over to his apartment after his long weekend in Osaka. 

“I did.” Kei says, squeezing himself into Yuki’s cluttered kitchen to sit down.

“So much fun you couldn’t even text me once?” 

Kei blanches. “Shit!” 

Yuki laughs. “Don’t worry about it. I’m almost thirty. I’m not cut up about a few missing texts.” 

“Still,” Kei is so unbelievably embarrassed. “I’m so sorry.” 

Yuki leans over to kiss his forehead. “Don’t work yourself up. I’m glad you were having fun. You’re always so serious so it’s nice you got to spend some time relaxing.” 

But Kei has already worked himself up. It’s not just that he forgot to text Yuki - didn’t even text him to say he made it to Osaka without any difficulties, Kei is such a jerk, Yuki packed him a bento for the train and he didn’t even tell Yuki he ate it all - but Kei hadn’t even been thinking about him. 

Kei puts his arms around Yuki and buries his face in his chest. It’s a little awkward because Kei is sitting, but Kei really wants to hold him now. 

“Oh,” Yuki says, ruffling Kei’s hair, “you really are a baby.” 

Kei spends the night with Yuki, remaining stubbornly clingy no matter what Yuki does to try to shake him off. But Yuki indulges him though he keeps on teasing Kei. 

“Don’t try to make up for it all now,” Yuki pokes the top of Kei’s head. “I know your game.” 

Kei just harrumphs and buries his face in Yuki’s chest. 

Kei does meet Yuki’s friend who makes porn eventually and he isn’t nearly as slimy as Kei had imagined him to be. His name is Ueda and he has an average, unassuming look to him. He’s older than Yuki by a couple years and asks Kei if he can smoke even though they’re all sitting in Yuki’s living room. 

“Some athlete types I know get very sensitive about me smoking around them,” Ueda explains. “Just making sure.” 

Kei thinks about Coach Ukai and his smoking habits and says, “It doesn’t bother me.” 

Ueda nods and lights a cigarette. “So what kind of porn are you into, Tsukishima? Me, I’m really into softcore stuff these days.”

Kei almost bites off his tongue. “Uh, I don’t really watch much porn, so I don’t think I have any preferences…” Kei’s dreams and imagination had always been vivid enough for him to get himself off, and so he didn’t really do much browsing. 

Ueda just starts laughing. “Geez, Yuki, where did you even find this kid? First you snatched him right out of the nursery, and he’s a good boy on top of it.” 

Yuki just grins sheepishly. “Hey, unlike you, I can actually meet nice people. You just deal with actors all day.” 

“And I don’t find a single one of them remotely sexy anymore after filming them naked every day.” Ueda groans. “That’s why I like softcore porn now, it leaves a little to your imagination. It gets all pixelated before you watch it, but all day I have someone’s dick swinging around in my viewfinder.” He sighs and blows a cloud of smoke over his head. “I went to film school for this shit.” 

Ueda and Yuki mainly just poke at each other while Kei listens to them playfully bicker. Despite Yuki reassuring Kei that Ueda wanted to meet him, Ueda actually didn’t spend much time asking Kei about his interests or anything like that. He can’t really read what Ueda thinks of him, and Kei can’t really form a very good opinion of Ueda either. Kei gathers that he doesn’t really like his job and bringing it up when trying to meet people was awkward because any girl he wanted to date would suddenly get suspicious that Ueda was trying to recruit her to do porn when he wasn’t. Every once in a while, Ueda’s eyes will land on Kei and he’ll scan him as though he’s confirming something. Kei doesn’t really know what to make of it and when Yuki asks him later what Kei thought of Ueda, Kei can only shrug and say that he was different than what Kei expected.

“Were you expecting some creepy guy?” Yuki teases. 

Kei just shrugs. “I guess.” 

Yuki just snickers. 

Honestly, Ueda doesn’t stay on Kei’s mind for very long. Instead, Kei’s thoughts are very occupied by Akimitsu. The more Kei thinks about Akimitsu and Kageyama, the more irritated and jealous he becomes about them. Since when did Kageyama like Akimitsu so much? How did that even happen? Did Akimitsu just appear at one of Kageyama’s matches one day and they had some kind of romantic reunion?

As Kei wracks his brain, the more frustrated he becomes. There’s only one episode that stands out in his mind where Kageyama showed any unusual interest in Akimitsu. It was the summer training camp of their third year and it had been an extremely hot summer in Tokyo. Akimitsu had spent the first couple days of the training camp gradually wilting away, and then he had passed out suddenly in the gym. Naturally, everyone had made a big fuss about it, much to Akimitsu’s chagrin. And while everyone had done their best to keep their eyes on Akimitsu - with their much expanded team it shouldn’t have been a problem - one night Akimitsu had disappeared for a while and they’d turned the training camp upside down looking for him. Kei had been so worried, and then Kageyama had returned from where he was searching, carrying an unconscious Akimitsu bridal style. Apparently, Akimitsu had been walking back from the bathroom by himself - to avoid everyone’s prying eyes and general nosiness over his wellbeing, he’d gone to one of the bathrooms with almost no foot traffic - and had fainted coming back and had been on the ground unconscious for quite some time. 

The strange thing was that Kageyama hadn’t wanted to let go of Akimitsu, even when Akimitsu had come to and insisted he could walk by himself, and even when Kageyama did set him down and Akimitsu had leaned on Kei for support instead, Kageyama still hounded him to the infirmary and basically force fed him a protein drink. Kei had thought then it was out of character, but had chalked it up to Kageyama getting a bad shock from finding Akimitsu crumpled on the floor after an hour of searching all over for him. But now Kei wonders if that had been the start of Kageyama getting interested in Akimitsu, if that protectiveness only got stronger once they met again and Akimitsu told him how mistreated he’d been by past boyfriends, including Kei. 

Kei scrubs at his face, feeling even more aggravated. Then he feels Yuki’s hands gently pulling Kei’s away from his face. 

“If you pull at your skin like that, you’ll get premature wrinkles,” Yuki says softly. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” Kei sighs. 

“But it’s always nothing,” Yuki works his fingers through Kei’s hair and begins rubbing gentle circles on his scalp. “You’ve been making all kinds of faces lately but whenever I ask, you tell me it’s nothing.” 

Kei doesn’t know what to say. It doesn’t feel right to admit to his current boyfriend that his recent bouts of gloom and doom were all about his ex-boyfriend potentially dating an old teammate. Moreover, Kei was jealous of Kageyama now more than ever and kept on turning the possibility that Kageyama was making Akimitsu really happy over and over in his head, and finding endless faults with himself. Kei wasn’t able to make Akimitsu happy. Was he able to make Yuki happy? Yuki seemed to produce a lot of his own happiness, but could Kei ever add to that? 

“What’s on your mind?” Yuki prods, still massaging Kei’s scalp. 

“It’s really nothing,” Kei insists, closing his eyes and leaning into Yuki’s gentle touch. 

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” Yuki says softly. 

Kei opens his eyes and peers up at Yuki’s blurry face. “What is it?” he asks, sitting up slightly to reach for his glasses. 

Yuki waits until Kei is sitting up and facing him before saying, “I don’t think we should see each other like this anymore.” 

Kei blinks, not sure if he heard correctly. “What?” 

Yuki scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. “I don’t think we should meet up like this anymore.” 

“Why?” Kei asks, voice wavering. “Did I do something?” 

“No. Honestly, even though it sounds cliche, it isn’t you at all; it’s me.” Yuki sighs. “I’ve been thinking about us, and about me turning thirty in a few months, and I really don’t think this is really going to work.”

“But why? Haven’t things been fine up until now?” Kei asks, deeply confused, heart beating loudly. 

“They have been,” Yuki nods. “I’ll admit, some of the way I’m feeling is probably Ueda getting to me. I felt weird when he kept on asking how you got mixed up with me. Honestly, I kind of felt like some perv after that.” Yuki laughs. “But it did get under my skin and I started thinking that I really am too old for you.” 

“I don’t mind that you’re older than me,” Kei protests, even though it isn’t really true. Yuki’s age bothers him when he thinks about it.

“It’s more than that though,” Yuki continues. “When you were away and you didn’t text me, I didn’t get upset at all. I was happy you were spending time with friends your own age. And I’m always happy when I’m nagging you or getting you to eat. I feel like I’m acting like a mommy instead of your boyfriend, and I realized that the way I feel about you isn’t all that romantic.” 

“It’s not?” 

“Not really. You know, I liked you when we met because I thought you were good looking. But I really wanted to date you because you didn’t seem like you were taking care of yourself and I wanted to take care of you. And the more I feed you, and nag you, and lately the more I try to get you to talk about what’s bothering you, I feel like I’m mothering you instead of being your boyfriend. So I don’t think our relationship is going to work out because my feelings aren’t really romantic.” Yuki smiles. “You have a mom already, you don’t need me to act like your mommy too.” 

“I don’t mind you taking care of me,” Kei says weakly. He can tell this is a futile battle and that Yuki seems to have made up his mind about breaking up. “I like you a lot.”

“I like you too,” Yuki smiles. “You’re big and sexy and smart…”

“Are you dumping me or trying to flirt with me?” Kei sputters. 

“Well, it’s not like I’m dumping you because I don’t like you anymore,” Yuki says. “I think you’re a great guy and that’s why I want you to date somebody who sees that about you, and probably someone closer to you in age.” Yuki scoots closer to Kei and strokes his cheek gently. “I’m getting to a point where I want to do a little more settling down and you’re in the prime of your youth. You should still be doing crazy stuff and having fun.”

Kei wants to protest, but he knows that his feelings for Yuki aren’t particularly strong either and it’s not like he could make a convincingly impassioned plea for them to stick it out and stay a couple. Yuki is a comfortable and easy presence to Kei, but it’s not like his heart aches when they’re too busy to see each other. Lately, Kei’s thoughts have been too bothered by Akimitsu moving on and Yamaguchi being newly single for Kei to even spare Yuki much thought. 

Compared to breaking up with Akimitsu, breaking up with Yuki is anticlimactic. It’s kind of like Kei just goes back to his regular life and just finds himself with more free time, and without a person to give his comp tickets to. Even so, Kei does find himself feeling down about it and so he visits Aone just to lay on the floor with Hinagiku laying across his chest and wagging her tail happily. 

“I should give up on dating,” Kei tells her solemnly. “I should just get a dog.” 

Hinagiku woofs and rests her head on Kei’s shoulder. 

Kei realizes that his two doomed dating experiences both stemmed from interactions that began with former Date Tech volleyball players - Futakuchi setting him up with Akimitsu, Aone’s dog running Yuki over in the street - and so when Koganegawa bellows, “Tsukki!” one day at practice, Kei tells himself that if Koganegawa ever says something like, “I know this guy you would love,” Kei is going to refuse to meet him. 

“Yes?” Kei says as Koganegawa throws half of his body weight onto Kei’s shoulders. 

“Kindaichi and Kunimi are going to be in Sendai for a few days! We should hang out with them!” 

“Okay, sure,” Kei says as he tries to slide out from under Koganegawa’s arm. 

Koganegawa loudly says he’ll plan everything and Kei just nods as he tries to slink away from him. He really doesn’t mind Koganegawa and they’ve built a much better relationship now that they’re playing together on the court, but sometimes he’s just too loud. But he hasn’t seen Kindaichi or Kunimi in a while and hasn’t really kept in contact with either of them. Koganegawa on the other hand clearly had an antenna in his cowlick because he always seemed to be in touch with everyone constantly and never seemed to fall out of contact with anyone. So he tells Kei that both Kindaichi and Kunimi had relocated to Tokyo after graduation, that Kindaichi was starting to play in their division and soon they’d be playing across the net from each other again.

Koganegawa picks a Korean restaurant that recently opened up near their training gym and they meet Kindaichi and Kunimi there. They’ve both changed quite a bit, Kei observes, and Kindaichi especially looks like he’s grown. His shoulders are broader and his skin is tan - and his hair is entirely different so he doesn’t look like an onion top anymore - and Kei can’t help but think playing against him will be a challenge.

They’re grilling meat and catching up, Kunimi is in the middle of complaining about someone in one of his economics courses that always asks to borrow pencils and then never returns them, when Kindaichi’s phone buzzes and he checks it. A soft smile crosses his face as he reads the text and Kunimi sighs. 

“It’s his boyfriend,” Kunimi drawls, flicking hair out of his eyes. 

Kindaichi makes a strangled noise. “Akira!” 

Kunimi raises his eyebrows. “What? Is it not him? Was that your mom?” 

Kindaichi’s face is bright red. “No, it was him, but you didn’t have to say anything!” 

Kunimi just shrugs. “Tell him I said hi.” 

“I won’t tell him anything you say!” 

“Tsukki just got dumped,” Koganegawa says apropos of nothing, in Kei’s opinion, and now it’s Kei’s turn to make unnatural noises. 

“How did you even know that?” Kei sputters. 

“Aone told me!” 

If not for Hinagiku maybe Kei would never speak to Aone again… 

Koganegawa is oblivious to Kei’s inner turmoil as he asks Kindaichi, “how long have you been dating?” 

Kunimi groans. “Don’t ask him about his boyfriend. If you get him started, he’ll never shut up.” 

Koganegawa pouts. “Kunimi,” he whines, “that’s rude.” 

“Rude? I’m trying to be considerate of Tsukishima who just got dumped.” 

Kindaichi glances uncertainly at Kei, who just shrugs. “I’m really fine.” 

Kunimi rolls his eyes and puts more meat on the grill. 

“I guess we’ve been dating almost two months,” Kindaichi says, and though it looks like he’s trying to control his expression, he gets a certain dreamy smile on his face the more he talks. “He’s really sweet, and really smart. Uh, he also really loves volleyball. We play together, a little. That’s really how we got close, I was teaching him some basic skills. And I guess we really hit it off from there.” 

Kei feels a twinge of jealousy. It certainly sounds romantic. 

“And a couple of weeks ago, they went fishing together and then they had sex in the tent,” Kunimi adds dryly. 

Kindaichi’s face is red again. “Akira! Why!?” 

“Do you not like him?” Koganegawa asks curiously. 

“I don’t feel one way or another about him, but Kindaichi has been shitting himself over him for weeks and we live together so I just hear about it nonstop.” Kunimi pauses just long enough for the waiter to place more dishes on their table and clear away the empty meat trays. “Also, I think it’s really uncivilized to have sex in tents outside.”

“It’s a precious memory of our first time,” Kindaichi protests. “I don’t expect you to understand!” 

“That’s right. I would not want to have sex with you in a tent or anywhere else.” Kunimi says dryly. 

“Uh, was fishing… something special?” Kei ventures. Personally, he can’t really imagine having sex in a tent, especially not as the first time with a new boyfriend. 

“It’s just,” Kindaichi looks ready to flap himself into a frenzy. He picks up his chopsticks and starts viciously sawing into the big vegetable pancake the waiter brought. “Before me, he dated all of these jackasses and they were awful to him, making him feel terrible about himself and filling his head with all of this poison, and so he has a lot of trust issues and he doesn’t like himself and I have to try to make him not feel that way.” Kindaichi scowls. “If I ever get my hands on any of those assholes I’ll beat the crap out of them.” 

“And because of all that, he was afraid to let Kindaichi see him naked, and so we were trying to figure out how Kindaichi could do a better job of seducing his own boyfriend. I can’t believe going fishing worked. My idea was so much better.” Kunimi says. 

“It was not a better idea,” Kindaichi grouches. “Kageyama almost went berserk. He got so territorial.” 

Kageyama’s name makes Kei perk up because he wants to know about him going berserk and being territorial, but while Kindaichi was growling, Koganegawa has taken Kindaichi’s phone and has been scrolling through it curiously. 

“Why do you have so many dirty pictures on your phone?” Koganegawa asks curiously. 

Kindaichi almost launches himself across the table. “Don’t look through that!” 

Kunimi tugs Kindaichi back into his seat. “He’s already seen them. This is why you need to password protect your phone.” 

Kindaichi’s face is redder and he fidgets. “They’re not dirty,” he insists. “They’re very tasteful! No one is naked!” 

Kei is under the impression that whatever pictures Kindaichi has, they must be tame because Koganegawa’s face is pretty normal looking at them, but he finds himself blushing when he sees Koganegawa scrolling through Kindaichi’s pictures. None of them have Kindaichi’s boyfriend’s face in them, but instead they’re focused on certain areas. The first picture Kei sees is relatively tame. The focus is on Kindaichi’s boyfriend’s neck, and the long column of dark hickies stretching from behind his ear down to his clavicle. The next picture though is a close up shot of his thighs, taken from behind, and while he is wearing underwear, the picture is still focused on the slickness of his inner thighs that have been reddened from friction. Kindaichi is squirming in earnest as Kei’s face grows hotter. 

The last picture makes Kei choke on his spit. Kindaichi’s boyfriend is on his back, his legs spread to accommodate Kindaichi apparently, because Kindaichi’s hand is resting on his boyfriend’s pale stomach, the span of his fingers wide enough to be almost as wide as his boyfriend’s waist. Kindaichi’s boyfriend has a thin chest and a narrow waist and ribs that Kei would recognize anywhere. 

Kunimi takes in Kei’s reaction and just says, “I told you,” to Kindaichi. 

Kei stands up as Kindaichi snatches his phone out of Koganegawa’s hands. “I just breathed in too much grill smoke,” he lies. “I need some fresh air.” 

Kei steps into the warm air of the late spring night and knows Kindaichi is following him. Kei turns to face him and as soon as Kindaichi is out of the restaurant, Kei blurts, “You’re dating Honda Akimitsu.” 

“Yes,” Kindaichi nods. His face looks severe and Kei knows that Kindaichi knows everything. Kei feels like an idiot. There were clues everywhere. How did he not pick up on it until the picture of Akimitsu’s ribs? 

Before Kei can speak, Kindaichi growls, “I need to ask you something, Tsukishima.”

Kei swallows thickly. “Yes?” 

“Akimitsu has all of these stories about ex-boyfriends and guys he hooked up with, and all of these stories have some kind of awful twist where the asshole he’s with does something terrible to him.” Kindaichi is glaring at him. “He’s never told me any names, but which asshole are you?” 

Kei feels like his lungs are being squeezed tightly. He hates to admit it all again, but Kindaichi already knows. 

“I’m the asshole who yelled at him in public because I thought he was going to cheat on me,” Kei says. “And then I broke up with him when I was drunk.” 

The look on Kindaichi’s face is absolutely murderous. Kei can feel his knees buckling. 

“If,” Kei’s fingers are shaking as he removes his glasses. “If you need to hit me, I understand.” 

Kindaichi said he’d beat the crap out of any of Akimitsu’s exes that he met. Kei is right here and Kei is terrified. Kindaichi could easily break his face and Kei would have quite a time explaining why his face was broken to Aimi and his teammates, but he knows he deserves it. 

Kindaichi clenches his fists before sighing heavily. “I’m not going to beat you up, Tsukishima.” 

Kei puts his glasses back on and sees Kindaichi’s conflicted face. 

“I didn’t come back here to fight you,” he grumbles. “Kunimi said that you had probably dated Akimitsu before, but I didn’t believe him. And Akimitsu wouldn’t tell me much.”

“Is that why Kunimi tried to stop you from talking about him? Because I’d find out?” 

“No, I think Kunimi is actually just sick of hearing me gush about him.” Kindaichi sighs. 

“Could I ask you something?” Kei begins. Kindaichi nods. “You mentioned Kageyama before. Did Kageyama and Akimitsu date?” 

“Huh?” Kindaichi’s brow crinkles and then he groans. “Do you mean Kageyama’s picture of them with Ushijima? Ugh. That was the date Kunimi planned.” His shoulders hunch. “Because of the way Kunimi worded his email demanding Kageyama give me free tickets to see him play, he thought I was using the match as a way to convince Akimitsu to sleep with me, and when he realized that I was with one of his friends, he almost ripped my head off and made me take that picture of them.” Kindaichi groans. “And he introduced Akimitsu to Ushijima! The look on his face! He’s my boyfriend but he looked like he was ready to climb Ushijima like a tree!” 

“Ushijima is certainly Akimitsu’s ideal type.” Kei nods. 

“So no, they didn’t date, but Kageyama sure got on my case about how if I ever hurt Akimitsu’s feelings I’ll be answering to him.” 

“Could I ask you one more thing?” 

“Sure.” 

Kei starts fiddling with his fingers. “I know it’s not really my business to ask, especially when I know I’m part of the problem but, um, is Akimitsu doing okay? Is he happy?” 

Kindaichi looks like he regrets not punching Kei. “He’s doing better,” he snaps. “Obviously, he’s had a hard time.” Kindaichi softens. “I think he’s happy. I’m doing everything I can to make him happy.”

“I have something of his, he forgot it when he moved, could you give it back to him? And could you ask him to get in touch with his former classmates? They really think I killed him and dumped his body somewhere.” Kei can feel sweat dripping down his neck. “And when it’s the summer, he gets really weak and he has a tendency to faint. You’ve got to keep an eye on him and make sure he isn’t pushing himself too hard…” 

“I don’t understand you,” Kindaichi interrupts. “This is why I didn’t really think you’d dated him. When you talk, it’s obvious you care about him, so why did you treat him like that?” 

“I was insecure,” Kei says. “It’s not my proudest moment.” 

Kindaichi makes a sour face. “You should have just left him alone,” he grumbles. 

Kei doesn’t disagree with the sentiment. 

When Kei and Kindaichi return to their table, Kunimi just says, “oh, Tsukishima, you’re still alive.” 

“Shut up, Kunimi,” Kindaichi huffs.

Kunimi just shrugs. 

“Tsukki!” Koganegawa looks like he’s about to explode from his own nosiness. “Did you and Kindaichi really date the same guy?” 

“Is that so shocking?” Kei grumbles. 

“But you and Kindaichi are so different!” 

“We’re the same in ways that matter,” Kei grunts. Kindaichi glares at him over the table. “What?” 

“And what way is that?” Kindaichi demands. 

Kei flushes. “Body type,” he says defensively. “Akimitsu likes guys that are a lot taller than him. What did you think I meant?” 

“Dick size,” Kunimi whispers under his breath and Kindaichi elbows him. 

When Kindaichi follows Kei back to his apartment so Kei can give him Akimitsu’s glove, Kei almost doesn’t want to give it back. It’s like giving up a good luck charm, even if it hasn’t actually brought Kei any luck. Kindaichi examines the glove. 

“Yeah, he has the other one,” Kindaichi says, slipping it into his pocket. “I’ll return this one to him.”

“I know it’s not really my place to say it,” Kei fidgets, “but take good care of him.” 

“I will,” Kindaichi tells him solemnly. “I love him a lot and I never want to be just another asshole he tells his next boyfriend about.” 

Kei winces at that. There’s one more thing bugging him though. “Those pictures… you took them with Akimitsu’s permission, right?” 

Kindaichi stares at him blankly and then explodes. “Of course I did! What kind of jerk do you think I am to do that without asking him?”

Kei puts his hands up defensively. “I just didn’t know why you’d do that. He’s really modest too so I didn’t think he’d go along with something like that.” 

Kindaichi scowls at him, face red. “I did it so he could see himself the way I see him. You would know, he doesn’t like the way he looks and he doesn’t accept any praise, so I wanted to show him.” 

“As long as he agreed to let you do it,” Kei shrugs. He feels a tiny bit better about that. 

Part of Kei is relieved that Akimitsu isn’t dating Kageyama, but he doesn’t really feel any less bitter about him dating Kindaichi. Kei had lied to Kindaichi back in high school about him not being Akimitsu’s type. 

All along Kei was never comfortable with anyone else liking Akimitsu. 

The thought continues to nag at him even as Kei tries to go through the motions of his days. He’s been busier than usual, between playing volleyball and classes, he’s also trying to set up a job for once he graduates so he ends up doing an internship at the museum. Although he enjoys the work, he does feel stretched thin at the end of each day and sometimes his empty apartment yawns open like an abyss and Kei starts to feel terribly lonely again wishing someone were there to welcome him home and take care of him. He sits alone with his thoughts as he cooks for himself and eats by himself, wondering what Kindaichi can do to make Akimitsu open up to him that Kei couldn’t do, and wondering why he couldn’t muster up any protests when Yuki wanted to break up. He never even had the words to tell Yamaguchi his feelings back in high school, and despite Kuroo’s advice to at least say it once, Chiba no longer being in the picture makes Kei lose his confidence. 

Yamaguchi broke up with a boyfriend he still loved because it was going to be better for both of them. Kei had already shown Yamaguchi the type of rotten boyfriend he was to Akimitsu, and had never even told him about Yuki. After seeing Kei like that, there was no way Yamaguchi would ever want him now, but when Kei feels loneliest, he misses Yamaguchi the most. 

Kei calls him, not really knowing what he’ll say, but needing to say something. 

“Are you okay?” Yamaguchi asks him. “You seem like you’re all freaked out.”

“Akimitsu wasn’t dating Kageyama, he’s dating Kindaichi,” Kei starts there because that’s what’s bothering him the most. “And it shouldn’t bother me, but it still does. Because I am jealous but I already messed up my chance, and according to Kindaichi, I made things a lot worse for Akimitsu so I shouldn’t be allowed to feel this way.” 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says gently, “you can feel however you want. You and Akimitsu had a really bad breakup, of course you would be jealous thinking about someone else handling things better.” 

Kei bites his tongue. He doesn’t want to think about the fear he remembers in Akimitsu’s eyes, or think about how Kindaichi has to deal with the repercussions of Kei’s uncontrollable jealousy. 

“But I don’t think I loved him,” Kei protests. “It was all just possessiveness, even back in high school. I was just lonely. I just wanted to have someone.”

“Tsukki…” 

“And I dated someone else - I didn’t tell you - and when he broke up with me I just didn’t fight it. I just kind of accepted it, because I didn’t know if I loved him. I liked him, he made me comfortable, but I don’t know if it was love at all. And he didn’t love me romantically,” Kei’s chest feels tight. “I don’t understand my feelings most of the time. I’m still mad at myself for what I did to Akimitsu, and I can’t hold onto other relationships because I don’t know how I really feel.” Kei takes a deep breath. “And it would just be easier if it was you, because I know that I love you.” 

The silence that stretches between them makes Kei realize that he’s put his foot in his mouth and was right all along to assume that Yamaguchi never thought of him that way and he can feel his heart start racing but before he can say anything to try to slap a bandaid on this disastrous situation, Yamaguchi beats him to it. 

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi chokes out. “I can’t talk right now, I’ll call you back.” And hangs up. 

Kei puts down his phone and buries his face in his hands. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.


	18. starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! oh my god, here we are! it's the end! only one week late (sorry!) but we are finally at our destination! it was a struggle to write and i had a lot of stress from this and from my school coursework, but i think i still managed to write the ending i envisioned and i hope the long wait has been worth it! thank you to everyone who has been reading this story and i sincerely hope you enjoy!! 
> 
> hm, what does the future hold? whenever i write long fics like this one, i always have an urge to write a short spinoff or something in the future and that's very much on the table but with my current schedule i don't really have the time just yet. but i hope i might continue writing in this universe for some of the more minor characters, so perhaps keep an eye out for me! 
> 
> once again, thank you so much for reading!!

Kei thinks this is the absolute worst he has ever felt in his life. 

Even as he thinks back to historic lows - finding out Akiteru lied to him for years, missing the final block in the match against Date Tech in the Interhigh Tournament of his second year, fighting with Yamaguchi and nearly ending their friendship, listening to Akimitsu cry the night of their huge fight - he doesn’t think he’s ever felt worse than right now. 

He ruined it. His longest lasting friendship, at times his only friendship, ruined with one sentence. Kei should never have said it. He can’t even blame Kuroo for this because Kuroo told him to wait until they were both settled down before saying anything. Kei had confessed because he wanted an answer. He was sick of being pathetic. He loved Yamaguchi and he just desperately wanted someone to love him back. 

Of course Yamaguchi didn’t love him back. 

Kei calls in sick from everything and hunkers down in his apartment eating instant ramen for the first time in several weeks. If he’s going to feel like garbage, he’s going to do it thoroughly. He doesn’t drink though, Aimi’s threats to break his spine are loud in his memory, so instead he binges on instant foods and sweets. He feels even worse after stuffing himself so he flops down on his bed to continue wallowing in self-pity. 

His phone rings and he answers it without looking at who’s calling. “Hello?” 

“Oh good, you don’t sound drunk,” Aimi says. “Are you actually sick? I felt suspicious when you didn’t come to work out and I got a feeling you got dumped again.” 

“How does everyone know I got dumped?” Kei grumbles. “I didn’t even say I was dating that time.” 

“Aone told us.” 

“Is Aone just telling everybody my business?” 

“Aone is worried about you, stupid, because you like to self-destruct and he doesn’t want you to off yourself in your misery.” Aimi snaps. 

Kei pinches the bridge of his nose. It’s wrong of him to be mad at Aone. Aone had his own problems and didn’t have to be worried about Kei but he still was. Kei felt bad. Aone had been trying (and failing) to date too, and had even tried speed dating, but he had left the experience feeling traumatized. (Though Kei wasn’t sure if it was the dating that traumatized him, or Futakuchi relentlessly teasing him about it.) 

“I didn’t break up again,” Kei sighs. “I really do just feel bad.” 

And Kei continues to feel bad for the rest of the night, sitting up with an upset stomach and then struggling to fall asleep. When he finally sleeps, his dreams are formless and he can’t remember them, but he wakes up sweaty and disoriented. Sunlight is poking through his curtains but he doesn’t want to get up. Kei doesn’t really want to go out into the world knowing that he’s destroyed the one relationship that has always been there for him like a safety net. Kei didn’t have to guess at a lot of things with Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi knew him better than Kei knew himself. If it had been Yamaguchi, Kei would have known how to act, and Yamaguchi would have known what was weighing on Kei’s mind. Kei couldn’t replicate that with anyone else. 

Kei pulls his blanket back over his head. What if he didn’t want to face a world where Yamaguchi wasn’t going to be at his side? 

Kei’s phone rings and he gropes for it blindly, answering it assuming it’s Aimi ready to chew him out for missing another morning workout, but instead he hears a soft, “Tsukki?” when he picks up. 

“Yamaguchi?” Kei tugs the blanket off his face and sits up. 

“Sorry, I know it’s early. I guess it might be a little selfish to say that I didn’t want to spend all day carrying this around,” Yamaguchi says. “Is this a bad time? I can call you back…” 

“No, no, now is fine. Um. Hi.” Kei can feel his heart pounding against his ribs. Is this it? Is this when Yamaguchi tells him that he has to distance himself from Kei now that Kei has confessed? 

“I’m sorry for hanging up on you like that,” Yamaguchi blurts. “I just panicked and I didn’t know what to do so I just did it even though I know how much that must have freaked you out and you were already freaked out so it must have made that even worse and I’m really sorry.” 

“Yamaguchi…” Kei tries to interrupt but Yamaguchi keeps on going. 

“I know you react to things best when we can talk about things calmly and I just hung up on you and you must have been so rattled and I knew that but I couldn’t bring myself to call you back any sooner because I didn’t know what to think I felt so unprepared and I didn’t know what to say-” 

“Yamaguchi!” Kei cuts him off but even that doesn’t really stop Yamaguchi. 

“Sorry! I called you to apologize but I got myself so wound up you’re probably feeling bad for me now.” Yamaguchi says sheepishly. 

“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Kei says softly. “I know I sprung that on you out of nowhere. I shouldn’t have.” 

“But Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says. “I… I think I’ve known for a long time how you felt about me, and I just didn’t want to admit it.” 

Kei can feel his heart drop through his stomach. So all along, even Yamaguchi knew? And so he must not have said anything because he didn’t feel the same way… 

“When I started dating Masahiko, and you were acting weird, a few people told me it was because you were jealous of him, and because you liked me. And I couldn’t believe it. Because you’ve always been so cool, and I still didn’t really see myself as anything special, so I didn’t think it was possible for you to like me that way. I think I just refused to see it because I didn’t know how to handle it. And I still don’t, really.” Kei can almost hear the way Yamaguchi must be fiddling with his hands in the nervous way they both do. “And so I don’t really know what to say at all, but I know my reaction must have really hurt you, and I’m sorry for doing that even when I knew how it would make you feel.” 

“You don’t need to apologize to me,” Kei insists. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to answer me anyway because you and Chiba broke up so recently. I shouldn’t have said anything.” 

“Could I ask you something? It might be insensitive.” 

“Sure, ask me anything.” 

Kei can hear Yamaguchi breathe deeply on the other end of the line. “How long have you had feelings for me?” 

Kei swallows thickly. “Middle school,” he says softly. 

He can hear Yamaguchi’s sharp intake of breath, and can imagine the shock. Even if Yamaguchi knew that Kei liked him in high school, he probably didn’t think it went back that far. 

“Why,” Yamaguchi asks in a small voice, “why didn’t you say anything?” 

“I didn’t want to risk it,” Kei says. “I didn’t think you’d reciprocate my feelings, and I couldn’t lose you as a friend. I thought maybe one day I’d gather enough courage to tell you, but then Chiba confessed to you first.” 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says. “I… I can’t really give you any kind of answer right now. Honestly, even though we broke up, Masahiko is still really important to me. And I don’t really think you’re ready to get into another relationship either.” 

“I understand,” Kei says. He feels somewhat deflated, but he knows that Yamaguchi is right. Rushing into dating would probably end in disaster, and then their friendship would be over for sure. 

“You’re still my best friend, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi tells him firmly. “That much hasn’t changed.” 

“Thank you,” Kei doesn’t really know what else to say. They hang up and Kei isn’t sure how to feel. His friendship with Yamaguchi is intact, but Yamaguchi didn’t accept Kei’s feelings. Kei lies flat on his back trying to figure out what he’s feeling, and the next time his phone rings, it is Aimi calling to scream at him for missing morning training again. 

It’s amazing the way time passes after that. Kei blinks and suddenly, he’s graduating college and starting his new job at the museum. He loves it, since he usually works in the prehistoric wing and he gets to squat by wide-eyed kids and talk to them about dinosaurs, but he also hates it because if he comes to work bruised from volleyball, he gets asked about fights he’s gotten into. His second week at the museum he comes in with two broken fingers compliments of Kyotani, who is no less rabid even now when he and Kei are on the same side of the net, which Kei sustained during a team practice match. A kid grabs his hand and it takes all of Kei’s self-control to not curse a blue streak or cry. He can’t hold in the yowl of pain though. 

His broken fingers sideline him briefly so he helps Yamaguchi move back into his mom’s house, though Kei can’t actually lift very much without jostling his hand, so he mainly directs traffic. He also goes to Tokyo to housesit for Kuroo for a couple of days while Kuroo travels. 

“When are you and Kozume going to move in together?” Kei asks as Kuroo runs down the list of things Kei needs to take care of, mainly a tank full of designer fish and several finicky houseplants. 

Kuroo just shrugs. “We’re happy as it is right now. He’s got his house that I can go to when I want to get away from the hustle and bustle of living in the middle of Tokyo’s busiest district, and he can come here when his business needs require him to be where the action is. One day we’ll probably want to live together, but right now we’re both pretty content.” 

Kei meets Yachi for dinner while he’s in Tokyo and she spends most of it fretting over one of her supervisors that she is clearly in love with. 

“Miss Miyashita is always so nice to me! And she always tells me that I did well on my last project!” Yachi covers her face. “She’s so amazing but if I ever told her, I’m sure her fans would pop up and kill me!” 

For all the ways Yachi had grown in confidence over the time Kei knew her, the one thing she still invariably got her panties in a twist over was pretty girls. 

“Why don’t you just ask her out for a coffee?” Kei asks. “Just as coworkers.”

“I couldn’t!” 

“Well how would you feel if someone else asked her out for a coffee?” 

“Huh?” 

“If Miss Miyashita is so wonderful and has all of these rabid fangirls, eventually one of them would get the idea to ask her out and then she’d be out of reach.” Kei says. “So you should ask her out for a coffee now before one of her other fans does.” 

Yachi puffs out her cheeks. “I guess when you put it that way.” She takes a deep breath. “Okay! I’m going to ask Miss Miyashita out for a coffee!”

Kei just smiles at her. He knows a thing or two about missing opportunities, so he doesn’t want her to experience the same thing. 

It surprises Kei how little his and Yamaguchi’s relationship changes after Kei’s confession. Part of Kei wonders if Yamaguchi is just pretending Kei never did confess and that’s how he can still act the same way. But he doesn’t really think Yamaguchi could be that calculated, so he just figures that Yamaguchi is just better at regulating his feelings. Kei still pines for him, he can’t help it and old habits die hard, but he gets more comfortable with the idea of letting some of his feelings go. He did confess, and even though Yamaguchi did technically reject him, their friendship had survived. 

Yamaguchi was living in Miyagi again now, and he and Kei were spending a lot of time together. They tried to sync their days off to hang out, and Yamaguchi was now a constant fixture at Frogs matches. They hung out in Kei’s apartment together watching movies and sometimes Yamaguchi would even sleep over on the couch or in the spare room and Kei would cook breakfast. It’s almost like high school except instead of class, they go to their separate jobs and Yamaguchi isn’t playing volleyball anymore. Kei has never really missed the presence of his Karasuno teammates when he plays, but sometimes he wishes Yamaguchi was behind him getting ready with a jump float. 

Kei’s phone is ringing when he opens up his locker. It’s Yamaguchi. 

“Hey, I just got out of practice. What’s going on?” 

“I was just driving by your gym and was wondering if you wanted a ride home,” Yamaguchi says.

“Yeah, that’d be great. Give me ten minutes.” 

“Sure,” Yamaguchi chirps. 

Kei quickly wipes off the worst of his sweat and pulls his regular clothes back on before booking it to the parking lot where Yamaguchi is playing on his phone. 

“Wow, you smell pretty rank,” Yamaguchi crinkles his nose and Kei climbs into the passenger seat.

“Yeah, and your car has seen better days,” Kei retorts, kicking several hamburger wrappers as he gets comfortable. “It looks like you eat fast food every day.”

Yamaguchi gives him a sheepish grin. “I just might be eating fast food every day.” 

Kei blanches. “What seriously?” 

“I’m a very busy guy,” Yamaguchi whines as he pulls out of the parking lot. “I get up early, drive to work, work all day, and then drive home. Sometimes fast food is the easiest thing.” 

“So what do you even eat all day?” 

“I eat breakfast at home, and there’s a Lawsons by my office so I buy lunch and snacks there, and then I grab a burger from the drive-through for dinner.” Yamaguchi yawns. “It’s feeling like a burger night tonight. Do you want anything?” 

Kei is horrified. “Yes, I want you to drive to a supermarket. Your eating habits are deplorable.” 

“I can’t cook,” Yamaguchi whines. 

“But I can. I’ll make you dinner, just please stop eating so much fast food.” Kei implores. 

They end up in the supermarket, pushing the cart down every aisle as Kei scolds Yamaguchi. “No wonder you’re so tired. You’re only eating crap.” He chides. 

Yamaguchi just pouts at him. 

They return to Kei’s apartment and Kei makes a sukiyaki hot pot full of vegetables that Yamaguchi inhales despite it still being boiling hot. 

“You really did get much better at cooking,” Yamaguchi says through a mouthful of food. “This is so good. Please cook for me every day.”

“If that’s all it takes for you to stop eating fast food every day,” Kei shrugs. “I’d do it.” 

Yamaguchi’s eyes widen. “Seriously?” 

“What?” Kei can feel his neck getting hot. “Were you not being serious just now?” 

“No, I guess I was. Fine. I’ll drive you home every day if you make dinner.” 

“Deal.” 

It becomes their routine then for Kei and Yamaguchi to drive home together most nights, Kei cooking and Yamaguchi eating with gusto. Kei gloats with quiet pride when he notices that Yamaguchi looks much less tired and greets him with more energy at the end of each day. Cooking together and eating together then leads to loafing on the couch together after washing the dishes, which sometimes leads to Yamaguchi sleeping over. 

When Yamaguchi begins leaving some of his stuff at Kei’s apartment in case he sleeps over, Kei begins to wonder if he’s insidiously wooing Yamaguchi to his side with promises of food. He shakes the thought away. This isn’t necessarily romantic. Anyway, Yuki just called this acting like a mommy. He certainly didn’t think it was romantic.

Even so, Kei is glad that he gets to spend time with Yamaguchi like this and it makes Kei feel good. Part of him wants to ask Yamaguchi if he wanted to move in so Kei could make all of his meals, but living together was very different from just sleeping over. Also, offering to cook all of Yamaguchi’s meals seemed to be getting quite close to smothering territory. 

Kei is at the museum one afternoon when a kid tugs at his sleeve. “Hey, mister, I can’t see that.” So Kei looks around quickly to check none of his supervisors are around, because lifting up children is probably not really allowed, and then boosts the kid up so he can get a better view of the penguin mock habitat that’s set up. When he’s seen enough the kid just says, “Thanks, mister!” and Kei sets him back down. 

“I didn’t know you were good with kids,” Yamaguchi’s voice comes from behind Kei. 

“I don’t really know if this can be called ‘good with kids,’” Kei says dryly. “I am just doing my job.” 

Yamaguchi just laughs. “Of course, Tsukki.” 

Kei checks his watch. “So what brings you here on your lunch break?” 

“Oh, you’re not practicing tonight are you? Let’s go see a movie.” 

Kei raises his eyebrows. “You could have texted me that.” 

Yamaguchi just shrugs. “I wanted to see you too.” 

Kei’s heart skips a beat for a moment. Is Yamaguchi asking him out on a date? No, Kei tells himself, Yamaguchi is not asking him out on a date. They used to do this all the time. It isn’t romantic. 

“Sure, let’s go see a movie.” 

Yamaguchi’s face lights up. “Great! I’ll buy the tickets and come pick you up.” 

Kei pauses again at that. “You don’t have to pay for mine,” he begins but Yamaguchi shakes his head. 

“You’re always feeding me. I need to repay you somehow.” 

Kei relaxes. Ah. It isn’t a date. It’s just repayment. Kei has been spending a lot of time cooking for Yamaguchi, dinner almost every night, and breakfast when he sleeps over. But even so, Kei is looking forward to the movie and catches himself brushing his teeth in the employee restroom before he clocks out of work. Why? They’re only going to the movies as friends. Yamaguchi is only doing this to repay Kei for all of his cooking. Kei rinses his mouth and dries off his toothbrush. It’s the end of a long day, and Yamaguchi wouldn’t want to smell his breath anyway. 

Yamaguchi has cleaned out his car and he grins as Kei buckles his seatbelt. Kei has no idea what they’re seeing and doesn’t really care one way or the other, but he knows that Yamaguchi and his friends in Osaka regularly went to the movies so Yamaguchi has probably picked out a new release. Personally, Kei has always preferred watching movies at home. When they were younger, Yamaguchi used to spend the night and they’d watch nature documentaries in the dark, huddled under a blanket. 

Yamaguchi buys a big bucket of caramel popcorn and chatters about the rest of his day, racing to finish all of his work so he wouldn’t have to stay late. Kei tells him that a little girl came up to him and informed him that he was probably as big as a dinosaur and then stomped off to tell her brother that yes, Kei was dinosaur-sized even though Kei didn’t say anything to her.

Yamaguchi snickers as they settle into their seats. “Well you are ridiculously tall, Tsukki.” 

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Kei grumbles. “As if you’re not almost as tall.” 

It ends up being an action film and Kei only half pays attention to it even though Yamaguchi looks absolutely riveted. Instead, Kei eats over half of the caramel popcorn without Yamaguchi noticing and finds himself growing drowsy as things blow up on the screen. Yamaguchi is nearly vibrating with excitement on the walk back to his car, rehashing his favorite scenes with very Hinata-like noises. Kei tries to stifle his yawns but fails. 

“Was the movie not exciting?” Yamaguchi teases as they slide into his car. 

“It was, I just realized that even when I don’t have long days, I still feel tired.” 

“You can take a nap, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says. “I promise I won’t drive you somewhere weird.” 

Kei just snorts but closes his eyes and settles down into Yamaguchi’s passenger seat, letting the movement of the car lull him into a light sleep. Eventually, he falls into a deeper sleep because he wakes up with a start when Yamaguchi shakes his shoulder. 

“We’re back at yours,” Yamaguchi says, then adds sheepishly, “I went through the drive through when you were sleeping. I got you a strawberry pie!” 

“Don't try to buy my acceptance with sweets,” Kei yawns. 

As Yamaguchi unpacks the fast food, Kei notices that Yamaguchi has ordered Kei’s regular picks from their high school days when going for burgers was much more common. He eats a few of his fries only to find they’ve already gotten soggy, so Kei wordlessly pushes his towards Yamaguchi who adds them to his small mountain. Though he tried to unpack it quickly, Kei saw Yamaguchi had bought two large cartons of fries for himself.

“Have my home cooked meals been depriving you?” he teases. 

Yamaguchi sticks out his tongue. “We all have our vices,” he sniffs. 

Kei unwraps one of the strawberry pies and bites into the flaky crust, strawberry filling exploding against his tongue. “So what’s all this for?” he asks, pointing at their fast food spread. 

“What do you mean?” Yamaguchi asks. 

“You treated me to a movie, popcorn, and now all this. Why? We split the cost of groceries when I cook. You don’t have to pay me back like this.” 

“It’s not like that,” Yamaguchi says sheepishly. “I’ve just been realizing you’ve been doing a lot to take care of me lately, and I’d probably still feel pretty sluggish and heavy if I kept on feeding myself the way I was. And you’re so busy with your own life and taking care of your own health, but you added a whole other part of your day just to make sure I was eating properly. And I’m really grateful. It must be weird since I’m repaying you in the food we stopped eating, but I really am thankful that you’re always there for me, and that you’ve been taking care of me. I’ve been doing really well at work and I think I have you to thank for that.” 

Kei blushes. “You’re the most hardworking person I know; I can’t take credit for that.” 

“But still,” Yamaguchi fidgets. “I’m really grateful.” 

Kei wedges the rest of his pie into his mouth, feeling embarrassed. He doesn’t know why he feels shy accepting this kind of praise. In the past, he might have teased Yamaguchi a bit and asked for even more praise, but Yamaguchi is being so sincere Kei doesn’t know how to react. 

“This is really nothing,” Kei says after he swallows his pie. “My ex would just call this acting like your mommy.” 

“Oh,” Yamaguchi raises his eyebrows. “The ex you didn’t tell me about at first?” 

“Yeah. He taught me how to cook because I was also not taking care of myself. He told me that he felt like he was acting like my mom.” Kei says. 

“I’m glad he taught you how to cook,” Yamaguchi says. “Will you teach me too?” 

Kei shrugs. “I’ll try.” 

Yamaguchi beams. 

When Kei toes off his shoes in the entryway of his mom’s house, he notices all the fresh flowers. Since he moved out and his mom was on her own, she had been enrolling in a bunch of different classes, baking classes, painting classes, and now, most recently, flower arrangement classes, and she was clearly bringing her work home. At first, it had made him feel bad, assuming she was trying to fill her time to distract herself from being lonely, but when he’d haltingly expressed this, she had just laughed and said this was how she was happily spending her new free time.

“Your father and I got married so quickly and I was so young! And we had Akiteru so soon and after that I was a full time mom with two young kids so I didn’t get to do a lot of the things my old college classmates were doing. So I’m just having my fun now. There are girls in my classes who can’t believe I’ve already raised two children!”

(After that, Kei had gone home with a watercolor painting of frogs sitting on lily pads to hang in his apartment.)

Kei slips in past the vases full of flowers and finds his parents and Akiteru already there. “I’m home,” he says. 

He joins his family and notices that his mom looks a lot happier, but she always tends to be more cheerful when his dad is home. He sits beside his brother and watches his parents join their hands. 

“We wanted to tell you both something,” his mom begins. 

Kei and Akiteru glance sideways at each other. 

“I’m taking a new position at my company,” their father says. “In a sense, I’m actually stepping down from my current position and taking on a smaller role.”

Kei raises his eyebrows. It seems unlike his father to do something like that. 

“But with that smaller role comes a big bonus,” his father smiles broadly. He squeezes his wife’s hand. “I get to relocate back to Japan. I’ll be working out of our Sendai office in just a few months time and living at home.” 

Kei’s eyes widen as Akiteru’s jaw drops. 

“Really?” Kei asks, not sure if he can believe it. 

“Since you both have moved out and started living independently, I decided that it would be okay if I worked a little less and came back home.” He grins. “And it’s a little more incentive for you two to hurry up and get settled down.”

Kei feels a little embarrassed - is this a good time to come out to his dad? - but Akiteru just laughs. 

When their parents leave to go out on a spontaneous date, Akiteru tells him, “I’m going to ask Saeko to marry me soon.” 

“Really?” Kei is surprised. Akiteru and Saeko had been together for quite a while but neither of them seemed to be inclined to change their relationship status to married. 

“Yeah. Ryu got the jump on us so it actually took some of the pressure off, but we’ve been talking about it.” Akiteru grins. “We’re going to go pick out a ring soon.” 

“Congratulations,” Kei elbows his brother lightly. 

“What about you? Are you ever going to bring somebody home to meet the parents?” Akiteru asks. 

Kei shrugs. “I’m not seeing anyone now.” 

“But you’ve dated before, haven’t you?” 

“Those relationships didn’t last long enough for me to think about that,” Kei grumbles. “Anyway, I haven’t been seeing anyone lately.”

Akiteru pouts at him. 

It’s not just that Kei hasn’t been dating lately, it’s also that all of his free time is spent with Yamaguchi. If Kei were to try dating again, whatever guy he dated probably wouldn’t be too happy that Kei was spending a majority of his free time with someone else. And honestly, Kei wouldn’t give up the time he was spending with Yamaguchi. They were slowly working through a cookbook that Yamaguchi bought in preparation for Kei teaching him how to cook, and Yamaguchi was always looking up new places to eat and dragging Kei here and there to try them (another habit he developed with his college friends in Osaka since none of the people he lived with were local,) and of course always coming to Frogs matches and wearing more and more green all the time. 

Like now, Yamaguchi is sitting across from Kei wearing a Frogs scarf underneath his jacket as he meticulously lines up their cake plates to take a picture. Kei is tapping his fork against the table. 

“Wait, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whines, sensing Kei’s impatience. “I’ve almost got it.” 

Kei sighs. “You’ve been brainwashed.” 

Yamaguchi pouts. “But it’s fun.” He leans over to show Kei the picture he took. “Yachi was telling me how I can edit my pictures to make them look nicer.” 

Kei rolls his eyes. “Never took you for someone to care so much about that.”

Yamaguchi just grins as he pushes Kei’s plate back towards him. Kei spears the strawberry on the top of his cake slice with his fork and immediately pops it into his mouth. 

“It’s just something fun to do,” Yamaguchi says as he pockets his phone. 

Kei just shrugs. “My brother and Saeko are planning on getting married soon,” he says.

“Really?” Yamaguchi squeaks. “That’s amazing!” 

Kei raises his eyebrows. “Is it?” 

Yamaguchi frowns at him. “Aren’t you excited for them?” 

Kei shrugs. “I guess.” 

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi looks at him pointedly. 

“My dad is also moving back to Japan and so their wedding would be good timing. The idea of settling down with someone,” Kei shrugs. “It’s kind of hard to consider it.” 

Yamaguchi just frowns. “Is it really so hard to think about?” 

“I haven’t dated anyone since Yuki,” Kei says. “And I haven’t really thought about it much.” It’s not really true, Kei confessed to Yamaguchi but Yamaguchi turned him down. And since then, Kei knew Yamaguchi had been on a couple of dates even though he hadn’t really talked about them with Kei, and knew that they were one date situations and he hadn’t started dating anyone else since they still spent all of their time together. 

Yamaguchi is deconstructing his cake with his fork, looking surprisingly troubled. 

“Stop playing with your food,” Kei grumbles, stealing cake off of Yamaguchi’s plate. 

“Hey!” Yamaguchi yelps, quickly moving his plate away.

The next time Kei visits home, he’s immediately grabbed by Saeko and dragged into a bone-crushing hug with his face is pressed against her chest. 

“My little brother!” Saeko yells, ruffling Kei’s hair as hard as she can. 

“Saeko-san,” Kei wheezes. 

“Nee-san!” 

“Nee-san,” Kei agrees, finally breaking free from Saeko’s death grip. She presents her hand to him and he sees the engagement ring Akiteru picked out for her. “Very nice.” 

Akiteru grins at him sheepishly, wrapping his arm around Saeko’s shoulders. They’re both sporting identical face-splitting grins and Kei can’t help but smile back at them. 

“Please tell me all about how my older brother proposed,” Kei smirks. “Was he embarrassing?” 

“Kei,” Akiteru begins to whine but Saeko has already burst out laughing. 

“Of course! But he was so sweet, your big brother’s such a nice boy,” Saeko pinches Akiteru’s cheek. “He was proposing to me but he was the one crying!” 

Kei snickers while his brother squirms. 

“Oh, but he makes me happy so I don’t care that sometimes he’s a big dork,” Saeko says fondly, gazing up at Akiteru with surprisingly gentle eyes. 

Kei’s heart twinges just a bit, wishing that he had someone to love him like that. 

And if he’s honest, he still wants that person to be Yamaguchi. 

While his mom fawns over Akiteru and Saeko, Kei can’t stop thinking that he wants Yamaguchi to be there with him now, at his side, joking around with his family. It makes him feel lonely, thinking that soon his parents will be living together again and that Akiteru and Saeko were going to get married. And Kei is still on his own. 

Kei thinks that Yamaguchi can sense his thoughts though because he finds Yamaguchi’s shoes by the door of Kei’s apartment (Yamaguchi was there so often he just had his own key) but as Kei steps inside all he can smell is something burnt and he hears Yamaguchi cursing quietly to himself. 

“Yamaguchi?” 

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi looks frazzled. He’s wearing an apron that’s completely covered in stains and he looks completely rumpled. 

“Is everything okay?” Kei asks, stepping into his kitchen. Yamaguchi has clearly attempted to cook something, but whatever it is was burnt to a crisp. 

Yamaguchi’s lower lip wubbers. “I was trying to cook for you, since you’ve been teaching me and I thought I was doing okay, but I messed up.” 

“What were you trying to cook?” Kei picks up one of the charred whatevers Yamaguchi was trying to make. 

“Shrimp fries,” Yamaguchi says miserably. 

“Well, maybe the shrimp inside is okay,” Kei offers, breaking a burnt shrimp fry in half to somehow find an almost completely raw shrimp inside. “Hmm.” 

Yamaguchi’s eyes start watering. “I’m sorry, Tsukki, I wanted to surprise you and I screwed it all up!” 

Kei is mildly alarmed by Yamaguchi’s tears. “It’s fine! Don’t cry, I’m not upset at you for anything.” Kei fumbles around looking for tissues but has to settle for a kitchen towel to blot at Yamaguchi’s tears. “You didn’t burn down my apartment, so what else could I want?” 

Yamaguchi sniffles. “I just wanted it to work out.” 

Kei wracks his brain trying to figure out why Yamaguchi is so upset. It’s neither of their birthdays so it wasn’t a present or anything like that. “It’s fine, Yamaguchi.” 

“I just… I wanted everything to be nice.” Yamaguchi says miserably. 

“Why?” Kei has to ask. 

Yamaguchi blinks at him before groaning quietly. “Tsukki,” he whines. “You’re so dense.” 

Kei flushes. “What? How am I dense?” 

Yamaguchi’s face starts turning red. “I… I wanted to tell you something today.” 

Kei blinks. His mind is still pulling up blanks. 

Yamaguchi bites his lip. “Tsukki, I like you.” 

Kei’s mind goes completely blank. “Huh?” 

“I like you,” Yamaguchi repeats. “And because I know you show your feelings for people by giving them things, I wanted to show you my feelings by giving something to you, but I messed up.” He sighs. “It’s been on my mind for a while, and I even talked to Masahiko about it…” 

“You still talk with him?” Kei interrupts, mind spinning. Yamaguchi likes him? Yamaguchi still communicates with Chiba? 

Yamaguchi nods. “Even though we aren’t dating anymore, and we did stop talking for a little while right after we broke up, we got back in contact. We were together for a long time, and he’s been a good friend to me. So when my feelings for you started to change, I wanted to talk to him about you.” Yamaguchi shifts, looking a little uneasy. “I don’t want to make it sound like I needed him to approve of you, but he told me he was glad that we might be together because he knows you care about me.” 

“But you,” Kei is still reeling, “you said you like me?” 

“Yes, Tsukki.” 

“But… I… when?” Kei can’t even string two words together properly. 

“The night I picked you up and you said we needed to go grocery shopping,” Yamaguchi says softly. “The way you started taking care of me, I could feel that you loved me, and I started to feel the same way. So I wanted to spend even more time with you so I could see if I felt like that even when you weren’t caring for me, and I liked you more and more. It’s why I came to see you at work, and kept on wanting to go more places with you. But I didn’t realize you were so dense! I was trying to drop hints that I felt the same way, but you didn’t realize it so I figured I had to go direct.” 

“I… I’m just kind of stunned.” Kei hadn’t necessarily given up hope, but he’d been close enough to it. Their friendship had been so solid, and Kei was grateful for all the time they were spending together. Like in high school, Kei tried to be satisfied with that and told himself it would be enough. But now, Yamaguchi was telling him that he liked him. 

“I’m really sorry I burned the shrimp fries,” Yamaguchi sighs heavily. “I feel like I jinxed it.” 

“You didn’t!” Kei says quickly. “I just. I didn’t think this would happen. I kind of feel like I’m dreaming.” 

Yamaguchi pinches him hard and Kei swats his hand. “You’re not,” Yamaguchi reassures him. He takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders. “Kei.” 

Kei’s heart flutters. 

“I really like you. Do you still like me?” 

Kei reaches out and takes Yamaguchi’s hands in his. “Stupid,” he huffs. “Didn’t I tell you already that I always knew I loved you?” 

Yamaguchi just smiles sheepishly, “sorry, Tsukki,” and Kei kisses him. 

It’s kind of like a dream, Kei thinks. As much as he wanted it, he never actually thought it would be real, but he and Tadashi are dating and Kei finally gets to make good on his secret desire to kiss all of Yamaguchi’s freckles. 

When he tells his mom she’s ecstatic. “Oh sweetheart, I’m so happy for you,” she says, giving him a tight hug. He squeezes her back and wonders if she’s remembering the day he came back from skipping school with Kuroo and confessed that he was in love with Yamaguchi to her. 

He tells his dad when he moves back home. “There’s someone I’ve been seeing,” Kei tells him. 

“That’s great.” His father beams. “When will you bring this special someone over?” 

“You already know him. It’s Tadashi.” Kei feels his heart skip. 

“Tadashi?” Kei’s father raises his eyebrows. “How long has this been going on?” 

“Almost a month,” Kei says. 

His father looks confused. “Not longer? I barely remember seeing you without him! Even when your mom would send me pictures to keep me in the loop about what you and Akiteru were up too, there was always a third kid in all of them! You only just started going out? Hmph. I thought I was ahead of you and was waiting patiently for you to tell me you and Tadashi were more than friends. I guess I was really ahead of you!” 

Kei blushes. “Dad,” he groans. It seems coming out wasn’t really necessary with his father. 

Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi react in the way Kei expects: lots of screaming over group message. He mutes his phone because it’s annoying but watches their friends’ stunned reactions on Tadashi’s phone. Kei can’t help but snicker at Tadashi’s embarrassment as Hinata loudly claims he knew it would happen eventually. 

Chiba sends him a message, which comes as a surprise to Kei. It’s a brief message wishing Kei and Tadashi well, and Chiba asking Kei to take good care of Tadashi and to make him happy. Kei writes back that he will. 

Akiteru and Saeko are entirely too loud when Kei and Tadashi tell them, though at least Kei doesn’t get his face tugged and squeezed like Tadashi when Saeko gushes over acquiring another little brother. Akiteru looks like he’s about to cry from happiness and Kei kind of wants to crawl under the table when he does actually start shedding tears after mentioning Kei crushing on Tadashi since middle school, especially since that sets Saeko off on another round of face squishing except this time it’s Kei’s. 

“So you and Freckles finally got together, huh?” Kuroo sounds smug over the phone. 

“Yes, as a matter of fact,” Kei answers. 

“Well congratulations,” Kuroo says. “I feel like I’m seeing my baby growing up.” 

Kei rolls his eyes. “Thanks. How are you and Kozume doing?”

“He brought his cat over to my apartment and it tried to climb in my fish tank and knocked over one of my plants so,” Kuroo sucks his teeth. “Cohabiting can wait. We’re still happy with our separate houses. You and Freckles living together?” 

“Soon. He’s living with his mom and I have the space.” Kei pauses. “Thank you, by the way. You told me I should confess my feelings even if it wasn’t going to happen between us, and even though I didn’t really do it like you suggested, if I hadn’t told Yamaguchi how I felt, I don’t think he would have really believed I had feelings for him. So, thank you.” 

“Oh Tsukki,” Kuroo croons. “You know me. I’m always looking out for my dear underclassmen.” 

Kei pretends to gag. 

They move in together and the first morning Kei wakes up with Tadashi’s drool all over his shoulder, Kei feels elated. Tadashi is embarrassed but Kei just kisses his nose and tells him he waited a long time for Tadashi to drool on him again. 

“You’re so weird,” Tadashi quips. 

“Yes, but that’s one of my good qualities.” 

Tadashi tells him that his coworkers have noticed that suddenly he’s bringing a bento to work instead of a Lawsons bag and have begun ribbing him about meeting a nice girl. 

“Should I tell them my girl is over 190cm tall and a professional volleyball player?” Tadashi teases, looking at Kei’s red face. 

“Shut up, Tadashi,” Kei grumbles. 

Tadashi just giggles and curls up on Kei’s shoulder, his hair tickling Kei’s cheek. “Sorry, Tsukki.”

For some whatever reason, Kei assumed Akiteru and Saeko’s wedding would be boisterous and full of people - perhaps not an unreasonable assumption considering they were both extremely social and had lots of friends - but instead they have a quiet and intimate traditional ceremony. When Tadashi and his mother join Kei and his parents in the seats for Akiteru’s family, Tanaka and Kiyoko give them a knowing look. 

“Do you suppose all of our upper and underclassmen are about to know about us?” Kei asks. 

Tadashi giggles. “Do you think that Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi really didn’t tell everyone already?” 

“Well then, we’ve gotten a disappointing number of congratulations messages if everyone knows,” Kei quips. 

Tadashi just shushes him.

Later, when Akiteru and Saeko are cutting into their wedding cake, Tadashi takes Kei’s hand in his. He rests his head on Kei’s shoulder and Kei lets his own head nestle on top of Tadashi’s. As he watches his brother and his sister-in-law spoon cake into each other’s mouths while their families applaud and take photos and wish them a happy life together, Tadashi gives his hand a squeeze. 

“Forever sure sounds nice,” he says dreamily. 

“It does,” Kei agrees, squeezing Tadashi’s hand back.


End file.
